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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Need Potty Training Advice! A Little Long, Sorry
slorey 01:06 PM 09-25-2013
I know there are probably a million threads on potty training, but for reason I can't do a search on my nook so I am starting a new thread. My ds, age 2.5, started potty training over the summer. Got to the point he was doing really well and I was almost ready to put him in underwear. Decided to wait until school started again so I could focus more on him and would be home more often. Well, he has lost all interest since then and is refusing to use the potty hardly at all, although we can occasionally get him to go. Most of the time he will sit own and stand right back up and say he is done. I don't want to force it and turn it into a power struggle. He is my stubborn one and could probably outlast me in a power struggle. However, I know he is ready. He tells me when he is going in his diaper or right after he goes, usually with a little smirk. My older 2 were completely trained daytime and nightime by his age, which is probably part of my frustration. But, he is very verbal, most mornings wakes up dry, can communicate when he needs to go (if he chooses to communicate that), can pull his pants down and back up, and i know is capable of staying dry based on his performance over the summer. What do I do about his lack of wanting to go on the potty at this point? Put him in underwear and clean up accidents, leave him in diapers/pull-ups and do nothing,or continue to try to encourage him but not pressure? It doesn't help that his older brother and sister, his dad and his grandparents ask him all the time if he is using the potty and sort of scold him if he isn't (big boys use the potty, etc). I have asked my husband to stop talking to him about the potty at all unless it is to ask him if he needs to go, as his "helping" tends to make things worse (threatens to put him in time out for accidents, etc). I am super frustrated and I can only imagine how my son feels, although he seems to enjoy having this little bit of control over us, as is evidenced by his devilish smirk when we have to change him. Advice?
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Jack Sprat 01:18 PM 09-25-2013
Our youngest DD was like this. We kept her in a diaper at daycare and at home in panties. We continued to ask her if she needed to go or wanted to try. Sometimes she said yes, sometimes no. Once it wasn't a big deal to us it seemed easier for her. She is now 4.5 and we still have to get her up before we go to bed to go pee. If we don't she will wet the bed. But, she doesn't wake when she does. I think she is a really "hard" sleeper and she doesn't pee enough during the day. But, that is another story.
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Size18 01:52 PM 09-25-2013
Originally Posted by :
Originally posted by Slorey
He tells me when he is going in his diaper or right after he goes, usually with a little smirk.
This tells me it's time he was trained. One of my sons was a nightmare trainer! Not only did he take up hiding in his closet to fill his pants (diapers), I could ask him if he needed to go potty and he'd answer me with "no", then 5 minutes later he'd soil himself.

He was 3-1/2 years at the time, and I started making it be known that neighbours were talking about his diapers on the clothesline, and asking me if there was a "baby" in my house. No toddler/younger child wants to know (or be told) they are a baby, so capitalizing on this weakness, I walked a pair of his soiled diapers and rubber pants out to the clothesline one morning, pinned them up on the line, and spun the line out to put the diapers on display for everyone to see.

I told him that all the neighbours would see his dirty pants hanging on the line, and that they would know he was a baby. Tough love it was, but within a couple of weeks he was using the potty regularly, and accidents in his pants became less and less frequent.

I'd ask him countless times each day if he was a "baby" or a "big boy", and when he'd answer with "I'm a big boy", I'd say to him, "OK then, no more diapers, because big boys don't wear diapers like a baby". I also told him that Superhero undies don't like being dirtied or wet in, adding that if mommy is going to allow to wear "big boy pants", then you're going to have to keep them dry and clean.

I also tested him in the mornings when I was changing him out of his night-time diapers... I'd hold up a pair of rubber pants in one hand, and a pair of big boy pants in the other hand, then I'd ask him, "which pants should mommy put on you today". He took to pointing at the big boy pants and vocalizing, "I want those ones", at which time I'd say to him, "OK then, this is what mommy is going to do, I'll put the big boy pants on you, but if you wet or do a dirty in them, I'm going to diapers back on you again like a baby".

