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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Update On Challenging DCM... And Advice
littlemonkeys 09:45 PM 01-25-2011
So today actually went pretty smooth with dcb that has been out for two weeks with RSV. She transitioned right back into dc like she hadn't missed a day. DCM calls to check in and was upset that I hadn't responded to her text messages yet. I told her I was sorry and was getting the dck's ready for lunch. I also reminded her that anytime she calls or sends a text, not to get worried if I don’t answer or respond quickly and that I am probably just tending to the dck's which is my first priority. As the day progresses, my LO (17mths) starts getting a cough and a runny nose... no fever. It's probably due to teething as he's getting some new teeth, but due to the challenging dcm's DD having RSV and then passing it to another dcb in my dc I just want to make sure my LO is free and clear. I went ahead and made an appointment for my LO to be seen tomorrow afternoon and they gave me their latest appointment at 4:30pm. Dcm was in such a rush to leave today I totally forgot to tell her I needed her to pick up her DD by 4pm tomorrow so I could get to the Dr on time. I went ahead and gave her a call and left the info on her voicemail. THREE hours later still no response, so I sent her a text basically stating the same thing. She replied with "Sorry we had people over for dinner. I will not be able to be there at 4, I will be closer to 4:45ish. Are you kidding me? I have bent over backwards and dealt with her and her contract conflicts AFTER she signed it... plus, she's a teacher and gets off at 2:30pm and per our first interview she was supposed to be picking up by 3:30pm. I'm so bummed because I can't take my LO to the Dr and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I want to give her notice on Friday (or sooner). I have never let someone go before and I totally need assistance in writing a term letter. I really need some pointers or examples if you wouldn't mind sharing them.

I'd really appreciate it, thx!!
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Abigail 11:03 PM 01-25-2011
You could have an "emergency closing" and request her to pick up by 3:45 pm, LOL. You could inform her that a substitute will be coming at 4:00 for the 20-30 minutes of waiting for her child to be picked up because you have an appointment to get to and let her know that she needs to pick up before 4:30 or late fees will apply.

If you want to give a termination notice, I just took a class on this today! One of the handouts has a Sample Termination Notice.
This note is to let you know that I will not be able to offer my child care services to (child's name) effective (date). I will continue to provide my regular child care services until this date. According to our written contract, you are required to pay for my services up until this date, whether or not you child is present.

__________________________ ________
Provider Signature Date



__________________________ ________
Parent Signature Date

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melskids 02:47 AM 01-26-2011
oh heck no.

she WILL be there at 4 to pick up her child or services would be terminated right then and there. my kid comes first. period. its not like you have a hair appointment, or wanted to go shopping. your child needs to go to the Dr's. did you call her back yet? i would tell her at drop off how it was. straight up. "you must pick your child up at 4:00 sharp today, or services will be terminated effective immediately." no please, no i'm sorry, nothing. and if she's supposed to be there by 3:30 anyway, then it shouldnt be a problem. total lack of respect on her part. shame on her.
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AfterSchoolMom 03:38 AM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by melskids:
oh heck no.

she WILL be there at 4 to pick up her child or services would be terminated right then and there. my kid comes first. period. its not like you have a hair appointment, or wanted to go shopping. your child needs to go to the Dr's. did you call her back yet? i would tell her at drop off how it was. straight up. "you must pick your child up at 4:00 sharp today, or services will be terminated effective immediately." no please, no i'm sorry, nothing. and if she's supposed to be there by 3:30 anyway, then it shouldnt be a problem. total lack of respect on her part. shame on her.
I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT agree with this. I would never even consider not taking my child to the Dr.!!!

