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Old 02-14-2011, 05:35 PM
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Default How Often Do You Terminate?

Do any of you find yourself terminating often or wanting to terminate? I feel like I'm running across all the bad luck with difficult kids. Am I alone? In the past 3 years I have termed 3 families.

The first I was dealing with a BiPolar girl and her brother...I hung on to them for 6 months before saying enough is enough

The second was a preschool boy who hit/yelled in anger all the time...was termed from his previous daycare also.

The third wasn't all that bad but his mother was most of the issue.

Now I'm feeling the STRONG urge to terminate yet another one...this boy hits/throws and hurts the other kids all the time and it just all around a handfull...he has broke a few things and can be hyper and destructive. I'm beginning to put fault on myself but I know I am a lot more patient than a lot of other people would be.

I want to term in the worst way, I have others to replace him with by word of mouth, but I'm just scared to tell the mom...I'm a softie and I know she will be highly upset, she just changed her work hours so he would be here less because of his behavior....I just don't know how much more I can take of this boy's hitting/throwing.
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:08 PM
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I haven't since starting in my home in Sept.

One center that I worked at we termed 3 in 3 years as well. We should have termed more than that, though, because we could not meet the needs of those children. Sorry you've had a bad run of luck.
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:39 PM
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I try to avoid terminating as much as possible. In the 5 years I have been doing daycare I have termed 3 families. I too am a softy and I worry about the children, the stability and how another provider will treat them.

The families that I did term though, one was due to constant payment issues and the other two were due to the childs behavior. I tried so hard to work with the family and the child but when it was to the point that I felt other children could be at risk I had to term.

Go by your gut and the situation of your daycare. In my first situation I had some younger children come along and due to the aggression I felt the younger ones were an "easy target" so to say. The second situation, the children were older and able to defend themselves and would attempt to. In that case, I felt the offender was at risk so I termed.
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Old 02-14-2011, 06:40 PM
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i think it really depends. some time people just don't fit. i have termed once in 3 years, but i keep a really small group and i can tell at interview most times it if will work or not.
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:50 AM
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In 5 years I have termed 4 kids. That seems like a lot to me. But they were each for reasons I felt warranted a termination. In my contract I have a section on termination of child care, and it backs me up. Each time I have termed I put myself through a lot of emotional termoil. I dont take it lightly at all. But I have to remember that I need to watch out for myself and the dc as a whole. Its never an easy decision.
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:45 AM
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Just once in 18 years. I guess I'm either lucky with the kids I've had, or as patient as a saint. Probably lucky...
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:59 AM
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I get the worst parents/kids. I officially started daycare in May of last year, but before that I was doing some "babysitting" Here is my laundry list

December 2008 - Termed a girl because her 18 year old mother was habitually late picking her up (i'm talking like 8pm...with no calls) and would pick her up reaking of pot...grandma said she would quit her job and fight for custody, she won...so I guess I didn't term, but she left

Feb 2009 - Termed a baby girl because her mother was feeding her FOOD at 2 months (carrots, green beans, fruit, etc), her bowels got impacted, I nearly had to call an ambulance because mom wouldn't return my calls, she got airlifted to a hospital in nashville... she has surgery, mom brings her back in 2 weeks...with FOOD, I told her I would absolutely not feed her (she had never brought ME food to feed her before, she did it at home) she said that i was required to do what she said since she's the mother and she knew best. I gave her 2 weeks notice that day.

August 2009 - I was watching a 9 year old over summer break, he was a destructive brat, he was jealous that my son had a Nintendo DS, so he beat the screen of the DS with a marker and destroyed it. I told his father he would need to replace the DS (they cost $130), his dad *threw* $80 at me and said that was all he would pay on it because "it was my fault that I let my kid have nice things" (wtf?) so I told him to get out of my house and not come back

December 2009 - I had a baby, so the one little boy I was watching moved on to center daycare, I didn't offer to let him come back because his mother drove me nuts

August 2010 - Again, another little boy I was watching over summer break, 6 years old, pooped his pants, and would bite when he didn't get his way, he bit me, he bit my older son, and I had to term him before he got the idea to bite a baby

December 2010 - Termed due to a parent deciding they would no longer pay for daycare...but still wanted to come (um...no)
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Old 02-15-2011, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cillybean83 View Post
I get the worst parents/kids. I officially started daycare in May of last year, but before that I was doing some "babysitting" Here is my laundry list

December 2008 - Termed a girl because her 18 year old mother was habitually late picking her up (i'm talking like 8pm...with no calls) and would pick her up reaking of pot...grandma said she would quit her job and fight for custody, she won...so I guess I didn't term, but she left

Feb 2009 - Termed a baby girl because her mother was feeding her FOOD at 2 months (carrots, green beans, fruit, etc), her bowels got impacted, I nearly had to call an ambulance because mom wouldn't return my calls, she got airlifted to a hospital in nashville... she has surgery, mom brings her back in 2 weeks...with FOOD, I told her I would absolutely not feed her (she had never brought ME food to feed her before, she did it at home) she said that i was required to do what she said since she's the mother and she knew best. I gave her 2 weeks notice that day.

