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DaycareMom 03:19 PM 12-18-2013
I started doing in home childcare to be able to raise my children. For the most part, I love doing it and it has given me the chance to watch my children grow up.

One thing that really bothers me is whenever I feel like I am or could be having a nice moment with one of my children, one of the DCKs comes and wants the same thing.

If my kids come to cuddle with me/kiss me/talk to me, the DCKs are right there trying to do the same with me.

I know they just love us and are not doing anything wrong or bad, but I just want to have those moments with my OWN kids. YKWIM?

Do any of you have this same issue? How do you handle it?
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Unregistered 03:28 PM 12-18-2013
Originally Posted by DaycareMom:
I started doing in home childcare to be able to raise my children. For the most part, I love doing it and it has given me the chance to watch my children grow up.

One thing that really bothers me is whenever I feel like I am or could be having a nice moment with one of my children, one of the DCKs comes and wants the same thing.

If my kids come to cuddle with me/kiss me/talk to me, the DCKs are right there trying to do the same with me.

I know they just love us and are not doing anything wrong or bad, but I just want to have those moments with my OWN kids. YKWIM?

Do any of you have this same issue? How do you handle it?
I don't have an answer for you but it is the same here and happens with everyone. If it's my kids the daycare kids want it too. If it's the daycare kids my kids want it too. It's hard splitting myself 6 ways and not having someone's feelings hurt.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 04:39 PM 12-18-2013
I would tell them no, to be honest. I give my DCKs plenty of attention but it certainly is not the same as I give my own. I would tell them, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"
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MamaBearCanada 05:28 PM 12-18-2013
I only have 3-5 DCKs here at a time 2 of which are my own. I just say right now I'm snuggling/talking with Sally but you can have a turn when I'm done. I do this for my own kids and the DCKs. I like being affectionate with my own more than with DCKs but I also feel its important for the DCK to have affection during the day. It's not their fault they are not home with their mom or dad. I try and make my own kids feel special without it negatively affecting the DCKs. But sometimes it's hard. When I don't really feel like doing the same with a DCK I try and think about how I'd feel if it was my child as the DCK in someone else's home and what I'd want for them and that softens my heart. My own kids will always be more important to me than DCK but it won't hurt my kids to have to wait for a turn sometimes or to see that including others doesn't take affection away.
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e.j. 06:23 PM 12-18-2013
Originally Posted by MamaBearCanada:
I only have 3-5 DCKs here at a time 2 of which are my own. I just say right now I'm snuggling/talking with Sally but you can have a turn when I'm done. I do this for my own kids and the DCKs. I like being affectionate with my own more than with DCKs but I also feel its important for the DCK to have affection during the day. It's not their fault they are not home with their mom or dad. I try and make my own kids feel special without it negatively affecting the DCKs. But sometimes it's hard. When I don't really feel like doing the same with a DCK I try and think about how I'd feel if it was my child as the DCK in someone else's home and what I'd want for them and that softens my heart. My own kids will always be more important to me than DCK but it won't hurt my kids to have to wait for a turn sometimes or to see that including others doesn't take affection away.
I've always tried to treat my dc kids the way I'd want my own kids to be treated if they were enrolled in someone else's child care. My own kids are young adults now so I don't have the problem any more but when they were young, if I were snuggling with one of them and a dc kid wanted in on it, I'd either pull him up on my lap, too, and have a group hug or I would tell him it was dd's turn now but when we were done snuggling, it would be his turn next.
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JoseyJo 06:38 PM 12-18-2013
My children were older when I started the daycare but I give all the daycare kids hugs and snuggles. The only thing I don't do is kiss or be kissed- we say "kisses are for family" - but I don't kiss my kids when the dc kids are hear either. I don't want them to feel less than my own kids- they can't help that they are here w/ us instead of at home w/ mom. I try to think about how I would want my child treated at DC and treat them like that!
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Soccermom 06:40 PM 12-18-2013
I always try to put myself in the DCK's little shoes. They love us. They are with us sometimes more than they are with their own parents and I honestly think that they don't understand the concept that one DCK is our own child or why that should make things any different for him or her. They just see us giving out cuddles and they want in!

