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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>***FED UP!!!!*** I'm About to Lose It....
cillybean83 08:15 AM 01-21-2011
My daycare kid isn't here because of icy roads, but my OWN soon-to-be 8 year old has just SEVERED my last nerve.

I have to babysit him more than my 13 month old and ALL the daycare kids PUT TOGETHER...I just caught him sitting on my couch eating a piece of COLD FRIED CHICKEN that was left over from dinner last night and he WIPED. HIS. HAND. ON. MY. COUCH.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! So I told him to get his little butt into the kitchen and sit at the counter if he wants to eat CHICKEN for BREAKFAST since he couldn't POSSIBLY wait for me to finish making pancakes. I turn my back on him and 2 minutes later my dogs (a feist and a chihuahua) are going at it and my feist is trying to rip my chihuahua to shreds. They were right near my son, who has a history of teasing them with food. They NEVER fight unless it's over food, and of course my son denies all responsibility and swears he didn't dangle chicken in front of them...who know if he's lying or not, he lies so much about EVERYTHING so it's hard to tell.

I then go to start the laundry and notice the gate to the playroom is wide open. I have literally told my child 25 times in the last TWO DAYS that we HAVE TO KEEP THE GATE CLOSED. We have DOGS, that room is for DAYCARE, I want it kept CLEAN...of course my children can play in there as well but NOT if they are going to DISRESPECT the room, my rules, and ME personally. I took some of my sons toys out of there and put them in his room and banned him from the playroom. I told him he can earn the rest of his toys back by being good, and if he can't be good, his toys become property of the daycare and he can work and do chores to earn money to buy them back.

I don't know what else to do. I have to fight with him about going to bed, taking a shower, brushing his teeth, doing his school work, everything is a struggle. He's overweight because he WILL NOT do anything. He complains when we have to go to the store, all he wants to do is sit and watch tv or sit on the computer. He's banned from the computer, and he's being limited to 30 minutes of tv per day, he has limited toys to play with now that he's also been banned from the playroom...reading and school work it is! If he gets bored I can put him to work doing household chores. I try talking to him and explaining that I'm NOT being mean to him, I'm teaching him how to be a man, and that when he grows up he will have NOTHING in life if he doesn't want to work and only wants to sit around and watch tv. He'll lose every job, if he gets married he'll lose his wife and kids too because no woman wants to be married to a lazy guy who does NOTHING but sit in front of the tv. He is a very smart kid, he's VERY advanced, he's in 2nd grade and can do 6th grade work and reads at a high school level. He's smart, and he KNOWS what he's doing is wrong and he UNDERSTANDS what I'm telling him, he just makes no effort to change.

Please help me I'm at my wits end!!!!
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My4SunshineGirlsNY 08:27 AM 01-21-2011
Sounds like my oldest daughter...she's 13 1/2 now but when she was that age she was a nightmare! She has ADHD and back then her one track mind was AWEFUL! I feel your frustration and no matter what we did or talks we had never sank in. Now that she's 13 she's gaining more self control but some things are still a struggle.

I wish I had the magic answer but I was given all kinds of advice and tried it all out to no avail. It was just time that helped. I guess the most effective of them all is to be consistant with punishments, but with a difficult child, sometimes it takes all we have to discipline ourselves to make sure we follow through. It isn't easy at all! Some days you just want to be left alone without the constant discipline and you just give in to keep them quiet. I have SOOO been there!!
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MN Mom 08:31 AM 01-21-2011
Does he like video games?

The reason I ask is because both the Wii and the Xbox Kinect systems have some very FUN games that require a lot of physical activity. Maybe try a reward system where if he is good, he gets to play the Wii OR Xbox, but only allow the types of games that get him up and moving. My kids love the Dance Dance Revolution games, and the Wii Fit / Sports games. When it's too cold to go out (like to day, -25 below standing temp...-40 with wind-chill) that is what they do inside.