August 2009 - I was watching a 9 year old over summer break, he was a destructive brat, he was jealous that my son had a Nintendo DS, so he beat the screen of the DS with a marker and destroyed it. I told his father he would need to replace the DS (they cost $130), his dad *threw* $80 at me and said that was all he would pay on it because "it was my fault that I let my kid have nice things" (wtf?) so I told him to get out of my house and not come back

December 2009 - I had a baby, so the one little boy I was watching moved on to center daycare, I didn't offer to let him come back because his mother drove me nuts

August 2010 - Again, another little boy I was watching over summer break, 6 years old, pooped his pants, and would bite when he didn't get his way, he bit me, he bit my older son, and I had to term him before he got the idea to bite a baby

December 2010 - Termed due to a parent deciding they would no longer pay for daycare...but still wanted to come (um...no)

Holy buckets cillybean! I'm surprised you're still in the business! Especially with the 2 month old and the 9 year-olds father! If someone threw something at me, I'd probably do the same thing you did, but then start crying hysterically after they left...but I'm sensitive like that. Good for you having a back bone though!

To the OP, I haven't been doing this for very long...just under 3 years. I had to term once, with my first dcb because he was an absolute terror. Biting, hitting, choking the list goes on. I've been wanting to term my SA but he's special needs and honestly, the mom is out of options and truth be told, I'm a good fit for him. My only problem is that he's out of place here when school is out. He doesn't know how to play with other kids, let alone much younger ones, and I find that I can't take care of him in addition to all of my regulars.

So instead of terming, I just told the mom to only bring him before and after school. I won't take him on early release days, non-school days, or summer vacation. It was a good compromise.

I think you've just had bad luck with certain kids and parents, it isn't necessarily a bad reflection on you. I hope you have better luck in the future!
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Old 02-15-2011, 10:24 AM
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I try not to unless I can not help it. Usually my hubs tells me I need to because he is sick of listening to all of it at the end of the day.

1 Termed because of a bad check which she refused to make good on and for 2 straight days at pick up and drop off acused me of needing money management training (since my back charged be NSF fees for her bad check ). She also blasphemed my religion which I immediately asked her to leave. Not in this house. No two weeks notice given- done right then and there.

1 termed after 6 months of biting everyday multiple times. Bit someone at the park whom we had never met. Gave 2 weeks notice that day. Still comes 1x a month because I am a softie and mom and I agreed it just wasn't working for her to be here all the time. Mom works with my hubs and we all still have a good relationship- but I can only handle her kid once and a while.
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Old 02-15-2011, 10:33 AM
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In 22 years of childcare I have terminated two families.

The first one was within the first year ~ a SA girl threw her hairbrush at me, missed and broke the glass in my screen door. Termination was immediate.

The second family was in my 5th year ~ it was a tough year and I knew in my gut that this family wasn't going to work, but I did it anyway. They just blatantly disregarded my policies; parked in my dh's spot, paid and picked up late every week; complained about paid days off; potty training, eating and behavior issues; just the nightmare family all around. I finally terminated them when they took a week's vacation and never told me...no call, no show = see ya later. Then, of course, they filed a complaint with licensing for (get this) breach of contract.

After them, I am very picky about the families I accept. I have really learned to go with my gut. I have turned down families based on first impressions and held spots for months for families I thought were a good fit.

I HATE terminating families and avoid it all costs
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Old 02-15-2011, 10:37 AM
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If i were you, i would think about the saftey of all the other children in your care. Are other paretns going to keep their child there at your DC if you are allowing another child to hurt their child. By allowing, which I know you are trying to stop it, I mean keep him in your care.

You could lose other clients due to this child hurting others, I would ask myself is it worth risking other families leaving. probably not.

dont feel bad. this is business. I love my children too, but at the end of the day, if someone cant comply with rules and contracts then they have to go. "THEY" means both children and parents.
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Old 02-15-2011, 02:21 PM
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Sometimes I feel that way. I've only been licensed since January of 2010, and I've already termed 4 kids!!
Cillybean, I think I have the same luck with kids/parents as you have! It's either been horrible behavior from kids, or horrible behavior from the parents!