I try to treat them all equal during daycare hours. I snuggle all of them and give them all little kisses when I put them all for naps.

My youngest DS is almost 5 though so he is more understanding. I tell him that we are all a big family when the kids are here and that he is like a big brother to the little ones during daycare hours.

Having said that, I know where you are coming from. Sometimes my oldest DD will come home and just want my attention soooooo bad but I just can't give it to her because the babies are fighting or crying or someone needs me. She really hates the daycare and it is tough. There are times when I do wish I could just be there to greet her at the door when she walks in and make a cup of coffee and listen to her talk about her day....
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ColorfulSunburst 06:47 PM 12-18-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I would tell them no, to be honest. I give my DCKs plenty of attention but it certainly is not the same as I give my own. I would tell them, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"
Would you be happy if some other teacher during a class hugged (or gave some special attention) to her own son and rejected your child by saying, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"?
To be a daycare teacher is a job. If a woman decides to be a daycare teacher she must treat all children the same way. If she can't she should be a stay-home mom. IMHO
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Scout 09:16 PM 12-18-2013
I don't cuddle with the dck's. It may sound harsh but, if they are older I just don't. Do I love them, yes, but, will I let them curl up on my lap on a normal basis-no. I do have one little guy who started at 11 mos so he obviously, gets to sit with me in the mornings when he gets here and we have his bottle until the others arrive but, once he is older he will not sit on my lap(but, I will probably still sneak him kisses) He is also the only one I kiss on the cheek, head, etc and this is only before I place him in for his nap. If they are hurt, sick, etc. I will sit with them and kiss their little foreheads but, on the norm I do not and I am not a heartless provider. I love them all but, find that the older ones like to watch me, not really cuddle with me.
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dingledine 10:26 PM 12-18-2013
Originally Posted by MamaBearCanada:
I only have 3-5 DCKs here at a time 2 of which are my own. I just say right now I'm snuggling/talking with Sally but you can have a turn when I'm done. I do this for my own kids and the DCKs. I like being affectionate with my own more than with DCKs but I also feel its important for the DCK to have affection during the day. It's not their fault they are not home with their mom or dad. I try and make my own kids feel special without it negatively affecting the DCKs. But sometimes it's hard. When I don't really feel like doing the same with a DCK I try and think about how I'd feel if it was my child as the DCK in someone else's home and what I'd want for them and that softens my heart. My own kids will always be more important to me than DCK but it won't hurt my kids to have to wait for a turn sometimes or to see that including others doesn't take affection away.
This is pretty much what I do too.
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Play Care 04:17 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by e.j.:
I've always tried to treat my dc kids the way I'd want my own kids to be treated if they were enrolled in someone else's child care. My own kids are young adults now so I don't have the problem any more but when they were young, if I were snuggling with one of them and a dc kid wanted in on it, I'd either pull him up on my lap, too, and have a group hug or I would tell him it was dd's turn now but when we were done snuggling, it would be his turn next.


I do understand where the OP is coming from, and I do think our children need some additional reassurance during the dc day. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling a child who is only after "monkey see, monkey do" that they will get their turn later, provided that they DO get their turn.
The one thing I don't have a problem with directing the dck's away from is my husband and his time with our kids. He is not a dc employee and I have told more than one dck, "DD is having time with her Dad, and you will have time with your Dad in a little bit. Let's go play now." He is awesome with the dck's, but for very obvious liability reasons I don't want him hugging or snuggling with the dck's...
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daycarediva 04:55 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I always try to put myself in the DCK's little shoes. They love us. They are with us sometimes more than they are with their own parents and I honestly think that they don't understand the concept that one DCK is our own child or why that should make things any different for him or her. They just see us giving out cuddles and they want in!

I try to treat them all equal during daycare hours. I snuggle all of them and give them all little kisses when I put them all for naps.

My youngest DS is almost 5 though so he is more understanding. I tell him that we are all a big family when the kids are here and that he is like a big brother to the little ones during daycare hours.

