Daycare.com Forum Force of Nature Disinfectant

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-26-2010, 04:48 PM
kpa0627's Avatar
kpa0627 kpa0627 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 134
Default Does Daycare Affect Your Marriage/Relationship?

Ok so my husband is just not very supportive of me running a daycare in our home. We have a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom house and it is just him and I. I use the front 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom for daycare and the dining room is where they eat and they watch tv in our living room. Our house is always clean and does NOT look like a daycare because I can close the doors on the daycare rooms. But he is always making comments about how he can't come home and play Call of Duty or how it's too loud or it smells like poopy diapers.... the list goes ON! I make pretty good money and contribute A LOT to our bills and he definitely doesn't have a problem with that. It's causing a lot of stress and strain on our relationship. He is always telling me to get a different job but I won't make what I do running the daycare and I have a lot of debt so I don't think that's a wise choice. And I enjoy what I do! Does anyone else's significant other give them grief at all? Or is my husband just a jerk? I'm just so tired of arguing!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-26-2010, 04:51 PM
Crystal's Avatar
Crystal Crystal is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,955
Default

that sux. tell him to get another job so he isn't there when it's daycare hours.

just kidding. sort of.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:04 PM
booroo's Avatar
booroo booroo is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 185
Default

Ok really!! I don't knowhow to even respond.... It's not like you just opened your doors and said daycares open, he did know and agreed to it!!!
I think he's selfish; tell him to grow up!!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:05 PM
Chickenhauler's Avatar
Chickenhauler Chickenhauler is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 437
Default

Tell him to go outside and play!

Seriously....you said you have 4BR's, and two of them are used for daycare. Couldn't he set up a TV and his video game system and a lazy-boy in the 3rd BR? Give him free reign of that extra BR to make himself a "man cave" where he can hibernate away from the rugrats when he wants to. TV, video games, lazy boy, bar light, dogs playing poker on velvet, etc.

You've got half the house for your business and it's associated uses, I'd bet he's feeling like he's being pushed out a bit. Me, I got the shop to hide in when the tricycle motors get to much to handle.

Being guy who's wife does daycare, about the only thing I complain about is the toys, toys toys scattered all over. Part of the problem is our own kids are playing with the DC kids, and the DC kids get picked up, and it dawns on us that our living room looks like it was the victim of a tragic bombing of a toys for tots storage trailer.

That's about my only pet peeve, just getting the debris picked up. The rest of it is small stuff.
__________________
Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:06 PM
MommyMuffin's Avatar
MommyMuffin MommyMuffin is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 887
Default

Is he home during daycare hours?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:14 PM
kpa0627's Avatar
kpa0627 kpa0627 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 134
Default

No, he's in the military so he's not home during the day. Sometimes he gets off early and will be home for the last hour or two of kids. I just don't get it. He does say he just feels like this isn't even his house anymore but it really is 1/2 daycare and 1/2 ours. I just don't know what to do to make things better. If he had it his way it would be not doing daycare but I want to do this and I won't give it up for the way he is being.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:22 PM
judytrickett
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kpa0627 View Post
Does anyone else's significant other give them grief at all?
No! Because my husband values his life
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:34 PM
safechner's Avatar
safechner safechner is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 745
Default

Sorry, I hate to say he is jerk because he should have support you no matter what since you love what you do.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:42 PM
sahm1225's Avatar
sahm1225 sahm1225 is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Midwest - where winter never ends!
Posts: 1,980
Default

Yes and it sucks. We have a 6br/3 ba house with a full basement. The basement is for the daycare and on the 1st floor we use the kitchen for lunch and the bathroom, that's it... But when the parents pick up, they come in through the front door so we (me and all the kids) hang out on the 1st floor for about the last 30min of the day... And my husband drives me nuts!! We have a bedroom that we set up as a family room with the TV and sofa, so he will watch tv there. He insists on having the volume loud and watching things that like horror movies or playing loud video games. Or he comes out where the kids are and starts to comment on how messy the house is or how it's so loud... I had a bad day today, so this feels good to vent LOL! Honestly, it's easier when he is out at work or out running errands. When he is home he stresses me out and I swear the kids pick up on it because they just tend to act out more...

