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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is There Anything I Can Say - or Just Keep Ignoring It
DancingQueen 06:36 AM 11-09-2010
I have a dad of an 18 month of dcg who started with me mid August.
Dad has on several occasions said "oh she's picking up hitting from _______"
or yesterday when my daughter leaned over the side of the couch to climb on to it during his pick up time (which I do NOT allow btw and dd was spoken to about it in front of him) he said "ahhhhh so THAT is where she picked up that lovely habbit. She just started doing that on our furniture and we don't allow it"
all I said was "I don't either" (which was clear because I had already spoken to my dd)
my dd likes to hold my hands and climb up my body and do a sommersault of sorts - she wanted to show this dc dad that she could do this. The minute she started he said - "___________ (his dd) don't look - we don't need you picking up bad habbits"
So the yesterday when he picked up she also screamed at the top of her lungs (girly loud screech!) which he instantly told her "no" I said "oh good - I have been telling her 'no' too when she does that"
He said "i wonder where she picked THAT one up from" and pointed at my dd. (now he did say that one with a smile but still pissed me off)
I responded by saying "nope - I'm pretty sure she picked that up just by being a girl" and I said it with a smile but I'm starting to get incredibly annoyed.
Is there anything that I can bother to say about this or just completely ignore him?
Dad has on several occasions said "oh she's picking up hitting from _______"
or yesterday when my daughter leaned over the side of the couch to climb on to it during his pick up time (which I do NOT allow btw and dd was spoken to about it in front of him) he said "ahhhhh so THAT is where she picked up that lovely habbit. She just started doing that on our furniture and we don't allow it"
all I said was "I don't either" (which was clear because I had already spoken to my dd)
my dd likes to hold my hands and climb up my body and do a sommersault of sorts - she wanted to show this dc dad that she could do this. The minute she started he said - "___________ (his dd) don't look - we don't need you picking up bad habbits"
So the yesterday when he picked up she also screamed at the top of her lungs (girly loud screech!) which he instantly told her "no" I said "oh good - I have been telling her 'no' too when she does that"
He said "i wonder where she picked THAT one up from" and pointed at my dd. (now he did say that one with a smile but still pissed me off)
I responded by saying "nope - I'm pretty sure she picked that up just by being a girl" and I said it with a smile but I'm starting to get incredibly annoyed.
Is there anything that I can bother to say about this or just completely ignore him?
SilverSabre25 06:47 AM 11-09-2010
Ugh! That would make me so mad. It really sounds like this set of parents think their child is a perfect angel and that anything "undesirable" they may do must be "corruption" from someone else's "little devil". Wow.
It also sounds like they have very little concept of child development and what's developmentally appropriate! Climbing, screaming, hitting...those are all perfectly normal 18 month things that would happen whether she was around other children or not. Their expectations sound a bit unrealistic too...it's not a "bad habit" if a child does the somersault thing--that's fun!
Unfortunately, I don't know if there's much you *can* say, except maybe smile and say, "No, that's just what 18 month olds do!"
It also sounds like they have very little concept of child development and what's developmentally appropriate! Climbing, screaming, hitting...those are all perfectly normal 18 month things that would happen whether she was around other children or not. Their expectations sound a bit unrealistic too...it's not a "bad habit" if a child does the somersault thing--that's fun!
Unfortunately, I don't know if there's much you *can* say, except maybe smile and say, "No, that's just what 18 month olds do!"
DancingQueen 06:50 AM 11-09-2010
I should ad that mom drops off and dad picks up
mom has NEVER said anything like this at all
mom has NEVER said anything like this at all
missnikki 06:51 AM 11-09-2010
Do not let this go. It is rude, condescending and disrespectful to you and your family!
If I were you I would speak to him immediately at the next opportunity. It would go something like this:
ME: I have a concern I need to discuss with you. It seems that you are noticing some behaviors in your DD that you do not like to see. I can tell you from my experience that those behaviors aer normal and can be expected at this age. I want to assure you that it is our practice here to curb those issues and prevent them from happening.
DD: blah blah blame blame blah...
