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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Resentful Toward DH for His "Easy Job"?? How to Deal with the Daily Grind?
cheerfuldom 12:18 PM 03-23-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
My husband works hard..... but he see's so many young men coming into work that have family's to take care of and they last a day and are done, some walk out. Not all......but a lot!!! Young kids that can't keep up. They are lazy, don't want to listen to authority, rules, and can't get out of bed in the morning. Sad. It's easier for them to go get assistance then it is to hold down a job. Nan is right, it is work, boring, tiring(won't leave any time to play video games, or whatnot) they would just rather have another kid and get more money from the state. SAD Government will give you more then a hard working job will these days- so why bother.
This is whole nother topic but since your brought it up My husband works hard..... but he see's so many young men coming into work that have family's to take care of and they last a day and are done, some walk out. Not all......but a lot!!! Young kids that can't keep up. They are lazy, don't want to listen to authority, rules, and can't get out of bed in the morning. Sad. It's easier for them to go get assistance then it is to hold down a job. Nan is right, it is work, boring, tiring(won't leave any time to play video games, or whatnot) they would just rather have another kid and get more money from the state. SAD Government will give you more then a hard working job will these days- so why bother.
......I believe wholeheartedly that many government programs are more divisive to the family than not, and more enabling to bad habits than not. It also has to do with how kids are raised these days. Many have no pride in self and a job well done. They are always looking for the easy route and the fun way and when real life hits, they cant handle it.
MsMe 12:23 PM 03-23-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I really love that book! It has a very realistic approach to finding the arrangement that works for you in your relationship. I dont have any problem with what you do for your husband....if you two are happy and that is what works for you, so be it. But the point I have been saying over and over is that there isnt one arrangement that is the perfect balance of everything for every person. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I hope you and your husband have many many years together! I think you are very wise in seeing that your relationship WILL evolve as time goes on, as you start a family, if you continue working after children are born and it is important to be aware of communicating as your needs change. The things that you do now for your husband may not be realistic ten years down the road.
Yes, this is a perfect response to my post. I have learned that communication is 100% the best advice ever.I really love that book! It has a very realistic approach to finding the arrangement that works for you in your relationship. I dont have any problem with what you do for your husband....if you two are happy and that is what works for you, so be it. But the point I have been saying over and over is that there isnt one arrangement that is the perfect balance of everything for every person. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I hope you and your husband have many many years together! I think you are very wise in seeing that your relationship WILL evolve as time goes on, as you start a family, if you continue working after children are born and it is important to be aware of communicating as your needs change. The things that you do now for your husband may not be realistic ten years down the road.
SunshineMama 01:00 PM 03-23-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
This is whole nother topic but since your brought it up......I believe wholeheartedly that many government programs are more divisive to the family than not, and more enabling to bad habits than not. It also has to do with how kids are raised these days. Many have no pride in self and a job well done. They are always looking for the easy route and the fun way and when real life hits, they cant handle it.
Tried to stay out of this portion of the thread but I do want to share a story:This is whole nother topic but since your brought it up
......I believe wholeheartedly that many government programs are more divisive to the family than not, and more enabling to bad habits than not. It also has to do with how kids are raised these days. Many have no pride in self and a job well done. They are always looking for the easy route and the fun way and when real life hits, they cant handle it.My friend lost her job, which was convenient for her, since she is right about to have a baby- she is a teacher so she is:
1. Out on maternity leave currently
2. Paid in full until August, even though she lost her job.
In August, she will apply for unemployment, which was estimated to be about 52% of her salary (so around 28,000 per year in benefits). I believe she is eligible to have them for 2 years.
That is a great deal- she gets paid 28k a year to stay home with her newborn child and her other child for the next 2 years...
There is really no OUTSIDE motivation for her to rush and get another job.
Now... my friend is a very hard working person, and has been filling out applications rigorously. She loves teaching and, while she stated that is is nice to have the benefits, if she gets offered a teaching job elsewhere she will take it in a heartbeat.