<<Hugs>> I feel your pain
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:56 PM
Daycare Mommy's Avatar
Daycare Mommy Daycare Mommy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: By the beautiful sea...
Posts: 323
Default

I second the "man cave" idea. That's what my husband does. He comes home and plays computer or playstation games in the cave, naps, or plays with our children in our bedroom until the daycare kids leave. We used to have problems when I kept kids late and when he worked jobs that he'd have some weekdays as his days off, but now that most kids are gone by 4 and both of our schedules are M-F it's a lot better. Minimal husband/daycare overlap = less irritated hubby who's worked a hard day too.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-26-2010, 05:59 PM
katie's Avatar
katie katie is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Jacksonville
Posts: 111
Default

My hubby supports it, but he works the weekend, so he's home 3 days during the week. I appreciate the help, but I told him today, stop coming in at the way wrong time needing something! I'm cooking lunch for 6 kids, and my 5 month old is crying. Well, he comes in asking me something about finances, I'm like get out! Then we had craft time, I'm trying to concentrate get crayons out of 1 yr old mouth, help draw, etc, and he comes in asking another q. I'm trying to work out the kinks in the daily schedule and exactly what he needs to do to help vs. make it worse!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-26-2010, 06:00 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kpa0627 View Post
Ok so my husband is just not very supportive of me running a daycare in our home. We have a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom house and it is just him and I. I use the front 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom for daycare and the dining room is where they eat and they watch tv in our living room. Our house is always clean and does NOT look like a daycare because I can close the doors on the daycare rooms. But he is always making comments about how he can't come home and play Call of Duty or how it's too loud or it smells like poopy diapers.... the list goes ON! I make pretty good money and contribute A LOT to our bills and he definitely doesn't have a problem with that. It's causing a lot of stress and strain on our relationship. He is always telling me to get a different job but I won't make what I do running the daycare and I have a lot of debt so I don't think that's a wise choice. And I enjoy what I do! Does anyone else's significant other give them grief at all? Or is my husband just a jerk? I'm just so tired of arguing!!
Tell him to GROW UP! This isn't HIS house, it's "OUR" house (yours and his). He knew this going in. Plus, you are supporting HIS career choice, so he needs to MAN UP and support yours. Also, if the house was bought with this intended purpose, then tell him fine, you'll shut down the daycare and lose all your income, but you'll have to sell the house and get one 1/2 the size.

Quote:
Originally Posted by judytrickett View Post
No! Because my husband values his life
Ditto. And if mama isn't happy, NO BODY'S happy. (Which is rare). I am slow to get riled up, but once I'm there, watch out. Happy mommy = happy home!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler View Post
Give him free reign of that extra BR to make himself a "man cave" where he can hibernate away from the rugrats when he wants to.
Seriously, where and when do you guys learn about this so-called "Man Cave"? I never heard of such a thing until I married DH. He was prepping our basement for one. It was the topic of friction for a while, but we agreed he could have a "man cave" as long as he built me a "woman cave". Mine was going to be sooooo much better - jacuzzi / hot tub, soft lighting, sound proofing, incense, candles. But most importantly - NO KIDS ALLOWED!! Husband allowed by invitation only
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-26-2010, 06:28 PM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

I have to say that if my hunny didn't support me doing daycare 100% I would NOT have done it. I think the strain would be awful. Not only do you have the stress of daycare kids during the day and then have to deal with parent issues but now you also have to deal with your hunny's whining? Oh you poor thing . And believe me, I've heard my hunny whine and I would rather hear 6 six whine all day that hear him and I'm sure you feels the same. He's supposed to be your rock, your outlet, the person you go to after a long day. <<<HUGS>>>

I think you need to give him two options, he either deals with it and appreciate the hard work you do OR he lets you quit and takes a second (or 3rd) job to cover what you make in daycare lol.
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-26-2010, 08:19 PM
Bizzymom1111's Avatar
Bizzymom1111 Bizzymom1111 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 97
Smile

I think he needs to be way more appreciative of you and the fact that you contribute so much. It doesn't seem fair for him to be unsupportive when I'm sure he had plenty of time to adjust to the idea of a daycare and all that entails. Why didn't he voice his opinion before you put all the time and money into your business? I'm sorry- that sucks for you. I can't really relate because my hubby grew up with his mom doing daycare, so he's very used to all this. Sometimes I think he handles all the chaos better than me! Tell him your concerns and if you need to, show him all the posts on here telling him to knock it off! Good Luck hon! Hope everyhing turns out okay!
__________________
~Everything happens for a reason~
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-26-2010, 10:54 PM
QualiTcare's Avatar
QualiTcare QualiTcare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,484
Default

i just quit keeping kids a month or so ago, and before i started doing daycare, i had always worked outside the home.

my husband does manual labor in the scalding heat, so i would get the, "i don't get to stay home all day." i KNOW!! as if i was eating bon bons!