I have a new family now with 3 kids, and two of them are really making me work for that money! If I really didn't need the money- I'd term. I have just had the worst luck this last year! I have however found 2 families that I just love! So hang in there. I don't think it's bad to term a family especially if it makes getting up and doing your job- h&!l!
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Old 02-15-2011, 03:35 PM
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I have termed twice since starting 2 years ago. The first time it was mutually agreed upon with the parents, they wanted to "try" their 9 month old at daycare. I had 4 other 2 year olds at the time and this poor little guy was TERRIFIED! I couldn't put him down even for a minute without him completely losing his mind. I felt so bad for him. Grandma was available to watch him, so we decided that she would watch him and we'd try daycare again when he was a bit older I also had to term another little guy who developed a contagious rash the couldn't really be treated without painful interventions. I was pregnant at the time and worried about both the other kids and myself getting it, so I had to term. I felt SO BAD! I loved that little guy and still miss him so much!!! There have been other times when I've almost termed though!!!! Instead I usually just put up with the crap....
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Old 02-15-2011, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY View Post
Do any of you find yourself terminating often or wanting to terminate? I feel like I'm running across all the bad luck with difficult kids. Am I alone? In the past 3 years I have termed 3 families.

The first I was dealing with a BiPolar girl and her brother...I hung on to them for 6 months before saying enough is enough

The second was a preschool boy who hit/yelled in anger all the time...was termed from his previous daycare also.

The third wasn't all that bad but his mother was most of the issue.

Now I'm feeling the STRONG urge to terminate yet another one...this boy hits/throws and hurts the other kids all the time and it just all around a handfull...he has broke a few things and can be hyper and destructive. I'm beginning to put fault on myself but I know I am a lot more patient than a lot of other people would be.

I want to term in the worst way, I have others to replace him with by word of mouth, but I'm just scared to tell the mom...I'm a softie and I know she will be highly upset, she just changed her work hours so he would be here less because of his behavior....I just don't know how much more I can take of this boy's hitting/throwing.
Well if you want to term in the worst way then do so. You will not be happy until you do it.
Can you put something or do you have something in your contact that says that you understand kids hit at times or will throw toys however, excessive hitting and throwing of toys will not be tolerated if after this behavior is brought to the parents attention and I do not see an improvement termination can be given without a two week notice.
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:09 PM
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A woman I know was a provider for 30 years (just retired)...and she only termed 2 in those years. TWO!!!! I've already termed 2 in under 2 years. A great lesson I'm trying to learn from her is be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally picky about the families you select from the interview. I have to figure that one out and perhaps putting together a list of DEEP questions to ask the parents would be good. Who knows.... sorry you're going through this, but you're most definitely not alone.
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:15 PM
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Seven years, three terms.
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:28 PM
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I've termed twice in 16 years.

First was during my 3rd year. Mother was the issue. She would constantly call and ask me to keep her kids beyond contracted time. Once in a while I would do it because I still had other children here beyond her contracted time. Then one day I told her nope, won't work today and she got very rude and quoted my business hours... I reminded her that my business hours and my contract hours with them are two different things. She then tried insisting that her kids were going to stay late...I told her not a chance. About 20 minutes later the dad called, and tried telling me it was my job to keep their kids and after all "You work for us" ARGGGG! When the dad arrived before contracted time to pick up their children I handed him a written two weeks notice. Sometimes the kids can be great but the parents, yeah, something else.

Second term was in my 5th year... a young mother with 3 kids, 3 kids each more naughty then the next. The two younger ones I was able to get control of fairly quickly... the girl however, nothing I did worked. For the safety of the other kids I had to term her... of course her brothers went with her. Looking back and knowing all I know now... I believe this child probably was affected by Fetal Alcohol.

There have been kids and parents alike, that I've tossed around terming over the years... but for the most part... I have been super lucky with having a great group of parents who work well with me and kids who don't make me pull my hair out on any sort of regular basis
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Old 02-15-2011, 07:56 PM
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I've termed twice in 2 years. My very first DCF was a nightmare but I didn't realize it b/c they were my first. I felt sooooo much relief after I termed them. Their SA child taught my boys some terrible language, how to make annoying noises etc. The parents were the majority of the problem, would pick up late, schedule dr's appts for 15 min prior to my closing time & expect her kids to stay here while she went to the dr, tried to get me to give them discounts/credits when their child had to leave an hour or two early, made it sound like dad would take SA to school so I would only have him after school so I gave them a really cheap price. Dad NEVER drove the boy to school, after 3 months I insisted in changing his price. They always paid me on time but I always had to ask for it or they would "forget". SO glad I don't have them to deal with now.

The other family I termed had GREAT behaved kids, the parents were sweet too but the mom's expectations were way high. I was watching her SA daughter who was 8 years old & what started out as me suggesting I could assist with one school subject (she homeschooled) turned into the mom expecting me to do all the home schooling during DC hours! I did attempt to do it during nap times but it got old very quick & my pleas to the mom that I didn't have time to do it all (I had 4 other children in my care & doing all the homeschooling would have likely taken 1.5 hrs every day!) fell on deaf ears. I finally termed.
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