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Denali 02:36 PM 07-18-2016
Ok, so I've mentioned a few times the dcb (just turned 3) that has been potty training for almost 3-4 weeks. The one that parent swore up-and-down that he was no longer using a little potty at home and was using the big potty everywhere but here, for mom to let slip that he is still using the little potty at home and I just found out from Dad it is still refusing to use public potties.

He is not ready in my opinion.

This family came to me from a family friend that had been diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. She had watched little boy since he was six weeks old and they referred to her as grandma. My aunt, other providers mom, asked me to take on this family as Nother provider was worried about what they were going to do. Told me that they would be long-standing clients. As that is what this family told them.

With how much dcb is afraid of the big potty, how much dcf has to bribe (airplane rides in dad's plane, candy, new toys, ice cream for dinner) and the lying to me about him using the big potty at home so he needs to figure it out here, finally bringing me the little potty when I told them that if he keeps peeing all over my couch and floors he'll have to go back in a pull up... Only for Wednesday dcb to cry his eyes out when mom told him that they were leaving the little potty here and he can go on the big potty at home like he has been doing. After a complete melt down mom tells dcb that "ok, if you don't want to use the big potty we can buy you a new little Mickey potty." Almost Instantly dcb stops crying.

Anyway, so I straightout asked dad this morning at drop off if dcb was planning to start preschool in the fall.

Dad's response? "Oh, well yeah... (Refusing to look at me) We have him enrolled with the Montessori school but he can only start if he's potty trained. He's completely potty trained at home on the big potty, it's just here he has a problem ( not true as a dad had just told me not even a few minutes ago that dcb won't use the potty anywhere but home). We just need him to get trained here so he can go to preschool."

So I nicely tell dad that ok, just remember that I require a 2 week notice if they are going to be withdrawing dcb completely from care, but if they are planning on going down to part time than let me know as soon as they can.

The whole time I'm thinking wow that explains a lot. The not helping me get dcb adjusted to coming here, the push to potty training underwear and them being OK with him ruining my couch and floor, not caring how dramatic it is for their son to be forced to use the big potty which is terrified of, it's all because I am just a temporary set up, their stopgap... It explains why they had their school-age daughter going to the other providers house but then didn't want to bring her here....

This whole time they basically been working against me. Their kid still refuses to use even the little potty here and hold it until he gets his neck pull-up on and then saturates it until it overflows.

And I realized today that regardless of whether I break my back with bribing and trying to Comfort and it negotiate with this child and let him P all over my house to get this kid potty trained, it doesn't matter. if he's not potty trained in time for school, I'm going to get the blame and they are going to pull him. If he somehow potty trains by time for him to start than they will pull anyway...

They tell me at home that he is completely self-sufficient and partying on the big potty but I see none of that here. I'm really wanting to just say screw it all, and completely step back and let the kid do what he's going to do. After he has had two accidents I will put him in a pull-up and send them home that way and explain to the parents what happened. I'm tired of him peeing all over my house... But than I feel like a butt because I'm basically giving up....

I need advice please....
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NillaWafers 02:48 PM 07-18-2016
Oh my gosh, I am so mad for you. I would be livid, and I would be terming/finding a replacement.

I would not be putting the amount of effort that requires if they are just going to up and leave. Obviously, they've been skirting around the issue. They know it's shady and awful, or they would have just told you.

If you don't want to term, I'd tell them - sorry taking DCBs lead. He must come in pull ups, he goes potty when all the other kids do. Wet pull-up means the two weeks starts ALL OVER AGAIN. No messes on my floors, nothing.
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Controlled Chaos 02:59 PM 07-18-2016
I had this happen to me a year ago. I worked my butt off to potty train new 3yo dcb. After he was trained for a week, mom said "oh good now we can start prek on Monday!" Umm nope! I responded with "you owe for the next 2 weeks and no dcb can't come half days Thursday and Friday when not in prek".

If you can afford to term I would. If not, I would require pull-ups and not push potty training at all. He doesn't sound ready. I was lucky, the kid that I did this with was super easy and ready to train.

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Denali 03:06 PM 07-18-2016
I'm starting to advertise. I have another family moving in late August that has 2 kids here, so now I'm loosing 3 kids this fall.

Dcd has made other comments that places blame on me. Dcb has a hard time at drop off, even harder when I was told that dcb "would just have to get used to the big potty here", kid was practically screaming at drop off, so dad says, "I don't know why he's all of the sudden having such a harder time coming here." Gives me a look, like its my fault...

