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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Do You Handle A Crybaby?
wdmmom 12:03 PM 03-21-2011
I've been watching this DCB (7 months) for almost 5 months now and he hasn't changed a bit from the day I got him. If he's not picked up, he's crying. And, if you ignore him, he'll scream until you do pick him up. I've brought this up to his mom previously and she said that the used to hold him a lot but she noticed that she couldn't even cook dinner without him crying so she's made some changes. Now she says he seldomly ever cries at home?! What the heck!!! I specifically told mom that there are other kids that need tended to and if DCB isn't center of attention, he'll have a meltdown. She said, "Well, I guess he has a meltdown than." The parents are wonderful people but I'm really beginning to question how much more I can tolerate this!
This kid can be fed and changed and flop like a fish all over the floor because he is so mad. He'll make himself beat red if he's not getting his way. He's almost 20 lbs so I can't put him in the swing anymore because it's not strong enough to move the weight, he doesn't like the exersaucer for more than 5 minutes at a time, he doesn't like being on the floor unless you are right in his face playing toys with him (and that maybe lasts for 10 minutes) and he can't sit up yet. He's the only baby I have but he's taking all my time and energy to deal with him. I can't even read books to the other kids before nap unless I lay him down first!
Does this kid just not have an attention span or is he spoiled beyond belief?
This kid can be fed and changed and flop like a fish all over the floor because he is so mad. He'll make himself beat red if he's not getting his way. He's almost 20 lbs so I can't put him in the swing anymore because it's not strong enough to move the weight, he doesn't like the exersaucer for more than 5 minutes at a time, he doesn't like being on the floor unless you are right in his face playing toys with him (and that maybe lasts for 10 minutes) and he can't sit up yet. He's the only baby I have but he's taking all my time and energy to deal with him. I can't even read books to the other kids before nap unless I lay him down first!
Does this kid just not have an attention span or is he spoiled beyond belief?
Zoe 05:58 AM 03-22-2011
I'm not sure what to say except to give it more time. Have you ever let the little guy cry it out? I know how hard that is, but sometimes it's necessary for them to learn that screaming isn't going to get them what they need anymore. I had to do it with my own son. It was a very long day, but after that, he stopped!
It sounds like dcp is doing the same thing at home. That's what I would do.
It sounds like dcp is doing the same thing at home. That's what I would do.
dEHmom 06:00 AM 03-22-2011
I just responded to another thread about this....
Honestly, I had same problem, and he realized within 2 days that it wasn't working, so now he plays really well, and entertains himself when needed.
When he first wakes up, he follows me around crying, but after a few minutes, he realizes it's not working once again. Sometimes he does it when I leave a room, and as long as I talk to him, he's fine with it.
If you stop and play with them, or pick them up, they won. Just so you know, and they know that crying gets them attention. Even if it's not to be picked up, they still know you are going to come and play with them.
Some kids will figure it out first day, some might take weeks, weeks is still better than months on months.
it's much much better to have parents work with you. So advise them to just ignore the problem, when the child calms down for several seconds, then you can go over and play with them, talk to them, etc. NEVER pick the baby up when they are crying just for attention, if it's because they are hurt, or something else is upsetting them that is completely different. If mom and dad don't work with you, then it makes it take a little bit longer, but soon the child will figure out that mom and dad will do it but not you. So you may see the behavior a little longer, and once in a while, but they know who will and won't respond to it.
I disagree with the carrier. The baby is far to old to be lugged around like that all day. And the baby needs to learn to crawl, walk, etc. Sitting in one of those for the majority of the day is not encouraging development.
Honestly, I had same problem, and he realized within 2 days that it wasn't working, so now he plays really well, and entertains himself when needed.
When he first wakes up, he follows me around crying, but after a few minutes, he realizes it's not working once again. Sometimes he does it when I leave a room, and as long as I talk to him, he's fine with it.
