I've been in this business a long time. I only have kids 3-5 years old. I expect a lot out of my kids behavior wise. I am very structured and have good routines down. It's worked for years.....

BUT! Things seem to be getting different. Kids can't sit by each other without wrestling and bugging each other. It's hard to even read a book or sing songs. Pinching and pushing are another problem that I rarely had previously. And..I have really good kids!

I blame everything on video games. I don't know.....but it sure seems like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes. Oh....and the lack of self help skills! Oh my I could go on and on. Maybe I'm just venting....but I feel like a drill sergeant and have never really felt like this in the past. I have a good group of kids too.

Reply

I feel it is a change in homes/parenting. Too many days I feel like a psychologist at pickup/dropoff....Have made some parents unhappy lately by cutting off the drama during these times.

Parents don't know how to function so neither do these kids. Instead of being calm in the chaos, the parents are joining in on the chaos so kids are rambunctious all the time. Just my opinions.

Reply

Oh my goodness this is so true! My first drop off of the day is like this. As soon as she leaves for the day her kid stops crying. I will text from the driveway that he is no longer crying and in fact playing. I tell her it's a show he has just for her. She actually wanted to have him tested for autism. I just don't think he can be autistic only with her. He shows no signs once she leaves. He quits with babytalk, will take off his shoes and his coat in the proper way (not inside out) and go play. Recently she has called him a "sensitive soul" but he is only a sensitive soul with her. I think parents are also so afraid to disappoint.....kids get what they want, win every game, don't have to dress themselves or do any kind of chore and are apologized to for leaving them at childcare etc.

Reply

Everybody is a winner, no one is a loser anymore so no one has to earn anything, not even respect....just be who you want to be even if it is disrespectful/hurtful/or downright crazy.... again, just my opinions!

Reply

Everything is guns and bad guys. I don't necessarily judge playing either of these things....but I say, not at school. It's just so escalating. They play legos....make it a gun and start shooting. They make their bread into guns, whatever is at around. It's like....we see you have making guns down.....can we try building a bridge or a house? LOL

Reply

The gun play doesn't scare me! What scares me is the "neediness" and "ability to control emotions". Children can't adapt to change or handle the word "no" whether it be with what is appropriate at the time, following directions, etc.... They can't do "anything" without being led or "touching" an adult... Just my opinions!

Reply

and I might add that too many parents are this way as well.

Reply

I see this too. Especially with the guns part. I have zero problem with guns but my family views them as a tool, not a toy. I know guns with boys is a big thing but I do think a big part of that has to do with what they are exposed to. I have one little one who I have to be on all the time because his play is "hurting" everything and everyone. Pretend light sabers are used to hit the other children. Blocks are made into guns and he pretends to shoot the the other children. The stuffed animals are zombies and need to be stabbed. I don't mind if a child builds a gun to explore this often "forbidden" thing, but when it gets to this child's level it is just too much and the other children don't like it.

As far as children changing, I think they have/are changing but I believe it begins with the parents. Parents have changed therefore the children are changing. Self help skills, manners and spending quality time with your child(ren) are no longer viewed as the most important things you can teach/give your child(ren). Now the focus is on material things.

I think a lot of it comes from guilt, parents inability to be selfless and parents inability to let their children fail. The generation who are raising children now (and maybe even the one before that) were never taught how to lose gracefully, how to fail and continuing trying, etc. Those children never learned confidence. Now those children are adults and are raising children with those same fears. We now have a society of anxious quitters.

Of course, not all families or children are like this but it seems to be the norm now. At least in my area and experience.

Reply

I don't blame video games, but I do blame the fixation on gun/violent play with kids being not allowed to do this play. Children are no longer allowed to have ANY power play. Power play is very important for children. So is the ability to act out violence and handle the scary aspects of life good/bad. As soon as it's started, it's stopped.

We do sword play/gun play here. With limitations. Outside only. ONLY words- never hurting friends. We also ask "Can I shoot you?" etc.

SO MUCH THIS YES!

I have so many kids who cannot play without an adult, or cannot play without an adult intervening and commenting/directing the play.

KIDS are changing. Parenting is changing. It's not for the better, either.

Self help skills are at an all time low, parental (behavioral, social, self help) expectations are at an all time low. Academic expectations are at an all time high.

I have conferences this month. NOT looking forward to steering the conversation BACK to the 'real' issues and away from "Susie doesn't know how to read yet." Susie is 4 and can't put on her rain boots. You have bigger worries.

Reply

There are no boundaries, therefore leading to no consequences....life is a "free for all" in too many families.

Can't tell you how many times my sons use the "well, xxxxx gets to do it this/that way" and I reply with "it don't matter to me what xxxx's mom said, I am YOUR mom and the answer is NO".

Reply

Thanks for letting me vent! We are raising the parents more than the kids.

Also...putting a little blame on ME. I have to watch my own attitude. When I'm "off" the kids know it and act out. Today I made a very conscious change in my attitude. It's not that I was mean or even in a bad mood.....just a little frustrated. I didn't realize that I was in a funk and the kids totally sensed that. The last hour has gone much better. It's a learning experience for all of us. Once we stop learning we go stagnant.

Reply

One more reason we all need to use our support systems.