So I told him "well it's been extremely stressful on dcb because he wants to use the potty and be a big boy, but he's terrified of the big potty, but since we don't have his little potty here like he uses at home And makes it so much harder on him."

Dad looked at me surprised, went "uh, yeah I guess so." And handed me dcb (who's bawling his eyes out) and leaves. Not even a day later they bring me his little potty and mom tells me that dcb uses it all the time at home.

I don't have really much of a policy on potty training, just that I'll work with families as long as we are working together.
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Denali 03:09 PM 07-18-2016
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:
Oh my gosh, I am so mad for you. I would be livid, and I would be terming/finding a replacement.

I would not be putting the amount of effort that requires if they are just going to up and leave. Obviously, they've been skirting around the issue. They know it's shady and awful, or they would have just told you.

If you don't want to term, I'd tell them - sorry taking DCBs lead. He must come in pull ups, he goes potty when all the other kids do. Wet pull-up means the two weeks starts ALL OVER AGAIN. No messes on my floors, nothing.
That's what I've really wanted to do... Was actually planning on telling them that dcb isn't ready... But now it just seems that I'm being vengeful...
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Denali 03:12 PM 07-18-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
I had this happen to me a year ago. I worked my butt off to potty train new 3yo dcb. After he was trained for a week, mom said "oh good now we can start prek on Monday!" Umm nope! I responded with "you owe for the next 2 weeks and no dcb can't come half days Thursday and Friday when not in prek".

If you can afford to term I would. If not, I would require pull-ups and not push potty training at all. He doesn't sound ready. I was lucky, the kid that I did this with was super easy and ready to train.
I was thinking of just leaving dcb to himself, as parents keep telling me he's completely self reliant at home, if he wets himself put him in a pull up. But that just seems mean... Would it really be ok?

Also I'm almost out of his pull ups. I'll need to ask for more soon...
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Blackcat31 03:14 PM 07-18-2016
I'd adopt NannyDe's method of managing this.

Every single day, do what you normally do. Don't bring DCB to the potty and don't set the timer. ONLY bring him if he tells you he needs to go. NO OTHER talk about potty.

When parents ask you how he is doing, just say "same" or "we're trying" and that's it. Do not engage in discussion about how often or when. Just continue to reiterate "same" or "we're trying"

They are wanting you to do the hard work so they can pull him and send him to preschool.

Stop participating.
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NillaWafers 03:19 PM 07-18-2016
Honestly it shouldn't be on you to train 100%. if he's trained at home, he will easily do it there. Asking a kid to go on the toilet every 30 minutes isn't potty training, it's parent/teacher training.

Every kid I've had who's trained at home first with no issues, has asked to go here and will go on the potty (big and small) here. I don't know what they're expecting you to do? I would put it back on them. Tell them that he'll have to be in pull-ups for two weeks before you'll consider underwear. Tell them you will take him to the potty if he wants to go, and have him go when the other kids do. Beyond that is their responsibility.

Honestly, I kinda doubt he is potty trained at home if he's having so many issues at your house. It sounds like they want you to do the "dirty" work, then skip town.
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NillaWafers 03:20 PM 07-18-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'd adopt NannyDe's method of managing this.

Every single day, do what you normally do. Don't bring DCB to the potty and don't set the timer. ONLY bring him if he tells you he needs to go. NO OTHER talk about potty.

When parents ask you how he is doing, just say "same" or "we're trying" and that's it. Do not engage in discussion about how often or when. Just continue to reiterate "same" or "we're trying"

They are wanting you to do the hard work so they can pull him and send him to preschool.

Stop participating.
Twinsiesssss.
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Denali 03:30 PM 07-18-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'd adopt NannyDe's method of managing this.

Every single day, do what you normally do. Don't bring DCB to the potty and don't set the timer. ONLY bring him if he tells you he needs to go. NO OTHER talk about potty.

When parents ask you how he is doing, just say "same" or "we're trying" and that's it. Do not engage in discussion about how often or when. Just continue to reiterate "same" or "we're trying"

They are wanting you to do the hard work so they can pull him and send him to preschool.

Stop participating.
Thank you. I think I will do that while I look to replace. I feel completely disregard as I've been trying so hard to work with them and help dcb adjust and do this potty training but his parents are not caring about my home and if they burn this bridge.... It's hard. I'm struggling with burn out already...

Something else that really bothers me is I know the sob story they told they're last provider, and how much she worked trying to help them find a good place for their 2 kids, the favors she asked on their behalf and her putting in a good word for them... I passed on a 2.5 year old because I was told they were a good family and looking for long term care and after school care for their kids.