Keeping the awareness of learning, fresh and alive in a child's mind, is IMO the biggest trick of all to helping encourage a child's progression when it comes to mastering toilet training and shedding those diapers.
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Willow 03:10 PM 09-25-2013
Sit him down and tell him when he's ready you'll get him underwear. Until then, diapers are all he gets and that's just fine by you.

When he goes in his pants and smirks I wouldn't play into that one bit. Simply take him in and change him just like you do any other child in your care.

Don't prompt. Don't beg. Don't shame. Don't bribe. (And tell you family to knock that crap off too unless they want to be the ones changing him into adulthood).

He'll get tired of it not having any power after awhile and figure it out. If you have other older children you could take them on an "undie outing" where everyone gets new skibbies. Have everyone make a big deal about picking theirs out which will likely lead him to ask for some too. Plainly tell him he can get new ones too when he stays dry, not until then, and refuse to discuss it further.


I would not try to force it beyond that though. He's exactly the type of child that will go in his pants well into kindy simply because he knows it'll get a reaction out of people. No amount of punishment or bribe will work to reverse the damage at that point.
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Michael 04:24 PM 09-25-2013
I once was a little boy. Try putting cheerios in the water and challenge him to see how many he can sink. With his #1 or bombs away with his #2.

Make it a game. I know it worked for me.
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tratliff 06:10 PM 09-25-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:

Don't prompt. Don't beg. Don't shame. Don't bribe. (And tell you family to knock that crap off too unless they want to be the ones changing him into adulthood).
Yes to that!! There is no point in every humiliating a child. Did you feel cooperative the last time a fellow adult embarrassed, shamed, or humiliated you? I understand that you're not ok with the behavior of other family members, and it's time to put your foot down. I love Michael's cheerios idea. I don't have any solid advice because my son was very easy to potty train. We tried cheerios to help his aim and it totally worked. We don't do rewards, but the cheerios in the potty were a game and he loved it. It does sound like he's ready, but maybe he's feeling embarrassed. Kids love to have control and they get so little of it in their day to day lives. Give him as much control as you can be ok with. Let him make the choice of a diaper or the super cool undies, and go with it. Explain that super cool undies, Super Hero ones helped my son, don't like to be peed in. We went on undie buying outings, and once, I bought him a small toy to match his new fave undies. He was completely pee trained in less than 3 days, and we never allowed diapers after that. Except for bed, but that is a whole nother story. He pees more in the night then in the daytime lol
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tratliff 06:11 PM 09-25-2013
Can anyone explain why the stuff I'm trying to quote isn't actually quoting? Can I not quote a section of a post, what am I doing wrong?
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MyAngels 08:24 PM 09-25-2013
Originally Posted by tratliff:
Can anyone explain why the stuff I'm trying to quote isn't actually quoting? Can I not quote a section of a post, what am I doing wrong?
It looks like you deleted the [\ right before QUOTE (if that makes sense ).

On the original topic, I agree with Willow.
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Michael 10:50 PM 09-25-2013
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
It looks like you deleted the [\ right before QUOTE (if that makes sense ).

On the original topic, I agree with Willow.
I took care of it.
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itlw8 06:45 AM 09-26-2013
Every child has a window of time they want to please the parents and toilet training is easier then. His seems to have been this summer. Moving to underwear then would have been good. But you can't go back.

This sounds weird but at 2 my sister looks at her boy and said. This is a personal thing. here are the underwear and here are the diapers you can wear what you want but You need to deal with it... He decided to wear underwear Not saying do that but it really did work.

Now I would just switch to thick training pants. and if it is cool enough jeans. The jeans are yucky when you pee. and yes if you want to put up with the mess have Daddy show him how to pee standing up. They love it.

If he has an accident say oh no you need to go sooner. Here are some dry clothes . Go change and put the wet ones in the wash.
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countrymom 07:02 AM 09-26-2013
my ds was like this too. He decided he didn't want to use the toilet at 2.5 after being potty trained at the age of 2. I had enough because I dont play games. If i had to drag him to the toilet then I did, couple times of me dragging him and making him sit there fixed the problem. I didn't put pull ups on him because then he won, he won for being lazy.

also, boys can hold their pee for a long time, its crazy but they don't need to go to the bathroom like girls do.
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