If you stop and play with them, or pick them up, they won. Just so you know, and they know that crying gets them attention. Even if it's not to be picked up, they still know you are going to come and play with them.
Some kids will figure it out first day, some might take weeks, weeks is still better than months on months.
it's much much better to have parents work with you. So advise them to just ignore the problem, when the child calms down for several seconds, then you can go over and play with them, talk to them, etc. NEVER pick the baby up when they are crying just for attention, if it's because they are hurt, or something else is upsetting them that is completely different. If mom and dad don't work with you, then it makes it take a little bit longer, but soon the child will figure out that mom and dad will do it but not you. So you may see the behavior a little longer, and once in a while, but they know who will and won't respond to it.
I disagree with the carrier. The baby is far to old to be lugged around like that all day. And the baby needs to learn to crawl, walk, etc. Sitting in one of those for the majority of the day is not encouraging development.
wdmmom 06:46 AM 03-22-2011
He's never in a carrier for longer than 10 minutes. Even the DCM said that she has to change his activity every 15 minutes to keep him from crying. He constantly wants physical interaction....being held, bouncing on my lap, walking around while clung to my hip, etc. I told the mom that other children need tended to as well and that he's not always going to get physical interaction and may have to "tough it out" on his own.
I do let him cry it out. He does it daily. He's still not getting the hint that he needs to PLAY TOYS and entertain himself while lunch is being fixed, diapers are being changed, etc.
UGH!
I do let him cry it out. He does it daily. He's still not getting the hint that he needs to PLAY TOYS and entertain himself while lunch is being fixed, diapers are being changed, etc.
UGH!
Meyou 06:56 AM 03-22-2011
Is his crying related to having an audience? I used to watch a baby that was content as long as he couldn't see me or another adult. It took a while to figure it out. Once I made a play place for him where I could see him but he couldn't see me things improved dramatically. It was irritating to need a seperate spot for him but it saved my ears.
I hope you find something that works. I also agree with all the advice about not picking him up when he doesn't NEED anything.
I hope you find something that works. I also agree with all the advice about not picking him up when he doesn't NEED anything.
youretooloud 07:03 AM 03-22-2011
I should actually log out for this, and be "Unregistered". But, I'm too lazy.
First, I DO believe in using carriers. I'll use them until a child is three years old... or until they get too heavy for me. I won't hurt my back for someone else's child....even if I love that child to pieces. I wouldn't hurt my back for my OWN child in fact.
Second, I do NOT believe in Cry it out.
BUT... I've let babies cry it out. Even one as little as seven months. I try everything first, and still he chooses to cry... then, he can cry.
I had one boy who I would love on, and try to make him happy (he didn't really like to cuddle either..he didn't like to eat, he didn't like anything) Soooo.. I put him in a stroller and strapped him in. He cried, and cried and cried... My ears hurt from him crying so much. Then, when he'd stop crying, I'd pick him back up and go "awww". (as if I had no idea why he was sad)
We did this for over a year. I can't believe I did that... I would never, ever allow it for my own kids, I would never ever say it's OK for anyone to do that... but, I was desperate. His mom was even more desperate than I was. If she hadn't been so miserable, I would have dropped him, because I couldn't take it... but, she needed the break from him more than I needed the break.
I also had bought this green ball filled with water and glitter.. it was the ONLY thing that kept him from crying for more than two minutes. We called it the magic ball of quiet. It was something that made him sort of happy for two minutes... nobody else could play with it... just him. "DON'T TOUCH THE MAGIC BALL OF QUIET!!! HE WILL SEE YOU!!!"
He's going to be five in a month.. he still cries more than other kids. He still doesn't sleep more than two hours at a time. He still needs his mommy to sleep with him. He did get much better for me.. he stopped crying for me.. he started sleeping well for me. But, I can't help but wonder what if any damage I did by strapping him in a stroller. I'd still do it again, because I still don't have a better idea.... and, it worked for us. But, I still wouldn't allow that for my own children, and I still don't like using Cry it out.
