Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Cannot Make Your Child Go To The Toilet... Vent
blandino 07:21 PM 03-12-2013
I have a DCM who is very insistent that her child is ready to potty train. I have mostly ignored all of her talk over months and months that didn't line up with our policies and how we handle potty training.

Last weekend they tried the 3 day potty training at home with him, and per our contract after they do that at home we will work very diligently on using the potty all week to get the used to using the toilet at daycare I emphasize that part with parents because I don't consider it "potty training" - it is more of getting them used to and in the habit of using the toilet. And after that week, I expect them to use the toilet indecently without being timed or reminded. . I understand that isn't everyone's philosophy - but for us it is paramount. We don't toilet time or bring children to the bathroom every x amount of time. We require that they can identify the need to go and act upon it.

Well all last week her son did great, every time I reminded him he went (but never verbalized the need to go or went on his own). Come to this week when he is on his own, yesterday he went once when I checked him to see if he was dry (so that sort of worked as a reminder) and then again when I make everyone go before nap. Today he didn't go at all, he wet his underwear (covered with a pull-up) at 10 am and then soaked his pull-up at nap. His mother was very upset at pick-up and left without saying a word.

He knows where the toilet is, he has open access to it all day, and is very familiar with using it. I cannot do anymore that that. I am not going to bring him every hour to make sure he goes.

I am sure this is going to come to us butting heads. I just really want to ask her (and probably will) "What would you ideally like me to do that doesn't involve bringing your child to the toilet on a timed schedule ?"
Reply
CedarCreek 08:54 PM 03-12-2013
Goodness gracious.

I would agree with asking her point blank what it is she is expecting. Let her tell you whatever and if it doesn't coincide with your policies, have that ready to point out to her.

Do you think she might go elsewhere because of this issue? Would you be sorry to lose her?
Reply
blandino 09:02 PM 03-12-2013
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
Goodness gracious.

I would agree with asking her point blank what it is she is expecting. Let her tell you whatever and if it doesn't coincide with your policies, have that ready to point out to her.

Do you think she might go elsewhere because of this issue? Would you be sorry to lose her?
She is very nice. Her child is relatively easy, and low maintenance. her two older daughters came to us for daycare - so we have known them a long time. However, he is the DCB that I just posted about with a delay that needs to be addressed.

I don't think she would leave, but who knows ?!? People are so stance about potty training. She is a teacher, so she will be off of work in 2.5 months - so I would think she would probably stay and then try and potty train him over the summer (at least that makes sense to me).

Would I be sad - no. Her child is easy, but isn't one I am particularly attached to - and also Mom doesn't pay to hold her spot over the summer. I wouldn't want to sever our relationship and we have a lot of mutual connections - which could be uncomfortable. She works at the local elementary school - and would hate for anything to tarnish our relationship with them.

However - I think if I address the developmental delay that might be the tipping point for her. Maybe I will address

I mean, regardless he has to go 2 weeks accident free before he wears underwear - which is pretty standard. So until he does that, she can't expect anything else. So if she wants to keep sending him in trainers with plastic pants, and feeling like that makes a difference - then she can have fun with all that laundry. My feelings are that my role is the same regardless. But I loathe dealing with this.
Reply
sharlan 11:56 AM 03-13-2013
Would it really be that difficult to remind him to go in and go potty?

It sounds like he did great last week with verbal reminders. I would rather remind than have to change a soaking child.
Reply
daycarediva 12:06 PM 03-13-2013
I don't do a timed schedule (and laugh when asked) but there are regular times that everyone uses the restroom and/or gets changed.

Here they are
8:30/after breakfast
10:30/before going outside
12:30/after coming in from outside-before lunch
2:30/after nap-before snack
4:30/after free play-before pickups

These times make sense because we are in there washing hands anyway, so it kills two birds with one stone.

I ask EVERYONE at that time if they need to use the bathroom. I have 5 potty trained 2's, and only 2 ask to use the potty on their own. The rest are reminded at home, so they expect the reminders.
Reply
Play Care 12:42 PM 03-13-2013
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Would it really be that difficult to remind him to go in and go potty?

