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  #1  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:47 AM
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Default Stay at Home Parents

Another thread got me thinking. What do you think of stay at home parents who want full hours and days?

Want to see other's view before I share mine.
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Old 10-26-2014, 12:46 PM
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It bothers me. I probably would pass up a family like this, unless there were some extenuating circumstances. I know it shouldn't, it's not my business what they do all day, but it still bothers me. These years are precious and I think it says something about the kind of person they are if they're choosing to spend their days getting manicures, watching soaps, and having lunch dates instead of being a parent. If the parent has some serious illness, a disability, works from home, etc, that's totally different and I wouldn't think twice about accepting a family like this. So it really depends on WHY they need full time care as to whether or not it bothers me. It's still none of my business what they do with their time, but I can make the decision as to what kind of family I chose to provide care for, my business or not.
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Old 10-26-2014, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Another thread got me thinking. What do you think of stay at home parents who want full hours and days?

Want to see other's view before I share mine.
I don't have a problem with it. I just don't offer those types of services. I offer only contracted hours for parents that work certain hours.

I do offer drop in occasional care if ratios allow. Those hours are at a very premium rate though.
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Old 10-26-2014, 01:09 PM
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No, not unless they have a lot of medical appointments or similar ( like a sibling that needs appointments); the reason? I did it a one time and it messed my days so bad because the parents thought they could come in whenever regardless of how it would affect my day because their kid slept in, or worse they were the only one scheduled and then would not answer phones or no showed...

My Worst experience was my actual first stay at home mom whose hubby took 6 paid weeks of vacay yearly... It was the first year I was doing daycare and after 2 hrs one day and no show (she paid for 40+ week), this parent was only one scheduled, so I told my dd we were leaving to go to the lake (summer and she was younger) - the parent showed just as we were getting in the car and bitched me in front of both kids. Her DH showed later that day and threatened me and the police ended up being called and they were termed. Nope, never again

Now I don't mind taking a Part time under 20 hrs weekly because i know when exactly they are scheduled... most my parents that need errand running or are stay at home moms, just call me for drop-in care and pay the higher rate now
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Old 10-26-2014, 02:45 PM
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No. Unless it's a child protection case.
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Old 10-26-2014, 04:02 PM
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I sell a service.

WHY you purchase that service is up to each buyer/you.

It doesn't take away from the fact that I will need to still share some basic parent philosophies with you but what difference does it make if you are sitting in a bank cubicle all day or sitting at home all day?

You are still away from your child for a specific number of hours.

Whether you are at work or home has no bearing on your child in MY opinion as far as why. I serve children under Kindergarten age.

Unless someone impresses into their mind that their parent does NOT want to spend time with them I don't think a child that age understands the difference between mommy has to go to work vs mommy has to go back home.

To the child, mommy is leaving. period.
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Old 10-26-2014, 05:13 PM
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I don't care if they want to pay me while they do whatever all day, but I have just recently learned to be VERY strict about drop off and pick up times in these situations. I make sure that they will not be the first one dropped off, that the child won't come too late, and that they are not the last to be picked up. I know they are paying for a service, but I'm not going to be inconvenienced and risk working late if they are playing all day.
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Old 10-26-2014, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by altandra View Post
I don't care if they want to pay me while they do whatever all day, but I have just recently learned to be VERY strict about drop off and pick up times in these situations. I make sure that they will not be the first one dropped off, that the child won't come too late, and that they are not the last to be picked up. I know they are paying for a service, but I'm not going to be inconvenienced and risk working late if they are playing all day.
...or "didn't wake up from their nap" I have had quite a few stay at home dads and a few stay at home moms. In general, the dads did better at keeping a schedule - probably just their personality types though. They had "dad's group" meetings to get to - coffee shop time.
Each of the moms had a hard time getting here in the morning, and were often late picking up too. Again, may be just personality types. It didn't seem like any of the mothers kept any kind of routine at home. Luckily, their kids were nice
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Old 10-26-2014, 05:45 PM
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It used to bother me A LOT. But after fussing about parents like that on this forum and getting feed back, I have changed my attitude towards them. I have complained a good bit about some of my parents on this forum. Since I moved to the area I am in, I have had many of what I would consider 'bad parents' or parents who are not involved with their child at all. I complained here about them and the main responses I received were things like 'poor child, at least they have you to show them love, care, and that you are interested in them', 'glad the mother realizes they couldn't give the child what they needed at home and hired someone that can.', 'If the parent was forced to keep the child home with them even though they know they can't handle that, the child might be abused by the parent, glad the parent put the child in daycare since they realize they can't handle being with the child all day.'

