Well, dcm - and my very good friend - pulled him today because she said I have him in a "hostile environment" since I believe the dcb has an issue, be it ADHD or whatever.

Dcm says I'm the only person to ever mention any issues with dcb, even though as friends, she told me she had to go to his school weekly for behavior issues, he had a behavior plan at his other daycare, and she has all kinds of trouble handling him. But I'm crazy.

Whatever! I hate to lose the friendship, but it looks like it will probably happen. If she wasn't such a good friend I would have termed weeks ago. Oh well ... I have to tell myself this is for the best and dcb was way too much work and too much of a liability.

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I'm sorry! Sometimes it's not a good idea to mix business with pleasure and this is exactly why. I can totally commiserate!

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Going forward, definitely not! Nothing like telling your friend how crappy their child acted all day. Dcb was a special case, though. I've never dealt with a child like that.

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You did the right thing trying to bring it to her attention. She will see that.....eventually.

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I've learned this.

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She's not a good friend if she is going to look at you and lie to you about his behavior elsewhere.

If she is telling the truth than she can EASILY find care for him elsewhere. It's time to go with what she says and say "since he has done so well in.school and other daycares, I'm confident the problem is his fitting into my environment. You have been able to choose other daycares where he did GREAT so you will find another. I think you placed him with me because we are friends. I thank you for giving me the opportunity. Next daycare it might be best to just go with the same kind of providers he has done so well with.

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Uugh. I just feel like such a failure if I say that, kwim? Her family is stepping in during this "emergency" situation, but they are unreliable. I'm not sure what she will do - I'm sure somewhere will take him. We have enough daycares around here!

Your post was well written and what I should say, I'm just stubborn and don't want to give her leverage to think that yes, it was my daycare, when he actually did the best in my daycare out of everywhere. His best is just still stinky.

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Nah one good round of BS deserves another.

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Thanks for making me lol tonight!

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She's probably in denial and at some point enough people will tell her the same things as you that she'll have to admit there's a problem. It just stinks to lose a friendship over it.

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That's about what I was thinking & how I was feeling. Definitely the last time I open my mouth, even to a friend, about a child having an issue.

If you are reading this and about to tell a parent that their child has add/ADHD/something wrong/ - don't! No one wants to hear anything except their child is an absolute angel

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Just think of yourself as the first rung on the ladder that she has to climb before she finds help for him.
You took the brunt of the weight but hopefully she will eventually realize that you were trying to help.

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This is what I was thinking. Sometimes it's hard for a parent to admit that their child has something wrong (for lack of a better word), even when others mention it. Hopefully enough people will say something and she'll realize it. Sorry she's taking it out on you. You would hope she could separate daycare from friendship, but some people can't do that.

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Please try not to feel this way. You could really be helping a child by speaking up and making his parents aware of a problem. It may take a few more people telling her the same thing before she's able to wrap her head around it but hopefully, you've at least planted the seed.

I know it's hard. I've had it happen to me, too. In my case, it wasn't a friend but dcm was my husband's co-worker. I thought we had a decent day care relationship. I watched her son for 3 years and absolutely loved that kid! She seemed happy with me, too, since she was planning to bring her new baby (she was pregnant at the time) to me, too. As soon as I mentioned that I had noticed some red flags and suggested she speak to her pediatrician to see what he thought, she gave notice. It hurt so much at the time but I felt like I had to say something for the boy's sake.

She did end up coming back about a year or so later and dcb was in the process of being evaluated for a learning disability - which ended up being diagnosed. I never got an apology or acknowledgement that I had been right but whatever. As long as he got the help he needed, it worked out as far as I'm concerned.

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Sigh ... thank you, and everyone. Just a bummer of a week! And now I'm out a dck, after a sibling set moved away last week. It's slow going around here right now.

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midaycare, don't beat yourself up about it. You went above and beyond where a lot of providers wouldn't have. Hopefully your openings will fill soon, and your friend will come around to appreciate everything you've done for them.

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Unfortunately while this is mostly true, it takes a REAL friend who actually cares about these friends and their children to say something most people are too scared to say. I'm that friend. I don't usually bite my tongue when often times people say to. "Just mind your own business" or "It won't help anyway" or "It just causes problems"... Real friends say it like it is.