Tell her that you can't and won't change the appointment, that it benefits her child as well (if your child is sick, and her child just got over RSV, you'd think she would want to prevent the spread of germs as much as possible, right?), and that if she doesn't pick up by 4, if you don't want to term, tell her you'll be charging a late fee of 5 dollars per minute after 4. I bet she'll get there then!
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laundrymom 03:47 AM 01-26-2011
I'd call her at noon and say something came up personally and you have to close at 230. It's not her business WHAT.
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momofboys 04:08 AM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by littlemonkeys:
So today actually went pretty smooth with dcb that has been out for two weeks with RSV. She transitioned right back into dc like she hadn't missed a day. DCM calls to check in and was upset that I hadn't responded to her text messages yet. I told her I was sorry and was getting the dck's ready for lunch. I also reminded her that anytime she calls or sends a text, not to get worried if I don’t answer or respond quickly and that I am probably just tending to the dck's which is my first priority. As the day progresses, my LO (17mths) starts getting a cough and a runny nose... no fever. It's probably due to teething as he's getting some new teeth, but due to the challenging dcm's DD having RSV and then passing it to another dcb in my dc I just want to make sure my LO is free and clear. I went ahead and made an appointment for my LO to be seen tomorrow afternoon and they gave me their latest appointment at 4:30pm. Dcm was in such a rush to leave today I totally forgot to tell her I needed her to pick up her DD by 4pm tomorrow so I could get to the Dr on time. I went ahead and gave her a call and left the info on her voicemail. THREE hours later still no response, so I sent her a text basically stating the same thing. She replied with "Sorry we had people over for dinner. I will not be able to be there at 4, I will be closer to 4:30ish. Are you kidding me? I have bent over backwards and dealt with her and her contract conflicts AFTER she signed it... plus, she's a teacher and gets off at 2:30pm and per our first interview she was supposed to be picking up by 3:30pm. I'm so bummed because I can't take my LO to the Dr and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I want to give her notice on Friday (or sooner). I have never let someone go before and I totally need assistance in writing a term letter. I really need some pointers or examples if you wouldn't mind sharing them.

I'd really appreciate it, thx!!
NO WAY! I'd be telling her that if she does not pick up by 4:00 she will be terminated & have late fees double the normal rate. Sorry you are dealing w/this. Hope your LO is fine!
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SilverSabre25 05:02 AM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by Abigail:
You could have an "emergency closing" and request her to pick up by 3:45 pm, LOL. You could inform her that a substitute will be coming at 4:00 for the 20-30 minutes of waiting for her child to be picked up because you have an appointment to get to and let her know that she needs to pick up before 4:30 or late fees will apply.

If you want to give a termination notice, I just took a class on this today! One of the handouts has a Sample Termination Notice.
This note is to let you know that I will not be able to offer my child care services to (child's name) effective (date). I will continue to provide my regular child care services until this date. According to our written contract, you are required to pay for my services up until this date, whether or not you child is present.

__________________________ ________
Provider Signature Date



__________________________ ________
Parent Signature Date
OT, but that is a fantastically worded notice and it has been added to my files. God forbid I ever need it...but I like it.
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SilverSabre25 05:04 AM 01-26-2011
I would be steamed, too, and probably considering termination. Did you tell her WHY you need to close early?

I'd start enforcing that original 3:45 pick up time, too, or else charge her more/day.

She sounds like a real piece of work.
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Unregistered 05:39 AM 01-26-2011
You are letting her run YOUR buisness YOU have to put a stop to it asap. You tell her it ISNT a choice of her coming at 4 or not that you ARE closing at 4pm and she will need to either pick her Son up or find someoe to pick him up. I had a parent who would complain when I closed cuz of being sick which was rare, complain about contract, complain about pay, etc. guess what she isnt at my daycare anymore I do not put up with parents like that.
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countrymom 05:39 AM 01-26-2011
well, I would pack the child up and take them with me, I don't have time for silliness, so then she will have to come and find you. And if she says anything, you just tell her that you had a dr;s appointment and since she couldn't get there on time you had to take her kid with you.
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Lilbutterflie 05:49 AM 01-26-2011
I would remind her that her contracted hours end at 3:30pm daily. If she needs longer care, you need to sign a new contract with higher rates. I would so be at my wits end with this mom, too!

I'm also the type that would take her with me if she's not picked up by 4pm, and make her meet you at the doctor's office to pick up or something, b/c you have "errands to run". I hope the doctor's office is WAY out her way!!
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DCMomOf3 06:02 AM 01-26-2011
I would just tell her that if she is not there by 4, you will be taking her child with you to the doctor's office.

I hope your LO is okay.
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missnikki 06:09 AM 01-26-2011
I agree with all the previous posters. She thinks she is your boss and is trying to gain control over you, making her problems YOUR problems. People like that can really suck the "friendly" out of you.

What to do now? text/ email mom saying:

"REMINDER- Daycare Program early closing today- pickup required no later than 4:00pm today. Regular schedule will resume tomorrow. Late pick up fees to apply as of 4:01 pm today. Thank you for your cooperation."