There are people who will work hard and do what's right, and there are people who will take advantage of the system if they can.
Kinda makes what we do as daycare providers extra important- we are raising the next generation, and it's all the more important to teach them important lessons in ife (hard work, manners, morals, etc).
Ariana 05:13 PM 03-24-2012
Originally Posted by MsMe:
I read this thread yearterday and thought about it all day.
I am 27 and hopefully getting married in the next year (we have been ring shopping for two weeks!
)
I love the man I am with dearly and he is a great man. We have talked long and hard about 'roles' in the realationship and decided that traditional roles work best for us. We don't have any children yet and hope that when we do I can be a SHAM.
that said.....
I do more for him than I think even a traditional role requires. I set out his clothes, I bring any and all plates-drinks-and snack to him, his life basicly requires no thought...I plan it all for him. We even got teased endlessly by my family on vacation because, I once pulled a banana out of my backpack and told him it was time for a snack.
Last night as we were laying in bed and he commented that I had changed the blanket on the bed (to a heavier one. We had been sleeping with a lighter one bc it has been so hot, but last night it finaly cooled down) After he talked about it for a while I ask if he wanted the other blanket..."this one is fine" We danced around the issue a while...he wanted the other one but had no intention of getting out of bed himself to get it.
I got up got the blanket and this thread popped into my head....I was creating a MONSTER
I said "You know when we have kids I wont have as much time or energy to baby YOU all the time....then they will need me too." I can't remember his exact response but it was something to the tune of, 'I really love you to take take care of me'. It was a very honest response and a moment when I knew that he really loves the things I do to 'take care' of him.
His childhood was the opposite of the men we have been talking about in this tread. His Mother was kind but other than dinner they did everything themselves and he moved out right after high school and has been on his own since (with a girlfriend or two that from what I can tell didn't sound very nice)...
The main reason I believe with all my heart our realtionship will last is becasue of the book "The Five Love Languages" it really is a life changer, we both know now how to make the love we want to show eachother count as much as it can.
I really feel it should be required reading for ALL couples.
Not that I won't be keeping a close eye on this monster I am creating.....
WOW I read this thread yearterday and thought about it all day.
I am 27 and hopefully getting married in the next year (we have been ring shopping for two weeks!
) I love the man I am with dearly and he is a great man. We have talked long and hard about 'roles' in the realationship and decided that traditional roles work best for us. We don't have any children yet and hope that when we do I can be a SHAM.
that said.....
I do more for him than I think even a traditional role requires. I set out his clothes, I bring any and all plates-drinks-and snack to him, his life basicly requires no thought...I plan it all for him. We even got teased endlessly by my family on vacation because, I once pulled a banana out of my backpack and told him it was time for a snack.
Last night as we were laying in bed and he commented that I had changed the blanket on the bed (to a heavier one. We had been sleeping with a lighter one bc it has been so hot, but last night it finaly cooled down) After he talked about it for a while I ask if he wanted the other blanket..."this one is fine" We danced around the issue a while...he wanted the other one but had no intention of getting out of bed himself to get it.
I got up got the blanket and this thread popped into my head....I was creating a MONSTER
I said "You know when we have kids I wont have as much time or energy to baby YOU all the time....then they will need me too." I can't remember his exact response but it was something to the tune of, 'I really love you to take take care of me'. It was a very honest response and a moment when I knew that he really loves the things I do to 'take care' of him.
His childhood was the opposite of the men we have been talking about in this tread. His Mother was kind but other than dinner they did everything themselves and he moved out right after high school and has been on his own since (with a girlfriend or two that from what I can tell didn't sound very nice)...
The main reason I believe with all my heart our realtionship will last is becasue of the book "The Five Love Languages" it really is a life changer, we both know now how to make the love we want to show eachother count as much as it can.
I really feel it should be required reading for ALL couples.
Not that I won't be keeping a close eye on this monster I am creating.....
