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  #1  
Old 01-05-2013, 06:52 PM
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Default Princess Slowpoke Pt. 2

Awhile back, I posted about a dcg that I have who takes a million years to do anything. Getting dressed, eating, completing projects, etc.

Well, it hasn't improved. It seems.to have gotten worse, even. And she has now started giving dirty looks and little comments ("o-kaaaaaay!" etc) when asked to hurry, while moving even slower. She spent a lot of time out during the month of December.

It's gotten to the point where she rarely finishes her "work", her meals, misses lots of outside/playtime by refusing to ask for help if she needs it. The other teachers and I have had numerous talks with her about asking for help with words, and have mutually agreed not to rush over and help her if she does not use words. Still she just stands staring at us with her coat, shoes or whatever every time. If she has to potty, she stares at me and squirms until I notice. This child is almost 5 years old.

I work in a certified preschool, so I have little control over the schedule. So I really cannot allow.her to leisurely take an hour to eat or do an art project, nor will I baby her and not require her to use words when I know she's very capable
We plan to speak to her parents before kindy registration in April. One of her parents is a teacher. I have tried to broach this subject with them before but was totally blown off. They believe she's gifted.

If anyone has any ideas if what/how to form a bridge with her parents about this, I'd appreciate it.
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Old 01-05-2013, 08:24 PM
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I don't have any advice but I remember that first post about her. The way you describe her is like my 7 yr old DD has been becoming lately and she has always been veeeeery stubborn. And very smart. She potty trained in one day at 19 months of age. It's interesting you mentioned "gifted" . My daughter is going to be tested at her school for their gifted program. Actually both my Elementary school age kids are . Her and her 9 yr old brother. With my daughter I have to really spend a lot of time engaging in long intellectual conversations and really show her how to do stuff over&over while giving her the chance to practice herself too. When I don't pay as much attention to her or give her much praise she starts getting unmotivated and it can get harder to and harder to get her to do simple tasks like cleaning up after herself , daily chores etc.... I am actually feeling guilty right now because I feel like I haven't been giving her enough attention lately . Today I had to tun a bunch of errands. She came along and it was just the two of us (or her & my toddler) while the boys stayed home (I have a high schooler ) . I think wen I don't invest a certain amount of time in the kids , they start to have little problems like this. Generally we don't have to do much. But every so often I have to give them an entire lesson on how to do stuff or how do things differently or better and give them more motivation. Maybe she is either spoiled or mom&dad hasn't been able to give her as much one on one time as usual to nurture that giftedness . ?
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Old 01-06-2013, 04:51 AM
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she aint gifted, she's use to people doing things and telling her what to do. She is catered. As for the meals, time limit, if she aint done, well then I would remove the food and send her off to play. For the peepee dance, I would let her squirm, she knows that she needs to go, if she pees herself, thats fine, next time she won't do it--sometimes you have to do it this way, all it takes is one time. As for the dressing, you have two options, either send her to get her stuff on early or let her be a stragler and bring her stuff outside and let her get dressed outside. I would not help her get dressed, this is what she wants.

I see these kids all the time---the catered kids, I don't put up with this. If need be use a timer with her. When time is up its up, time to do something else. Also, watch how she interacts with her parents, watch what she does with them, that should give you some ideas. Also ask the parents if she is like this at home. Does she also watch tv while eating her food at home.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:21 AM
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I have a five year old here EXACTLY like that! She gets so distracted by anything! I send her to the bathroom and she forgets why she is there and I will find her making faces in the mirror or playing with the toilet paper on the roll. Also, I still help her wipe and when I ask her if she has gone #1 or #2 (pee or poop) she doesn't even know!

A couple of days ago she was suposed to be dropped off at my house after morning Kindergarten and we were all waiting and waiting to get on with our day as she still needed to eat lunch before storytime. I opened up my front door so she could just come in. It got later and later and 15 minutes after her normal drop off, I went to the door to make sure something was not wrong with the screen door and she was standing on my sidewalk playing with snow!! I was so bothered by this.

She also will sit down to color and never finished anything. I try to break it down for her by saying 'start with Santa's boots...color them black'. I will look over and the boots are barely colored and she is making hash marks on the paper.

I would not say gifted in her case. I think she has true ADHD. During naptime she is distracted by her own hands.....seriously, like a baby when they discover their hands.

Her last day was Friday, she left with her aggressive brother. I do worry about her though. Drove me nuts!
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:26 AM
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I didn't really post any advice..sorry.

She may be gifted in a certain way, but she still has to be able to function among a group of kids before heading off the Kindergarten. If you think the parents would be receptive, you could tell them that you want to build her Independence skills, as she will need them for Kindergarten. Tell them what you are suggesting and ask them if they think they could also do that at home. She needs to be able to 'Focus' on the task at hand without dawdling or interrupting herself.

I did clear the plate is this girl was not done after 30 minutes so she could join us for storytime and then naps. She would play with her food endlessly. She also snapped back at me like your girl....with "I AM!!" when I would remind her to do something.