My personal experience with this was different, but it did put a damper on our relationship for SURE!! I was watching a cousin set, 3 & 5yo boys. The 5yo would tell the 3yo to do things or say things knowing it wasn't okay and that got him in trouble a lot. Or he would be literally on his lap or in his face all the time and the 3yo didn't like it. The 3yo was easily wound up but if you kept things calm and level he was fine. But once you got him wound up it was hard for him to unwind! The 5yo would break my DS's toys, a brand new car he got for his bday on the day he got it, a baby toy thrown up on the roof, said cuss words... Thank GOD mom was actually somewhat receptive but she felt helpless and like it was out of her control. His dad just left his mom for a younger lady, lied about working, stole money from mom... but mom did everything she could to hold it together. She had to find a FT job, put him in daycare for the first time, didn't have the money for a registration fee for afterschool care even if it was cheaper in the long run. She always paid me but picked up super late since she had a good 40 min commute and then had to pick up her other 2 daughters. It was SOOOO draining to deal with them. I really tried to maintain a good relationship with mom for the sake of our friendship. Like I said in your original thread, she has come to accept that he has ADHD and needs to be medicated BUT is she going to follow through? I don't know! But he never intentionally hurt people, he was more of a manipulator. He would do the old "I wish I had a snack..." instead of "I'm hungry Miss Kristi" or "Is it snack time yet?" or even "Can I have a snack please?" And that DROVE ME NUTS. I cannot stand when kids do that!! Just ask me!! I will feed you whenever you are hungry or at scheduled times, but "wishing" I would feed you snack is just silly.

Anyway, please don't beat yourself up. She will feel like an ass one day when she realizes how much you put up with and what you did for her and him really.

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All of you are so kind and really made my day brighter. Thank you! I this forum

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My first client...I termed them because he hit me. He had so many red flags it wasn't funny & was regressing. I brought it up to mom, urged her to heck out first steps since it's free, gave her a developmental sheet of what he did and didn't do...she ignored it, denied it, told me her friend was a speeh therapist and they didn't see anything wrong with her son. Mind you, he's with me for 50+hrs a week, her friend might see him once in a blue moon. Anyway, I ran into her and him a few months ago and after we said hi to each other, she immediately told me that he was fully potty trained and was doing x, y, an z..and was doing so great blah blah. I just smiled and said, 'good. That's fantastic!'. And walked off. I love how she needed to prove something to me a year later. I hope you don't lose your friendship though...

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How true do you think that was? Some kids I termed this spring are supposedly doing "great!!!!" with their new daycare. What Mom doesn't know, apparently, is that we providers talk to each other. These kids are on their THIRD daycare since leaving me (3 months ago), and they are on their last chance there, as well. Mom probably just wanted to make you feel inferior.

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oh,I don't think it was true at all. She made it a point to tell me how great everything was after I hadn't seen them in a year. Potty trained Probably true. He was 4 by then..the clear speech and stimming, and non violence, etc..not buying it for a second. I think she felt she had something to prove. I just nodded & smiled. I didn't believe her at all, nor did I feel bad...except for her son, who really needs an evaluation. Mom had her head in the sand about a lot of stuff and refused to hear anything negative about him.

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Frustrating! This dcb was 6, so it was pretty obvious that something was off. My other SA's refused to play with him anymore. Dcm and I guess ex- friend now contacted me today via text and asked me kind of snottily for a receipt for next years taxes and my tax ID number. I'm so over it!

On a good note, I was able to put out fun chairs and new toys that I didn't dare when dcb was here because I knew he would wreck them.

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Ha! I had a mom do that for me too! I provided her with receipts for every payment at the time she made the payment and she wanted COPIES of them. I told her I already provided them for her and don't provide "copies" for people. Then she wrote me and said her tax guy said my receipts aren't good enough and she needs a statement showing what she paid me. LOL I wrote her back that she will get a year-end statement in January with everyone else. I wish I could have flipped her the bird at the end of that text! Like seriously, you paid me $800 and wasted SO MUCH of my time!! Now you want something RIGHT NOW so you can lose it and ask me again in January?? SURE!
Anyway, I would tell her you will send it to her in January when you send everyone else's. I also put in my contract (after the falling out with above mom) that I charge an additional $10 for copies of receipts or forms they need outside of my normal distribution time.

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I would love to do both of these things, but I'm still too new to tick anyone off. Give me a few years and a chance to build up a really good reputation, and then I will grow a pair

Too many daycares around here for me to have any bad publicity right now.

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$0 for normal weekly receipts
$10 charge for duplicate copies that say DUPLICATE in big bright letters.
$25 charge for annual receipt (instead of weekly)
$35 per receipt for anything outside of the above configurations (because I have to document exactly what I did and why, for tax purposes)

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