Reply

Oh my goodness, yes!! Dcm is so obsessed with "school" (dcb is 3.5) and doesn't understand why he's not doing the same K work as my son is (who is 5, and IN kindergarten). Yet dcb has zero self help skills, still tantrums like a 18m-24m kid, frequently, has to be led through everything...these are bigger problems that your 3.5yr old not doing K work!!
*Sigh*

Reply

I see a lot of kids with no coping skills. They don't know how to handle defeat and disappointment and strong emotion in a positive way. They have never had to. This is why I see kids losing their sh!t over non issues. They haven't been taught how to not sweat the small stuff. They haven't been taught how to live in a life that will constantly challenge them. The hurdles and hills have been leveled down so there is very little challenge.

Reply

True that!! Every since I been teaching the kids about having good sportsmanship a lot of problems resulting from kids losing has gone down!! Yay!! Too bad we still have kids who still crys because of them being baby at home. THE journey continue!

Reply

I see it as an issue with not being allowed.... like Diva said, the fixation on not allowing any type of good/bad play is what fosters their incessant need to want to play.

Its human nature to want what you can't have.

The rest I chalk up to the everyone is a winner mentality and the silly concept that everyone has to be friends.

Nice, courteous and polite? Yes.
Friends? Not necessary.

Couple all that with the fact that parent's seem to feel that a measure of their parenting skills is directly related to IF and HOW MUCH their child likes them.

I don't think my parent's gave a rat's patootie if I "liked" them or not. That wasn't even listed in their job description. I never once thought I didn't love them nor did I consider for a second that they didn't love me. It simply didn't work that way.

Like was something reserved for broccoli.

Reply

Oh and in regards to video games..... my son is currently on the Dean's list at his college and has been asked to help student teach in one of his classes because of his eye for detail and his understanding of how the CAD programs and machines work.

Thanks to all the late night hours he spent holed up in his room playing video games.

There IS a positive to video games.

Just like anything.... used appropriately and within reason...it can be a positive thing.

Reply

I think the behavior issues are because children are rarely able to run and play until they choose to stop. They live overly scheduled and structured lives devoid of free choices, free will or the gift of boredom.

They spend too much time under adults thumb and strapped into confinement equipment (car seats, high chairs, restaurant booths, shopping carts, automobiles, fences, etc).

Every adult is willing to tell them what to think, say and do but few are willing to listen to what they really want for themselves. Kids today are simply frustrated, their lives are unnatural.

There is a youtube video on what it feels like to be talked to as a kid... I will see if I can find it.

I don't know any kid right now who has the ability to simply walk out their front door to play in their own neighborhood with other kids. Do you?

Reply

waving hand.....

Thankfully, my small town community tends to live very much like that still. My neighbor has 3 kids. The oldest is 10 and the youngest is Kindy age. All 3 of her kids walk home alone from school (several blocks) every day.

They spend all afternoon outside playing... even in the winter months. I see mom and/or dad rolling in after work about the time I am leaving daycare.

I am sure many would frown on their choices to allow their children to do that... but I don't. I absolutely see the value in what they are allowing their children to do.

Reply

About the video games.....
I had a child who was immersed in video games. He played them with big brother.....call of duty ghosts was his favorite. He was the most violent boy I've ever had. He was in a video game 90% of the day.....not actually in front of one playing it....but in his head. he had almost no real communication with kids here. He made video game noises all day long. He walked like Mario....all day long. I talked to mom who said she thought he was just creative. No, creative would be coming up with your own script to play.....not acting out video games all day long. I contacted a professional. She said....video games....kids needs to stop playing so many video games. She encouraged me to talk to mom again. The mom took away all video games and we noticed positive changes right away. By the time he left here I felt like I knew him. While he was a living video game I did not know him. I couldn't teach him....I couldn't even communicate properly with him.

So.....I'm not saying video games are all bad....but too much is extremely dangerous for our kids. Of course this boys case was extreme. He was playing games that were very violent and not for 4 year olds!

Reply

I can see how that is a bad situation but I still view that as more of a parenting issue than a video game issue.

Reply

I think it's both. Parents should monitor screen time of any kind.....the amount of time and for age appropriateness.

Parents need to parent. Let kids experience risk, disappointment, conflict, and being told no.

I like this article. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...es-kids-brains It doesn't totally bash screen time but does suggest limiting it. Of course call of duty is never appropriate for young children!

Reply

Great article too!

Reply

Yes, video games (and ice cream) are fantastic in moderation.

My kids have limited screen time and age appropriate limits on type of games played. My younger boys (8 and 11) are currently obsessed with football. They play Madden together when they have screen time. When they aren't playing video games, they use figures and writes plays on paper, make up team names, player names, positions, stats, football cards, they even had a draft. When they play pretend games with the figures they adds up the scores. THAT is creative (and educational)

DS/8 put a stopwatch on his Christmas list so he can TIME his football games like they do in the NFL.

They also play pick up games in the yard with neighborhood kids and friends.

We have a family fantasy football team. They read articles on players and compare player stats to make educated guesses on who will get more points (this defense allowed the most rushing yards so that player might do better than another player going up against a defense that allowed the least amount of rushing yards)

DS/8 also has free writing daily in his journal at school. I'm sure his teacher is LOVING his insane football interest.

Reply