SO DISTRACTABLE!!!
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:30 AM
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she aint gifted, she's use to people doing things and telling her what to do. She is catered. As for the meals, time limit, if she aint done, well then I would remove the food and send her off to play. For the peepee dance, I would let her squirm, she knows that she needs to go, if she pees herself, thats fine, next time she won't do it--sometimes you have to do it this way, all it takes is one time. As for the dressing, you have two options, either send her to get her stuff on early or let her be a stragler and bring her stuff outside and let her get dressed outside. I would not help her get dressed, this is what she wants.

I see these kids all the time---the catered kids, I don't put up with this. If need be use a timer with her. When time is up its up, time to do something else. Also, watch how she interacts with her parents, watch what she does with them, that should give you some ideas. Also ask the parents if she is like this at home. Does she also watch tv while eating her food at home.
Country makes a lot of good points in her post. I would do something similar for your DCG if I was in your position. Keep doing what you're doing overall, the best thing at her age is to teach her independence. In Kinder the teachers are not going to cater to her and they are not going to focus on her and "guess" her needs. She is old enough to already understand her own needs. Gifted or not my guess is that her parent's don't require her to do things on her own. They probably simply put her shoes on for her, her coat etc. At home they have the time and leisure to let her have all the time in the world, not so in daycare or in school.

Her parent's aren't concerned because there's nothing to concern themselves with yet. If DCG has extra clothing allow her the chance to recognize her body's needs on her own, if she does't make it to the restroom then you simply change her, bag her clothes up and tell DCM that she pee'd her pants and leave it at that. Don't say anything else yet. If she doesn't have extra clothing call DCM and have her bring an extra set right away. Don't bring anything else up unless DCM starts to ask why it's "suddenly" happening. Then you can simply say that you mentioned it to her that her DCG isn't independent and didn't say anything to anyone about needing to use the restroom, she simply pee'd. It's not a problem to her parents because there's no problem for them yet, take the issue off of your shoulders and place it back on to them where it should be. Show them, don't tell them, that there's an issue.

Meals are important so if DCG takes too long to get ready to eat such as cleaning up from her activity and if she takes a long time to eat then simply cut her her activity short to give her enough time to clean up and get ready to eat. If she takes a long time to eat and if it's possible let her sit until she is finished even if she misses a part of the next activity. If she is still within view of the other kids even better. She needs to feel the natural consequences of taking her time. "If I take too long I will miss activities but the other kids get to play".

If she takes a long time to get dressed to go outside again cut her previous activity short and have her start getting her coat/shoes on before any of the other kids. If she is still not dressed by the time you send the rest of the kids to dress for outside play and they other's are all ready ... take her outside like that and once you get outside she can get the rest of her coat on and then at that point (if it's really cold outside) you can prompt her to ask for help if she needs it. If she takes longer than a few minutes then you can ask her if she wants you to help her and then just help her put her coat on. She won't die or get sick from being exposed to the cold for 2 minutes and again, it's all about natural consequences. "If I don't put my coat on quickly I will feel cold."

If she misses the fun activities that's ok. I have a 5yo DCG in Kinder right now that is very much the same as your DCG only my DCG is more vocal later about what she wants .... my DCG is just slow (but at least uses the bathroom). She dresses slowly, eats slowly, works on projects slowly etc. I give everyone the same amount of time to do everything. I first started giving my DCG extra time to eat until I realized that she was taking extra long when there was food on her plate that she didn't like. She'd still eat it but she would as slow as molasses. So I just stopped giving her extra time. She would also get distracted and talk during activities and meals. Later when it was time to clean up and she hadn't come close to finishing up her project I would just point out that she chose to take her time and because of that she didn't get to finish ... that it was her personal choice. The same with meals, she complained that she was hungry and I would just explain that she chose to spend her time not eating and she didn't get to finish her meal ... personal choices. Next time she could try to focus better and she'll get to finish her project/meal. It did improve I think also because when she started school her teacher used the same approach.
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:53 PM
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Thanks for you replies.

MV, these are things I've been doing for the most part but she really is not affected by it. If she misses some or all of the next activity, she just goes on about her day.

We eat cafeteria style, so we have our allotted time to eat then we have to move on so the next group can eat, like in real school. So, I really dont have extra time to give her to eat, nor can I send her early.

She is quite bright, but not "gifted" or advanced in my opinion. Really, she's beginning to fall behind because she never gets any of the projects completed, and her self help skills are not there. Her behavior with her parents is on a toddler level, lots of silly noises, crawling on the ground etc....

My concerns are the same as you brought up. That the kindergarten teachers are not going to baby her and she's going to be "that" child - the one that still pees on herself, can't take care of her needs, can't follow directions and never knows what's going on.