it pissed me off, but then again - the reason i'm not doing daycare anymore is because i DID feel like i was stuck at home all day and i didn't want to be. even though i was making money, i just don't feel productive and apparently he didn't think so either. i think him knowing how i felt about it kind of fueled his fire, but still.

you said your husband comes home during the last hour or so of daycare - probably when it's slow (a lot of kids have gone home) and he doesn't see how much you actually do. maybe he's jealous! i swear i sometimes thought my husband was jealous cus i made so much money without leaving the house.

either way, i'd tell him to get over it! i personally stopped doing daycare because i have a NEED to work outside the home. if it was my calling to do daycare, i'd expect my husband to support that 100% or i'd tell him where to shove his video games.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-27-2010, 03:05 AM
boysx5's Avatar
boysx5 boysx5 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 683
Default

my husband loves that I do daycare and helps out whenever he can he knows me doing this is a big help to the family and I can also be here for our boys so we have no issues but you need to tell your husband if you didn't do this you wouldn't have the money you have and its a hard job
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-27-2010, 03:10 AM
melskids's Avatar
melskids melskids is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,767
Default

we have a 3 bedroom ranch with a seperate daycare room, but somehow it has spread out throughout the whole house. (i have a toy addiction) sometimes he complains, but i tell him, go get a second job that brings in as much money as daycare does, and i'll close up shop tomorrow but he has a tractor/engine addiction that takes up the whole garage and barn so he really cant complain. once he asked me why i love daycare so much, and i asked him why he loves working on tractors so much, and he paused for a minute and said "o.k. i get it". he knows, not only is it what i do, but it is who i am. he may not always like it, but its take it or leave it...lol
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:12 AM
Vesta's Avatar
Vesta Vesta is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 109
Default

I can't imagine being able to do this if my husband didn't support my decision. Just the thought of him complaining about it starts to irritate me.
It would be very hard.
Get the big baby a lap top with a head set for Christmas or his birthday so he can play his beloved video games in peace and leave you be while you continue with your day to help support your family.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-27-2010, 06:41 AM
momofsix's Avatar
momofsix momofsix is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: michigan
Posts: 1,840
Default

My husband will compain if the toys overtake the house or yard, or if the kids stay late, but not too bad. I did have a problem way back in the beginning (almost 20 years ago) because I felt that I had kids "hanging" on me all day long, and then my dh would come home and I would just be saying "Don't touch me!" I just wanted some space, and he was a newlywed husband
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-27-2010, 06:55 AM
Childminder's Avatar
Childminder Childminder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: MI
Posts: 1,499
Default

My husband is very supportive and since he lost his job of 38yrs almost 2 years ago he has become my assistant. I'm sure he isn't happy with some of the toys and stuff all around(neither am I) he tells others, like our dentist how much happiness and fun the kids bring. I'm open 18 hours a day and 6 days a week by the way.

Is something else bothering your husband? What was he complaining about when you didn't have daycare? What would he be picking on you about if you stopped watching kids? Would he be happier about daycare if you had your own child? Counseling and option?
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 07-27-2010, 07:23 AM
MN Mom's Avatar
MN Mom MN Mom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 396
Default

I'd just tell him to shape up or ship out...

My sister has a husband who sounds EXACTLY like this. She doesn't do daycare, but he complains about her FT Job and actually DEMANDED she got a second job. Regretfully, she complied. He doesn't have a 2nd job...let alone a decent first job. Sister provides the insurance, house payment, car payment, groceries, medical bills; takes care of their child, him, his brother; She does ALL the cooking, cleaning, yard work, gardening at his demand all while NOW working 2 jobs. He works as a foreman in construction from 6:30am to 2:30pm, then he goes to the bar for a couple, then he goes and "lifts weights" for a few hours, and then he goes fishing with the guys.

Wow...must be nice to be him lol!

I tell her, as I'm going to tell you:

STAND up for yourself, what you want, and what you believe in. If you don't...you will look back on yourself 20 years from now and wonder "what if.."

We must first make ourselves happy before we can bring happiness to a relationship. If we are not happy, the relationship is going to suffer.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 07-27-2010, 08:28 AM
GretasLittleFriends GretasLittleFriends is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 936
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by professionalmom View Post
he could have a "man cave" as long as he built me a "woman cave". Mine was going to be sooooo much better - jacuzzi / hot tub, soft lighting, sound proofing, incense, candles. But most importantly - NO KIDS ALLOWED!! Husband allowed by invitation only
Ooh!! I want one!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bizzymom1111 View Post
I can't really relate because my hubby grew up with his mom doing daycare, so he's very used to all this. Sometimes I think he handles all the chaos better than me!
Same here, other than what he listed above... I agree completely with his part about the toys being scattered...