Having said that, I know where you are coming from. Sometimes my oldest DD will come home and just want my attention soooooo bad but I just can't give it to her because the babies are fighting or crying or someone needs me. She really hates the daycare and it is tough. There are times when I do wish I could just be there to greet her at the door when she walks in and make a cup of coffee and listen to her talk about her day....
This. I will tell a dck "Right now I am snuggling with _____. When I am done you can have a turn."

I say the same when it's another dck. I really need a bigger lap and bigger arms.
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nannyde 05:10 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
Would you be happy if some other teacher during a class hugged (or gave some special attention) to her own son and rejected your child by saying, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"?
To be a daycare teacher is a job. If a woman decides to be a daycare teacher she must treat all children the same way. If she can't she should be a stay-home mom. IMHO
First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

I don't think our own children have to be treated the same because they aren't day care kids and our home is their home. I WISH I could treat the day care kids like my son when he was little. He ran the house without supervision, ran in and outside without supervision, and ate when he wanted ... what he wanted.

My son was NOT a part of the day care. He is 13 and he has never eaten a meal with a daycare child. He played with the kids when he was under five but that was at his own decision and in and out. I didn't offer him as a playmate EVER. He had his own schedule and his own room and toys.

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.
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Maria2013 05:59 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by e.j.:
if I were snuggling with one of them and a dc kid wanted in on it, I'd either pull him up on my lap, too, and have a group hug or I would tell him it was dd's turn now but when we were done snuggling, it would be his turn next.

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melskids 06:12 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

I don't think our own children have to be treated the same because they aren't day care kids and our home is their home. I WISH I could treat the day care kids like my son when he was little. He ran the house without supervision, ran in and outside without supervision, and ate when he wanted ... what he wanted.

My son was NOT a part of the day care. He is 13 and he has never eaten a meal with a daycare child. He played with the kids when he was under five but that was at his own decision and in and out. I didn't offer him as a playmate EVER. He had his own schedule and his own room and toys.

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.
This is spot on.

I would never turn ANY child away from comfort when they need it, even if that means they all pile drive me at the same time.

I find quiet moments throughout the day to show each of them affection, even if its a simple tousle of their hair.

As far as my own kids go, I know its been a sacrifice for them to see me acknowledge other children over the years, but I always made sure to steal away those moments with them, whether it was during daycare hours or not.
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Blackcat31 07:06 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

I don't think our own children have to be treated the same because they aren't day care kids and our home is their home. I WISH I could treat the day care kids like my son when he was little. He ran the house without supervision, ran in and outside without supervision, and ate when he wanted ... what he wanted.

My son was NOT a part of the day care. He is 13 and he has never eaten a meal with a daycare child. He played with the kids when he was under five but that was at his own decision and in and out. I didn't offer him as a playmate EVER. He had his own schedule and his own room and toys.

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.
Originally Posted by melskids:
This is spot on.

I would never turn ANY child away from comfort when they need it, even if that means they all pile drive me at the same time.

I find quiet moments throughout the day to show each of them affection, even if its a simple tousle of their hair.

As far as my own kids go, I know its been a sacrifice for them to see me acknowledge other children over the years, but I always made sure to steal away those moments with them, whether it was during daycare hours or not.
I also agree.

I really have a hard time with the bolded part of Nan's post. (I don't disagree....I just have a hard time when provider's don't think that same way)
I think when YOU as the parent make the decision to have other children in your home you should treat EVERYONE equally.

I know a lot of providers choose to do daycare for the sole purpose of being able to stay home with their own kids and that's great but would you advertise that? Would you say "I want to stay home with my kids but I cant afford to do it without income so I will take your child in too but be warned, I will treat my child special because he is my child"

I think that it is a delicate balance and HOW you do it and WHEN is what's important. As a parent, I would be livid if I knew my provider treated her child differently than mine while ON THE CLOCK. I know most providers do not love their DCK's like their own children and that's A-ok too but it's not ok IMHO to let that be known to a DCK.

