Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Help With Daycare Boy's Massive Fits
Sunny Day 03:21 PM 01-26-2011
Okay, here goes.....I have a little boy who has been in my care for the last 2 years--he is 3. He has always been very sensitive and I need to keep things fairly routine and predictable in order to keep him from freaking out. He had an extremely hard time adjusting to care when I started with him 2 years ago (literally screamed ALL day for 2 months 3 days a week until I gave up) and I actually had to terminate care the first time, only to finally agree to take him back after the mom asked me numerous times. The second time I won him over and he has been doing fairly well ever since. He is slightly difficult,but I have always been able to deal with him by being consistent in my rules, routine and discipline. Last summer his father began having some issues with depression/anxiety and I noticed a change in my dcb behaviour (bossiness, pushing, jealousy, etc) when this started. Then after Christmas I had a new little boy start daycare and the current little boy seems to have went off the deep end. He has been having fits for THREE OR FOUR hours EVERY day for the last 2 weeks. He is fine when he gets here in the morning, wants to play, then around lunch time starts freaking out and yelling that he wants to go home, he continues this behaviour until usually around 4pm or so and then magically gets over it (initially I thought it was a nap thing). These are not ordinary temper tanturms--he screams until he is bright red and blotchy, drooling and completely beside himself--last week I was kneeling in front of him while he was on the couch and he kicked me with both feet in the stomach with such force that it knocked me backwards. After the first week, his mom took him to the doctors and the doctor said he had anxiety and that we needed to constantly reassure him and give him "Time Ins". I agree with this and had been doing that when he was behaving and when I could see that he was about to go into a fit. It has not worked AT ALL and he always goes into a full blown temper tantrum. Today for example I tried to reassure him for 45 minutes while he screamed his bloody head off, while attempting to still look after 3 other toddlers. I finally gave up and put him in his room and told him that he could join the rest of us and play when he stops (this is my usual way of dealing with temper tantrums, I DO NOT tolerate them, but in this case it is a bit different because of the anxiety). He continued to scream for about 1.5 hours, then had another fit later in the day. I don't know what to do anymore. I have not had a break from this behaviour (he is Monday-Friday 8:30-5:30) in 2 weeks, I am 6.5. months pregnant, still dealing with 2 other new kids trying to adjust, another daycare child and my own, and am about to completely burn out. His mom is aware of the situation and really trying to help, but nothing is working. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!! I am ready to just close my doors and NEVER do daycare again!
Reply
Zoe 03:34 PM 01-26-2011
Hi Sunny Day!

I'm sorry I don't have much advice for you right now. It sounds to me like the child needs some sort of medical intervention, but I don't know what that would be at 3 years old. I'm sure there will be others who have better advice for you. This is a great place to work these sort of problems out!

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum!!!

Sending good thoughts your way!
Reply
Sunny Day 03:42 PM 01-26-2011
Thanks for the welcome! I have been searching for some sort of support for quite a while and when I found this this afternoon I was so relieved! I have been seriously questioning some of my daycare practices because of my frustration levels with behaviour issues, but everything I've read so far has confirmed that I am doing things the way I should be and I just need to stick it out. I'm also so reassured to see that other daycare providers get frustrated too-I was feeling like a horrible person! I haven't been able to find hardly anything online for the providers, its all for PARENTS frustrated with their daycare!
Reply
lvt77 03:44 PM 01-26-2011
First off let me commend you for having a huge heart and trying. Honestly, I don’t think I could have dealt with this as long as you have.
I really think that this child has special needs and that you are allowing this child to endanger your unborn child, as well as your sanity. Not to forget to mention the tension that he brings to the other children in you care. It does not sound like it would be a healthy environment for your current DCK or you.
I really don’t have any advice either, but just the simple fact that DCB kicked you in the stomach while pregnant; jeopardizing your unborn child would be immediate termination in my house.
Sometimes there is only so much that we can do as providers. I really hope that things turn around for you. Sounds pretty bad 
Reply
DCMomOf3 03:52 PM 01-26-2011
I am going on the same lines as Lvt77. I think you have gone above and beyond in trying everything you can with this boy. i think it's time to consider terming him and recommending a nanny or someone who is trained to deal with special needs.

You, your baby, and other DCKs need a more stable environment, and it's not happening.
Reply
e.j. 04:05 PM 01-26-2011
Based on a few things you mentioned (temper tantrums, need for routine, sensitivity, anxiety, etc.) I wonder if he should be evaluated for Autism/Asperger's Syndrome.
Reply
Symphony 04:23 PM 01-26-2011
I am so sorry you are dealing with this *hugs*. I think it is commendable the amount of work and compassion you have put into this little guy and his mother. At some point though, you have to think of the best interest of the group and your own personal health. This sounds like a situation that is leaving you unwell mentally and physically, neither of which are good for a pregnant mama!

I am sorry you felt like you were alone in the stress department. I think it is fair to say we are all stressed from time to time in this job, but it should not come to this. Bless your heart, I hope you find a solution and you and this poor boy can get some peace.

Out of curiosity... Is he having these same fits at home too?
Reply
Sunny Day 04:44 PM 01-26-2011
Thanks everyone, I can't even express how happy I am to have support/input from other daycare providers--it is very validating, which is what I need right now! I just don't know if I can terminate--I feel like that would completely send his poor mother over the edge and she is trying really hard
Oh and yes he is having these fits at home too and for his grandma...
Reply
marniewon 05:03 AM 01-27-2011
I have to agree with everyone else who said that it may be time to terminate. You have to do what's best for the group and for you! I understand how you feel like you need to help dcm, but at this point, this child is dangerous and is stressing everyone out.