My aunt asked me for this favor on behalf of her sick mom so her mom could stop worrying about this family, and I know that they wouldn't dream of asking these things of her
Or I really hope not... but they are doing this to me... Placing all the blame on me when they have made this time and transition so much harder on their son then it has to be... And turning it around so they feel justified...
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Denali 03:42 PM 07-18-2016
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:

Honestly, I kinda doubt he is potty trained at home if he's having so many issues at your house. It sounds like they want you to do the "dirty" work, then skip town.
I don't think he's going like they are telling me either honestly. I have caught them in lies already about it. I've had the feeling that they are wanting me to be the "bad guy" and do the hard parts here. They are the kind of parents that do not want to let their kids cry. The kids dictate bed time and meals, I'm still torn on whether dcb is actually afraid of the potty or cries like he does because it gets him stuff.

He doesn't get off the couch, will sit and watch the other kids play all morning until after nap. Dad just commented that dcb has been staying up until somewhere after 11pm when they go to bed around 9pm. That they were going to start taking away his weekend naps so he'll go to sleep at night. They haven't been getting here until around 10-11am when drop off is supposed to be 8.

I think the preschool doesn't do naps, that's what's up with them wanting to drop weekend naps. No doubt that's the next thing they'll want me to do, start keeping him awake at nap time, because it's going to be my fault that he's napping during the week and not going to bed at night... 😞
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Nurse Jackie 04:03 PM 07-18-2016
I am going through something similar. Mom is pregnant and I asked if she was planning on enrolling her newborn into my program, I have her 2 1/2 year old enrolled. She said she couldn't afford to have 2 kids in daycare and the newborn was going to stay home with her while she was on leave and afterwards dad was gonna manage the newborn (dad works at home). Story made no sense to me what so ever. All of a sudden she started wanting the 2 year old to be potty trained. Told me she trained her in 3 days. LIES! The 2 year old is not trained. She cries whenever I put her on the potty. Something told me to ask mom again if she was going to keep the 2 year old enrolled while she was on leave like she said she was , with no eye contact, she said we're probably gonna pull her. While I was trying to get more information from her about her end date she ran out the door. Dad picks up and casually tells me yeah we're gonna pull her since she's turning 3 soon and put her in a montessori preschool (so much for not being able to afford daycare). At that moment I came to the realization that parents are gonna do whats best for them. If the 2 year old ask to go to the potty I'll put her on the potty (she wears pull ups), however you're not gonna lie to my face and use me.
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JackandJill 04:37 PM 07-18-2016
I had a similar situation last month. Poor little guy was sooo stressed, he would cry the moment any one mentioned going to the bathroom.

I just reminded dcm of my potty training policy, and told her he wasn't ready for training in care. The next week she pulled him

Come to find out, she has been planning to send him preschool in the fall since the beginning of the year. I am glad I stuck with my policies rather than having a miserable summer trying to train a little guy who was just going to be leaving anyway!
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Denali 08:46 PM 07-18-2016
Mom picked up, talked with her about preschool. Mom confirmed that it was the plan. Told mom that I require a two weeks notice per our contract. Mom told me she would let me know in the next week what their plan was.

After talking more with mom, found out that Dcb won't use potties at all for dad but will for her. She's the only one that can assist him in the bathroom also.

Then followed it up with how self-sufficient he is in the bathroom...

She than mentioned how how happy she was that dad talk to me and that he must have talk to me about their no more nap plans. That they were planning to cut out all his naps here and at home so he would go to bed at night. That he and us 8 year old sister have been fighting nap time and going to bed at home and that dcb must just be done.

I told her I was going to be frank with her, told her how dcb stops crying in the morning he sits on our couch until lunch and nap, that while he's ok and talks with me and is happy, he will not play at all. After lunch he gets his nap stuff and helps me set up his mat and is always out within 5-10 minutes he's fast asleep. Sleeps for around 2 hours every time. He's never fought me on nap, has even asked me when nap was going to be.

Mom's response?

Oh, maybe he still needs it than...

Maybe we should try having more of a routine at home.

Maybe we should try an earlier bed time and try to be a little more firm.

I don't think I could bang my head against a wall any harder... 😩
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JackandJill 05:33 AM 07-19-2016
So frustrating!

Just give her a list of things you will do and won't do for dcb in care, and have her sign it. That way you can stop this ridiculous back and forth with mom and dad!!
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Denali 11:03 PM 07-20-2016
Update

So dad has been dropping off dcb earlier and earlier.