I think that when you are open for business, you are exactly that...a business and ALL children in attendance should be treated equally and fairly with NO biases or special treatment.
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EchoMom 07:32 AM 12-19-2013
I care about my dcks but I don't love them. They come and go but my child is mine forever. The daycare parents chose to send their child to a daycare, I did not. My child is 2 and loves his daycare friends very much and spends tons of time with them and doing same activities andmeals. However he can also go to his own room with own toys. He can eat more often and different things in addition. He can choose to invite a friend to his room or not. My child gets many extra freedoms and priviledges because he is not at daycare he is at home. I'm not his worker I'm his mommy. However I don't want to raise a spoiled selfish brat. So he also gets told I'm busy and I'm working and a baby needs me right now. He gets rid to share and apologize and wait and clean up.

I can't let a dck play unsupervised but I can choose that for my son. I won't let a dck cook at the stove with me but I choose to with my own son. So yes my ds gets special more than dcks but not to the point that anyone is suffering or rejecTed or developing poor character.

Also dcks really don't seek affection and cuddles from me. They beam when I praise them or home with them. They love when I do their hair. They laugh and play and are comfortable here. But they don't seek cuddles from me. My own ds really doesn't want much affection during day. He wants to play with friends! But he does like me to nap beside him for awhile. Ago at that time my mom/partner puts other kids down so I can have that quiet time with him in his room.
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mjaddi 07:40 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I would tell them no, to be honest. I give my DCKs plenty of attention but it certainly is not the same as I give my own. I would tell them, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"
I certainly don't have the right to judge anyone, but this truly made me sad for the kids in your care. I have my kid in day care 3 hours a day and just the thought of him being told something like that breaks my heart. I can't wait till my center is up and running.
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Play Care 07:44 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I also agree.

I really have a hard time with the bolded part of Nan's post. (I don't disagree....I just have a hard time when provider's don't think that same way)
I think when YOU as the parent make the decision to have other children in your home you should treat EVERYONE equally.

I know a lot of providers choose to do daycare for the sole purpose of being able to stay home with their own kids and that's great but would you advertise that? Would you say "I want to stay home with my kids but I cant afford to do it without income so I will take your child in too but be warned, I will treat my child special because he is my child"

I think that it is a delicate balance and HOW you do it and WHEN is what's important. As a parent, I would be livid if I knew my provider treated her child differently than mine while ON THE CLOCK. I know most providers do not love their DCK's like their own children and that's A-ok too but it's not ok IMHO to let that be known to a DCK.

I think that when you are open for business, you are exactly that...a business and ALL children in attendance should be treated equally and fairly with NO biases or special treatment.

Reply
Scout 07:58 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
I care about my dcks but I don't love them. They come and go but my child is mine forever. The daycare parents chose to send their child to a daycare, I did not. My child is 2 and loves his daycare friends very much and spends tons of time with them and doing same activities andmeals. However he can also go to his own room with own toys. He can eat more often and different things in addition. He can choose to invite a friend to his room or not. My child gets many extra freedoms and priviledges because he is not at daycare he is at home. I'm not his worker I'm his mommy. However I don't want to raise a spoiled selfish brat. So he also gets told I'm busy and I'm working and a baby needs me right now. He gets rid to share and apologize and wait and clean up.

I can't let a dck play unsupervised but I can choose that for my son. I won't let a dck cook at the stove with me but I choose to with my own son. So yes my ds gets special more than dcks but not to the point that anyone is suffering or rejecTed or developing poor character.

