A friend from high school's mother in law wrote a rebuttal, to the popular article. I know we discussed that article a little, but I thought this was an extremely well articulated and emotional response.

http://carolmcleodblog.wordpress.com...y-at-home-mom/

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I love this.

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Me too!

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what a great article.

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a good read.

but I still stand by my position that there is a middle ground between these two authors' positions, where a lot of moms dwell, where there are real struggles and heartaches and doubt about decisions, no matter which way they decided. I am glad this author seems to have really thrived with her choices but I also think that it is only human to struggle too.

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I think my struggle will really come when my kids are all out of the house. Right now I'm very happy, maybe happier than I've been in a while. My daycare finally got to the point that I could shorten my hours and be own only 7:30-3:30 and because of my hubby's raises and decresed debt I can limit the amount of kids I take and do all the things I've always wanted to do with my kids in the summer so I don't feel like they are missing out. If we want to go somewhere we go and that freedom is awesome to me. My oldest is 20 and already lives an hour away and is in college and living his own life. I raised him to be confident and independent and he's doing exactly what he should be. The only problem is I miss him and our nightly talks, I miss knowing the details. He does call and visit once in a while but not enough for me to be happy. I think if he called and visited everyday I would still be a little sad from time to time waiting to hear from him. My other children are 12,5 and 2 so it will be a while until theyre all gone and by then I will probably be a grandma but sometimes I still think about that future and wonder. I wonder who I will be. This job has lessened my social skills with adults to a degree that is downright awkward. I know children, more importantly I know my children but someday they will all have their own lives and I worry if I will just "disappear". If I were on the other side of the fence I would still worry but in a completely different way. I wonder if my children will recognize my sacrifices but then again I don't want them to think I sacrificed. I don't even know if this makes any sense but it is a thin line when you're a woman. I hope I'm a man in my next life!

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Thanks- these were both great reads! This being my first year home with my 3 girls, I have my days where I am DONE by 5 or so- I can't wait for my DH to get home and take over the chaos of my girls. I have my moments of frustration, where I feel like I am failing in one way or another. BUT I wouldn't give it up for anything. I have the most important job- I am teaching my girls and my DC kiddos. My girls are well-known for being respectful, sweet, and kind little ones. At 3, and 2 (the 11 month old hasn't gotten there yet ) I know that my DH and I did that- we are actively teaching them what they need. Do I have days where we could've spent more time reading stories or dancing- sure. But if anyone ever asks me why I am staying home with my babies when I have 3 college degrees, I tell them that I AM using my degrees every day- just in a different setting. I respect her for having her own feelings, but I feel sad that her kids may read that someday and see that their mom regretted staying home with them.

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I agree wholeheartedly about WHAT she said but thought HOW she said it was a bit passive agressive to Lisa. How she kept calling Lisa her friend was a bit much. What I 'heard' was "You should have liked this as much as I did." I may just be hearing it that way though.

They both have points. I feel the way your friend does, and thought she put that into words perfectly, but I know some moms who just aren't cut out to do it like we are. I had a neighbor whose kids seemed happier when she worked. When she stayed home, I think they saw her miserable and it rubbed off on them.

She did a great job on explaining how I felt about being a SAHM and then doing childcare when my children were in school full time....cause I didn't want to stop taking care of little children.

Laurel

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I think what makes no sense at all (not that I'm complaining because it keeps me in business lol) but after your first kid and descovered being at home wasn't good and when being with your kids wasn't good, why the heck would you continue to have more kids????? I've always wondered this. I have/had parents who always put their jobs first but would keep having kids and I never understood this.

I know many of you don't understand what staying at home means if you only been home for a little bit, I'm now at 14 yrs home, and at the end of july I will have 2 teenagers. I find that the older they get the more they need. I feel some days like a taxi lol. But I will say that when the writer said that she knew about everything that is up to date, she is right, I know things about my little kids, my other 2 are 8 and 10 so mostly kid stuff like mind craft and then my 2 older kids, I have to know songs, artists, clothes, you name it, I have to keep up, whew its exhausting some days. I also read alot too, so I know probably more than my working mom, wait I do know more. just by having convo's with them they have no idea whats going on.

also, it all depends on what you put in to it. Like if I just sat around, well yes I would hate being a sahm, but I'm so busy all day that i don't know how I would do it if I went to work outside the home lol.

the only thing that bothers me the most is when I tell people what I do and that I'm a sahm. Its like I'm looked down upon, that bothers me. But when people talk about how they have to work on the weekends, then I tell them thats what I love about my job NO WEEKENDS.

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I agree!

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a little passive aggressive, but that is precisely how I feel about being home with my own children, and the only thing I regret is not making the decision sooner.

