My little brother is 9 years old. He is so smart, you may even call him gifted. He is way above other 9 year olds for reading and math levels. For as long as we can remember he has had a huge anxiety about not getting home to my mom after school, when out with someone other than my mom (including my sisters and me).

We think it may have been started by my younger sister who used to tease him when she wpuld walk with him to the store and back. She used to say "oh, Jake I don't know where we are! We are lost and I don't know how to get home." She did it all the time because she thought it was funny because he would become hysterical.

Until recently, we didnt see how anxious he gets about it still. Last school year, the bus driver missed a stop and had to back track. My brother was paying attention and noticed that he wasn't going the right way and when the driver ended up at a stop he recognized (the one right before my brothers) my brother bolted off the bus and ran home as fast as he could terrified he would never see my mom again.

Any time there is a field trip he says he doesn't want to go and gets a bad stomache ache and is nervous and terrified. Every day before school he says he doesnt feel well and doesnt think he should go.

My mom got a call last night from his teacher about some homework my brother hasn't turned in from when he was sick. They got to talking about my brothers fear and the teacher said it all makes sense now. She said that he is having a real problem concentrating and always looks nervous and distracted and she has to constantly say something to snap him back to reality. She said she would talk to the school psychologist about it and see what he thinks.

I suggested my mom pick him up and drop him off at school but she doesn't know if that is the right thing to do. She doesn't want to play into his fear and make things worse. I also suggested she pick him up drop him off for a while, then let him ride the bus there and pick him up, and then ease into him riding both ways again. I have also suggested a prepaid phone in his backpack.

But, I thought I would ask here what you all thought!

Thanks!

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I kind of agree with your mom about not driving him. I have seen similar anxiety in my friends 12 year old - in her case it came on rather suddenly though - I still think it is PANDAS related but dr. says no. I would get him into counseling as soon as you could, that can do wonders for helping the child work thru their fears.

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I agree with this too. I have a dcm who does this, well when the boys have to take the bus, they are so bad (punching and hitting and they are 7 and 4) I tell her all the time that she makes the situation worse by driving them because thats what they want. I also agree about getting him some help. There is nothing wrong with getting help, its better to do it now rather than later and be like my odd friend (omg you would be floored when I tell you about her)

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This sounds like more than just normal anxiety to me. I'd suggest your mom speak with your brother's pediatrician and ask for a referral to a child psychologist/psychiatrist. I don't know about the schools in your area, but I never found the school psychologists in our school district to be of any help with this kind of thing. In our district, school psychologists are hired mainly to do psycho-educational testing; they don't do any kind of counseling sessions that would help determine if a student has an anxiety disorder or how best to deal with it.

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normal ? no I would see about some therapy and they will tell you if taking him to school is a good choice or not

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Thank you, all! I will keep you updated.

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You have just described my daughter to the T.

What worked for us was the school psychologist stepped in and I went to a MFT to get help for how to deal with it at home.

The best advise I can give is keep to the same routine. DO NOT have his mom take him to school. He could refuse to get out of the car when he gets to school. Don't pick him up from school if he calls home sick, this is what he wants.

Mom should reinforce that he is fine and that he is having fun and a great day at school, and also mom needs to tell your brother that she is fine too when he is gone. Also, mom should reinforce that she is always home when he gets home to build trust.

My daughter had anxiety when we moved and switched schools. She would refuse to go in the classroom and spent many days sitting in the principals office. Once she refused to get out of the car!! She turned into the incredible hulk and grabbed ahold of the seat, me and the principle had to pry her out of the car.

The school psych made her a behavoir chart after 3 good days we took her for an ice cream after school, after 10 good days she got a new barbie and after 20 good days we took her to a restauraunt of her choice.

It took some time, but everything fell into place. I could not have helped her without the tools I learned from the MFT I talked to and the school psychologist. I am proud to say my daughter now rides the bus to school and walks home by herself from our bus stop, huge improvement!!

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I had anxiety like that in school (well, started shortly before kindy but lasted all the way up on through).

My parents took the tough love route not "giving in" to me when I struggled.



I was in college before I learned what cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) was and that that's indeed what I likely needed to get over how I felt about life. Then it took me 4 years of CBT along with a boat load ativan to finally conquer the damage my parents approach (on the recommendation of my elementary school advisers) had done.




Please encourage your mom to get your brother help from a professional. Not just any old therapist but someone that specializes in anxiety disorders in children (they are NOT all created equal just because they have a piece of paper up on the wall). If the right approach is taken he can learn to conquer he fears, regain some confidence and self control and actually start enjoying life, instead of just struggling to suppress his angst minute by minute and trying to get through each day and onto the next in survival mode.

The way I lived was nothing any child should be given the cold shoulder for. I was not attention seeking. I was not spoiled. It was a chemical imbalance in my brain that I as a child was being left to fight alone. The "ignore it and she'll get over it" did NOT make things better for me but in fact only served to make them worse and managed to create a divide between my parents and I the size of the Grand Canyon.

Sure I learned to function through each day, I had to, what was the alternative?? But I cannot express strongly enough that that's no way for any child to live.



I think it's wonderful you are so concerned about your brother. Be his advocate! Guaranteed he'll thank you for your efforts some day. I wish you and him the best of luck.

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any chance your brother watches the news on TV??

as you know breezy I am from Egypt....

well I don't go home very often, but my two older kids freak out, cry and beg when i have to go. They are old enough to watch the news and understand the war zones that are there daily. When they know I have to go back, my daughter will start freaking out, doing weird things, not sleeping, acting sick and what not.

Well about 6 nonths ago, a 15 year old girl was taken from her drive way. My daughter started in again on the freaking out. She did it every day and we fought her everyday to go to school. Everyone told me I should drive her, but really?? I can't change what happened and I can't prevent it either. I can only teach my daughter what to do if someone approaches her and hope she remembers what to do. BTW she is 14...

Do you think it is possible he saw something on TV about this????

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I have a child like this. It finally took having to homeschool them before things even started to return to normal.

They went to afternoon kindy and would cry from the time they got up till they tried to get on the bus. We are talking 5 hours. Would sometimes fall asleep from crying right before the bus got here but they would get on. Everyone said child was fine when they were at school.

Our peditrician could find nothing wrong physically (suggested I take child out though and homeschool) school counciler nothing and I was trying to do childcare and figure this thing out. Then it started happening on Friday night through Sunday-crying and crying about having to go to school on Monday. Finally a peditrician friend of mine suggested I take the child to ER and have mental health talk to them. We were in there right away. Mental health specialist said "Take the child out of school immediately and homeschool. More harm then good will come if left in school". They also recommended an awesome counseler for the child. The counseler did tons of play therapy with the child. Never could quite find out what caused all the anxiety but did show me drawing they did. When they talked about school the child drew pictures of lions, tigers, and very mean drawings.

After taking the child out anything that had to do with school caused tears and axiety. Going to the school for older siblings events, going to Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, anything that even had the word school. We did a booklet that had something to do about "School" once they were homeschooling and they didn't want to do it because it had to do with "School".

The school was not happy that two doctors pretty much ordered our child out of school and to be homeschooled. Last year we finally had to put in school though as I couldn't balance work and homeshcooling anymore after 8 years. They asked this year again if they could be homeschooled though but the answer was no. This child also excels in school, made honors society and won a ton of awards last year but still very anxious about being there.

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