I don't mean to be rude but I didn't know people like you existed. It just sounds so sad...from my perspective. Who takes care of you and your needs? When you do decide to have a baby I hope you're in a healthier dynamic in your relationship because babies require so much energy and attention and you'll need a partner.Has your husband read that book you recommend?
Ariana 05:15 PM 03-24-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Tried to stay out of this portion of the thread but I do want to share a story:
My friend lost her job, which was convenient for her, since she is right about to have a baby- she is a teacher so she is:
1. Out on maternity leave currently
2. Paid in full until August, even though she lost her job.
In August, she will apply for unemployment, which was estimated to be about 52% of her salary (so around 28,000 per year in benefits). I believe she is eligible to have them for 2 years.
That is a great deal- she gets paid 28k a year to stay home with her newborn child and her other child for the next 2 years...
There is really no OUTSIDE motivation for her to rush and get another job.
Now... my friend is a very hard working person, and has been filling out applications rigorously. She loves teaching and, while she stated that is is nice to have the benefits, if she gets offered a teaching job elsewhere she will take it in a heartbeat.
There are people who will work hard and do what's right, and there are people who will take advantage of the system if they can.
Kinda makes what we do as daycare providers extra important- we are raising the next generation, and it's all the more important to teach them important lessons in ife (hard work, manners, morals, etc).
If I'm not mistaken your friend paid into her unemployment while she was working therefore she is not "taking advantage of the system". If she hadn't worked and paid into it she wouldn't be able to withdraw it. It's not free money from the government! Just wantd to clarify that unemployment is not welfare. At least this is the way it works in Canada. Kind of like how we get 1 year mat leave where we draw unemployment. We just get back the $$ we paid in. The gov't doesn't pay us to stay home with our kids kwim?Tried to stay out of this portion of the thread but I do want to share a story:
My friend lost her job, which was convenient for her, since she is right about to have a baby- she is a teacher so she is:
1. Out on maternity leave currently
2. Paid in full until August, even though she lost her job.
In August, she will apply for unemployment, which was estimated to be about 52% of her salary (so around 28,000 per year in benefits). I believe she is eligible to have them for 2 years.
That is a great deal- she gets paid 28k a year to stay home with her newborn child and her other child for the next 2 years...
There is really no OUTSIDE motivation for her to rush and get another job.
Now... my friend is a very hard working person, and has been filling out applications rigorously. She loves teaching and, while she stated that is is nice to have the benefits, if she gets offered a teaching job elsewhere she will take it in a heartbeat.
There are people who will work hard and do what's right, and there are people who will take advantage of the system if they can.
Kinda makes what we do as daycare providers extra important- we are raising the next generation, and it's all the more important to teach them important lessons in ife (hard work, manners, morals, etc).
Meyou 08:46 PM 03-24-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
If I'm not mistaken your friend paid into her unemployment while she was working therefore she is not "taking advantage of the system". If she hadn't worked and paid into it she wouldn't be able to withdraw it. It's not free money from the government! Just wantd to clarify that unemployment is not welfare. At least this is the way it works in Canada. Kind of like how we get 1 year mat leave where we draw unemployment. We just get back the $$ we paid in. The gov't doesn't pay us to stay home with our kids kwim?
ITA. It's not the same thing at all. Every working person in Canada is entitled to a year off paid or 2 years off with the second unpaid if you have a new baby. You pay into EI your whole life for that right. It's not welfare.If I'm not mistaken your friend paid into her unemployment while she was working therefore she is not "taking advantage of the system". If she hadn't worked and paid into it she wouldn't be able to withdraw it. It's not free money from the government! Just wantd to clarify that unemployment is not welfare. At least this is the way it works in Canada. Kind of like how we get 1 year mat leave where we draw unemployment. We just get back the $$ we paid in. The gov't doesn't pay us to stay home with our kids kwim?