ME: I understand your concerns, I share them too. The PROBLEM here is not the behaviors, it is the attitude I get from you about the things she has learned. I can't help but notice that you are quick to blame and judge the other children, including my own. This makes me very uncomfortable to say the least- especially when you say these things to her in front of me. Clearly she is a sponge and picks things up so quickly. I would hate to see her learn to put people down so rudely. Perhaps in the future, you can bring up your concerns to me in private, so that we both can help her grow up to be the well behaved child you expect her to be.
DD: blah blah...derp...OK.
If I were you I would speak to him immediately at the next opportunity. It would go something like this:
ME: I have a concern I need to discuss with you. It seems that you are noticing some behaviors in your DD that you do not like to see. I can tell you from my experience that those behaviors aer normal and can be expected at this age. I want to assure you that it is our practice here to curb those issues and prevent them from happening.
DD: blah blah blame blame blah...
ME: I understand your concerns, I share them too. The PROBLEM here is not the behaviors, it is the attitude I get from you about the things she has learned. I can't help but notice that you are quick to blame and judge the other children, including my own. This makes me very uncomfortable to say the least- especially when you say these things to her in front of me. Clearly she is a sponge and picks things up so quickly. I would hate to see her learn to put people down so rudely. Perhaps in the future, you can bring up your concerns to me in private, so that we both can help her grow up to be the well behaved child you expect her to be.
DD: blah blah...derp...OK.
melskids 07:25 AM 11-09-2010
oh i would say something too.
i had one grandma who blamed "the boys" for her grandaughter learning how to burp and fart. which, btw, i am on top of and dont allow. meanwhile her precious grandaughter ( 7 years old and knowing better) was lifting up her dress to show the boys her panties. you better believe i said something to her....
i had one grandma who blamed "the boys" for her grandaughter learning how to burp and fart. which, btw, i am on top of and dont allow. meanwhile her precious grandaughter ( 7 years old and knowing better) was lifting up her dress to show the boys her panties. you better believe i said something to her....
Lucy 09:42 AM 11-09-2010
Next time I would sort of lift an eyebrow, pause, and say, "Do you really think she learned that here??" Then the next time it happened, I would start getting defensive ... but in a nice way. I would say, "Oh, come on John. She would have done that whether she was around my dcg or not. That's just what kids do!". I'd say it in a sort of teasing, playful way - but hopefully he would catch a clue. Then the next time I would say, "Geez John, do you think I purposely TEACH them to do things?" and I would laugh afterward to take the edge off and not make it sound harsh, but the message would hopefully get through nonetheless. I guess I'm what you might call Passive Aggressive --- whatever works!!!
DancingQueen 09:48 AM 11-09-2010
thank you for your input everyone.
i guess I've ignored it too much if it is bothering me this much.
and I too am quite passive agressive and my comment about her screeching because she is a girl and not because she is around my dd was me saying something about it...LOL
i guess I've ignored it too much if it is bothering me this much.
and I too am quite passive agressive and my comment about her screeching because she is a girl and not because she is around my dd was me saying something about it...LOL
laundrymom 10:05 AM 11-09-2010
I would comment as soon as he makes his next comment,..
him.... oh I see where she is learning things,...
you,.... yes, well I think they are all learning things together, thats what happens in childcare and it really is starting to upset me that you think every undesirable behavior is a direct result of the atmosphere at my home. I think your child is a normal inquisitive busy 18 month old who is learning about her world. And I feel like you think Im introducing behaviors to her that are harming her development. When the truth is, I am allowing her to explore her world and learn how to have a fun time and realize where the boundaries are,.. Im not teaching her to blame others, or to belittle people.
then do the stare.
he will either trip overhimself apologizing to you,.. and not do it anymore,.. or return with his views... either way you are getting it out in the open. you have to. dont hide your feelings because you are uncomfortable about his reaction.
him.... oh I see where she is learning things,...
you,.... yes, well I think they are all learning things together, thats what happens in childcare and it really is starting to upset me that you think every undesirable behavior is a direct result of the atmosphere at my home. I think your child is a normal inquisitive busy 18 month old who is learning about her world. And I feel like you think Im introducing behaviors to her that are harming her development. When the truth is, I am allowing her to explore her world and learn how to have a fun time and realize where the boundaries are,.. Im not teaching her to blame others, or to belittle people.
then do the stare.
he will either trip overhimself apologizing to you,.. and not do it anymore,.. or return with his views... either way you are getting it out in the open. you have to. dont hide your feelings because you are uncomfortable about his reaction.