In reading these responses I'm seeing a common theme... You need to be happy in order for you to have a happy marriage!!
__________________
Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 07-27-2010, 08:54 AM
kpa0627's Avatar
kpa0627 kpa0627 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 134
Default

We never really had problems with our relationship before I started the daycare. He was supportive when I told him I wanted to do this. But now he's completely not! The other day I had some left over money after paying the bills and buying groceries and such so I went to a local Children's store that was having but one toy get the other 1/2 off and bought a little over a hundred dollars worth of toys for the daycare. I'm just starting out so I am still collecting things here and there. He threw an absolute fit about me purchasing toys. He says it's all I care about, think about and do is Daycare! I understand that it does take a lot of my time especially when first opening, licensing, paperwork, dealing with food program, trying to hit up sales/yard sales/thrift stores to collect stuff, meetings with potential new kids, grocery shopping for daycare, etc. so it does take up my time but it is my JOB! He complains that I'm home all day like I'm not doing anything while I'm here. He doesn't appreciate what I have to do and acts like I do nothing. I need to just sit down and tell him how I feel and see what he has to say about it because I don't want this to ruin our marriage yet I don't feel it's fair to have to possibly quit daycare just because he is unhappy. I mean he's in the military and is going to be gone for a year pretty soon and I don't complain. I know it's his job so I just deal with it. UGH...... :-(
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 07-27-2010, 09:19 AM
mismatchedsocks's Avatar
mismatchedsocks mismatchedsocks is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 679
Default

Well, my boyfriend lives with me and at the end of the day it is his job to make dinner. That way he is out of my hair, not just sitting there, or watching tv when the parents come, or anything like that. Maybe that last hour he can shower, make some dinner, or write you poems in you guys bedroom about how wonderful you are! Just an idea!

I am sorry you are fighting, I cannot imagine fighting about that, yet I am not in their shoes. Home daycare is demanding. I find myself doing things for daycare on weekends or nights after a 12 hour day! Its just how I have to survive, and its my profession. Hope things look up. Let him read this thread!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 07-27-2010, 10:08 AM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kpa0627 View Post
He says it's all I care about, think about and do is Daycare! I understand that it does take a lot of my time especially when first opening, licensing, paperwork, dealing with food program, trying to hit up sales/yard sales/thrift stores to collect stuff, meetings with potential new kids, grocery shopping for daycare, etc. so it does take up my time but it is my JOB! He complains that I'm home all day like I'm not doing anything while I'm here. He doesn't appreciate what I have to do and acts like I do nothing.
Oh what a poophead. My solution would be to have him stay at home with you one day and have him take your place. You can help as an assistant but have him do all of the hard work i.e. activities, food prep, cleaning, watching the toddlers etc. You can make sure he doesn't kill any of the kids, remind him if he's running behind schedule, remind him of diaper changes (he can check if they need to be changed and you can change them), point out when someone is doing something they aren't supposed to be doing etc. Then we'll see if he still thinks the same lol.
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 07-27-2010, 10:19 AM
DBug DBug is offline
Daycare Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 934
Default

My husband can't stand the daycare OR the daycare kids ... but he's very good at hiding it. I have had outside jobs in the past, but I was a SAHM for a year and a half before opening my daycare. That's when I had the time and energy to make all of our meals (from scratch ... I still make the meals, but they're usually frozen ), all of the laundry was always done, the shopping was done during the day, I was able to take our own kids on outings during the day, I did alot of volunteer work, I cut the grass, cleaned the cars, had the house, basement & garage clean & tidy all the time ... we even had a flower bed. Now ... not so much. Sometimes I forget to make his lunch in the morning (because I'm feeding 3 or 4 toddlers along with my own 3 kids, while he's still asleep), I order pizza way too often, I haven't cut the grass at all this year, I made taking out the garbage his job, the clean laundry sits in unfolded piles in our bedroom ... and the list goes on.

When he does actually complain about dc kids being too loud or still here when we're eating dinner, etc., I think the underlying issue is that he really feels that I don't have as much time or energy left for him. Which is completely true! I haven't found a way to fix it, but I think it's a valid complaint for a committed couple in a marriage relationship.

Perhaps your SO has the same underlying issue? I think when they see us giving so much of our time, energy, space, and money to anything that's not them, they (rightly or wrongly) get riled by it. The fact that we're paying bills with the money we earn doesn't seem to enter the equation in their minds -- they just see a wife that's spending more of herself on her job. And if her job includes their home (ie. their "castle"), look out.