As moms, and daycare providers, we tend to be "fixers" and feel bad or guilty if we can't "fix" something. Some very wise people helped me see that no matter how much I want to fix everything, I can't. It's not a flaw on my part, it's a fact. We cannot be everything to everyone, and we shouldn't feel bad if we've truly tried and we need to terminate.

Especially now, you need to think of you. It sounds like you've done everything you can for this little one.
Reply
countrymom 05:51 AM 01-27-2011
so what do the parents do when he acts like this. I think he has learned that the more he screams and throw temper tantrums he will get his way, let him sit in time out, be consistant and don't let him get away. If he's kicking you then he knows what he's doing. Why does he have anxiety problems. I also wonder if his parents baby him, its amazing what parents can do to a kid.
Reply
Mrs.Ky 06:01 AM 01-27-2011
Originally Posted by e.j.:
Based on a few things you mentioned (temper tantrums, need for routine, sensitivity, anxiety, etc.) I wonder if he should be evaluated for Autism/Asperger's Syndrome.
I agree with ej. I also do not think this an anxiety thing as I have anxiety and so does my oldest with anxiety its usually a nervous/anxoius thing and my oldest gets so nerveous he throws up. I had a daycare child who was like you said and he has sensory processing disorder and he has a developmental delay he is at a place now for special needs I could not care for him as it was to much and honestly I did not know how too. I think you should recommend to Mom that she take him to a pshychiatrist to me evaluted correctly a regular doctor can not I know because my middle child is ADHD and he is a normal child now with the right meds and behavioral therpay.
Reply
Live and Learn 08:37 AM 01-27-2011
The day he kicked me would have been his final day.
Reply
nannyde 10:03 AM 01-27-2011
Did you get this anxiety diagnosis in writing? If the child has a mental illness then he needs to have special needs funding for his day care so you can provide the staff assistant for just him. That staff assistant needs proper training to deal with his physical outbursts to keep him safe and EVERYONE in your home safe.

If he has this diagnosis there will be a medical and theraputic plan in place. The parents will need to be taking him for therapy both individual and family therapy.

So start by finding out what the parents are doing to address his disability and tell them that you will need funding for a staff assistant for him. Whenever children are a threat to themselves or others they need their own adult.

The day he kicked me would be the last day he came to my house. I have a ZERO tollerance policy for ANY violence.
Reply
MMk9987 08:04 AM 01-29-2011
Originally Posted by Sunny Day:
Okay, here goes.....I have a little boy who has been in my care for the last 2 years--he is 3. He has always been very sensitive and I need to keep things fairly routine and predictable in order to keep him from freaking out. He had an extremely hard time adjusting to care when I started with him 2 years ago (literally screamed ALL day for 2 months 3 days a week until I gave up) and I actually had to terminate care the first time, only to finally agree to take him back after the mom asked me numerous times. The second time I won him over and he has been doing fairly well ever since. He is slightly difficult,but I have always been able to deal with him by being consistent in my rules, routine and discipline. Last summer his father began having some issues with depression/anxiety and I noticed a change in my dcb behaviour (bossiness, pushing, jealousy, etc) when this started. Then after Christmas I had a new little boy start daycare and the current little boy seems to have went off the deep end. He has been having fits for THREE OR FOUR hours EVERY day for the last 2 weeks. He is fine when he gets here in the morning, wants to play, then around lunch time starts freaking out and yelling that he wants to go home, he continues this behaviour until usually around 4pm or so and then magically gets over it (initially I thought it was a nap thing). These are not ordinary temper tanturms--he screams until he is bright red and blotchy, drooling and completely beside himself--last week I was kneeling in front of him while he was on the couch and he kicked me with both feet in the stomach with such force that it knocked me backwards. After the first week, his mom took him to the doctors and the doctor said he had anxiety and that we needed to constantly reassure him and give him "Time Ins". I agree with this and had been doing that when he was behaving and when I could see that he was about to go into a fit. It has not worked AT ALL and he always goes into a full blown temper tantrum. Today for example I tried to reassure him for 45 minutes while he screamed his bloody head off, while attempting to still look after 3 other toddlers. I finally gave up and put him in his room and told him that he could join the rest of us and play when he stops (this is my usual way of dealing with temper tantrums, I DO NOT tolerate them, but in this case it is a bit different because of the anxiety). He continued to scream for about 1.5 hours, then had another fit later in the day. I don't know what to do anymore. I have not had a break from this behaviour (he is Monday-Friday 8:30-5:30) in 2 weeks, I am 6.5. months pregnant, still dealing with 2 other new kids trying to adjust, another daycare child and my own, and am about to completely burn out. His mom is aware of the situation and really trying to help, but nothing is working. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!! I am ready to just close my doors and NEVER do daycare again!
Alright it sounds to me like this child could be bi polar have you ever spoken with the parents and asked to have him checked out by a pedi I know that is nothing a parent wants to hear and since he is young I doubt they can medicate him but maybe they can get him into a doctor that specializes in bi polar disorder so the doctor can acturely diagnosis him. Just a thought
Reply
SilverSabre25 08:20 AM 01-29-2011
It does sound a lot more severe than just anxiety. I think mom should get him into a child psychologist ASAP for a more thorough diagnosis. "Anxiety" that severe should be medicated--even in a young child and even coming from a person that hates medication with a passion and avoids it at all costs.

Were you and the baby okay after you got kicked in the stomach?
Reply
Sunny Day 01:58 PM 01-29-2011
I have since given her the name of a child psychologist in town and told her that if he were my child I would be calling to see if I need a referral. That's all I said, I left it up to her. I do not feel that I am equipped to deal with this!
Reply
Tags:backbone, tantrums, terminate
Reply Up