Today at drop off Dad said dcb did a big poop on the potty this morning just before coming for him. Then told me that he really just needs to go here, so he can start his new school (dad seems to really love telling me this). I tried really hard to resist saying anything but couldn't stop my self...

I Told him that dcb sits on the potty for up words of five minutes or until I ask if he's done, then dcb Will say yes and get up and be done with the potty without actually going.
Dad got all tightlipped, I could tell he was frustrated with me, and told dcb, not once looking at me, that they were going to get him lots of big fancy ice cream treats if he goes on the potty today and an airplane ride this weekend. 🙄

Dcb sat on the cough and had an accident around 11am. Put him in a pull up until after nap. Left him to himself, no reminders or potty talk. He never used the bathroom. Mom comes at 5:15 for pick up and asks me how he did today. Which I told her "the same. Oh, Here's August's bill." She takes the bill and puts it in her purse, and tells dcb that he really needs to use the potty here like he does at home. They leave...

Only to come back at 5:33pm (3 minutes after my closing time) I answered the door because I'm waiting on a late pick up thing it's the other dcb's mom, only for it to be them.

Dcm tells me that "they were around the corner getting gas, and dcb told her that he had to go potty. So she figured that this would be a great opportunity for dcb to use my potty! If it was ok?

I of course said yes. They go in, I tell her that dcb's little potty is in the bag in the bath tub, put away for the night. She starts pulling it out and setting it up, and I tell mom that Leo will sit on the big potty here, but just won't go.

Mom doesn't listen and gets dcb on his little potty chair, and he sits, and sits, smiling at mom and waiting....

Mom starts telling him "go ahead, go potty like you do at home." Than telling me "he usually goes so quickly at home." That "go ahead dcb, I'm listening for you to pee!" And tells me that "you have to listen for him to go or he won't go." She rotates from telling dcb to go potty and telling me that he's taking so long here for some reason, than starts telling me that her ex-husband used to be pee shy, if anyone could her him he'd get 'stage fright' and so on.

Finally she tells dcb that if he goes potty that that she'll get him his favorite ice cream treat. I throw in that "yes I've been reminding him that dad said he'd get ice cream and a plan ride this weekend." Dcb cuts me off and says " no plane! I want worms!" Mom response "oh I'm sorry honey, we don't have gummy worms..." Gets a look from dcb and she says "... But we can get some later if you go potty!"

And you know what? Dcb went pee. Finally they leave, after mom was all like "see just like at home!" And tells dcb "now you can do this tomorrow."

It's 5:56pm. It took that long.

So, what I learned? Dcb is holding his pee as a hostage. It's a big power struggle. he will only go if his demands are met, because he doesn't care if he wets himself.

DH made a good observation that it was mom that was taking him potty. We've been told by dad that he won't go potty for dad at all.

If I hadn't just gotten a 2-week notice from another family (the 2 dcb's that were supposed to leave end of August are now leaving August 3rd) I'd just term...

Just started advertising for 3 spaces. 😪
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Leigh 07:17 AM 07-21-2016
Originally Posted by Denali:
Update

So dad has been dropping off dcb earlier and earlier.

Today at drop off Dad said dcb did a big poop on the potty this morning just before coming for him. Then told me that he really just needs to go here, so he can start his new school (dad seems to really love telling me this). I tried really hard to resist saying anything but couldn't stop my self...

I Told him that dcb sits on the potty for up words of five minutes or until I ask if he's done, then dcb Will say yes and get up and be done with the potty without actually going.
Dad got all tightlipped, I could tell he was frustrated with me, and told dcb, not once looking at me, that they were going to get him lots of big fancy ice cream treats if he goes on the potty today and an airplane ride this weekend. 🙄

Dcb sat on the cough and had an accident around 11am. Put him in a pull up until after nap. Left him to himself, no reminders or potty talk. He never used the bathroom. Mom comes at 5:15 for pick up and asks me how he did today. Which I told her "the same. Oh, Here's August's bill." She takes the bill and puts it in her purse, and tells dcb that he really needs to use the potty here like he does at home. They leave...

Only to come back at 5:33pm (3 minutes after my closing time) I answered the door because I'm waiting on a late pick up thing it's the other dcb's mom, only for it to be them.

Dcm tells me that "they were around the corner getting gas, and dcb told her that he had to go potty. So she figured that this would be a great opportunity for dcb to use my potty! If it was ok?