I don't have a solution, but I think if you look at his complaining as him feeling neglected, it may help (or not, who knows!). And no, with all we do for our hubbies, they don't have the right to feel neglected , but they do, and feelings need to be addressed.

Anyway, just some thoughts! My marriage is more important to me than my job, so I always try to look at how my job is impacting my husband. Most things I can't change (because bills DO need to be paid), but some things I can change -- and those may be the changes that make the difference.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 07-27-2010, 10:23 AM
jen jen is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,808
Default

It used to be a problem with us too...then he ended up helping me with daycare while he finshed school and he got a new attitude regarding daycare.

He USED to say things like, "well, I'm not home all day." or my all time favorite, when I was too busy with screaming kids to chat on the phone with him..."if you are your own boss, why can't you talk right now?"

Uhhhh...really?

Now that he has actually experienced daycare he NEVER says that stuff. In fact, when he gets home from his job, he helps me until my day is over.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 07-27-2010, 10:44 AM
MN Mom's Avatar
MN Mom MN Mom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 396
Default

I've been a SAHM since our first was born (11years ago on Friday). My husband USED to pull the "I've been at work all day, what did YOU do?!" card on me all the time as an excuse to do nothing but fart around when he wasn't working. Maintenance stuff...psssh who cares! Paying Bills...bah humbug! Cooking...forget that! HE was the provider...the rest was MY job.

I was SOO SOO SOO tired of hearing him say that.

Then I starting caring for my current family, and bringing in some money every week (not much, but it buys groceries and lil' extras for the kids and me).

He has since: redone 2/3 floors that needed replacing. Started working on our bathroom, mows the lawn, takes out the trash, cooks on weekends, and tends to my kids during my down time so I can have quiet.

It's been WONDERFUL. He cannot use the excuse that he works and I do not anymore.

He's even taking off Thursday and Friday from work to watch the dckids so I can go up North for my Birthday (mine is Friday, also) and spend some much needed adult time with my girlfriends.

It is amazing how his perspective has changed on the duties of motherhood over the last year. AMAZING.

I really like the idea of having him "walk in your shoes" for a couple of days. Sometimes that is all it takes to turn things around.

If that doesn't work, talk with him about how you feel, and perhaps seek some marriage counseling if he continues to be an arse about it.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 07-27-2010, 11:44 AM
DCMom's Avatar
DCMom DCMom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 874
Default

I guess we have always approached the daycare as 'my job' the one that afforded me to stay home with our kids. He traveled a lot for his job when then they were young, so we figured that one full time parent at home was for the best even if I wasn't strictly a sahm. I only had 3 kids plus my own so it wasn't so bad.

Then the daycare grew and he got a different job where he was home each day at 4pm and he felt differently...

That's when basement got finished complete with a kitchen and bath and the daycare moved down there; two years ago we put in a separate entrance to the walkout door () It is now truly a business, my job, separate from our home and very profitible. Now he likes it again, lol.

At times it has caused some strain, but then we stopped and looked at what we could do to make it better. The pros of the business have always outweighed the cons of it~21 years later I am still doing it and he even helps when I need it. I truly love the job, I think he sees that and overlooks a lot.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:28 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MN Mom View Post
I've been a SAHM since our first was born (11years ago on Friday). My husband USED to pull the "I've been at work all day, what did YOU do?!" card on me all the time as an excuse to do nothing but fart around when he wasn't working. Maintenance stuff...psssh who cares! Paying Bills...bah humbug! Cooking...forget that! HE was the provider...the rest was MY job.
OMG!! My daughter's 2nd birthday is Friday, too! Happy Birthday to your 11 yr old baby!

