So I have a new infant, 4 months old who constantly just screams. One of those tough babies. The mom asks so I tell her yes she's fussy but she claims the baby NEVER cries at home and not sure why she does it here. I've had the older sibling since 6 weeks and he's 4 now. He tells me today "mommy told me to tell you dck never cries at home, but she does".

Ummmm what the heck? You're just telling me she doesn't cry to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong? Jerks.

Reply

Wow..... glad he told the truth to you. Shows respect.

Reply

Wow! That's terrible. But, I bet it happens to all of us more often than you'd think. I love it when a dcm tells me the baby slept/ate/whatever and later in the day, dcd comes in looking like crap and says the baby was up all night
In all seriousness, I would mention to dcm that dcb told you Baby was up a lot ( I wouldn't personally mention the lying aspect) and tell her you need her to be straightforward with you so you can offer the baby the best care. For example, if you know a baby has been up all night, you would want to nap her earlier than a regular type day.

Reply

I would mention that dcb says she cries a lot at home, not in a judging/accusatory way though. What do you do WHEN she cries? I am guessing they just hold her a LOT.

This happens more often than we know. I have kids who tell me ALL THE TIME "My mom told me not to tell you......" (I had a donut before coming, I drank pepsi with dinner, I watched a zombie movie, I don't have to take a nap, these are my socks from yesterday, I had real beer)

It was root beer, that's the only one I asked about. I don't understand it, I don't agree with it, but maybe the parents feel more confident saying "It's not happening for me."

Reply

Yah I tell her she's fussy so that if there is a problem, we can fix it together. This totally defeats that. This same parent also looked at my days off and asked me to reschedule a vacation because she needed me that week even though she's a teacher and she has off that week which is why I scheduled my vacation for then. I'm getting really annoyed

Reply

I actually have said something because this is the second time it's happened. she said ds was lying to me

Reply

Wow! I'm surprised dcm lasted this long without you giving her a term notice, because if she lies this easily, it's most likely not the first time.

Reply

Reply

Replace them ASAP. She is asking you to rearrange your days off like you're an employee and lying repeatedly about her child's behavior. She isn't working with you, it isn't out of embarrassment over a fussy baby. I would be DONE before the lying blew up in your face.

Reply

Ohmigosh, please say you didn't change your vacation!!! How rude and entitled is she??

Reply

She wasn't like this for the 4 years with the first dcb. This is all a new thing. All of a sudden she's picking up after closing time, lying and asking for me to change days off. I really think she didn't realize what having 2 kids was like and wants to make sure she's not stuck with them.

Reply

I actually told her to let me know what days she would need me and I'd look at my calendar. Now I just think I'll quit

Reply

So frustrating. I have a foster child who, after nearly a year with me (came as a 4 mo old infant), was sent to spend a week with relatives he had never met (don't get me started there!). The caseworker told me that he didn't cry when he was there at all (he cried all day long here until 3 weeks ago). The therapist and the child's brother told me that he cried sun up till sun down daily. The caseworker, apparently, wanted me to feel it was MY fault that this meth-exposed, neglected, and abused child cried all day. I'm still mad about it 3 months later!

Babies cry. During that 2-4 month window, they need to be held A LOT. Holding them is the only thing that makes them feel better (it's a period of separation anxiety). I can not believe that a child who cries here does not cry at home, and can not understand why a parent would rather lie about it than work on a solution!

It's terrible that the parent would be asking her child to lie about it, too!

Reply

Its facebook parenting. Parents don't tell the truth because they don't want anyone to know that they aren't the perfect parent. They tell their family and friends that the baby has been sleeping thru the night since 6 weeks old yet they "forget" to mention the 4 times they had to feed the baby or rock the baby back to sleep.
Facebook parents don't post pictures of the kid having a meltdown at the dinner table. They post a picture with the kid happily posing with a forkfull of carrots ....you just don't see mom holding a cookie bribing the kid to smile with the carrot first.

Reply

Oh I got one for ya....not DC related really.

Im a girl scout leader too. We have a walk about sale one Saturday. I have a divorce couple who split the scouts time. Dad came to my house to pick up his cookies and tells me they are coming to the walk about. He is excited. Can't wait. Should be fun. The Friday before he texts and says he can't bring the scout cause they got tickets to go someplace and couldn't return them. Only...he posted on facebook they went someplace where tickets were not needed and posted pics. The next cookie booth my coleader asks where they were. The dad says the MOM didn't want the scout selling that day. It was her fault and she didn't want to tell me. He gets the SCOUT to agree. Yes. Her mom didn't want her to go. Etc. I knew it was a lie. The mom is laid back and knew nothing about it. . A week later, out of the blue the scout says 'BTW my dad totally lied. Told me to lie to. My mom didn't care. My dad just didn't want to bring me so we went to XYZ instead". :/ Nice huh. Not only did the dad clearly lie....posted he lied for me to see....then got his DD to lie too. It didn't help his case much. Not I trust him 0%. Liers don't sit well with me. I dunno if I would point out the DCK threw her under the bus right away. I would prob wait until you got another 'Is she fussy for you cause she isn't for me" convo. THEN I would totally bring it up. "Really? Cause Jonnie says she cries all the time. Maybe you can give me some tips on how to deal with it at home".

Reply

So look at your calendar then tell her that it won't work out to switch.

Reply

Reply

Tell her you didn't automatically believe DCB because his version of a lot can vary as he is just a little dude, BUT the baby's behavior and excessive crying AT daycare is what tells you that what DCB said (about crying a lot at home) IS true.

Babies don't lie. It's easy to see that DCB IS telling the truth.

Instead of focusing on this (the lying) because you will probably not ever get a straight and truthful answer, I'd simply start working on moving forward and addressing AND FIXING the baby's issue.

Tell mom, you would like to see some improvement (offer advice/tips about working together etc IF she is open to it) by XX date and if there is no improvement, you'll have to let them go.

It really doesn't seem like it's worth keeping the family as there are lots of little issues that will undoubtedly become bigger issues later so this current situation feels like just the tip of the iceberg.

Reply

Next time she makes a comment like that mention: "That's interesting because DCB told me that she cries all the time at home and that you told him not to tell me, he also told me you told him to lie to me about several other things. I assure you, I'm not here to judge you or your parenting choices or what the child does or doesn't do at home. I just try to let you know how your child's day was and if you have similar concerns at home. I'm not sure what your reasons were for not wanting to tell me but I try my best to keep an honest relationship with my clients."

Reply

The bolded part is the only part I would mention.

Saying anything about the DCB lying or being told to lie etc is only going to add fuel to the issue. Why bring DCB into it at all?

Mom is never going to admit that she told him to lie and continuing to focus on that is only going to get DCB in trouble at home and that shouldn't happen as none of this has anything to do with the actual situation.

The focus should be about working together to get baby to be manageable at daycare.

DC parent's lie all the time. This one is not unique or special.

I think DCB made a completely innocent remark and that's what kids do.

He more than likely was being 100% totally honest but unless there is some kind of pay out or reward to getting confirmation about the mom lying, I don't see why the DCB's lie (or non-lie) should be mentioned at all.

The issue is the baby's behavior. Not mom's or DCB's.

Reply

I'd have a much bigger problem with dcm asking you to change your vacation days to suit her than saying the baby hardly cries at home. Of course she should not ask her child to lie, but it's pretty common for parents to use the ol' "Hmm....he doesn't do that at home!" line. The vacation day thing, though.....no way.

Reply