Sigh...
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:56 PM
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marrissa I totally agree with you. When kids start school its such a shock for them because they are use to taking their time and having someone dress them.
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Old 01-06-2013, 01:01 PM
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how about being more ridgid. Maybe give really simple instructions but in a mean voice. I find this works too, I have to tell some kids "do it now" because otherwise they would be all over the place. I know kids like this. One time I went to the movies with a parent and their children, omg I was so embarressed. They are acting like babies, crawling on the floor and they were 6 yrs old. The mother lets this behavior continue, all she says is "well they are boys"
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:13 PM
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Today, refused to get up from lunch and throw her trash away. Watched all the other kids excuse themselves and clean up, sat there. Watched the chairs get removed from the table and the floor swept, sat there. Stared buck-eyed at me as I cleaned the table around her, but continued to sit there.

Got up only when she watched her friends file out of the room. She has been doing this same routine for nearly two years. We do the same thing every. Single. Day.

This is going to be a long year
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:22 PM
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I feel for you. Hang in there .

At least you keep trying to get her to be independent.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:54 PM
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I would do the opposite of what you've been doing. It obviously isn't working.

I would give her just as much time with things as the fastest child.

If Sam is the fastest eater, make them buddies. When Sam finishes, she gets up too. If joe is fastest at art, pair them up. Move her physically if you need to.

I feel the extra attention you are giving her. Ex- cleaning up around her. Watching her do the peeped dance. Is like giving a barking dog a cookie.

You don't give attention, good bad or indifferent, for undesirable behavior.

She doesn't finish a project, pick it up and mOve on. She doesn't finish eating, when the others get up, she gets up. No more special.

She is LOVING the attention she gets for taking her time. She has you RIGHT where she wants you. Catering and waiting on her. Giving her attention for things she shouldn't do.

Good luck.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
Today, refused to get up from lunch and throw her trash away. Watched all the other kids excuse themselves and clean up, sat there. Watched the chairs get removed from the table and the floor swept, sat there. Stared buck-eyed at me as I cleaned the table around her, but continued to sit there.

Got up only when she watched her friends file out of the room. She has been doing this same routine for nearly two years. We do the same thing every. Single. Day.

This is going to be a long year
I hope you made her clean up her own mess before she was able to go with her friends!!!


Honestly, I wonder if she doesn't know this bothers the poo out of you and that's why she's pushing things farther and farther.

Either that or could she be developmentally delayed?
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:02 AM
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Sounds like I may be the odd man out, but I think she needs an eval from the school district. It may be a motor skills thing or something else that some therapy could cure.

I do see kids like this that do it for the attention, but this seems to be much more than that. If she's unable to color, exhibits toddler behaviors with fascination with hands, maybe she's not getting her things on quickly due to delays in motor skills, it may be a case of where she just physically can't by herself without help or lots of time to complete the task by herself.

I think it certainly would be worth the time to do the eval atleast. If they find it's not something that qualifies for services, atleast they will be aware of the issues when she begins school and maybe they could offer up other advice to help her/you in the meantime.
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:25 PM
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not sure what kind of project they are doing but she could be bored. many advanced kids just won't do precut color this this way projects. They feel it is a waste of time.

Does she have to ask to go to the bathroom or can she just go.

She may well be gifted I have seen these traits over and over in many gifted kids. They still have to master the skills though. I call it a 4.0 brain.
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Old 01-15-2013, 04:29 PM
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I hope you made her clean up her own mess before she was able to go with her friends!!!


Honestly, I wonder if she doesn't know this bothers the poo out of you and that's why she's pushing things farther and farther.

Either that or could she be developmentally delayed?
I did.

And I think you may be right...about both. She does recognize that it irks me, because there's this look she gives me, like "are you going to make me hurry?".

While I dont think she's delayed necessarily, she just has no initiative. That's why it's so hard with her, because it seems she just does not care. She's like the kid who sleeps in the back of all her classes and does just enough to pass.
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Old 01-15-2013, 04:41 PM
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I would do the opposite of what you've been doing. It obviously isn't working.

I would give her just as much time with things as the fastest child.

If Sam is the fastest eater, make them buddies. When Sam finishes, she gets up too. If joe is fastest at art, pair them up. Move her physically if you need to.

I feel the extra attention you are giving her. Ex- cleaning up around her. Watching her do the peeped dance. Is like giving a barking dog a cookie.

You don't give attention, good bad or indifferent, for undesirable behavior.

She doesn't finish a project, pick it up and mOve on. She doesn't finish eating, when the others get up, she gets up. No more special.

She is LOVING the attention she gets for taking her time. She has you RIGHT where she wants you. Catering and waiting on her. Giving her attention for things she shouldn't do.

Good luck.
Thank you very much. I did this for a short while, but I thought by "forcing" her along, I was reinforcing the message to her that "you dont have to be accountable for anything" because someone will take care of it.

But you're right, giving her the choice isn't working either because she never chooses. One day, she was doing the peepee dance and staring at me, I continued to make eye contact and even pointed to my ear several times. She still didn't ask until she was about to have an accident.

So i will definitely try your advice. Thanks.
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