Although my hubby never tried the "what did YOU do all day", I have been on partial bedrest with this twin pregnancy with complications. That means that I physically can not keep up with everything. Last week when there were toys everywhere, laundry all over (thanks to my soon-to-be 2 yr old pulling it all out), dishes in the sink, no dinner made, and carpets that needed to be vacuumed (you have to pick up the toys to vacuum), I pointed to everything and said, "just in case you ever wondered what it is that I do all day, this is what I do - keep all this from occurring plus serving and cleaning up from meals, teaching children, changing diapers, paperwork, and so much more." He said, "Honey, I knew you were busy." Can we all say, awwww? So if the husbands out there question whether we "work", let it go for a day and show them the chaos that you prevent each and every day.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 07-27-2010, 08:37 PM
QualiTcare's Avatar
QualiTcare QualiTcare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,484
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
Oh what a poophead. My solution would be to have him stay at home with you one day and have him take your place. You can help as an assistant but have him do all of the hard work i.e. activities, food prep, cleaning, watching the toddlers etc. You can make sure he doesn't kill any of the kids, remind him if he's running behind schedule, remind him of diaper changes (he can check if they need to be changed and you can change them), point out when someone is doing something they aren't supposed to be doing etc. Then we'll see if he still thinks the same lol.
good idea. my husband would talk about how i "got to stay home all day" and i could talk til i was blue in the face. nothing worked better than scheduling an appointment at a time when he was off work - so he'd have to keep JUST OUR 2 KIDS (no daycare kids). by the time i'd get home, the house would be a wreck and he would be about nuts. i'd say, "oh, whatever. it's easy. all you had to do was sit on the couch." he got the point.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 07-27-2010, 09:26 PM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by QualiTcare View Post
by the time i'd get home, the house would be a wreck and he would be about nuts. i'd say, "oh, whatever. it's easy. all you had to do was sit on the couch." he got the point.
Tell me about it. Like I said, my hunny is supportive of me but I ask him to do one little thing for me and he cries bloody murder and whines. Just earlier I was working on the baby shower planning ... MY BABYSHOWER mind you ... and he has not helped one bit. I ask him to get me addresses of HIS family & friends for me and after 2 weeks I ended up just going over to his moms house and asked her instead. I know where HIS buddies live and so I just wrote their names on the envelopes and will drive them over and drop them off MYSELF. I only needed 2 addresses of his buddies (I had no idea where they live) and asked him to get them for me and he began to give birth to a baby cow. He said something about why I pressure him all of the time when I have the resources to get them myself yadda yadda blah blah ... it all started to sound like when the adults talk on "Peanuts". I ended up going on his Facebook and sending them messages giving them my cell number to ask them to text me their addresses.

He was still going at it when they started texting me and I told them all about how he had been whining and was still going and they started texting him telling him to shut up already Ooohweeeh! He was mad!! I left him upstairs for a time out. He came down a while later and asked me where his shirt was and I told him I was busy with babyshower stuff and that he had "the resources" to find it himself. He didn't say anything and just went back upstairs and I can hear him looking for his shirt (it's in the laundry room downstairs hanging on a hanger since I ironed it for him earlier lol). I think I'll let him keep looking.
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 07-28-2010, 03:13 AM
melskids's Avatar
melskids melskids is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,767
Default

isnt it amazing how much men whine....i think they're worse then 2 year olds
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 07-28-2010, 07:15 AM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by melskids View Post
isnt it amazing how much men whine....i think they're worse then 2 year olds
Amazing just amazing. And let's not get started when they are sick . When I'm sick I am still expected to keep the house clean, my child clean, do my "chores" and cook. When I'm sick I have to make my own chicken soup, go out while sick to buy my own medecine etc. When HE is sick, he lays his arse on the couch and you might as well give him a bell to ring when he needs something. I cook his chicken soup, I get him medicine, I rub his head, I bring him water when he's thirsty lol. Men are hilarious!
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 07-28-2010, 07:48 PM
Chickenhauler's Avatar
Chickenhauler Chickenhauler is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 437
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by professionalmom View Post
Seriously, where and when do you guys learn about this so-called "Man Cave"? I never heard of such a thing until I married DH. He was prepping our basement for one. It was the topic of friction for a while, but we agreed he could have a "man cave" as long as he built me a "woman cave". Mine was going to be sooooo much better - jacuzzi / hot tub, soft lighting, sound proofing, incense, candles. But most importantly - NO KIDS ALLOWED!! Husband allowed by invitation only
In my case, before the wife and kids came along, my entire home was a "man cave"....it was decorated with a motorcycle parked in the living room, ******* clock in the bathroom, beer advertising pool table lamp over the kitchen counter, and my 'art' ranged from dead stuffed animals on the wall to autographed motorcycle race posters to prints of wildlife that had not been shot yet.

In my case, I don't want a 'man cave' in the house, I want to be able to build my big shop late next summer. 48x36 with 16' sidewalls, in floor heat, auto hoist, room to park and work on two semi's at the same time, yada yada yada.

As for soundproofing.....no worries, it'll be over 200' from the house!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GretasLittleFriends View Post
Ooh!! I want one!!
You just wait your turn.......me first!
__________________
Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 07-28-2010, 07:55 PM
jen jen is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,808
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler View Post



You just wait your turn.......me first!