Also dcks really don't seek affection and cuddles from me. They beam when I praise them or home with them. They love when I do their hair. They laugh and play and are comfortable here. But they don't seek cuddles from me. My own ds really doesn't want much affection during day. He wants to play with friends! But he does like me to nap beside him for awhile. Ago at that time my mom/partner puts other kids down so I can have that quiet time with him in his room.
I could've written this. This is how it is here. When I cook they all want to watch and help and I let all of them help. I have never had them want to curl up on my lap. They are content playing with their friends, including ds. They like coming here and that is what I would look for as a parent. I know my old provider didn't cuddle my kids and I was fine with that. That was my job to show them affection. Hers was to keep them safe while I couldn't. I don't think we sound heartless, it's not that I don't tell them no, they don't ask. I think it is wrong to judge those of us that don't cuddle our dck's but, do our own children because all situations are differnt and in my case, the dck's don't ask for cuddles.
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DaycareMom 08:13 AM 12-19-2013
My DCKs probably wouldn't even ask to cuddle or hug - they only want or seek it when my children want it from me which is why it's frustrating for me.
I have never turned them down because I do put myself in their position, and I would never want someone to reject or make my child feel bad.
I think it just annoys me because it's literally ONLY when my kids are asking for love that they want it and then it takes away from that moment I was having with my own child.
I treat all of the kids - my own and DCKs - exactly the same, but then I wonder if that is the right thing to do. It's their HOME and I am their MOMMY - not their Daycare provider.
This has always been a struggle for me.
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ColorfulSunburst 08:17 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.
Again IMHO: Any person who decides to work with children is a teacher. Because of that has to act properly.
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ColorfulSunburst 08:20 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.

+1000
I do same and think same.
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Blackcat31 08:25 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by DaycareMom:
My DCKs probably wouldn't even ask to cuddle or hug - they only want or seek it when my children want it from me which is why it's frustrating for me.
I have never turned them down because I do put myself in their position, and I would never want someone to reject or make my child feel bad.
I think it just annoys me because it's literally ONLY when my kids are asking for love that they want it and then it takes away from that moment I was having with my own child.
I treat all of the kids - my own and DCKs - exactly the same, but then I wonder if that is the right thing to do. It's their HOME and I am their MOMMY - not their Daycare provider.
This has always been a struggle for me.
I hear what you are saying but wouldn't this be considered a good thing? I mean when your kids want/ask or do something and the other kids follow suit, that means that they (the DCK's) are taking cues from their peers and mimicking their behaviors.

The EXACT same thing we want to happen when it comes to other things like clean up time and/or lunch time. We expect and encourage our DCK's to take social cues from their peers and ourselves so they learn.

You giving hugs and cuddles to your kids and then to the daycare kids because they saw your kids ask for it could be considered good role modeling... kwim?

They (the DCK's) are learning from the experience and learning that sometimes a person has to ask for affection or hug.

I HIGHLY doubt any of the DCK's really understand the relationship between others. They just know big people love them.

I think internally most of us that are parents struggle with some form or another of feeling like we can't, don't or won't give DCK's the same/equal treatment as our own kids but that IMHO, is a personal struggle within ourselves that we can't allow to be projected onto the kids.

It's beyond their comprehension.
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DaycareMom 08:27 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I hear what you are saying but wouldn't this be considered a good thing? I mean when your kids want/ask or do something and the other kids follow suit, that means that they (the DCK's) are taking cues from their peers and mimicking their behaviors.

The EXACT same thing we want to happen when it comes to other things like clean up time and/or lunch time. We expect and encourage our DCK's to take social cues from their peers and ourselves so they learn.

You giving hugs and cuddles to your kids and then to the daycare kids because they saw your kids ask for it could be considered good role modeling... kwim?

They (the DCK's) are learning from the experience and learning that sometimes a person has to ask for affection or hug.

I HIGHLY doubt any of the DCK's really understand the relationship between others. They just know big people love them.

I think internally most of us that are parents struggle with some form or another of feeling like we can't, don't or won't give DCK's the same/equal treatment as our own kids but that IMHO, is a personal struggle within ourselves that we can't allow to be projected onto the kids.

It's beyond their comprehension.
Good Point BC! Love how you can always put things into perspective or look at it as a positive or learning experience. Thanks!
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nannyde 08:38 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
Again IMHO: Any person who decides to work with children is a teacher. Because of that has to act properly.
If I'm going to teach I want to be paid.

I don't want to teach. I'm a babysitter. I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an education to teach. I'm the last person who should be teaching because I don't know how. I don't want to learn how. It doesn't interest me.

Early childhood CARE is different than early childhood education. They are NOT one and the same.
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Blackcat31 08:39 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
If I'm going to teach I want to be paid.

I don't want to teach. I'm a babysitter. I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an education to teach. I'm the last person who should be teaching because I don't know how. I don't want to learn how. It doesn't interest me.

