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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Discipline for 18 mo?
momneedscoffee 05:06 PM 12-10-2015
Jw what kind of discipline techniques you guys use for young toddlers who are just starting to get the concept of right and wrong? I have an 18 mo old who is starting to push my baby (10 months) away when the baby tries to grab her toy. Sometimes knocking her over or otherwise hurting her. Other than that occasional incident they play well together. It is just tricky bc I am trying to teach the 18 mo to share but the baby obviously doesn't know better.....
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daycare 05:19 PM 12-10-2015
Originally Posted by momneedscoffee:
Jw what kind of discipline techniques you guys use for young toddlers who are just starting to get the concept of right and wrong? I have an 18 mo old who is starting to push my baby (10 months) away when the baby tries to grab her toy. Sometimes knocking her over or otherwise hurting her. Other than that occasional incident they play well together. It is just tricky bc I am trying to teach the 18 mo to share but the baby obviously doesn't know better.....
be proactive and stop things before they blow up

lots and lots of redirection and explain. YEs they are small, but you can say no, nice hands and then model what you want them to do.

when she pushes you can say, nice hands, if they do it again, use a firm NO, and then follow with nice hands, remove her, redirect and get her involved in play.
be sure to give the little one lots of hugs and attention.

then maybe tell the older one, no pushing, that's not safe it makes the baby sad. or something like this.

I always always talk to the kids no matter the age. I use short words to correct in the start and then follow with letting them know how it makes people feel when they do things, show them your sad face and say it makes baby sad.

they will get it eventually and it's never too early to start explaining emotions with pictures, words and using your own facial expressions.
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Unregistered 01:06 PM 12-11-2015
I would say something like "Baby wants the ball too..(then wait and see if this prompts toddler to take some sort of action like giving the baby the ball or getting the baby another ball)... "You both want the ball and there's only one here. What should we do?... (pause and wait, see how toddler responds) "Should we get another ball for baby?" If yes, then go with toddler and get another ball. If no, then offer another suggestion: "Should we see if there's something else baby might like while she waits for you to be done with the ball?" if yes, help them do that. If no, give another suggestion: "Maybe you and baby could play with the ball together- rolling it to each other back and forth... or... hm how could you play with it together?"... Teach the toddler to work out conflicts and the baby will be listening, watching and learning too.

A good way to help teach kids to resolve these conflicts on their own is to describe the problem ("You both want this and there is only one." or "You both like, want, need this whatever" "you both want to sit on my lap" etc). Then ask what can we do about this problem while giving plenty of pauses to let toddler think and give answers. even non-verbal he may make a sad face pull the toy behind his back- you can try to verbalize for him: "You don't want to give baby the ball. You don't have to. Can baby use the ball when you are finished? No?" Next offer suggestions: get another ball for baby, baby can use ball at the same time together, baby can wait till you are done. The child might say something like "The baby can't ever have it though because I will be using this all day". Anything like that is fine- let them express. Still brainstorm what CAN be done to satisfy both toddler and baby. Then help them DO the solution. Go with toddler to get the other toy for baby or sit there and help them roll it back and forth (may or may not work out right!), what ever it is, follow through with them.
Teaching to share is more about teaching how to speak their mind ("Can I have the ball when you're done" and "I want the ball now" instead of grabbing. as well as "You can have this after me" or "You can have the other ball" instead of hitting another kid who is trying to take something away.) And problem solving together (you have to speak for baby).

-When you see a conflict rising, say what you see "I see baby watching you with the ball! Baby wants the ball too"
-Let toddler react to what you say (possibly they'll act on it)
-If baby takes the ball, say "Tell baby that you are playing with that. Tell baby we can work out a plan about the ball" (giving toddler words so they don't hit baby. Also if you do this every single time, toddler will live more happily in a predictable, consistent way- knowing he won't have things taken by baby or by you (for baby) unfairly. Then he won't start each approach on the defensive, protecting his territory.
-what adults often mean by "share" is "give whatever you have to someone because they want it too". And that's not right. I wouldn't try to teach the toddler to "share" really, but to play cooperatively and resolve conflicts. It makes a much calmer environment because it is consistent. They don't wonder will this be the time I have to share what I have right away or will teacher let me have it a little longer or will I get to finish the ideas I had about these blocks or will it be ruined by that antagonistic baby that's always coming for my stuff!? The same time, baby will learn she doesn't just get whatever she wants toddler to "share" whenever she pleases. So she will stop going for everything. Yes, a toy "in play" will always be most interesting to baby (or any kid), but she will become accustomed to the asking and negotiating and suggesting and waiting turns.

RIE.com Resources for infant educarers is helpful. http://www.magdagerber.org/
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Tags:18 month old, discipline
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