It sounds like he did great last week with verbal reminders. I would rather remind than have to change a soaking child.
I agree with this. I guess I don't see the big deal with giving some verbal prompts - especially if the child is having success. Now, if the child refused or gave me a hard time then yes, put them back in a diaper. I have a newly trained child here and a few reminders to go feels like so much less work than changing yet another diaper.
Reply
nanglgrl 12:49 PM 03-13-2013
Originally Posted by blandino:
I have a DCM who is very insistent that her child is ready to potty train. I have mostly ignored all of her talk over months and months that didn't line up with our policies and how we handle potty training.

Last weekend they tried the 3 day potty training at home with him, and per our contract after they do that at home we will work very diligently on using the potty all week to get the used to using the toilet at daycare I emphasize that part with parents because I don't consider it "potty training" - it is more of getting them used to and in the habit of using the toilet. And after that week, I expect them to use the toilet indecently without being timed or reminded. . I understand that isn't everyone's philosophy - but for us it is paramount. We don't toilet time or bring children to the bathroom every x amount of time. We require that they can identify the need to go and act upon it.

Well all last week her son did great, every time I reminded him he went (but never verbalized the need to go or went on his own). Come to this week when he is on his own, yesterday he went once when I checked him to see if he was dry (so that sort of worked as a reminder) and then again when I make everyone go before nap. Today he didn't go at all, he wet his underwear (covered with a pull-up) at 10 am and then soaked his pull-up at nap. His mother was very upset at pick-up and left without saying a word.

He knows where the toilet is, he has open access to it all day, and is very familiar with using it. I cannot do anymore that that. I am not going to bring him every hour to make sure he goes.

I am sure this is going to come to us butting heads. I just really want to ask her (and probably will) "What would you ideally like me to do that doesn't involve bringing your child to the toilet on a timed schedule ?"
I agree and would never remind a child to go to the bathroom at timed intervals. In my experience it actually ends up taking longer to really train most children because they stop listening to their own bodies and just listen for reminders from their caregivers. I often see the children who have been pushed to train and have been given constant reminders at an early age training (going completely on their own) later than their peers.
I have potty trained a lot of children in the last 20 years and I consider trained to be when they go to the bathroom on their own, pull down their pants, use the toilet, wipe (even if they don't do a great job) and pull their pants back up.
I've never thought it was easier to ask a child every 20 minutes or to sit them on the potty than to just change their diaper if they weren't ready. I have 8 children here who all need my attention and that is too much time to spend on one child who is clearly not ready. I could hold a 9 month old over the potty every 1/2 hour and probably have a pretty good success rate of them using the toilet, it doesn't mean they are trained and of course they aren't ready to me that's no different than reminding a child to go all of the time. Let mom worry about it in a few months when she is off of work.
Reply
blandino 01:29 PM 03-13-2013
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Would it really be that difficult to remind him to go in and go potty?

It sounds like he did great last week with verbal reminders. I would rather remind than have to change a soaking child.
No, it wouldn't be that difficult - but I don't feel that is my responsibility. With 12 kids (with an assistant) and a full preschool program - my time is limited and to add in something that I feel is very unnecessary isn't going to happen. Yes, he did fantastic when reminded last week - he didn't have one accident. We do this week so that the child feels comfortable and is familiar with and in the habit of using the toilet at daycare.

But we are pretty firm in the belief that a child need to be bringing themselves to the potty in order to potty train. We have had WAY to many bad experiences with parents who blame us when a child has an accident because we failed to remind them. Out of the dozens of children that have potty trained at our daycare, and through all the experience I have gained - I really believe that when a child is ready to potty train - they will identify the need to eliminate and act on it.

This child has never identified the need to go and brought himself to the toilet - nor does he have the ability to let me know verbally. If I were to continue this, it wouldn't be potty training - it would be more a game of trying to catch him before he had an accident. If he were even identifying the need to go by himself even 1/2 the time - I would be singing a different tune and be more willing to work on it- but to me for me to be doing 100% of the work is just not feasible nor something I am interested in or should even be expected of a daycare provider.

I hope all that made sense, I should have been more clear that the child has never gone without prompting. I think that makes a big difference.
Reply
Tags:potty trained - not, toilet training, toileting issues
Reply Up