AND call her and leave a message short and sweet. No apologies.
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MyAngels 06:13 AM 01-26-2011
She's messing with you because she's upset over the situation that you posted about previously. I would tell her that if she's does not pick up by 3:30 you will be calling her emergency contacts to pick up her child. I say 3:30 because that gives you time to get the contacts there before you need to leave for your appointment.
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missnikki 06:16 AM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
She's messing with you because she's upset over the situation that you posted about previously. I would tell her that if she's does not pick up by 3:30 you will be calling her emergency contacts to pick up her child. I say 3:30 because that gives you time to get the contacts there before you need to leave for your appointment.
I DISagree with this, because you are warning her that you are going to call her people. She can just tell them not to answer the phone, if she is really that diabolical.
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MyAngels 06:18 AM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
I DISagree with this, because you are warning her that you are going to call her people. She can just tell them not to answer the phone, if she is really that diabolical.
Ah, good point. Then I wouldn't warn her, I'd just call the contacts .
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MarinaVanessa 06:51 AM 01-26-2011
I tried putting myself in your shoes and thought about what I would do if I was in your shoes. Call me vintictive but if DCM did this to me, I'd get back. Why should I miss out on taking my child to the Dr.'s? The good thing is that I have all parents sign a transportation consent form when they first sign up because I wouldn't have responded to her last text then come 4pm today I'd pack up her kid along with my own and as I'm pulling out the driveway I'd send her a text "Since you couldn't make it by 4pm I have to take [DCB] with me to the Dr's. Please bring the $xx for the late pick-up fee when you pick up. Let me know if you will wait until I return home to pick him up or will be picking him up at the Dr's so that I can text you the address."

Then I wouldn't answer the phone or texts until I got to the Dr's office and got all signed in. From experience, DCM will probably try to call immediately and then get peeved because she couldn't get through. Like I said, maybe I'm just evil but this would make me feel alot better . If she became angry and wanted to pull her child then oh well, she'd be doing me a favor. If not then I would just continue to interview until I found a replacement.

I have a DCM that was really disrespectful and wanted to do whatever she wanted because I needed her income so she had me by the short and curly's. Originally I wanted a small group so I interviewed to find a replacement and when I did I ended up keeping her for a bit longer just to make some extra money before I let her go. Before I had this new family and she would threaten to leave all of the time (which is why I would give in). After the new family started she threatened again once and all I said was "Well, sometimes things happen that we can't control so I understand that if this is what you need to do then it's what you need to do". I said it with a smile and the look of shock on her face was awsome. She didn't leave afterall and I still have her as a client, she just doesn't "act up" anymore now that she knows that I don't need her and that I won't take her crap.
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cillybean83 07:15 AM 01-26-2011
omg, if i were you I would call her right now and say "you know what, this isn't working out. you're terminated effective immediately, I will have your termination letter ready when you get here. You have one hour to come get your child."

there is NO ROOM in daycare for parents who want to use you as a doormat and run YOUR BUSINESS! She is going to be a continual thorn in your side, your child needs to see a doctor. Period. Her stupid dinner party does NOT trump your kid's medical care!!!

OMG....I would so need a xanax, a priest, and maybe a bottle of vodka if a dcp said that to me
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marniewon 11:16 AM 01-26-2011
Any updates?
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Zoe 01:44 PM 01-26-2011
Yeah, I'm quite curious about what happened! Let us know after your LO's appointment!!!
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littlemonkeys 02:16 PM 01-26-2011
I am so sorry... this has been a crazy day and this is the first moment I have been able to sit down at the computer. I actually posted an update from my cell that took me f.o.r.e.v.e.r to write and by the time I hit *submit reply* I was timed out an lost everything. I'll try to be quick and brief so I can get you all updated... Wow!!! Feels like this situation has turned my life into a darn soap opera.

Ok... So DCM drops of dcb this morning and was trying to be very quick about it. She did not even say one word to me, so I told her again... "I need Taylor to be picked up by 4pm today so you are going to need to make arrangements for her to be picked up. If she is not picked up by 4pm the contracted late fee of $1/ minute will be applied to her account." She was a little pissy and said that she'd try to get her "home school student" re-scheduled. She said she'll let me know within a couple of hours (this was at 6:45am).

To make things easier I was able to make an earlier appointment for my LO later this morning and my sub was also available during that time, so it worked out beautifully!!! (Btw, he doesn't have RSV YET (thank goodness), but his cold is severe enough that if not treated it can rapidly turn into RSV. And the best thing is he's not contagious!!! )

I sent the DCM a text message at 9:15 stating that I just wanted to let her know that I went ahead an cancelled my LO's appointment and rescheduled it for a later time. (I didn't really get into detail as to why he was seeing the Dr, maybe I should have... I don't know, but there I go blaming myself for it again). DCM instantly replied with, "I can be there... I rescheduled the home school student, I haven't had a chance to call you yet... Let me know if you can get back into the docs today or not". I replied back to her with, "That's ok... I've already notified all the other DCP's of the cancelled appointment. Thank you anyways".