QualiTcare 11:04 AM 11-09-2010
if you don't want to approach him directly, maybe you can keep this poem (which i LOVE!) handy and next time he makes a comment you can say, "oh yeah, i found a poem i thought was so funny i meant to give (insert mom's name) this morning. i thought you 2 would get a laugh from it - it's so true!....or whatever. here it is:
The Toddler’s Creed
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it is food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with an arched back.
If it is Mommy (or Daddy), it must be hugged.
I am toddler!
then maybe you could ask mom the following morning if she got to see it.....and say something like, I think (insert dad's name) feels like dcg is picking up a lot of bad habits here, but most of what she's doing is typical toddler behavior....or something like that. maybe that'll open the door for a conversation to clear the air.
The Toddler’s Creed
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it is food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with an arched back.
If it is Mommy (or Daddy), it must be hugged.
I am toddler!
then maybe you could ask mom the following morning if she got to see it.....and say something like, I think (insert dad's name) feels like dcg is picking up a lot of bad habits here, but most of what she's doing is typical toddler behavior....or something like that. maybe that'll open the door for a conversation to clear the air.
TGT09 11:05 AM 11-09-2010
I'm not sure what to say to him but I would definitely not keep quiet about it. Those acquisations are very hurtful to you and your dd. Not acceptable.
nannyde 01:35 PM 11-09-2010
Well I'll give you one thing. You have me stumped. I've never ran into this before because I don't allow my child around the day care parents and I don't allow the day care parents around the other day care kids.
My gut reaction would be to start pointing out any behavior his child does that could expose the other children and enlist him to assist you in working with her so she doesn't spread that behavior to the other kids.
Provider: I really need to talk to you Dad. Little Missy has been throwing her food from her tray to the floor and I just don't know what to do about it. I'm so worried that the other kids are going to see her do it and start doing it too. I know how you feel about any untoward behavior being passed from one child to the next in my care and I simply can't get her to stop doing it.
I really need to talk to you Dad. Little Missy has been tossing toys very hard into the toy box and I just don't know what to do about it. None of the other kids EVER do this and I'm VERY worried that they are going to see and hear her do it and start doing it too. I can't have the broken toys and I can't have the noise. I know how you feel about any behavior being spread from one kid to the next here. Can you work with her to get her to stop doing that?
Next day... She's still tossing her food on the floor and the toys into the toy box and guess what... Little Johnny copied her and HE'S doing it too. You guys have got to really really work with her on it. We can't have bad behavior like this spreading.
And on and on... Just start pointing out her behavior. Stake your claim that no one is has done it in your home so she is the carrier of it into your home. Tell them you need them to get her to stop it... and then let them know when what they are doing is not working.
Do it a lot... every day... do it for weeks. Make sure you show concern for the bad behavior exposure to the other kids.
Once he's on the receiving end of trying to fix normal kid public behavior then he might be a bit more tolerant of what his kid is exposed to.
I don't have this because my son isn't allowed to have any interaction with my clients. From the time he was walking on he's been banished from arrivals and departures. He never comes into the room and he knows he would be severely punished if he ever spoke to one of my clients. I have kept him completely separate from my business from day one.
I also don't allow the parents to interact with the other day care kids. The only time they ever see the other kids is if they are arriving or departing at the same time. I've always tried to keep the parents as unattached from the other kids as I could possibly do. I don't discuss the other kids with the parents unless it is to discuss their child's position in the GROUP of kids. I don't do any discussion specifically about other kids.
Maybe try to back him away from your other kids and your kid as much as possible.
Hopefully someone will come along that allows parental contact with their children and the day care kids to give you specific advice.
My gut reaction would be to start pointing out any behavior his child does that could expose the other children and enlist him to assist you in working with her so she doesn't spread that behavior to the other kids.
Provider: I really need to talk to you Dad. Little Missy has been throwing her food from her tray to the floor and I just don't know what to do about it. I'm so worried that the other kids are going to see her do it and start doing it too. I know how you feel about any untoward behavior being passed from one child to the next in my care and I simply can't get her to stop doing it.