All of my kids will be in school in fall, and I am ENJOYING being home with other peoples children.

Some of my dcp's would not enjoy it at all, and that's ok too. I'm just glad that they recognize that, and made a life that is happy for them (career) and for their children (loving, home like environment when Mom/Dad are working) It takes a village, after all!

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this!

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your post is what I am talking about. Not everyone is completely thriving, content, happy in ever way even if they do choose to SAHM and dont regret that decision as a whole. Its hard. People struggle with different parts of it and that doesnt make you a bad person. The highlighted makes sense to me (except for the college age child) and I think a lot of moms would understand.

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Wow! I really think she worded everything wrong.

She also made it sound like staying home with your kids is some sort of glorious vacation. It definitely is not! There are real struggles, it's not always rainbows and butterflies.

I never heard Lisa say she regretted staying home with her kids. She had regrets about the decision to stay home. HOWEVER, she did enjoy the time she had. NOW, she has regret because they are all gone and she really is un-hirable. Especially with the her previous job.

I think her comparing her job to Lisa's is not very fair. Lisa's job was not one she could do from home.

It's also not fair for her to comment on Lisa's parenting. When kids are little they really don't think you work. Obviously, when they grow up they realize just how much you really did work.

I see myself in Lisa 20 years down the road. I do think there's a happy medium somewhere.

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I hope she reads it.


I too don't understand people that continue to pop out children when the sacrifices either way you choose are non negotiable.

Don't like them, don't have kids.


Sorry but I have little respect and very low tolerance for whiners, mopers and those who pull the woe is me card my life is so full of regret.....

No one put a gun to your head to do anything. If you don't like where you are or end up learn from it and CHANGE IT.

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No where in the original article does it say that she regrets her time with her children. Her regrets stem from the fact that, professionally, she became stagnant and out-of-date, plus the long-term, negative impact that her choice had for her financially.

If you click around the rebuttal blog's site you will see that Ms. McLeod did not give up her career completely, nor did her college degree fall by the wayside. She's a speaker and a writer, using her degrees in English, Communication and Music.

While I'm pleased that Ms. McLeod finds joy in her choice, I found her blog entry to be patronizing. Just another entry in the working vs. SAHM mom debate.

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Lala - that she is or considers herself to now be "in-hirable" was her doing alone.

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1. At the time her career was one you cannot do from home.

2. She realizes this and says it was her choice.

What's ur point?

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Laurel

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If you pick up a brick and smash your foot...and then write a blog about how terrible it hurts and how much your life sucks because you smashed your foot.....you will get no sympathy from me.

No one told you to smash your foot.


If you choose to have kids you're going to have to then make a choice to stay working outside he home, work from home, or devote your life to caring for those kids.

Having children is not a requirement. Choosing how to manage your family after the fact is no ones business or decision but your own. If you make choices you don't end up liking you don't sit and whine about it. You simply get off your duff and change it.

The problem with far too many people today is they are obsessed with playing the victim.


Anyone here that says they feel the same way or fear they someday might.....DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW! If you choose not to and someday end up somewhere you don't like don't expect my sympathy or understanding.


The definition of insanity is.........

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People have regrets in life. Personally I think Lisa was honest about them. I don't see any harm in saying what you feel with either her or the rebuttal lady.

Laurel

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And that's fine, but I did.

If you don't want a myriad of opinionated responses then don't blog. Buy a journal

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I think you are being to harsh on moms in general. MANY people begin their journey as parents and lives change and people change and you end up where you never thought you would be. You can plan a million things but life doesnt always turn up that way. People have health or financial issues, people change and get divorced, parents have further unexpected stressers on their life if they have to unexpectantly take over care of an ill parent, deal with a house fire, go thru a personal struggle they never saw coming. Maybe they begin their parenting journey feeling strongly that a choice was the right one (whether they stay home or work) but things change and feelings change and demands change and they do end up with regrets or struggles. Telling everyone else out there to suck it up is disregarding the real struggles that come with parenthood and life in general. Belittling others feelings, even if you disagree with the feelings, seems very uncaring and downright rude.

And saying "well stop having kids" is not fair either. Just because people want to build their family doesnt mean they will never struggle and never complain. And yes, sometimes unexpected children come along and we all just have to deal with it. My fourth child was unexpected. Yes I love him dearly but his addition has caused A LOT of stress on the family. way too much to talk about on a forum. Its not his fault, he is just a child. but that doesnt mean that just because he is already here, that I will be able to go complaint free for the rest of his life or that I will also have the answer to our problems or that I will always be able to do something about a current problem. Sometimes you turn every which way and there is literally no other options.

