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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Walking on Eggshells so DCF Won't Pull Kid Out
Crazy Baby 01:04 PM 11-16-2017
I have a DCB that has been with me for a couple of months now. His mother works with another mother and so they chat sometimes. She is always saying that she just doesn't know about my place and that they are thinking about taking the kid out and putting him in a center. This is what she is telling the other mother.

The kid cries most mornings when she brings him in and she then hovers around far too long because she has a hard time leaving him while crying.

DCB has trouble taking direction from me and will usually throw himself on the floor and cry if he gets "in trouble."

I really just want it to get better. Some days go well and others not so much. I feel like I have to suck up to the family extra hard so that they will like me and not pull the boy out. I would like him to stay.

It has been a frustrating situation for all of us.

Advice?
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DaveA 01:08 PM 11-16-2017
Honestly one way or another you're probably going to have to replace this family. Either dealing with the stress will drive you batty or DCM will decide to pull. I would start looking for replacement enrollment then give DCM whatever your contracted notice period is.
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Crazy Baby 01:10 PM 11-16-2017
You are probably right.

Is it normal for a DCK to cry upon arrival for 2 months?
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midaycare 01:23 PM 11-16-2017
Originally Posted by Crazy Baby:
You are probably right.

Is it normal for a DCK to cry upon arrival for 2 months?
In my experience, it can be. Depends on the past experiences of the child.

I had one that did this for 1 year. 1.5 years- 2.5 years old. Dcd pulled, thought it was the environment. Took her to a center and what do you know? Dcg lasted less than 2 weeks there. Needed a nanny.
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storybookending 01:35 PM 11-16-2017
I personally wouldnt be comfortable with a parent that talks behind my back to another parent. Id look into replacing the child before Im replaced.
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boy_mom 01:41 PM 11-16-2017
I think crying at drop off can be normal for some children. I had two long term criers (one is still my sons best friends and still comes to my house a lot since I closed my daycare!) Sometimes sending pictures of the child happy and playing through out the day to the parents can help ease your/their mind!

As far as trying to please the parents, I would cut that out ASAP they are either going to like your daycare or not. You want families to be a good fit with who you are and what you're offering. If you start bending over backwards to please them, that will become their normal, and you will grow weary from it! Just be yourself!

Just as a family needs to be a good fit for us to work with, a daycare needs to be a good fit for a family to be happy leaving their child everyday. Sometimes it's nothing personal, the chemistry is just off and that's ok!
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Ariana 01:47 PM 11-16-2017
Yes it can be normal for a kid to cry for no reason. I recently had a kid finally stop crying after 8 months! My own niece cried every day. If it's a habit and they get extra attention for it, it will continue.
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Gemma 02:28 PM 11-16-2017
Originally Posted by DaveA:
Honestly one way or another you're probably going to have to replace this family. Either dealing with the stress will drive you batty or DCM will decide to pull. I would start looking for replacement enrollment then give DCM whatever your contracted notice period is.

If I hear someone is thinking of leaving, they're gone!
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Blackcat31 03:25 PM 11-16-2017
Originally Posted by Crazy Baby:
I have a DCB that has been with me for a couple of months now. His mother works with another mother and so they chat sometimes. She is always saying that she just doesn't know about my place and that they are thinking about taking the kid out and putting him in a center. This is what she is telling the other mother.

The kid cries most mornings when she brings him in and she then hovers around far too long because she has a hard time leaving him while crying.

DCB has trouble taking direction from me and will usually throw himself on the floor and cry if he gets "in trouble."

I really just want it to get better. Some days go well and others not so much. I feel like I have to suck up to the family extra hard so that they will like me and not pull the boy out. I would like him to stay.

It has been a frustrating situation for all of us.

Advice?
Why? (bolded above)
Reply
Blackcat31 03:28 PM 11-16-2017
Originally Posted by Gemma:

If I hear someone is thinking of leaving, they're gone!
Really? Why?

I encourage my families to always "look" at other places/environments. I want my clients to want to be here.

If I heard a family was interviewing with another provider, I certainly wouldn't react by terming them. I've never understood providers that immediately want to term if they get wind of their clients checking out other places/arrangements. I don't know maybe it's just me but it makes no sense in my mind.

FWIW~ I'm not dissing you for it at all; but I am genuinely curious as to why.
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Mom2Two 03:28 PM 11-16-2017
Originally Posted by Crazy Baby:
You are probably right.

Is it normal for a DCK to cry upon arrival for 2 months?
The age of the child would make some difference on what "normal" was.

Just be yourself and if they don't like what you offer, then you'll be better off if they leave, even if it kinda bites. I've had two or three families leave (depending on how I count them), and even though it felt a bit like getting dumped, the parents were crazy-makers and my life was happier without them.
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Gemma 03:41 PM 11-16-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Really? Why?

I encourage my families to always "look" at other places/environments. I want my clients to want to be here.

If I heard a family was interviewing with another provider, I certainly wouldn't react by terming them. I've never understood providers that immediately want to term if they get wind of their clients checking out other places/arrangements. I don't know maybe it's just me but it makes no sense in my mind.

FWIW~ I'm not dissing you for it at all; but I am genuinely curious as to why.
If they are looking for better than me that means I am not what they are looking for...resentment is inevitable if I try to make someone fit, they either do or don't, and I cannot do business with family that are not 100% satisfied with my service
Can't word it like you would but I hope you get what I'm trying to say
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HappyEverAfter 10:55 PM 11-16-2017
I've only ever had one parent that I thought might consider going elsewhere (turns out I was wrong) and while it bothered me, my take on it was that there was no way she was going to find better care than I was giving outside of hiring a private nanny for individual care so let her go see just how good she has it with me. And while that might sound a little arrogant on my part, I am confident I'd gone above and beyond what would be expected of any quality provider.

What I would be concerned about is that she's talking to another parent about you and that parent is then reporting back to you about it. This means the reporting parent is also going back to the complaining parent and gossiping about you. So watch what you say in response when she brings you information. Those that gossip with you, gossip about you.
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Unregistered 08:43 AM 11-20-2017
I've had a half dozen or so dcf's leave over the years because I had the audacity to enforce some policy of mine, or they want longer hours than I am willing to offer...generally a "grass is greener" scenario.

And you know what? All but one of them contacted me just a month or two later asking if they could come back, or I hear from them or a mutual acquaintance that they are really unhappy with their new daycare situatuion. The one that didn't had started their own daycare. I was tickled, because I am sure that dcm learned in a hurry why I had the policies she didn't like. Nothing like having the shoe on the other foot to bring perspective!

I think of dc as parenting. There are lots of different ways to do it, not right or wrong, just different. If someone isn't a good fit, that's okay. Just be yourself like Mom2Two said, and if they want to leave, so be it. There are plenty of other people out there that will take their place and love your services!
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Gemma 09:57 AM 11-20-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think of dc as parenting. There are lots of different ways to do it, not right or wrong, just different. If someone isn't a good fit, that's okay. Just be yourself like Mom2Two said, and if they want to leave, so be it. There are plenty of other people out there that will take their place and love your services!

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AmyKidsCo 01:40 PM 11-20-2017
I've been in this situation and the amount of stress relief I felt when they finally left taught me that it's not worth it. There are other families out there that will be a better fit. Life is too short to for that kind of stress!
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