I really need to talk to you Dad. Little Missy has been tossing toys very hard into the toy box and I just don't know what to do about it. None of the other kids EVER do this and I'm VERY worried that they are going to see and hear her do it and start doing it too. I can't have the broken toys and I can't have the noise. I know how you feel about any behavior being spread from one kid to the next here. Can you work with her to get her to stop doing that?
Next day... She's still tossing her food on the floor and the toys into the toy box and guess what... Little Johnny copied her and HE'S doing it too. You guys have got to really really work with her on it. We can't have bad behavior like this spreading.
And on and on... Just start pointing out her behavior. Stake your claim that no one is has done it in your home so she is the carrier of it into your home. Tell them you need them to get her to stop it... and then let them know when what they are doing is not working.
Do it a lot... every day... do it for weeks. Make sure you show concern for the bad behavior exposure to the other kids.
Once he's on the receiving end of trying to fix normal kid public behavior then he might be a bit more tolerant of what his kid is exposed to.
I don't have this because my son isn't allowed to have any interaction with my clients. From the time he was walking on he's been banished from arrivals and departures. He never comes into the room and he knows he would be severely punished if he ever spoke to one of my clients. I have kept him completely separate from my business from day one.
I also don't allow the parents to interact with the other day care kids. The only time they ever see the other kids is if they are arriving or departing at the same time. I've always tried to keep the parents as unattached from the other kids as I could possibly do. I don't discuss the other kids with the parents unless it is to discuss their child's position in the GROUP of kids. I don't do any discussion specifically about other kids.
Maybe try to back him away from your other kids and your kid as much as possible.
Hopefully someone will come along that allows parental contact with their children and the day care kids to give you specific advice.
Live and Learn 09:51 AM 11-09-2010
Joyce is right!!
Unregistered 11:07 AM 11-10-2010
Originally Posted by DancingQueen:
I have a dad of an 18 month of dcg who started with me mid August.
Dad has on several occasions said "oh she's picking up hitting from _______"
or yesterday when my daughter leaned over the side of the couch to climb on to it during his pick up time (which I do NOT allow btw and dd was spoken to about it in front of him) he said "ahhhhh so THAT is where she picked up that lovely habbit. She just started doing that on our furniture and we don't allow it"
all I said was "I don't either" (which was clear because I had already spoken to my dd)
my dd likes to hold my hands and climb up my body and do a sommersault of sorts - she wanted to show this dc dad that she could do this. The minute she started he said - "___________ (his dd) don't look - we don't need you picking up bad habbits"
So the yesterday when he picked up she also screamed at the top of her lungs (girly loud screech!) which he instantly told her "no" I said "oh good - I have been telling her 'no' too when she does that"
He said "i wonder where she picked THAT one up from" and pointed at my dd. (now he did say that one with a smile but still pissed me off)
I responded by saying "nope - I'm pretty sure she picked that up just by being a girl" and I said it with a smile but I'm starting to get incredibly annoyed.
Is there anything that I can bother to say about this or just completely ignore him?
Kudos to you - you've been very patient. I'd line up another child and give him 2 weeks notice. If he is so above Daycare then he or his wife can stay home with their little darling and see what it's really all about. I have a dad of an 18 month of dcg who started with me mid August.
Dad has on several occasions said "oh she's picking up hitting from _______"
or yesterday when my daughter leaned over the side of the couch to climb on to it during his pick up time (which I do NOT allow btw and dd was spoken to about it in front of him) he said "ahhhhh so THAT is where she picked up that lovely habbit. She just started doing that on our furniture and we don't allow it"
all I said was "I don't either" (which was clear because I had already spoken to my dd)
my dd likes to hold my hands and climb up my body and do a sommersault of sorts - she wanted to show this dc dad that she could do this. The minute she started he said - "___________ (his dd) don't look - we don't need you picking up bad habbits"
So the yesterday when he picked up she also screamed at the top of her lungs (girly loud screech!) which he instantly told her "no" I said "oh good - I have been telling her 'no' too when she does that"
He said "i wonder where she picked THAT one up from" and pointed at my dd. (now he did say that one with a smile but still pissed me off)
I responded by saying "nope - I'm pretty sure she picked that up just by being a girl" and I said it with a smile but I'm starting to get incredibly annoyed.