Early childhood CARE is different than early childhood education. They are NOT one and the same.
You are a great teacher to daycare providers.
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childcaremom 08:40 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by DaycareMom:
My DCKs probably wouldn't even ask to cuddle or hug - they only want or seek it when my children want it from me which is why it's frustrating for me.
I have never turned them down because I do put myself in their position, and I would never want someone to reject or make my child feel bad.
I think it just annoys me because it's literally ONLY when my kids are asking for love that they want it and then it takes away from that moment I was having with my own child.
I treat all of the kids - my own and DCKs - exactly the same, but then I wonder if that is the right thing to do. It's their HOME and I am their MOMMY - not their Daycare provider.
This has always been a struggle for me.
I find the same thing, too, kids wanting snuggles when they see snuggling. I think it's just part and parcel of being human I just bring them in to the hug. I always verbalize to my own children that dck wants to give you a hug, too. They can refuse or accept. I have no problem with it.

I also have no problem not including them, esp. if my own kids are upset and are getting comfort. I just tell them that my own child is sad and needs some snuggles to feel better and will come play when they feel better. Dck will usually give my child a hug or a pat and go back to playing. This is exactly how I handle it if a dck is sad and needs comforting, and my own child comes over. Usually my own kids, along with the other dcks, will give hugs to make them feel better. Group therapy.

I love snuggles with the dcks and treat them all as I would my own: with lots of hugs, pats on the head, etc. We are snuggly folk
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spinnymarie 08:44 AM 12-19-2013
I don't know if I feel like I have to treat everyone equally. Inequality is a part of life and something that needs to absolutely be dealt with, but not spared.

In answer to the OP, I tell the other kids that my cuddles are need-based. When someone - anyone - needs some cuddles, I am there. But I'm not there for a giant everyone-included cuddle-fest just because one person needed it. I'll say something like, Oh, X is feeling sad and needed a hug. The other kids understand and move on. And my own children absolutely feel the need for cuddles more so than the other dck. I try to pass out affection otherwise in passing - a pat on the head, a touch on the back, smiles, etc. They are all loved here, but definitely not equally.

I do have mainly older kids here, so this approach is easier than it would be with younger kids.
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Scout 09:00 AM 12-19-2013
Originally Posted by spinnymarie:
I don't know if I feel like I have to treat everyone equally. Inequality is a part of life and something that needs to absolutely be dealt with, but not spared.

In answer to the OP, I tell the other kids that my cuddles are need-based. When someone - anyone - needs some cuddles, I am there. But I'm not there for a giant everyone-included cuddle-fest just because one person needed it. I'll say something like, Oh, X is feeling sad and needed a hug. The other kids understand and move on. And my own children absolutely feel the need for cuddles more so than the other dck. I try to pass out affection otherwise in passing - a pat on the head, a touch on the back, smiles, etc. They are all loved here, but definitely not equally.

I do have mainly older kids here, so this approach is easier than it would be with younger kids.
This is me too. I should add that I have never cared for an infant-not sure I want to because I would be too worried of something happening.
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ColorfulSunburst 11:07 AM 12-25-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
If I'm going to teach I want to be paid.

I don't want to teach. I'm a babysitter. I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an education to teach. I'm the last person who should be teaching because I don't know how. I don't want to learn how. It doesn't interest me.

Early childhood CARE is different than early childhood education. They are NOT one and the same.
we teach children to love, to follow rules, to be polite, nice, to manage mood, to share ..... What can be more important?
We teach them even if we don't teach them to read and don't give them any knowledge in math or writing.
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nannyde 11:23 AM 12-25-2013
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
we teach children to love, to follow rules, to be polite, nice, to manage mood, to share ..... What can be more important?
We teach them even if we don't teach them to read and don't give them any knowledge in math or writing.
Your version of teach and the parents and states version of teach are very far apart.