You can make him earn that game time by doing chores around the house; sweeping, vacuuming, washing the bathroom floor by hand, doing windows. There are many activities that can teach responsibility and encourage physical movement at the same time =)

Hope I helped some, and hang in there!! Boys can be challenging at that age.
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Blackcat31 09:13 AM 01-21-2011
Are you sure the REAL issue isnt that he ate the KFC that you love?!? I am sooooo totally giving you s**t! I couldn't help it...sorry! I would be VERY peeved at my DS if he did that....I agree, who cares how bad screen time can be it sounds like you need him to have some today!! Hang in there...it is Friday!!! (((((hugs))))
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Blackcat31 09:16 AM 01-21-2011
On a serious note, someone gave me a book called Parent Power by John Rosemond and I loved the things he talked about in regards to discipline strategies especially for strong willed kids who can be difficult. I used his book like a Bible because he made sooo much sense. Check out his website...I love his philosophy! http://www.rosemond.com/Home.html
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MG&Lsmom 09:28 AM 01-21-2011
I am sooo sorry! Is this an 8yo boy thing? My friend is having similar issues with her 8, soon to be 9, year old. His behavior is spectrumy, but then sometimes I catch that gleam in his eye that tells me he's faking it.

I wish I had more advice, but I'm a meany and would send him straight to his room with spelling lists and make him write until hand fell off.
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cillybean83 09:36 AM 01-21-2011
haha blackcat, thanks i needed the laugh today! I think what I need to do is really just lay down the law on him. I told him that the only things I'm required to do for him is feed him, clothe him, give him an education, and give him medical care, pretty much anything beyond that is privilege, and privileges can be taken away. He's starting out with barely anything, and he can earn back what he had with good behavior.
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SandeeAR 09:53 AM 01-21-2011
Dr. Phil would tell you to strip his room down to nothing but the bed, bedding and clothes and tell him to earn the rest back.

Also, try Dr. Dobson's Book, The Strong Willed Child. It is how I survived my now 26 y/o dd. Read it about 5-6 times LOL!
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lil angels 10:01 AM 01-21-2011
I have a con who will be 8 next month and we went though a hard time with him listening. So we got a rubbermaid tote and we put all his favorite things in it it was clear so he could see it but high so he couldn't have it. Then we put a chart on it with things like homework, empty the dishwasher, empty the waste baskets, all sorts of things that helped me out to. Then everyday when he came home from school he had to get his work done before he could do anything else. When he finished a job he could put a star there and after he got so many stars he could pick something out of his naughty bin because he had earned it back it seemed to work great now he seems to enjoy helping around the house.

He smashed into my cousins car with his 50cc 4wheeler and he had to earn money to pay off the $600 in damage that he caused. So we made him work it off.

Your son could do this to get his things back and to earn TV time. Just a thought hope it helps.
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Live and Learn 10:09 AM 01-21-2011
We did away with tv and computer during the school week when my kids were this age. Even now that my kids are older ....no tv/computer in the morning before school and no video games at all until Friday after school.

My kids aren't over weight but they would do absolutely nothing if the tv was available.....For awhile we even moved the tv out of the family room altogether. You might find he is more active he doesn't have any screen time available.

Good Luck.
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countrymom 11:10 AM 01-21-2011
wait, I have a better one. Ds is also 8 and he loves fried chicken too, well he was also eating it on my couch and I just bought brand new light brown faux suede pillows (I'm making it into a grown up room) well, I go and fix all the pillows and low and behold, there are what looked like a face in the pillow, sure enough ds wiped his hands and face in my pillows---so I start yelling who did that and of course the sisters ratted him out. OMG I could have killed him, luckily baby wipes cleaned it up.
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safechner 11:38 AM 01-21-2011
Originally Posted by cillybean83:
My daycare kid isn't here because of icy roads, but my OWN soon-to-be 8 year old has just SEVERED my last nerve.

I have to babysit him more than my 13 month old and ALL the daycare kids PUT TOGETHER...I just caught him sitting on my couch eating a piece of COLD FRIED CHICKEN that was left over from dinner last night and he WIPED. HIS. HAND. ON. MY. COUCH.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! So I told him to get his little butt into the kitchen and sit at the counter if he wants to eat CHICKEN for BREAKFAST since he couldn't POSSIBLY wait for me to finish making pancakes. I turn my back on him and 2 minutes later my dogs (a feist and a chihuahua) are going at it and my feist is trying to rip my chihuahua to shreds. They were right near my son, who has a history of teasing them with food. They NEVER fight unless it's over food, and of course my son denies all responsibility and swears he didn't dangle chicken in front of them...who know if he's lying or not, he lies so much about EVERYTHING so it's hard to tell.

I then go to start the laundry and notice the gate to the playroom is wide open. I have literally told my child 25 times in the last TWO DAYS that we HAVE TO KEEP THE GATE CLOSED. We have DOGS, that room is for DAYCARE, I want it kept CLEAN...of course my children can play in there as well but NOT if they are going to DISRESPECT the room, my rules, and ME personally. I took some of my sons toys out of there and put them in his room and banned him from the playroom. I told him he can earn the rest of his toys back by being good, and if he can't be good, his toys become property of the daycare and he can work and do chores to earn money to buy them back.