So, after you guys told me things like that, I am actually glad that the parents realize they can't handle being with the child and instead of taking a chance of becoming angry and abusive with the child, they put the child in daycare. Yes, I am upset for the child that they aren't getting to spend quality, one on one time with their parents, but it most likely wouldn't be good, quality time for them. So, it probably is better that the child attend daycare - even all day long, if that's the length of time the parent feels they need to send them. It's sad for the child, but probably safer, less stressful for them and the parent, more fun, and the child probably feels more loved and wanted in the daycare than they would if the parent was forced to keep the child home all day.
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  #10  
Old 10-26-2014, 08:16 PM
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I don't accept stay at home parents at my daycare, because I had a lot of bad experiences with them when I did head start. A lot of people who do their own daycares have had nothing but problems from what they tell me. I know from my past experiences these people weren't working from home. While I can't say for sure they weren't abusive (who knows what people do now a day ), I think they were just selfish. Like they would always come around and peek in windows or look in the door ways, this is allowed in hs, or come around when we had our outdoor time. They come in and bring special lunches. I felt like it was annoying as the teacher, but also the student noticed. They would often say things like "I saw Heather's mommy. Where's my mommy?!" or "I miss my mommy!!!!". It just really boiled down to these parents giving their child a lot of special attention. I didn't get why they didn't want them at home or in care part time.
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Old 10-27-2014, 07:28 PM
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there are lots of reason as to why stay at home parents have their children in child care. The main one being that a child does not need to be at home all day just because a parent does not work. I currently am not working, however my 2.5 year old is in a full time center. I know for a fact that does NOT mak me a bad or neglectful parent! My child was home with me for a while and it was causing a problem for HIM. He wanted to get out, he NEEDED to get out. He wanted and needed to be around other children his age and he needs to learn and have a routine. My child prefers to go to day are than to be home. I for one HATE sending him to school. I am constantly stressed and worried, also I don't like having to pay $250/week for it either. However, it is what MY child needs. BTW I, myself previously owned a daycare. Therefore, I can relate to both, parent and provider. It is not a providers concern as to why a parent chooses to send their child to daycare whether they work or not. Childcare is supposed to be beneficial to children. So what reason does it matter that a parent does or does not work
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Old 10-27-2014, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
there are lots of reason as to why stay at home parents have their children in child care. The main one being that a child does not need to be at home all day just because a parent does not work. I currently am not working, however my 2.5 year old is in a full time center. I know for a fact that does NOT mak me a bad or neglectful parent! My child was home with me for a while and it was causing a problem for HIM. He wanted to get out, he NEEDED to get out. He wanted and needed to be around other children his age and he needs to learn and have a routine. My child prefers to go to day are than to be home. I for one HATE sending him to school. I am constantly stressed and worried, also I don't like having to pay $250/week for it either. However, it is what MY child needs. BTW I, myself previously owned a daycare. Therefore, I can relate to both, parent and provider. It is not a providers concern as to why a parent chooses to send their child to daycare whether they work or not. Childcare is supposed to be beneficial to children. So what reason does it matter that a parent does or does not work
It's not that I disagree with what you want for your child. But a provider runs his or her own business and has the ability to structure it in any way that they prefer, as long as it runs in accordance with licensing in their state, county and community.
So, if provider chooses to provide care for working parents, that is the provider's call, and a non-working parent looking for socialization and a learning environment will have to look elsewhere.
My own opinion is that socialization and a rich environment are vitally important for children, but so is family time. Parents are the first teachers
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  #13  
Old 10-27-2014, 10:09 PM
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I'm good with it.. as some of you know from earlier threads I've posted on. Once your child is here, I don't really care where the parents are. They can go back home, casino, beach, whatever.. as long as they pick up on time and the check doesn't bounce.
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  #14  
Old 10-27-2014, 10:20 PM
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It's not that I disagree with what you want for your child. But a provider runs his or her own business and has the ability to structure it in any way that they prefer, as long as it runs in accordance with licensing in their state, county and community.
So, if provider chooses to provide care for working parents, that is the provider's call, and a non-working parent looking for socialization and a learning environment will have to look elsewhere.
My own opinion is that socialization and a rich environment are vitally important for children, but so is family time. Parents are the first teachers
I think there's a different between socialization and being with random children of different ages. I was a stay at home mom for a bit. You could do play dates and other socializing. I think family time is very important. These are years you will never get back. I also think children develop their personality in a bigger, for lack of better word, way in a situation with a stay at home parent. For example, I've had children who were just obnoxious. Had to be the loudest speaker, or speak the most, or just basically do something the most. Having an audience or other children who also want to be the most, made them not be who they would be. To me a child who sings loudly is cute. If two children are screaming LET IT GO!!!!!!!!! until my ears bleed because they both want to be Elsa, it's not cute. I feel like parents aren't seeking their child's best interest when they are able to stay home, not working, and want them in some type of care five days a week for 8 or more hours. I can't speak for everyone but when I went to kindergarten, it was half day and the only children who had any experience before that had working parents. It's just strange to me parents would want children in daycare/preschool at 4 or younger if someone is home and not working. I mean I can see half days or a few days here or there, but the whole week is off putting to me if the parent is not working. As I said, in my experience and the experience of providers in my area, stay at home parents are often annoying. I don't get why you go get them lunch and bring it to the daycare? Why not take them home/to the restaurant? Sorry this is long!
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:26 PM
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I'm good with it.. as some of you know from earlier threads I've posted on. Once your child is here, I don't really care where the parents are. They can go back home, casino, beach, whatever.. as long as they pick up on time and the check doesn't bounce.
I don't really care where they go either. Like if mom stays at home and dad works, or vice versa, I don't care if he has the day off and they go on a date and I have the child all of my hours. I really don't get what a stay at home parent is doing 40 hours a week that their child can't be involved. When I was a stay at home mom, my daughter went everywhere with me. Even when my sister in law got married. She came with me to try on dresses, to do my hair, to do my nails. No one kicked me out. She didn't cause a fit. Despite that, I loved being with her, I can see how people want to leave their children home for that. What are you doing every day to not be with your child? It breaks my heart, because it says to me "It's all about me. All the time. My child is always number two". It also upset me when I was in a hs and the stay home parents would come in and only give their child special treatment. I'll never forget I had a dad who I loved as a parent. He had part time custody. He would often come to see his daughter. At first it was all her, her, her, her. Eventually, he saw the other kids were feeling bad. Some of them didn't have a dad. He would talk to them and help us with activities and when he wanted privacy with his daughter, he would take her to our outdoor area. The other children didn't feel bad.
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Old 10-28-2014, 05:01 AM
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It used to bother me because of my own personal parenting beliefs. I could only see the once in a lifetime experiences the parent was giving up, willingly. Choosing to miss all the magic. My assumption was they were choosing financial gain or me time over their child.

