How Is This Possible?

I have a 3 1/2 yo in care who has no interest in potty training here. Mom and dad have him potty trained at home and he even will get up in the middle of the night when he has to go. Here though, he doesn’t even tell me when he has pooped in his pull up. I realize that children are more comfortable and are not as distracted at home, but it is strange to me that he is the complete opposite here from home. Mom puts him in a pull up every day and tells him to use the potty here, but he does not want to try going when he is here. There are times when I am changing him that he will say “I’m dry” when he is clearly wet. 🤷🏻*♀️ He also says things like, “I will use the potty here when I’m bigger”.

[Valerie928]

My best guess would be that this kids parents are lying to you. He probably isn't potty trained at all.

[284878]

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My guess is that they are trained and taking him to the potty at home and possibly even getting up in the night to have him go pee. I had a friend once tell me that that's how she night trained her girls. She would set an alarm go in wake them up take him to the bathroom and talk him back in.

In 2020 I had three kids potty training, they all potty trained differently. One potty trained during lockdown but then when he came back I would have to remind him that it was okay to go potty or he would wet himself because he wasn't use to using my bathroom.

One was typical as soon as he was ready he got it but Mom tried for a year before he was ready.

The third and the oldest had no interest in even attempting here. Then I went on vacation when I came back she was asking to use the bathroom the first couple days and then stopped. Then I had to quarantine for 2 weeks and when she came back she was fully potty trained. The key was having mom and dad exclusively.

[Cat Herder]

Many parents' definition of potty trained and that of childcare providers are not the same.

• Many parents think if they can get the kid to the potty on time, by carrying them there, themselves and they don't have to buy diapers, the kid is trained.
  
• Providers think trained means the kid uses the potty independently without an adults assistance or accidents.
• Parents think we are being lazy in not wanting to do the potty for the kid.
  
• Providers think parents are being lazy by not requiring the kid to own doing the potty and the consequences of not doing the potty themselves.

It is a tale old as time.

[Former Teacher]

Personally- at that age and the fact that the parents are saying all that-I wouldn't even accept him into care unless he is wearing underwear. Maybe when they are tired of doing laundry something will change.

Also-when he does have an accident, make him change his clothes. Stress that he is missing fun play time with his friends. He is a big boy NOW and he needs to be taking care of himself NOW.

[TwinMama]

Originally Posted by Valerie928

My best guess would be that this kids parents are lying to you. He probably isn't potty trained at all.

Boom!! Yup!!! This.

Yesterday, shortly after breakfast, he told me he had to go to the bathroom and he peed in the toilet! He then said “mom told me I only had to go one time and I could get a toy at the store!” I told him I was so happy he went in the toilet and he should tell me each time he had to go to the bathroom so he could stay dry all day. He said, “no, mom said I only need to go one time in the toilet”🤦*♀️ And that’s exactly what he did. The rest of the day, he pooped and peed in his pull up. I guess that’s progress, but he clearly does know how to use the toilet. Agh!!

[Jo123ABC]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Yesterday, shortly after breakfast, he told me he had to go to the bathroom and he peed in the toilet! He then said “mom told me I only had to go one time and I could get a toy at the store!” I told him I was so happy he went in the toilet and he should tell me each time he had to go to the bathroom so he could stay dry all day. He said, “no, mom said I only need to go one time in the toilet”🤦*♀️ And that’s exactly what he did. The rest of the day, he pooped and peed in his pull up. I guess that’s progress, but he clearly does know how to use the toilet. Agh!!

He sounds motivated by rewards, maybe you could do a sticker chart/reward chart. I do a sticker chart for being good at nap time and for no timeouts but I allow my daughter to put an extra sticker on her chart if she doesn't wet the bed. This encourages her to get up at night and go potty. The sticker charts I bought are like treasure maps and I also bought a little box that looks like a treasure chest to put little novelty toys into. (Fake tattoos, stickers, squishies, mini playdough, left over birthday favor bag goodies, etc). When they get to the end of the sticker chart they can choose a treasure. It really helps motivate them!

[Ariana]

Agree it looks like you might need to come up with your own reward system if this is bothering you! I did chocolate chips for my own kids. One for pee, two for poop.

It’s very odd that he doesn’t want to use the toilet at daycare so clearly he is being motivated by something at home.

Personally, I don't participate in a reward system.
Taking care of their own bodily functions should be something they should feel proud in accomplishing, not just "ooooh, I'm gonna get this shiny new toy/sticker/treat if I do it once/twice/three times."

Show me you're a big kid and use the potty... or don't. No big deal either way. We'll go on about our regular business as usual and celebrate success when we actually have it organically.