AnneCordelia 07:24 AM 03-25-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
WOW I don't mean to be rude but I didn't know people like you existed. It just sounds so sad...from my perspective. Who takes care of you and your needs? When you do decide to have a baby I hope you're in a healthier dynamic in your relationship because babies require so much energy and attention and you'll need a partner.
Has your husband read that book you recommend?
My MIL is like that. But she had a live in nanny when her babies were little so she could continue laying out FILs clothing. I had to teach DH how to be a partner and it was hard work especially after the birth of our first two kids (15mo apart). I wish she had raised a man and not a dependant but we got there eventually ourselves. WOW
I don't mean to be rude but I didn't know people like you existed. It just sounds so sad...from my perspective. Who takes care of you and your needs? When you do decide to have a baby I hope you're in a healthier dynamic in your relationship because babies require so much energy and attention and you'll need a partner.Has your husband read that book you recommend?
My own three sons will know how to dress themselves, cook, clean and not take advantage of a woman's giving nature.
daycare 08:18 AM 03-25-2012
I can't believe that this thread is still going...lol good thread.
In my home country, women were expected to keep the home. I wouldn't say that they are second class citizens (however, most will say so) but there are expectations of certain rolls they must maintain.
My mother did everything for my father. Cook, clean, laundry, start his showers, make his food for work, iron and lay out his clothes, I would basically say she did everything short of wiping his back side....lol I don't know if my parents still have a relationship like this, as I have been away from my home since I left for college almost 20 years ago.
Because this way the only way that I saw and knew, I followed in my mothers foot steps. The very first boy friend that I ever had was an america boy and he thought I was crazy and told me why are you trying to be my mother. Again with the cultural differences that neither of us understood.
Anyways, years went on, those around me customized me to the American ways. I don't and will never do things like my mother did ever again. When I was that way, I felt so much stress on me and always felt that I would never be able to do it all. NOw, I don't even care. lol
We have left overs, I dont cook every night, basically I will only do things if you ask me to. But if you think that I am going to do it without asking...hahah never..
Basically, I don't think it sounds sad that the pp is this way. We only know how to do what our parents taught us. It's the same for everything. Our parents raised us the way their parents raised them and so on. It's a never ending cycle. However, it is up to you to decide if you will carry on that cycle or not. I chose not to....
In my home country, women were expected to keep the home. I wouldn't say that they are second class citizens (however, most will say so) but there are expectations of certain rolls they must maintain.
My mother did everything for my father. Cook, clean, laundry, start his showers, make his food for work, iron and lay out his clothes, I would basically say she did everything short of wiping his back side....lol I don't know if my parents still have a relationship like this, as I have been away from my home since I left for college almost 20 years ago.
Because this way the only way that I saw and knew, I followed in my mothers foot steps. The very first boy friend that I ever had was an america boy and he thought I was crazy and told me why are you trying to be my mother. Again with the cultural differences that neither of us understood.
Anyways, years went on, those around me customized me to the American ways. I don't and will never do things like my mother did ever again. When I was that way, I felt so much stress on me and always felt that I would never be able to do it all. NOw, I don't even care. lol
We have left overs, I dont cook every night, basically I will only do things if you ask me to. But if you think that I am going to do it without asking...hahah never..
Basically, I don't think it sounds sad that the pp is this way. We only know how to do what our parents taught us. It's the same for everything. Our parents raised us the way their parents raised them and so on. It's a never ending cycle. However, it is up to you to decide if you will carry on that cycle or not. I chose not to....
Country Kids 10:32 AM 03-25-2012
New show on TLC called "Mama's Boys of the Bronx" and it looks like older men 30-40's still living at home and mama is taking care of them.
One actually says "Why get married when mom can do it".
