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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Child With Special Needs?
Lil_Diddle 11:42 PM 10-25-2017
I feel horrible, I was asked by my daughters former teacher if I would provide care for her child for the remainder of the week and part of next week. Her mother is the usual one to care for her child with Down syndrome. We had a talk at first about how he does with other kids, what to expect, etc... I agreed, I knew she was hard up finding temporary care for her child and it sounded like it would work out ok. Today was day one and I just can't do it. He tore things off of my walls, , everything went into his mouth, but that wasn't what did it. It was never mentioned that he likes to try to escape outside, knows how to open doors and even to unlock them. My entire day was focused on keeping him away from the door, any door. He made it outside twice, not far but I thought I solved the problem when I locked the door, wrong. He opened the door to the basement stairs, the bathroom door and tried to play in the sink multiple times, accidentally let the toddler in who got into the toilet before I got to her. When mom checked in mid day to see how it was going I just had to tell her today would be it, that I just couldn't do it for safety concerns. I can partially blame her for omitting the information about how he tries to escape. Because when I told her she said yes he does that at home too. But I still feel horrible, because when she came to pick him up at the end of the day she looked emotional and just drained and almost crying, saying I'm sorry. It absolutely broke my heart. I can't imagine caring for a child that requires such non stop attention all day, and not being able to find care. She didn't ask to please bring him, and if she did I would have stuck to my decision based on the safety risk it puts all the children in. Kudos to all you providers that have the heart and patience to take in children with higher needs. It is not easy. One day and I'm exhausted
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Josiegirl 01:50 AM 10-26-2017
I'm sorry it didn't work out. A child's needs that high, needs to be better explained so you have time to prepare your home and plan for ways to keep everyone safe. Sounds like you were caught off guard.
I'm sure the mom is drained and exhausted. She must have access to lots of special services where she gets help? I hope?? How does the grandmother deal with this child's behavior consistently? I know it would be too much for me.
Please do NOT feel horrible about discontinuing care for this child. Can you imagine how you would feel if another child in your care got badly hurt because of this child? You did the right thing, IMO.
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Jupadia 06:53 AM 10-26-2017
I feel for you.

I was able to deal with special needs kids as a teen (autism and down sydrom) and in group care (deaf child that could read lips and used hearing aids, and above) but I either had one on one care I was doing or group with other teachers to help.

Now having group care in my home even with only 5 kids I can't do it. I have had a boy that was diagnosed with autism but it was a lot and I realized when he left for me. Kindergarten that I would not do it again. I was asked by another parent about a friend with a child with down sydrom but said no even though I had spaces at the time.
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Blackcat31 07:32 AM 10-26-2017

It can definitely be tough for everyone.
Parents and providers.

I understand feeling bad but you have to do what you have to do to keep all the kids in your care safe. You did that so don't feel bad about having to make that decision.

I am sure DCM is exhausted and emotional but as an adult (and a teacher) she knows full well that omitting information about safety issues isn't helping anyone. Imagine how horrible she would have felt if the door got open and a toddler got out!

I understand why she may have purposely not said anything but that doesn't change that it was wrong to do (IF she did it intentionally). I also see that being overwhelmed and emotional may have made it so she simply forgot to mention every single tough behavior the child has since grandma knows him so well it just may have slipped her mind... still not okay for you.

I agree with previous poster and respite services or other options due to the child's special needs could be available for this parent; she really should look into them as safe alternatives for those times she needs a back up caregiver when her mom is not available.
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daycarediva 09:56 AM 10-26-2017
I have a special needs child. It's INSANELY challenging. After his diagnosis, we sent him to a special needs preschool. Honestly, this child should be in some sort of program with built in therapies and teachers with specializations in their challenges.

There is NO respite, there is NO help. It goes based on income (we aren't low income) then need (we have 2 parents and flexible schedules/built our lives around ds's disability) then age (he is younger- most respite is for adults) and then there is the big kicker- his eloping. Good luck getting anyone to take on that liability nightmare. He's on waiting lists for openings 2+ years out. When we need it, we have hired the paraprofessionals from DS's special needs school (to the tune of $25/hour).
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hwichlaz 10:55 AM 10-26-2017
yeah, the help that everyone thinks is there, just isn't. I have two special needs children in my care. Between the two of them there are 6 therapy appointments per week in my house.

Mom of kiddo with cerebral palsy who is a full year behind (he's 2 years old) is a high school math teacher. Her husband works in a machine shop. They are the def. of middle America. They make too much money. People with special needs children that make less money got the early head start spots ahead of them and he didn't make it in. The other child has microcephaly but is easy enough to take care of and I have her brother so I haven't suggested Early Head Start. They make more money than the other parents though.....an assistant DA and a fire Chief. So I'm sure she wouldn't get the spot anyway, and her therapists all think she gets more attention and care from me than she would in a larger group. They all do therapy at Head Start too, so they'd know. There are therapists available, but not enough to go around so the kids get very short appointments even though they qualify for more. I used to care for a 3rd grader with autism. He didn't elope, but he kept undressing, and he's throw huge tantrums if babies cried. I had to let him go, because putting myself between him and harms way during tantrums resulted in me being covered in bruises. I'm on blood thinners. That can't happen. He is incredibly exhausting to care for, and it's hard to find caregivers...no respite available to his low-income hardware store cashier single mom....
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Ariana 11:00 AM 10-26-2017
He is likely penned up at home all day. I see this countless times with kids. They spend their time divided off from the rest of the house with gates. Those kids have no clue how to interact with their environment. I know which kids are penned and which ones aren’t within a few minutes! I realize this child has DS but even they are able to learn right from wrong.

This is in no way your burden to bear and she should have been upfront with you. She placed you at extreme risk.
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daycarediva 11:35 AM 10-26-2017
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
yeah, the help that everyone thinks is there, just isn't. I have two special needs children in my care. Between the two of them there are 6 therapy appointments per week in my house.

Mom of kiddo with cerebral palsy who is a full year behind (he's 2 years old) is a high school math teacher. Her husband works in a machine shop. They are the def. of middle America. They make too much money. People with special needs children that make less money got the early head start spots ahead of them and he didn't make it in. The other child has microcephaly but is easy enough to take care of and I have her brother so I haven't suggested Early Head Start. They make more money than the other parents though.....an assistant DA and a fire Chief. So I'm sure she wouldn't get the spot anyway, and her therapists all think she gets more attention and care from me than she would in a larger group. They all do therapy at Head Start too, so they'd know. There are therapists available, but not enough to go around so the kids get very short appointments even though they qualify for more. I used to care for a 3rd grader with autism. He didn't elope, but he kept undressing, and he's throw huge tantrums if babies cried. I had to let him go, because putting myself between him and harms way during tantrums resulted in me being covered in bruises. I'm on blood thinners. That can't happen. He is incredibly exhausting to care for, and it's hard to find caregivers...no respite available to his low-income hardware store cashier single mom....
Isn't it awful? We get no help, which we are fine with. We have been fortunate enough to have jobs (actually created them ourselves) to enable DS to stay at home as long as he has. He has improved because we have spent a small fortune on his therapies and services out of pocket. Special needs preschool was 3x regular daycare center rates. He is currently in a private skills based school that he can attend until he is 21. After that though....we are in a bit of trouble. There's NOTHING for parents who aren't well below poverty level AND want to keep their child home.
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