First, I DO believe in using carriers. I'll use them until a child is three years old... or until they get too heavy for me. I won't hurt my back for someone else's child....even if I love that child to pieces. I wouldn't hurt my back for my OWN child in fact.
Second, I do NOT believe in Cry it out.
BUT... I've let babies cry it out. Even one as little as seven months. I try everything first, and still he chooses to cry... then, he can cry.
I had one boy who I would love on, and try to make him happy (he didn't really like to cuddle either..he didn't like to eat, he didn't like anything) Soooo.. I put him in a stroller and strapped him in. He cried, and cried and cried... My ears hurt from him crying so much. Then, when he'd stop crying, I'd pick him back up and go "awww". (as if I had no idea why he was sad)
We did this for over a year. I can't believe I did that... I would never, ever allow it for my own kids, I would never ever say it's OK for anyone to do that... but, I was desperate. His mom was even more desperate than I was. If she hadn't been so miserable, I would have dropped him, because I couldn't take it... but, she needed the break from him more than I needed the break.
I also had bought this green ball filled with water and glitter.. it was the ONLY thing that kept him from crying for more than two minutes. We called it the magic ball of quiet. It was something that made him sort of happy for two minutes... nobody else could play with it... just him. "DON'T TOUCH THE MAGIC BALL OF QUIET!!! HE WILL SEE YOU!!!"
He's going to be five in a month.. he still cries more than other kids. He still doesn't sleep more than two hours at a time. He still needs his mommy to sleep with him. He did get much better for me.. he stopped crying for me.. he started sleeping well for me. But, I can't help but wonder what if any damage I did by strapping him in a stroller. I'd still do it again, because I still don't have a better idea.... and, it worked for us. But, I still wouldn't allow that for my own children, and I still don't like using Cry it out.
MyAngels 07:40 AM 03-22-2011
I've done this when I've had this type of child:
I sit on the floor, with the child in my lap, playing with toys, while the other kids play around us. After a bit I will sit them on the floor right next to me, still helping entertain them, but getting a bit of distance. As they continue to play, I move a bit farther, then farther, eventually being able to get up and move about the room. I do this each day, for as long as it takes, and they become more and more independent with time. I will also encourage one of the older kids - normally a "mother hen" type - to help sit and play nicely with the little one, which often helps as well.
I sit on the floor, with the child in my lap, playing with toys, while the other kids play around us. After a bit I will sit them on the floor right next to me, still helping entertain them, but getting a bit of distance. As they continue to play, I move a bit farther, then farther, eventually being able to get up and move about the room. I do this each day, for as long as it takes, and they become more and more independent with time. I will also encourage one of the older kids - normally a "mother hen" type - to help sit and play nicely with the little one, which often helps as well.
dEHmom 07:49 AM 03-22-2011
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
I've done this when I've had this type of child:
I sit on the floor, with the child in my lap, playing with toys, while the other kids play around us. After a bit I will sit them on the floor right next to me, still helping entertain them, but getting a bit of distance. As they continue to play, I move a bit farther, then farther, eventually being able to get up and move about the room. I do this each day, for as long as it takes, and they become more and more independent with time. I will also encourage one of the older kids - normally a "mother hen" type - to help sit and play nicely with the little one, which often helps as well.
Yes this is what I try first, I don't immediately jump to letting them cry it out. But when they notice I am gone, or slowly moving away and start screaming I get up and walk away, because even though I know it sounds mean, I can't give in, or they've just won, and the next time they will cry longer. and longer, and longer and longer. It's almost like a torture to them, but they get over it so quickly, but if you give in after any amount of time, next time add that to the usual amount and that's how much longer they will cry. And it continues on and on.I've done this when I've had this type of child:
I sit on the floor, with the child in my lap, playing with toys, while the other kids play around us. After a bit I will sit them on the floor right next to me, still helping entertain them, but getting a bit of distance. As they continue to play, I move a bit farther, then farther, eventually being able to get up and move about the room. I do this each day, for as long as it takes, and they become more and more independent with time. I will also encourage one of the older kids - normally a "mother hen" type - to help sit and play nicely with the little one, which often helps as well.
krystamichelle 07:52 AM 03-22-2011
It sounds like you may be dealing with a high needs child. If that's the case, there is really not much you can do, but meet his needs. Try a carrier or other contraption that will keep him near you at all times. Though, a high needs child wouldn't do well with a person that had a group to tend to anyway.