Is there anything that I can bother to say about this or just completely ignore him?
QualiTcare 02:45 PM 11-10-2010
so in 17 years of working with children under age five - you've never had 2 kids fight, bite, nothing - ever? 
having your child around if you're an accountant and if you're a childcare provider is comparing apples to oranges.
it all sounds a little creepy.
having your child around if you're an accountant and if you're a childcare provider is comparing apples to oranges.
it all sounds a little creepy.
nannyde 03:19 PM 11-10-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
so in 17 years of working with children under age five - you've never had 2 kids fight, bite, nothing - ever?
having your child around if you're an accountant and if you're a childcare provider is comparing apples to oranges.
it all sounds a little creepy.
Nope but I agree that it is VERY VERY creepy so in 17 years of working with children under age five - you've never had 2 kids fight, bite, nothing - ever?
having your child around if you're an accountant and if you're a childcare provider is comparing apples to oranges.
it all sounds a little creepy.
I had one bite in 1993 in my first year of doing home day care and that was first and last time.
My kids have excellent behavior. They are balanced and stable children. They do not hit, bite, pinch, fight... nothing. They do not have ANY agressive behavior. None period.
I'm so confident about it that I actually advertise it on my website.
Discipline: We have little behavior issues with our kids. They don't hit, bite, fight, or be mean to each other in any way. The love each other and treat each other with respect and admiration. Most if not all of the children here have been raised with us since they were newborns or young infants. They have been brought up in our ways and have a strong attachment to the other kids and to their Nan.
We use a strict supervision and correction system that pretty much eliminates any aggressive behavior. We have "rules of play" that are wrought from 30 years of experience caring for kids which keep the kids focused on the toys and co-operative play. When children have escalating behavior we use "proximity control" or physically close supervision until the child exhibits the behaviors we seek for normal group activity.
We rely on the other children to show children with unwanted behavior what behavior we expect and promote. If a child persists with unnaceptable behavior we "team" them up with the child in the day care who is able to show them the proper way to conduct themselves. When children with behavior issues are surrounded by balanced and stable children they will adjust quickly to the conduct of the rest of the group. We encourage the older children to model kind and co-operative behavior and to mentor the younger children who need help. Works like a charm
Now and then a child may need a time out to cool their jets and get a chance to start over again. We rarely use this because it doesn't work very well but will give it a try if we are unsuccessful with our other methods. We can go years in between the need to use time out but we will give it a try now and then. We'll let you know if your child was put to time out and discuss with you what's going on that led to the separation from the other kids.
If your child has any behavior issues here you will be the first to know. We keep the parents informed of any behaviors that are requiring repeated corrections. (In other words... we rat them out ) Please keep us posted of any behavior issues you are having at home ESPECIALLY any kind of physical or violent acting out. We will be happy to help with advise or work on the issues here.
I honestly can't even imagine one of these kids hitting or being mean to another kid. It would be a pretty sad day here and I hope it never happens.
QualiTcare 03:39 PM 11-10-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Nope but I agree that it is VERY VERY creepy
I had one bite in 1993 in my first year of doing home day care and that was first and last time.
My kids have excellent behavior. They are balanced and stable children. They do not hit, bite, pinch, fight... nothing. They do not have ANY agressive behavior. None period.
I'm so confident about it that I actually advertise it on my website.
Discipline: We have little behavior issues with our kids. They don't hit, bite, fight, or be mean to each other in any way. The love each other and treat each other with respect and admiration. Most if not all of the children here have been raised with us since they were newborns or young infants. They have been brought up in our ways and have a strong attachment to the other kids and to their Nan.
We use a strict supervision and correction system that pretty much eliminates any aggressive behavior. We have "rules of play" that are wrought from 30 years of experience caring for kids which keep the kids focused on the toys and co-operative play. When children have escalating behavior we use "proximity control" or physically close supervision until the child exhibits the behaviors we seek for normal group activity.