Life has recently changed my mind.

Not every one has children for the same reasons. Not every environment is in the best interest of young children. Not every one has the capacity to be an uplifting force of nature, 50+ waking hours a week, to young children. Not every one has the same priorities or faith in their own abilities.

I now trust that if they are brought to me, and the parent follows my policies, they are supposed to be here. Period.
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Old 10-28-2014, 05:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I sell a service.

WHY you purchase that service is up to each buyer/you.

It doesn't take away from the fact that I will need to still share some basic parent philosophies with you but what difference does it make if you are sitting in a bank cubicle all day or sitting at home all day?

You are still away from your child for a specific number of hours.

Whether you are at work or home has no bearing on your child in MY opinion as far as why. I serve children under Kindergarten age.

Unless someone impresses into their mind that their parent does NOT want to spend time with them I don't think a child that age understands the difference between mommy has to go to work vs mommy has to go back home.

To the child, mommy is leaving. period.
I have to agree. I have one little girl who has been with me part-time for over a year. Mom just found out she is pregnant with #2 and they were able to afford her leaving her job. Her daughter still attends with me part-time, and in dcm's own words, "I didn't feel it was fair to her to take her away from her friends, and it affords me the chance to run errands and make appointments without worry." She was justifying it to me like I would have a problem with it - and I definitely do not. I'm actually glad I'm not having to say goodbye to dcg because of the change - she's really a great kid and I enjoy having her.
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Old 10-28-2014, 08:25 AM
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If I had another parent that I was interviewing at the same time and she was a working parent, I'd choose the working parent first. However, I wouldn't turn away a stay at home mom either. While I would feel really bad for the child, it really isn't my business what the parents do during the day while I have them. I guess I feel like if their parent doesn't want them home with them, then at least they are getting attention and love from someone.
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Old 10-28-2014, 12:01 PM
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I don't care what a parent does so long as I can get in touch with someone. Perhaps it's because child care around here is used mostly when it's needed so parents can work - we have a wonderful preschool for parents who want socialization and some "me" time. Day care is too expensive for most SAHP's to justify the expense here.