I believe the saying is "LADIES FIRST!"
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 07-28-2010, 08:03 PM
Chickenhauler's Avatar
Chickenhauler Chickenhauler is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 437
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen View Post
I believe the saying is "LADIES FIRST!"
She got to 'chick up' the house....heck, I only have 1/3 of the closet, and one little corner of the bedroom for anything of mine. I even lost my lazyboy to her!


To be honest, the shop is a necessity.....I get very cranky spending 6-8 hours in the winter dressed like the Michelin Man attempting to do maintenance and upkeep on the semi in the great outdoors. Gets really old laying out there in the snow, and most big rig shops are $100 an hour for sloppy workmanship.
__________________
Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 07-29-2010, 07:21 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler View Post
She got to 'chick up' the house....heck, I only have 1/3 of the closet, and one little corner of the bedroom for anything of mine. I even lost my lazyboy to her!


To be honest, the shop is a necessity.....I get very cranky spending 6-8 hours in the winter dressed like the Michelin Man attempting to do maintenance and upkeep on the semi in the great outdoors. Gets really old laying out there in the snow, and most big rig shops are $100 an hour for sloppy workmanship.
Well, my hubby already has an office all to himself. He considers the rest of the house "mine". Ha! It's not "chicked up" at my house. It's child proofed. I finally got rid of all my nice breakable decorative things. And I have no space to go and hide. Not even the bathroom, unless I lock the door and listen to my DD whine on the other side because she is SO positive that I'm doing something fun and just not letting her join me. Maybe that's what I need - a private restroom!

Now your "man cave" makes sense. it wouldn't just be a "man cave", it would also be a "work cave". But didn't they used to call that a garage. Granted yours would be fancier with the heated floors and such, but isn't it still a garage? If not, please let me know the difference, because I'm just a lady who can be clueless about these "man" definitions and I'm really curious.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 07-29-2010, 07:50 PM
jen jen is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,808
Default

I actually do have a bit of a girl cave...

We redid the master bath and put in a shower with dual shower heads and an oversized jacuzzi tub. When I wasn't using the jacuzzi much, my husband ask why...well, truthfully, I got bored in there...

So he hooked up a flat screen for me.

He really isn't so bad afterall! LOL!
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 07-29-2010, 08:12 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen View Post
I actually do have a bit of a girl cave...

We redid the master bath and put in a shower with dual shower heads and an oversized jacuzzi tub. When I wasn't using the jacuzzi much, my husband ask why...well, truthfully, I got bored in there...

So he hooked up a flat screen for me.

He really isn't so bad afterall! LOL!
Could you send him to my house to do some construction work for me? I like the way he thinks. But if he even thinks about putting a phone in my bathroom, I'll have to fire him.
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 07-30-2010, 09:07 AM
jen jen is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,808
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by professionalmom View Post
Could you send him to my house to do some construction work for me? I like the way he thinks. But if he even thinks about putting a phone in my bathroom, I'll have to fire him.
LOL...his abilities stop at the TV hanging up...we hired a contractor for the rest!

Ya gotta make sure you got a lock, otherwise your girl cave sort of becomes a love shack!

hahahahah!!!
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 07-30-2010, 09:41 AM
laundryduchess@yahoo.com laundryduchess@yahoo.com is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 614
Default

wow,.. I think I would keep the daycare and toss the man. and no Im not kidding. If he isnt supportive of you in everything thats important to you,... have him set up a tent in the neighbors yard for a week. I couldnt imagine my dh not being totally supportive. counting my blessings right now.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 07-30-2010, 11:28 PM
Chickenhauler's Avatar
Chickenhauler Chickenhauler is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 437
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by professionalmom View Post
Well, my hubby already has an office all to himself. He considers the rest of the house "mine". Ha! It's not "chicked up" at my house. It's child proofed. I finally got rid of all my nice breakable decorative things. And I have no space to go and hide. Not even the bathroom, unless I lock the door and listen to my DD whine on the other side because she is SO positive that I'm doing something fun and just not letting her join me. Maybe that's what I need - a private restroom!

Now your "man cave" makes sense. it wouldn't just be a "man cave", it would also be a "work cave". But didn't they used to call that a garage. Granted yours would be fancier with the heated floors and such, but isn't it still a garage? If not, please let me know the difference, because I'm just a lady who can be clueless about these "man" definitions and I'm really curious.
A garage, by classification, is adequate to park cars and light trucks (normal, runaround pu truck), along with gather every piece of clutter that never gets actually put away where it belongs (but that's another rant for another day).

This would be more of a shop/man cave/hideaway. I do intend on having a wifi connection out there (online service manuals, technical service bulletins, specs and exploded diagrams), along with good tunes (no more 50 cent garage sale coat hanger antenna radio for me) enough lighting to make the power meter bearings sizzle, and other goodies.