I don't know what else to do. I have to fight with him about going to bed, taking a shower, brushing his teeth, doing his school work, everything is a struggle. He's overweight because he WILL NOT do anything. He complains when we have to go to the store, all he wants to do is sit and watch tv or sit on the computer. He's banned from the computer, and he's being limited to 30 minutes of tv per day, he has limited toys to play with now that he's also been banned from the playroom...reading and school work it is! If he gets bored I can put him to work doing household chores. I try talking to him and explaining that I'm NOT being mean to him, I'm teaching him how to be a man, and that when he grows up he will have NOTHING in life if he doesn't want to work and only wants to sit around and watch tv. He'll lose every job, if he gets married he'll lose his wife and kids too because no woman wants to be married to a lazy guy who does NOTHING but sit in front of the tv. He is a very smart kid, he's VERY advanced, he's in 2nd grade and can do 6th grade work and reads at a high school level. He's smart, and he KNOWS what he's doing is wrong and he UNDERSTANDS what I'm telling him, he just makes no effort to change.

Please help me I'm at my wits end!!!!

Oh my goodness! Your son just sounds like my 8 years old daughter. She is not overweight but she is very risk of overweight. She would sit front of tv afterschool to do nothing. she doesn't do any chores. I am only one doing it everyday. She wouldnt clean up her room when I asked her many time. I gave up and clean up for her for once a while. I also fight with her the same thing what you did to your son but she does take a shower when I told her so and she always smart mouth to me and her daddy.

Somehow, one day I blow out (pissed) at her and I started whoop her butt a big time. I told her I am not doing clean up for her so she have to keep clean her room all the time. If I see her messy again and I will whoop her butt no matter what. I was so sick of her to do anything. My husband and I force her to play the sports to keep her butt off. She is very good player at soccer but she doesn't like it at all. That is too bad. She realized it and she apologized to us what she did to us. She starts play wii fit plus after school everyday. She seems so happy and I haven't spanked her for a while. She also keeps her room clean because she knew I would spank her if I see one thing in her room. She lost 10 pounds so she is no longer on high risk of overweight. My husband and I are surprised she asked that she wants to play soccer again for spring. She also wants to join volleyball in the fall and soccer too. I am very impressed but I am glad I blow out at her. At first, I feel bad but I think it is the right thing to do. I cannot continued like that if I let that happens. You said your son is very smart so my daughter is. She is reading a very highest level in high school too. To be honest, my daughter is very good girl in school and she have gotten three star awards for being good girl from K, 1st, and 2nd grades. She listens to her teacher very well.

Maybe you can do the same what I did to my daughter. Hope it helps.
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countrymom 12:29 PM 01-21-2011
my children are signed up for activities alot of them, I find in the winter its so hard to do anything. Last year we put a pool in so they can get more fit. How about finding a activity he would like to do. Mine do dancing-even my ds is in his younger sisters hip hop class and he is a way better dancer than her and most of the girls, they also (all 4 of my kids ) take skipping lessons and its for an hour and a half, they love it. how about cubs thats always fun.
I read somewhere that if you don't introduce your child to activities and get them motivated now that don't expect that at the age of 13 they are going to start doing it and many children become couch potatoes at that age (thats why we started them young in activities)
oh, I forgot, my kids also took basketball thru the ymca, they also play soccer. But they have done gymnastics (thats fun) skating and karate.
we try mixing activities up so they don't get bored. I'm telling you, that when you see them and they are smiling it makes you so happy.
oh and my ds is a game freak, we even buy shirts that say that but he is so skinny he looks like twigs.
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MyAngels 12:40 PM 01-21-2011
Originally Posted by countrymom:
my children are signed up for activities alot of them, I find in the winter its so hard to do anything. Last year we put a pool in so they can get more fit. How about finding a activity he would like to do. Mine do dancing-even my ds is in his younger sisters hip hop class and he is a way better dancer than her and most of the girls, they also (all 4 of my kids ) take skipping lessons and its for an hour and a half, they love it. how about cubs thats always fun.
I read somewhere that if you don't introduce your child to activities and get them motivated now that don't expect that at the age of 13 they are going to start doing it and many children become couch potatoes at that age (thats why we started them young in activities)
oh, I forgot, my kids also took basketball thru the ymca, they also play soccer. But they have done gymnastics (thats fun) skating and karate.
we try mixing activities up so they don't get bored. I'm telling you, that when you see them and they are smiling it makes you so happy.
oh and my ds is a game freak, we even buy shirts that say that but he is so skinny he looks like twigs.
This is good advice. All three of my kids were involved in activities and sports from a young age. We didn't wait for them to show an interest, we just signed them up. As the years went on they all naturally gravitated to one or two each and continued them through high school (two of them) and into college (my youngest still plays in college). They are well rounded and active adults now, and this is the reason that they are.
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Unregistered 05:16 PM 01-22-2011
I'm not trying to be rude but could your Son be overweight because he eats chicken for breakfest and eats the wrong things that you put in the house for him to eat not because he watches tv? As far as him not listening to you it sounds like you got a stubborn one on your hands I have one too he is ADHD and 7 but once WE as a family got therpay and I started sticking to his punishments plus meds he is a different kid I'm not saying your child is ADHD I'm just saying stick to your guns and he will get it which it does sound like you are doing.
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cillybean83 07:24 AM 01-23-2011
Don't worry I wouldn't take your comments as being rude, I put it out there for advice and you're right, that could be part of the problem, granted we only have meals like that once a week or every two weeks, but still it isn't necessary to have them at all. Honestly though I think his weight problem has a lot to do with his inactivity. He doesn't eat a lot so if he got an average amount of exercise he would thin out relatively fast. Hes involved in karate, cub scouts, and a homeschool group where he has weekly park days, field trips, etc and when he turns 8 in March he can sign up for football which he's excited about...so maybe that will help burn some calories.