One actually says "Why get married when mom can do it".
sahm2three 08:15 PM 03-25-2012
I can so relate here. Although it is getting better, I have been married for 15 years and have a 12 yo dd and my dh is just NOW starting to get it. Not sure if I am that bad of a teacher or he is just that slow, lol. He has been helping me clean up the kitchen nightly, and helps with the laundry on the weekends. If I tell the kids, "Go ask your dad for help", he will help them. But it is just taken forgranted, by he AND the kids, that *I* will do it all. I am tired. Just totally worn out. All the time. I resent my job, because it is SOOOOOOOO much more work than almost any other job I can imagine, because it causes so much extra clean up and planning. I find myself wishing I were a kid again, lol. Remember being a kid and wishing to be an adult. WHAT is THAT about?! LOL! Life is hard, and is a lot of work. Not sure who said it for sure, Blackcat maybe, but if they are not taught at a young age to do these things, how will they know to do it? I am going to start teaching more as I do every day things. I do not want to raise boys who expect their women to do everything for them (like their dad did for years, because his mom did EVERYTHING but wipe for him, lol). My boys will know how to do it all, and so will my dd!
Michael 08:35 PM 03-25-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
New show on TLC called "Mama's Boys of the Bronx" and it looks like older men 30-40's still living at home and mama is taking care of them.
One actually says "Why get married when mom can do it".
Careful, I was born in the Bronx.New show on TLC called "Mama's Boys of the Bronx" and it looks like older men 30-40's still living at home and mama is taking care of them.
One actually says "Why get married when mom can do it".
Mamas boys. Mama Mia!
Kaddidle Care 04:48 AM 03-26-2012
Lots of communication is the key. Try to at least have a sit down chat with each other for at LEAST 1/2 an hour to an hour about your day. Ask him about his, and tell him about yours.
My husband tends to call me when he is leaving work and we chat on the phone sometimes until he walks in the door. Sometimes it's the only time we get a chance to talk.
Please don't bottle it up or it will be an explosion.
BTW - I've been married almost 27 years.
My husband tends to call me when he is leaving work and we chat on the phone sometimes until he walks in the door. Sometimes it's the only time we get a chance to talk.
Please don't bottle it up or it will be an explosion.
BTW - I've been married almost 27 years.
My3cents 09:49 AM 03-26-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
This is whole nother topic but since your brought it up......I believe wholeheartedly that many government programs are more divisive to the family than not, and more enabling to bad habits than not. It also has to do with how kids are raised these days. Many have no pride in self and a job well done. They are always looking for the easy route and the fun way and when real life hits, they cant handle it.
yes, I got off subject but you are right!!!This is whole nother topic but since your brought it up
......I believe wholeheartedly that many government programs are more divisive to the family than not, and more enabling to bad habits than not. It also has to do with how kids are raised these days. Many have no pride in self and a job well done. They are always looking for the easy route and the fun way and when real life hits, they cant handle it.
My3cents 09:55 AM 03-26-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Tried to stay out of this portion of the thread but I do want to share a story:
My friend lost her job, which was convenient for her, since she is right about to have a baby- she is a teacher so she is:
1. Out on maternity leave currently
2. Paid in full until August, even though she lost her job.
In August, she will apply for unemployment, which was estimated to be about 52% of her salary (so around 28,000 per year in benefits). I believe she is eligible to have them for 2 years.
That is a great deal- she gets paid 28k a year to stay home with her newborn child and her other child for the next 2 years...
There is really no OUTSIDE motivation for her to rush and get another job.
Now... my friend is a very hard working person, and has been filling out applications rigorously. She loves teaching and, while she stated that is is nice to have the benefits, if she gets offered a teaching job elsewhere she will take it in a heartbeat.
There are people who will work hard and do what's right, and there are people who will take advantage of the system if they can.
Kinda makes what we do as daycare providers extra important- we are raising the next generation, and it's all the more important to teach them important lessons in ife (hard work, manners, morals, etc).
Tried to stay out of this portion of the thread but I do want to share a story:
My friend lost her job, which was convenient for her, since she is right about to have a baby- she is a teacher so she is:
1. Out on maternity leave currently
2. Paid in full until August, even though she lost her job.
In August, she will apply for unemployment, which was estimated to be about 52% of her salary (so around 28,000 per year in benefits). I believe she is eligible to have them for 2 years.