Did I forget to mention the beer fridge, couch, pizza oven and nuker that are mandatory equipment?
__________________
Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 07-31-2010, 06:15 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen View Post
LOL...his abilities stop at the TV hanging up...we hired a contractor for the rest!

Ya gotta make sure you got a lock, otherwise your girl cave sort of becomes a love shack!

hahahahah!!!
HA!! After the twins are born, he is not going to touch me (if he values his life) until we are both fixed. I am so done with pregnancy! I love kids and wanted 4 singletons, but having twins the 2nd time around and at age 35 and with a 2 year old - NOT FUN. I am only 5 months and look and feel like 9 months. So, no love shack until we both get the snip snip! FYI 0 I;ve heard of too many stories of 1 getting fixed and it reverses itself or something gets overlooked, etc. Not happening here - if we're both fixed, it would take an act of God.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 07-31-2010, 06:20 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler View Post
A garage, by classification, is adequate to park cars and light trucks (normal, runaround pu truck), along with gather every piece of clutter that never gets actually put away where it belongs (but that's another rant for another day).

This would be more of a shop/man cave/hideaway. I do intend on having a wifi connection out there (online service manuals, technical service bulletins, specs and exploded diagrams), along with good tunes (no more 50 cent garage sale coat hanger antenna radio for me) enough lighting to make the power meter bearings sizzle, and other goodies.


Did I forget to mention the beer fridge, couch, pizza oven and nuker that are mandatory equipment?
Ok, your wife is going to strangle me for giving you ideas. I have a cousin who works in plumbing. He actually bought a urinal for his garage/man cave. He said that way he could drink his beer and not have to bother his wife in the house.

I always thought "man caves" were more like a bar / game room / theater room. I guess they come in many shapes and sizes. I respect your type a lot more than many others I've heard about. Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 07-31-2010, 06:28 PM
jen jen is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,808
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by professionalmom View Post
HA!! After the twins are born, he is not going to touch me (if he values his life) until we are both fixed. I am so done with pregnancy! I love kids and wanted 4 singletons, but having twins the 2nd time around and at age 35 and with a 2 year old - NOT FUN. I am only 5 months and look and feel like 9 months. So, no love shack until we both get the snip snip! FYI 0 I;ve heard of too many stories of 1 getting fixed and it reverses itself or something gets overlooked, etc. Not happening here - if we're both fixed, it would take an act of God.
My neighbor ended up pregnant with number 3 after a birth control malfunction...hubby went in for the snip but bailed on his follow up visit...

And now there are four!

LOL!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 07-31-2010, 06:41 PM
momma2girls's Avatar
momma2girls momma2girls is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: midwestern
Posts: 2,156
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by professionalmom View Post
HA!! After the twins are born, he is not going to touch me (if he values his life) until we are both fixed. I am so done with pregnancy! I love kids and wanted 4 singletons, but having twins the 2nd time around and at age 35 and with a 2 year old - NOT FUN. I am only 5 months and look and feel like 9 months. So, no love shack until we both get the snip snip! FYI 0 I;ve heard of too many stories of 1 getting fixed and it reverses itself or something gets overlooked, etc. Not happening here - if we're both fixed, it would take an act of God.
DO you know of anyone that did this already?? PM me and I will tell you about it-
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 07-31-2010, 07:30 PM
professionalmom's Avatar
professionalmom professionalmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 424
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen View Post
My neighbor ended up pregnant with number 3 after a birth control malfunction...hubby went in for the snip but bailed on his follow up visit...

And now there are four!

LOL!!!!!
A friend of mine has an aunt who had her tubes cut, tied, burned, and whatever else they do. Then she got pregnant. Come to find out she had 3 ovaries and tubes. Upon further examination, she also had an extra kidney and part of another liver. They think she may have been twins that never fully separated. I have heard of this happening before. So, I do NOT want to take ANY chances. Just in case the surgery for one of us fails, we'll at least have the other one's surgery as back-up. It's like being on the pill and using condoms - double protection.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
daycare blues

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Licensed DayCare vs. Private DayCare marylmr Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 60 02-24-2020 12:20 PM
Termination Gone Wrong MsKara Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 107 03-11-2015 02:09 PM
Switching From A Church Daycare To Home Daycare Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 7 12-03-2012 08:50 AM
Death in CA Home Daycare -Please Help Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 18 06-07-2011 12:04 PM
22 month old hysterical about going to daycare A Mama Parents and Guardians Forum 9 06-02-2009 09:19 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:24 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming