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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Trying Very Hard Not To Be Bitter
Cradle2crayons 07:39 AM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:




Good morning Mrs. Ingrate,

I received your inquiry concerning part-time. I am currently interviewing families requiring full-time care.

I am sure _______ and ________ are enjoying Grandma! Moving forward, I hope you find part-time care which meets your needs.

Good luck,


The Best D*mn Provider You’ll Ever Have

This DCM has way too much nerve. Other posters nailed it when they predicted it would NOT be Candy Land at Grandma’s!

I had to edit this post to add:

*&^% @#!

I know you are not going to do this but if it were me. I would say sure _______ and __________ can come back for part-time care. The part-time registration fee is $______ <-----( Would be the six months of income I sacrificed during their time of need.)
I third the above response!!!! Except mine would likely contain more bleeps...
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MotherNature 08:25 AM 04-25-2014
Oh Wow! I hadn't read the updates about the terming and her behaviour during it. I CAN'T believe she had the nerve to ask you to let the kids come back. She is living on another planet! Glad you stuck to your guns and I hope you sent Cheerfuldom's &KidGrind's letters to her. Those were great responses. I hope you get a great family to fill their spots.
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Naptime yet? 08:37 AM 04-25-2014
DCM made her bed, now let her lie in it. Sorry grandmaw, should have thought things through a bit before quitting your job.
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wdmmom 08:45 AM 04-25-2014
Here's my tidbit of advice:

1.) Never offer SPECIAL to ANYONE EVER. Parents want what they want to better their particular situation. No one ever considers what they provider NEEDS to survive.

2.) The only thing I would have done differently is adjust their hours so that maybe they were using less care, hense making their weekly payment a little less. That's as far as I do in terms of special. Use less, pay less.

3.) In the future you may consider altering your contract termination policy. My current policy is ONE CALENDAR MONTH NOTICE PER CHILD. In this case, you could have earned back 1/3rd of what you offered for free. Definitely not the whole enchilada but you could have walked away feeling not so taken.

4.) If you are like me, this job is your only one and your livelihood! You shouldn't have to sacrifice eating steak and salmon for dinner to eat pot pies and hotdogs. You deserve to continue your lifestyle. Just because someone else's changes doesn't mean you need to change yours. This family could have figured out a suitable arrangement rather than coming to you begging for free! Now that the lesson is learned, move on and don't allow it to happen again.
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Shell 10:19 AM 04-25-2014
My response would be simple : I have no intention of continuing care for your children and would appreciate no further contact. I sent almost the exact response to someone once - short and to the point. No emotion.
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DuchessRavenwaves 10:55 AM 04-25-2014
Okay, first of all, I just found this thread last night, and now that my kids are asleep? This is me:


As much as I would like to call her out on her insane and ungrateful behavior, I think Mrs.Michelle's response is probably the safest way to go. Not the most satisfying, perhaps, but the safest.

You should have seen my face when I got to your post about her asking for care again. I knew it was coming!
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SignMeUp 11:37 AM 04-25-2014
I had a parent get angry with me when I closed because my parent died.




When she had a second child, she asked a friend of hers if she had "burned her bridges" with me.





Seriously. What do you think?



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My3cents 12:43 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
This is how the business or logical side of me feels too.
I also think you already know this.



^^This is how the human side of me feels. When this is all water under the bridge you will have learned from past behavior but for this moment in time, it just hurts and really sucks.


I am right here with both of you!!! I don't like being made to feel like a hard A@@ when I am a true softy at heart and love to help others. I am sorry this has happened to you but agree with so many others, parents are looking out for what is best for them. The same as we would- We are a business to make money, when you start thinking more in that direction it will get a bit easier, but its never easy-

I have a parent that is doing the same thing with me, gave me tons of notice but is leaving me the week before my vacation. Dragging it out along the way because of indecisiveness of the transition to be made. I was taken back at first but it became a wake up call for me to be proactive and do what I need to do to flourish my business. I dislike that I can never become comfortable for very long because of the ever changes in the many facets of this job.