If you must know, we had a vasectomy scheduled the week baby#4 was conceived. The vasectomy was unexpectantly cancelled when we had to drive across the country to get custody of my grown brother, who is handicapped and was being abused by his caregiver. One emergency plus our backup birth control failed and wah-la, a child is conceived. We don't all plan to have more kids.

Anyway, I am out on this conversation. Obviously I feel really strongly that compassion is necessary when reading and sharing experiences and I am not feeling that so its best that I check out here and not get into any drama or whatnot.

thanks to those ladies who were able to nicely agree....or nicely agree to disagree.

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I'm not disagreeing that there are struggles that come along with parenting, but it's what you do with those struggles that speak to the type of person you are.

You are absolutely right, I am downright rude when it comes to victims. Especially if they are living in a free country where they have the right and ability to change the course of their own lives but simply choose not to.


This is truly a "first world" problem, and one many around the world would judge with equal harshness as so many are desperate just to keep their children alive.


I am raising my children to utilize perspective, and to make their lives the best they can because no one is going to do it for them. If in 10 years they are miserable with the sum of their accomplishments I will not coddle them through that. I will tell them to pick themselves up by their boot straps and make some changes so the next ten don't turn out the same.

This woman has proclaimed that she was a victim of her circumstances and by all accounts, including those of her children, she has done nothing with her life. That's not a "ugh, today was tough, this week's been hard or well heck its been a hell of a year" sort of attitude. I interpreted her entire blog posting as a "woe is me, my ENTIRE LIFE is a waste, why on earth would anyone EVER choose this for themselves because I feel so unfulfilled" whine to garner attention. If anything I think it completely undermines the real struggles that stay at home moms face.

The reason why it's making waves is because not many have spoken like it before. Reason being because I don't believe that many women out there at all feel such disgust regarding the same choices she's made.

Women like her make us seem like marshmallows when I'd prefer we are perceived more like the realistic steel that we're made of

I'm glad so many are outraged by what she's said as I'd bet she didn't have enough others in her life tell her to put her big girl panties and deal with it as she should have learned by now.


Cheerful, what you have experienced with the unexpected in your life I'd venture to guess you've made the best of. I can't imagine you chastising your choice to stay home because of what happened, nor blaming those unexpected turns in your life as the cause of the demise of all your years lived here on this earth.

That's what she's done, and to me it is dramatic to the point of being unpalatable.

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I get what both of you are saying.

I think this whole thing boils down to how our society is at the moment. What we used to talk to our friends about or mother's about, now people "journal" online for the world to see. It's like "hey, look at me, I'm special". It's not that she shouldn't feel what she feels, it's that she's trying to get famous or money for it that kind of bothers me.

If she were my friend, I would have said something like "hey, you know I love you, but you've got to stop whining and DO something, or at least stop whining, 'cause I've been listening to this for years now, honey".

Since I don't know her, and I think she doing it for money and attention (even though the feelings may be real), I think "Honestly, I don't give a hoot".

One young woman that is a "friend" on Facebook (she's a former co-worker), literally posts things like "dd is wearing underwear today", or "making mac-n-cheese for lunch today...it's ds's favorite", or "dang puppy just ruined my new throw rug". Now, this is a nice young woman, but honestly, I don't need updates on these things. No one does.

That's kind of how I feel about this lady. She's getting a lot of attention for what, exactly?

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we need a like button here.

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but Lisa did talk about how she became mush. That her degree was useless being home. But you have to wonder, did she even try. You would be amazed. When I first became a sahm, there was no internet, no one to guide me, only my mom. But ya, the first couple of years was hard but I went out and sought things, ideas, other moms, groups, I went for a walk. I use to take my kids for a walk early in the morning at the mall with the mall walkers and met other moms.
It really boils down to---how much you put into something what will you get out.

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I didn't realize she didn't want opininated responses as there are 700 plus on the original article in the Huffington Post (one of them is the exact same article by Blandino's friend that we are discussing now and more on her blog (although I don't see any negative ones on her blog although I didn't read them all so that isn't balanced but it is her blog so whatever.)

Just sayin.....

Laurel

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Is there something wrong with doing it for money or attention? Most books wouldn't be printed if we applied that condition. Maybe she is trying to make up for the lost income that she says she lost all those years!


On the Huffington post article it does show two books she has written already but I wasn't curious enough to see WHEN she wrote them so maybe she is trying to make money from her opinions. Wish someone would pay me for mine.

Laurel

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Some people have trouble with the idea of throwing ones family under the bus for money.....not all of course, but some.

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I suppose it is a matter of opinion if anyone is being thrown under the bus or who is doing the throwing.

That said, I suppose we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

Laurel

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