That is a great deal- she gets paid 28k a year to stay home with her newborn child and her other child for the next 2 years...
There is really no OUTSIDE motivation for her to rush and get another job.
Now... my friend is a very hard working person, and has been filling out applications rigorously. She loves teaching and, while she stated that is is nice to have the benefits, if she gets offered a teaching job elsewhere she will take it in a heartbeat.
There are people who will work hard and do what's right, and there are people who will take advantage of the system if they can.
Kinda makes what we do as daycare providers extra important- we are raising the next generation, and it's all the more important to teach them important lessons in ife (hard work, manners, morals, etc).
your friend is not the norm- most take advantage, America needs to wake up to this and stop handing out so much with nothing coming back to better ourselves as a whole. There are hardworking people that care, but also a generations of non-caring entitled give it to me nowers...
I like what you said ------->Kinda makes what we do as daycare providers extra important- we are raising the next generation, and it's all the more important to teach them important lessons in ife (hard work, manners, morals, etc)
My3cents 10:16 AM 03-26-2012
Originally Posted by Michael:
Careful, I was born in the Bronx.
Mamas boys. Mama Mia!
I am going to take a wild guess here but I just don't think you fall under this!!!Careful, I was born in the Bronx.
Mamas boys. Mama Mia!
I have a feeling you help and cherish your wife and don't take her for granted and have more of a give and take relationship, not one sided.
Like Nan has put out.. I feel you don't even "help' your wife, but feel it is just as much your responsibility as it is hers-
I have read your bio that you put out and I find you to be a worker, and a hard one at that. Correct me if I am wrong?
MsMe 11:32 AM 03-26-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
WOW I don't mean to be rude but I didn't know people like you existed. It just sounds so sad...from my perspective. Who takes care of you and your needs? When you do decide to have a baby I hope you're in a healthier dynamic in your relationship because babies require so much energy and attention and you'll need a partner.
Has your husband read that book you recommend?
It does sound a bit harsh the way I wrote it, but it really is just as I want it. WOW
I don't mean to be rude but I didn't know people like you existed. It just sounds so sad...from my perspective. Who takes care of you and your needs? When you do decide to have a baby I hope you're in a healthier dynamic in your relationship because babies require so much energy and attention and you'll need a partner.Has your husband read that book you recommend?
Yes, he has read the book and we talk about it often. We each know eachothers love language and make sure that the others 'love tank' is always full.
He does MANY MANY helpfull things in and out of the house. Right now I do daycare part time and do not do household chores on work days. I plan to be a SHAM when a baby comes and if not we have discussed there will need to be a division of household chores. It really is my choice to have such traditional roles.
I also wish I would have logged on Friday night to post an update....when I got home from work Friday night he had everything but my clothes and personal items (even the dogs stuff!!) packed up and ready to head out of town!!
Michael 11:33 AM 03-26-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
I am going to take a wild guess here but I just don't think you fall under this!!!
I have a feeling you help and cherish your wife and don't take her for granted and have more of a give and take relationship, not one sided.
Like Nan has put out.. I feel you don't even "help' your wife, but feel it is just as much your responsibility as it is hers-
I have read your bio that you put out and I find you to be a worker, and a hard one at that. Correct me if I am wrong?
Of course. My dad and my uncle were two cometely different guys from the Bronx. My mother picked the right husband and father. My uncle was the mamas boy and made a terrible father for 5 girls. Once the mamma's boy's mother passed he had nothing to do with his family. My father ended up walking most of the girls down the isle.I am going to take a wild guess here but I just don't think you fall under this!!!
I have a feeling you help and cherish your wife and don't take her for granted and have more of a give and take relationship, not one sided.
Like Nan has put out.. I feel you don't even "help' your wife, but feel it is just as much your responsibility as it is hers-
I have read your bio that you put out and I find you to be a worker, and a hard one at that. Correct me if I am wrong?