I know I told her a little white lie about cancelling the appointment, but I wanted her to feel like ****. KWIM?

I'm pretty sure that I am still going to term her. I love the dcb, but this DCM is really tiring me out and it's getting old. I’m just going to wait until I have another dcb. Which brings me to add that I actually got a call from a friend that is closing her dc… she wanted to see if I have room for a 15 month old!!! Hot diggity dog… I sure do have room!!! Couldn’t have gotten that call a minute sooner! Hopefully it works out!!

And cillybean, where can we meet for some drinks... lol!!


Thank you ALL for being so supportive. I really appreciate it!!
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Unregistered 02:21 PM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by littlemonkeys:
I am so sorry... this has been a crazy day and this is the first moment I have been able to sit down at the computer. I actually posted an update from my cell that took me f.o.r.e.v.e.r to write and by the time I hit *submit reply* I was timed out an lost everything. I'll try to be quick and brief so I can get you all updated... Wow!!! Feels like this situation has turned my life into a darn soap opera.

Ok... So DCM drops of dcb this morning and was trying to be very quick about it. She did not even say one word to me, so I told her again... "I need Taylor to be picked up by 4pm today so you are going to need to make arrangements for her to be picked up. If she is not picked up by 4pm the contracted late fee of $1/ minute will be applied to her account." She was a little pissy and said that she'd try to get her "home school student" re-scheduled. She said she'll let me know within a couple of hours (this was at 6:45am).

To make things easier I was able to make an earlier appointment for my LO later this morning and my sub was also available during that time, so it worked out beautifully!!! (Btw, he doesn't have RSV YET (thank goodness), but his cold is severe enough that if not treated it can rapidly turn into RSV. And the best thing is he's not contagious!!! )

I sent the DCM a text message at 9:15 stating that I just wanted to let her know that I went ahead an cancelled my LO's appointment and rescheduled it for a later time. (I didn't really get into detail as to why he was seeing the Dr, maybe I should have... I don't know, but there I go blaming myself for it again). DCM instantly replied with, "I can be there... I rescheduled the home school student, I haven't had a chance to call you yet... Let me know if you can get back into the docs today or not". I replied back to her with, "That's ok... I've already notified all the other DCP's of the cancelled appointment. Thank you anyways".

I know I told her a little white lie about cancelling the appointment, but I wanted her to feel like ****. KWIM?

I'm pretty sure that I am still going to term her. I love the dcb, but this DCM is really tiring me out and it's getting old. I’m just going to wait until I have another dcb. Which brings me to add that I actually got a call from a friend that is closing her dc… she wanted to see if I have room for a 15 month old!!! Hot diggity dog… I sure do have room!!! Couldn’t have gotten that call a minute sooner!

And cillybean, where can we meet for some drinks... lol!!


Thank you ALL for being so supportive. I really appreciate it!!
We all need some Soap Opera drama we spend our days hanging out with toddlers LOL.
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littlemonkeys 02:25 PM 01-26-2011
Originally Posted by Abigail:
You could have an "emergency closing" and request her to pick up by 3:45 pm, LOL. You could inform her that a substitute will be coming at 4:00 for the 20-30 minutes of waiting for her child to be picked up because you have an appointment to get to and let her know that she needs to pick up before 4:30 or late fees will apply.

If you want to give a termination notice, I just took a class on this today! One of the handouts has a Sample Termination Notice.
This note is to let you know that I will not be able to offer my child care services to (child's name) effective (date). I will continue to provide my regular child care services until this date. According to our written contract, you are required to pay for my services up until this date, whether or not you child is present.

__________________________ ________
Provider Signature Date



__________________________ ________
Parent Signature Date

I love this and will totally be using it in the NEAR future!!! Do you have to state a reason for termination??

Originally Posted by missnikki:
I agree with all the previous posters. She thinks she is your boss and is trying to gain control over you, making her problems YOUR problems. People like that can really suck the "friendly" out of you.

What to do now? text/ email mom saying:

"REMINDER- Daycare Program early closing today- pickup required no later than 4:00pm today. Regular schedule will resume tomorrow. Late pick up fees to apply as of 4:01 pm today. Thank you for your cooperation."

AND call her and leave a message short and sweet. No apologies.
Thanks... this is what I basically told her at drop off.
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