I would say that a babysitter gets paid better then I do. I am a provider and work much harder then a babysitter ever will- That would irritate me a bit, but then again babysitter is a common used term to describe a provider for some places. I would make sure that the clients new the difference- not that it would change their mind but it does make me feel better in how my job is perceived. I am a hard worker.
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CraftyMom 12:50 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by DuchessRavenwaves:
Okay, first of all, I just found this thread last night, and now that my kids are asleep? This is me:



You should have seen my face when I got to your post about her asking for care again. I knew it was coming!
I've felt this way about several threads on here! I think I'm just truly amazed at the nerve of some parents!
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My3cents 01:10 PM 04-25-2014
I would just kill it with kindness and tell her you have no openings ever available for her- Then never reply again to her. You were used.

I enjoyed reading this thread because it showed me once again, how much love is on this forum and support from provider to provider-
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Tasha 02:00 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by SignMeUp:
I had a parent get angry with me when I closed because my parent died.




When she had a second child, she asked a friend of hers if she had "burned her bridges" with me.





Seriously. What do you think?


To me, this is so much worse than my situation, and I am very sorry it happened to you. My DCM has for sure burned her bridges with me, and I'm wondering how so many of you were certain that she'd be back? It just boggles my mind... It's almost like she's treating me as though i am not human and have no feelings. Plus, she is asking for SPECIAL again because she is well aware that I do not take on part-timers. Once I collect myself I will be replying, and probably will keep it pithy.
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Tasha 02:01 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by My3cents:

I enjoyed reading this thread because it showed me once again, how much love is on this forum and support from provider to provider-
I agree, and thank you everyone. You have made it so much easier for me, and given me so much great advice and stiffened my resolve because I really had a hard time going through this.
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Tasha 02:04 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:




Good morning Mrs. Ingrate,

I received your inquiry concerning part-time. I am currently interviewing families requiring full-time care.

I am sure _______ and ________ are enjoying Grandma! Moving forward, I hope you find part-time care which meets your needs.

Good luck,


The Best D*mn Provider You’ll Ever Have

This DCM has way too much nerve. Other posters nailed it when they predicted it would NOT be Candy Land at Grandma’s!

I had to edit this post to add:

*&^% @#!

I know you are not going to do this but if it were me. I would say sure _______ and __________ can come back for part-time care. The part-time registration fee is $______ <-----( Would be the six months of income I sacrificed during their time of need.)
KidGrind, you are so funny and smart. I wish I had the nerve to send this email.
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Unregistered 02:12 PM 04-25-2014
Dear MrsKarmaStinks DoesItNot:

Thank you for your interest in returning to xyz Daycare. I am currently interviewing for full time openings. If you are interested in full time positions for your children please set up a time to go over the new contract. After all interviews are held I will be contacting the families I believe to be the best fit for xyz Daycare. The first family to put down a two week deposit for each child enrolled, to be used for last two weeks in care, will be enrolled. My current rate for new enrolling families is _____(higher than before.)

I look forward t hearing from you soon!




She will not take you up on the offer, and you were nothing but polite and professional. Word of mouth is still the best advertising.
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KiddieCahoots 02:19 PM 04-25-2014
Wow! Some people! If they don't have drama in their lives....they'll create it.
At least you have the satifaction of having the last laugh.
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SignMeUp 02:21 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by Tasha:
To me, this is so much worse than my situation, and I am very sorry it happened to you. My DCM has for sure burned her bridges with me, and I'm wondering how so many of you were certain that she'd be back? It just boggles my mind... It's almost like she's treating me as though i am not human and have no feelings. Plus, she is asking for SPECIAL again because she is well aware that I do not take on part-timers. Once I collect myself I will be replying, and probably will keep it pithy.
Dcm left because of that But there's no better or worse. You nailed your situation right there. IF you feel you must respond, I hope you keep it short and do not respond when she tries to keep you engaged. Personally, I would not dignify her request with an answer
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KidGrind 02:23 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by Tasha:
KidGrind, you are so funny and smart. I wish I had the nerve to send this email.
Thank you! Of course I would replace Ingrate with DCM’s last name and Best D*mn Provider You’ll Ever Have with your first & last name.

I am still reeling that DCM had the nerve to ask for part-time care.

I am having a rough week with a couple of parents.
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nothingwithoutjoy 09:43 PM 04-25-2014
Oh, my goodness...I just stayed up way way past my bedtime because I got caught up in this saga. I can't believe she had the nerve to ask you to come back!!! And yet, I've had those parents. It shocks me every time--they're complete jerks, take advantage, and then think you love them and can't wait to get their kid back!