The one issue I've had that chaps my hide, is when a parent misleads me into thinking they are working a certain day (say, a more minor federal holiday) guilts me into staying open and come to find out THEY WERE HOME.

Well, that won't happen again
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Old 10-29-2014, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I sell a service.

WHY you purchase that service is up to each buyer/you.

It doesn't take away from the fact that I will need to still share some basic parent philosophies with you but what difference does it make if you are sitting in a bank cubicle all day or sitting at home all day?

You are still away from your child for a specific number of hours.

Whether you are at work or home has no bearing on your child in MY opinion as far as why. I serve children under Kindergarten age.

Unless someone impresses into their mind that their parent does NOT want to spend time with them I don't think a child that age understands the difference between mommy has to go to work vs mommy has to go back home.

To the child, mommy is leaving. period.


At the end of the day this is a business. However that doesn't mean what the parent does (aside from child abuse/ endangerment) with their day is any of your business, just like what you do out of work when your kids aren't around isn't the daycare parent's business.

Some parents need time away from their children. From what I have seen on here, many (not all, but many) of the providers here started a home daycare to be home with their children because that was important to them- but not all parents feel that way or they would all stay home and there would be no need for child care and we'd all be out of a job.

While it is usually seen as best for the child to spend as much of their early years in their parents care as possible, it may do more harm than good if the child is always around a parent who is frequently frustrated with said child and/or acts indifferently towards them for 12 hours a day instead of going to a child care provider and friends who would be more engaging and make them feel wanted. In fact, if the parent is frequently frustrated when the child is around, it can put the child at a higher risk of being abused or neglected.

Some stay at home parents also may not know many people who have children around their own child's age and want their child to socialize with other children in an appropriate age range (older kids might be bad influences and younger kids might not be intellectually stimulating enough). Some parents also use daycare to prepare their child for preschool or kindergarten even if it doesn't have an established curriculum to get them to be used to not being around mommy/daddy/granny/grampy etc all day.

NOTE: This is not a bash on SAHMs or kids of SAHMs; but there was a 3 year old of which I was basically hired to be 'his friend' (I honestly think it's ridiculous/sad to hire an adult to be your child's friend; going in I thought it was babysitting). Anyway, he is one of the most spoiled children I know (he was a 'miracle baby', so they let him get away with anything) and does not have the best social/reasoning skills with other children his age; he has a baby sister, but she shares with him way more than he shares with her. This boy threw the biggest fit when he was playing with one of the neighbor children (this incident was their 1st time meeting) had to get ready for lunch and a nap. His mother was so embarrassed that he acted that way and pretty much knew the other mom doesn't want her child around the other kid after that. When he was throwing the tantrum the other 3 year old just looked at him like he was insane. I'm sure there aren't going to be any scheduled play dates for those two any time soon. He's used to everyone giving him things, but when I play with him I try to make it a point to tell him no or not let him get his way all the time because other preschoolers are not going to be as accommodating as the adults and older cousin's in his life and it's better he has a tantrum now and learn to deal with it instead of getting kicked out because he throws a tantrum every day (Sorry, rant but I'm done).

However, I would also keep in mind that child care is in high demand for working parents and if an opportunity comes up where you would need to eliminate a position (such as need an extra space for siblings, downsizing, or expecting your own child) then they would be first considered for the chopping block since they don't necessarily 'need' my services as much as the other families would.
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Old 10-29-2014, 09:52 PM
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I'm good with it.. as some of you know from earlier threads I've posted on. Once your child is here, I don't really care where the parents are. They can go back home, casino, beach, whatever.. as long as they pick up on time and the check doesn't bounce.
For the most part ITA, except if you're at the beach while your child is the last one one and you walk in the door 1 minute before closing I'll probably be frustrated. Not that I really believe I have the right to be, I just would be.

I personally don't understand why a SAHM would put her child in FT child care, but I try not to judge. (Not that I always succeed, but I do try...)
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Old 10-31-2014, 01:16 PM
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Another thread got me thinking. What do you think of stay at home parents who want full hours and days?

Want to see other's view before I share mine.
I wrote an article about this: http://www.tomcopelandblog.com/2014/...your-care.html
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