He's been an angel all weekend, instead of talking to him and explaining everything to him, my husband and I used visuals. We physically took a lot of his toys and put them in the attic, and he can earn them back by doing chores or being good in general. We made a chore chart and put it on the fridge and stapled a baggie of stickers to it so he can put a sticker next to the chore he does. We also told him that we won't be babying him about his chore chart, he can read, he knows where the fridge is, he can go read his chart, do what it says, and put his sticker on it. We're also going to start giving him an allowance (kind of) we already have a rule of toys are for birthdays and christmas, and other little holidays like he gets a little toy for valentine's day, an Easter basket, etc...so his allowance will go in his savings account for trips. Since he is homeschooled we do a lot of mini trips to show him what he's learning, like on MLK Jr Day we took him to Memphis to the Lorraine Motel and the Civil Rights Museum, stuff like that.

Hopefully with all these new incentives his attitude will only get better
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Kaddidle Care 05:38 PM 01-23-2011
After reading your last post I cheered. NOW you've got it!

My oldest is ADHD and gifted and by 4th grade he had lost just about EVERYTHING he loved through punishment. I had nothing else to take away. So then I went the other route - issued him tickets for TV/Video game time when he did something right or read for a half hour. The tickets were good for 15 minutes each and he learned to "budget" his time if there was something special he wanted to watch, etc.

Hang in there on the Scouting too - I'm happy to say that my oldest is now an Eagle Scout and is in College studying to be an Engineer. By High school things tend to level out but until then, it's never a dull moment! Hold onto your hair!
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SandeeAR 07:57 AM 01-24-2011
You mentioned giving him an allowance. My husband thought I was nuts when I first started this plan with my girls. When they were in about 3rd grade, I gave them $20 week for their chores.....now don't panic, stay with me.... LOL.

1st 10% went to church
2nd 10% went to "taxes"..... a family jar used for movies etc. (Dad and I
contributed to this too)
3rd 10% went to savings for something larger/ long term purchase

The rest was theirs......however, when the school tee shirt, annual, field trip came up, they were expected to pay half and Dad and I paid half.

(This was money we were spending anyway, but they learned the value of the Dollar better)

When we were in Walmart/Target etc., and they said "I want"....I always asked, "do you have the money?" If they did I would get it if they really wanted to spend the money. When we got home, they had to go get me the money before they got the toy.

Many times, when they realized they were spending "their" money, they decided the toy wasn't near as important. I never had that child throwing a fit in the store for a toy.

We did buy things for them on occasion, just b/c, but they didn't expect it.
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cillybean83 08:04 AM 01-24-2011
Dylan now has a chore chart that has a maximum value of $13.50 per week. Each square is worth $0.25 and he'll get paid for the squares that have stickers. If he cheats and puts a sticker where he doesn't deserve one, he will lose everything he's earned for the week. I'll report back next week and let you know if it's working!
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Tags:angry, messy eater, provider children, spoiled, vent
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