We rely on the other children to show children with unwanted behavior what behavior we expect and promote. If a child persists with unnaceptable behavior we "team" them up with the child in the day care who is able to show them the proper way to conduct themselves. When children with behavior issues are surrounded by balanced and stable children they will adjust quickly to the conduct of the rest of the group. We encourage the older children to model kind and co-operative behavior and to mentor the younger children who need help. Works like a charm
Now and then a child may need a time out to cool their jets and get a chance to start over again. We rarely use this because it doesn't work very well but will give it a try if we are unsuccessful with our other methods. We can go years in between the need to use time out but we will give it a try now and then. We'll let you know if your child was put to time out and discuss with you what's going on that led to the separation from the other kids.
If your child has any behavior issues here you will be the first to know. We keep the parents informed of any behaviors that are requiring repeated corrections. (In other words... we rat them out ) Please keep us posted of any behavior issues you are having at home ESPECIALLY any kind of physical or violent acting out. We will be happy to help with advise or work on the issues here.
I honestly can't even imagine one of these kids hitting or being mean to another kid. It would be a pretty sad day here and I hope it never happens.
there's nothing sad about it. it's perfectly normal for toddlers who can't vocalize their needs/wants very well to act out by taking a toy (bc they can't or don't know how to ask for it), smacking, or even biting. i do think those behaviors can be stopped very quickly, but i don't see how they can be stopped from ever happening as it's a normal part of development - like trying to stop puberty.Nope but I agree that it is VERY VERY creepy
I had one bite in 1993 in my first year of doing home day care and that was first and last time.
My kids have excellent behavior. They are balanced and stable children. They do not hit, bite, pinch, fight... nothing. They do not have ANY agressive behavior. None period.
I'm so confident about it that I actually advertise it on my website.
Discipline: We have little behavior issues with our kids. They don't hit, bite, fight, or be mean to each other in any way. The love each other and treat each other with respect and admiration. Most if not all of the children here have been raised with us since they were newborns or young infants. They have been brought up in our ways and have a strong attachment to the other kids and to their Nan.
We use a strict supervision and correction system that pretty much eliminates any aggressive behavior. We have "rules of play" that are wrought from 30 years of experience caring for kids which keep the kids focused on the toys and co-operative play. When children have escalating behavior we use "proximity control" or physically close supervision until the child exhibits the behaviors we seek for normal group activity.
We rely on the other children to show children with unwanted behavior what behavior we expect and promote. If a child persists with unnaceptable behavior we "team" them up with the child in the day care who is able to show them the proper way to conduct themselves. When children with behavior issues are surrounded by balanced and stable children they will adjust quickly to the conduct of the rest of the group. We encourage the older children to model kind and co-operative behavior and to mentor the younger children who need help. Works like a charm
Now and then a child may need a time out to cool their jets and get a chance to start over again. We rarely use this because it doesn't work very well but will give it a try if we are unsuccessful with our other methods. We can go years in between the need to use time out but we will give it a try now and then. We'll let you know if your child was put to time out and discuss with you what's going on that led to the separation from the other kids.
If your child has any behavior issues here you will be the first to know. We keep the parents informed of any behaviors that are requiring repeated corrections. (In other words... we rat them out ) Please keep us posted of any behavior issues you are having at home ESPECIALLY any kind of physical or violent acting out. We will be happy to help with advise or work on the issues here.
I honestly can't even imagine one of these kids hitting or being mean to another kid. It would be a pretty sad day here and I hope it never happens.
nannyde 05:14 PM 11-10-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
there's nothing sad about it. it's perfectly normal for toddlers who can't vocalize their needs/wants very well to act out by taking a toy (bc they can't or don't know how to ask for it), smacking, or even biting. i do think those behaviors can be stopped very quickly, but i don't see how they can be stopped from ever happening as it's a normal part of development - like trying to stop puberty.
there's nothing sad about it. it's perfectly normal for toddlers who can't vocalize their needs/wants very well to act out by taking a toy (bc they can't or don't know how to ask for it), smacking, or even biting. i do think those behaviors can be stopped very quickly, but i don't see how they can be stopped from ever happening as it's a normal part of development - like trying to stop puberty.
That's so sad to me. It breaks my heart to think that someone as experienced and educated as you are believes that violence in young children is as inevitable as puberty in teens.
What has our world come to