I have a problem with the abc, math, reading, etc teaching by providers who are not licensed teachers.
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Evansmom 01:26 PM 12-25-2013
I have a teaching background and in my experience being physically affectionate to children in a classroom is frowned upon, at least in my state it is. It's usually limited to pats on the back. So I'm inclined to not kiss and hug my DCKs. I do allow them to sit on my lap and I am supremely positive, assuring, kind, gentle and praise them for accomplishments. But I don't snuggle. My child did attend my daycare but was too busy to ask for cuddling except for when all the others were sleeping at naptime so I didn't run into the OPs problem too much. But when I did I would give a kind word and a quick hug to the DCK. And then move on to other kinds of interaction and attention.

If I had a child in a daycare I wouldn't expect their teacher to cuddle them, I think I'd actually not be comfortable with that. But that's just been my experience.
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racemom 06:21 PM 12-25-2013
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
we teach children to love, to follow rules, to be polite, nice, to manage mood, to share ..... What can be more important?
We teach them even if we don't teach them to read and don't give them any knowledge in math or writing.
This is how I feel also. Everyday the kids are learning new things.
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ColorfulSunburst 09:36 AM 12-26-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I have a problem with the abc, math, reading, etc teaching by providers who are not licensed teachers.
I know this kind of problem. In Russia I used to work as an elementary school teacher. It is very difficult to teach child again if he has been taught wrong. I agree if person doesn't have knowledge or expertise in teaching he can give to children a big problem by teaching them.
But now I'm talking not about it.
If a woman make decision to work with children she must be able don't give more attention to own children in front of all other children. It is what I name "to be able to act as a teacher". And I know that it is not simple because I did it.
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MrsSteinel'sHouse 11:23 AM 12-26-2013
Maybe this will make you feel a little better- I am on the other end. My ds is 17 and has always had the littles here. Dd is 23 and I started when she was 6. Both were homeschooled throughout this process. The advantage to them, the huge benefit I see, is that both of my children truly love little ones. My son more than my daughter. I think it is because he has always had them here. He is the best at quieting a fussy baby! He is patient with them. My dd is finishing up her elem ed degree. I could only have 2 kids. This gave my kids the ability to be around small children and learn skills they would never have learned otherwise. It has taught them to share, not just toys but me. It has made them more generous and loving. They have learned to love even the kids that aren't so lovable.
That said, my kids had their own rooms and the living room/ dining room to be in. As my son got older, there were times when I would send him to his room to play. But, when he was preschool age he was here in the thick of it most of the time. He loved his buddies. Daycare toys were that, daycare toys. I did not allow daycare kids upstairs or for ds's toys to be brought downstairs.
Snuggle them, all of them. It will teach your child to love them too and that is a better lesson. My son (17 and 6 ft) will come into the playroom and mock sit on my lap and everyone piles on! He picks up each kidlet when he comes in and gives them a little hug and kiss on the head. When they get here in the morning I make sure I make a big deal out of getting my morning hug. Part of doing childcare is love. You can physically care for a child but without love, it will be meaningless to both you and the child. Kids know when they are loved!
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ColorfulSunburst 12:27 PM 12-26-2013
MrsSteinel'sHouse
Thanks
Your post is priceless! It is what I try to say but don't have enough words to do it correct
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MrsSteinel'sHouse 12:51 PM 12-26-2013
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
MrsSteinel'sHouse
Thanks
Your post is priceless! It is what I try to say but don't have enough words to do it correct
thank you. I just see the benefits looking back. I wouldn't change watching the little ones. My kids have gained so much.
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cheerfuldom 06:12 PM 12-26-2013
Originally Posted by mjaddi:
I certainly don't have the right to judge anyone, but this truly made me sad for the kids in your care. I have my kid in day care 3 hours a day and just the thought of him being told something like that breaks my heart. I can't wait till my center is up and running.
you do realize that many centers allow teachers to enroll their own kids, sometimes in their own classroom? If that is a big concern for you, you had better ask the director the policy. Also, many teachers have favorites or kids that they just bond better with than others and so they treat them differently. I am not defending the teachers that do this, I am just saying that the parent/child scenario or the favortism is not exclusive to home daycares.
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Tags:affection, babysitter vs provider, equality, fairness, family based vs center based, love - daycare family, provider - own child
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