Otherwise, I would say completely ignore his fits. As long as he has a clean diaper, full tummy, and all other needs are met, let him cry. He'll learn that crying all the time won't get him picked up. You are just rewarding his cries when you pick him up.
Otherwise, I would say completely ignore his fits. As long as he has a clean diaper, full tummy, and all other needs are met, let him cry. He'll learn that crying all the time won't get him picked up. You are just rewarding his cries when you pick him up.
laundrymom 08:36 AM 03-22-2011
I termed last week because of a 22 mo old who was this way. Only a 2 day a weeker,.. my last part timer in fact. We had been emailing and texting ideas of how to handle things for almost 6 weeks,.. mom and dad wanted me to put child in pnp in other room, shut door and walk away. I refused. I gave it 3 weeks after and still every moment I wasnt holding them, or if I spoke to another child while holding them they freaked out. In my email to mom I apologized but told her that I thought they needed a small group or one on one care. And to let me know what they decided. This was thursday. Ive not heard from them again.
krystamichelle 09:47 AM 03-22-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I termed last week because of a 22 mo old who was this way. Only a 2 day a weeker,.. my last part timer in fact. We had been emailing and texting ideas of how to handle things for almost 6 weeks,.. mom and dad wanted me to put child in pnp in other room, shut door and walk away. I refused. I gave it 3 weeks after and still every moment I wasnt holding them, or if I spoke to another child while holding them they freaked out. In my email to mom I apologized but told her that I thought they needed a small group or one on one care. And to let me know what they decided. This was thursday. Ive not heard from them again.
Why didn't you do what the parents requested? My thought is that it has been working for them at home and that's why they suggested it for you. Sometimes they just need to realize that crying to get picked up all day long isn't going to work.I termed last week because of a 22 mo old who was this way. Only a 2 day a weeker,.. my last part timer in fact. We had been emailing and texting ideas of how to handle things for almost 6 weeks,.. mom and dad wanted me to put child in pnp in other room, shut door and walk away. I refused. I gave it 3 weeks after and still every moment I wasnt holding them, or if I spoke to another child while holding them they freaked out. In my email to mom I apologized but told her that I thought they needed a small group or one on one care. And to let me know what they decided. This was thursday. Ive not heard from them again.
laundrymom 09:59 AM 03-22-2011
Originally Posted by krystamichelle:
Why didn't you do what the parents requested? My thought is that it has been working for them at home and that's why they suggested it for you. Sometimes they just need to realize that crying to get picked up all day long isn't going to work.
They must be in sight AND sound at all times as per accreditation rules. I can't separate them.Why didn't you do what the parents requested? My thought is that it has been working for them at home and that's why they suggested it for you. Sometimes they just need to realize that crying to get picked up all day long isn't going to work.
wdmmom 10:01 AM 03-22-2011
Thanks for all the advice.
He seemed a little better today so lets hope it'll be a growing trend!
He seemed a little better today so lets hope it'll be a growing trend!
krystamichelle 10:02 AM 03-22-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
They must be in sight AND sound at all times as per accreditation rules. I can't separate them.
Oh, I see. That must be frustrating. Are you allowed to use a video monitor?They must be in sight AND sound at all times as per accreditation rules. I can't separate them.
laundrymom 10:05 AM 03-22-2011
Normally it's not a problem, but this time it was. The good news, I " made" money terming them. Lol chiro fees were more than income each week after lugging dcg all day for two days a week. Lol. I no longer need adjusted each week. Lol