I love this:
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
*&^% @#!

I know you are not going to do this but if it were me. I would say sure _______ and __________ can come back for part-time care. The part-time registration fee is $______ <-----( Would be the six months of income I sacrificed during their time of need.)
and wish I had that nerve, but in reality, I'd probably just say "no, I'm sorry; I can't," and leave it at that. I worry about burning bridges in a way that might get around through ugly word of mouth.

I'm so sorry you got ripped off that way. Thanks for sharing the story; it helps to hear others' experiences.
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KidGrind 07:31 AM 04-30-2014
I am wondering how DCM received your declining to take her back as a client.
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DuchessRavenwaves 09:20 AM 04-30-2014
Yeah, what KidGrind said!
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deliberateliterate 11:52 AM 07-23-2014
Was there ever an update to this??
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Unregistered 04:06 PM 07-23-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Me too, I would want to say something. Probably best to let it go though

I had a family with 2 kids give their notice for last day to be the day before my PAID vacation started, even though I knew the kids weren't starting at their new preschool for 2 more weeks. Clearly they were avoiding having to pay my vacation. I was at capacity, so I had to wait for them to leave before anyone could start, which now would be AFTER my vaca. Any way I sliced it I lost a week's pay for 2 spots.

Totally sucked the way they did this! After caring for their kids all year and dealing with a lot of bull from them and accommodating in several instances, this is how they repaid me, by screwing me.


I told them that respectfully they SHOULD pay my vacation and told them why I thought so. Of course I had no grounds to make them pay. They couldn't understand why I felt this way.

Anyway, I learned NOT to accommodate and learned that even the best people will screw you over to benefit themselves!

I now have a policy about termination within a month of my paid vacation
I also have a paid vacation, but I don't take payment for those days (I don't always take it in one lump sum). I calculated my rates to make it look like those weeks are free. I.e. charging 125 a week instead of 120 to make up for it.
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Unregistered 04:24 PM 07-23-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I have had many situations where parents have had life changes that would substantially lower my hourly rate if I "worked" with them to accommodate. I have had some who were upset when I said I wouldn't do the care because they believed that I would and should accommodate so that I could still have the kid.

Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.

It shouldn't be that way but it is. Offering discounts or working cheap for the prospect of future money is never a good idea. If you want to do it then do it for you not the family. If you want to do community service and you pick a family that you will volunteer or work really cheaply for then do it for yourself and don't look back. Doing it for them is only in YOUR mind. Most parents receiving free only value it while they are getting it and deep down inside I think most feel the free is deserved. They often look at us as being perfectly able to give the free and because we can we should.

This family is a perfect example of this. They received a HUGE gift and they don't feel a second of obligation. As soon as the free was up they booked. They leave now with free words: thank you for the free.
I also don't like giving any thing for free, because they won't want the service once it's not free/not reduced. I think as we are our businesses, it takes a toll on YOU. I.e. you're ok when no one else is around does HURT. When I have all older children, I do projects with supplies. I don't want to say what the supplies are as I don't want to out myself is anyone in my area reads. Once they were paid for, I could reuse them. One year, I decided not to charge a fee for these supplies. So many got broken or "lost" (parent kept it). I'll never forget my father in-law gave this coin to a waitress we had. It was part gold. It was worth about 50 dollars. (It was a big dinner). The waitress said to him "I don't want this foreign money you gave me". Not knowing what it was. He was so turned off he gave her a 20 dollar bill and she was happy with it. My point is "value" is often perceived in terms of money.
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Tasha 07:12 AM 07-31-2014
Hi, since a couple of you asked how this ended... I texted DCM that I wouldn't take her kids back, not now, not ever, because of her shabby treatment of me. I guess she finally got the message. She eventually wound up at a daycare center PT for awhile, then pulled them for reasons I don't know. I did hear from her after that, not asking to bring the kids back but just a text to ''see how (I'm) doing." I never responded. Looking back on it, I cannot believe I went through all that and unfortunately that whole mess has sort-of hardened me as a provider. I've learned that when parents ask me to ''work with'' them, all it really means is that they want special. It really is the phrase I dread the most. I've had a couple of doozy families since then, and I guess after having a great run of several years it was bound to happen that I'd have a bad spell.
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Tags:daycare is not a charity, favors, lower rates, tuition - discount, ungrateful parents
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