I of course said yes. They go in, I tell her that dcb's little potty is in the bag in the bath tub, put away for the night. She starts pulling it out and setting it up, and I tell mom that Leo will sit on the big potty here, but just won't go.

Mom doesn't listen and gets dcb on his little potty chair, and he sits, and sits, smiling at mom and waiting....

Mom starts telling him "go ahead, go potty like you do at home." Than telling me "he usually goes so quickly at home." That "go ahead dcb, I'm listening for you to pee!" And tells me that "you have to listen for him to go or he won't go." She rotates from telling dcb to go potty and telling me that he's taking so long here for some reason, than starts telling me that her ex-husband used to be pee shy, if anyone could her him he'd get 'stage fright' and so on.

Finally she tells dcb that if he goes potty that that she'll get him his favorite ice cream treat. I throw in that "yes I've been reminding him that dad said he'd get ice cream and a plan ride this weekend." Dcb cuts me off and says " no plane! I want worms!" Mom response "oh I'm sorry honey, we don't have gummy worms..." Gets a look from dcb and she says "... But we can get some later if you go potty!"

And you know what? Dcb went pee. Finally they leave, after mom was all like "see just like at home!" And tells dcb "now you can do this tomorrow."

It's 5:56pm. It took that long.

So, what I learned? Dcb is holding his pee as a hostage. It's a big power struggle. he will only go if his demands are met, because he doesn't care if he wets himself.

DH made a good observation that it was mom that was taking him potty. We've been told by dad that he won't go potty for dad at all.

If I hadn't just gotten a 2-week notice from another family (the 2 dcb's that were supposed to leave end of August are now leaving August 3rd) I'd just term...

Just started advertising for 3 spaces. 😪
Girl, you have to stop letting that kid pee all over your house! He can wear pull ups and still use the potty. You should not be letting him go on your couch. You need to tell DCM that unless she's giving you $1500 for a new couch, her kid will be in pull ups at your home until he is FULLY potty trained at YOUR home.
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Snowmom 08:33 AM 07-21-2016
Originally Posted by Leigh:
Girl, you have to stop letting that kid pee all over your house! He can wear pull ups and still use the potty. You should not be letting him go on your couch. You need to tell DCM that unless she's giving you $1500 for a new couch, her kid will be in pull ups at your home until he is FULLY potty trained at YOUR home.


Denali, I understand being supportive to the families we care for, I really do. But, you need to look out for your interests as well.
You didn't get paid for that extra 1/2 hour they were in your home, taking up your free time.
You are putting in extra effort, extra time and extra cleaning because they are trying to force you to do their parental dirty work.. without extra pay.

Require dcb to be in protective clothing (pull up or other absorbent protection) until completely potty trained or at least two weeks accident-free.
Don't attempt to start potty training unless all the signs of readiness are present. That includes being able to independently announce the need to use the potty as well as independently USE the potty (pull his own pants up/down).

Since they've already told you they're going to leave, I'd start buckling down on your requirements before you make yourself crazy with this!
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Denali 10:46 AM 07-21-2016
I know.... I know....

It's not a really big thing if he has an accident on the couch, the love seat has a crib mattress protection cover on it along with a crib sheet. All I have to do is pull it up and replace with a clean set. I don't tell people this, it's simply a way to protect my couch.

I've been asking for more pants all week, today I have one more pair here, and they haven't brought me any, and i believe the line of thinking is that I'll be forced to put in more effort if I have no clothes for him.

I talked to DH last night. He said we'd find a way to make our bills if they pull before we can replace. So if they come with no extra clothes than I'll be putting dcb in a pull up as soon as dad is out the door. I'll be having a talk with mom about that dcb isn't ready if he's not going potty for anyone other than her and can't at least initiate potting himself, we've been doing this for 4 weeks now, he's not trained, he's not ready. That I'd be willing to start assisting them in potty training him here when he is going potty for someone other than her in public restrooms for a few weeks. Until than he'll have to be in pull ups here, that I'll include him in potty breaks like I have been.

Thank you everyone for the advice.
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laundrymom 11:22 AM 07-21-2016
First of all. Protective cover or not. ewwww. You deserve better.
Second of all. Stop giving them attention. They don't respect you. They don't respect your home. They dont respect your time. (And I sincerely hope that extra half hour is included in their bill this week!!)
They don't respect their own child!
They are forcing him and bribing him and no wonder he's manipulating them. It's all he's ever known.

If he pees his pants that's two weeks accident free before he tries again. And if he pees on your couch, don't let him on there.
One accident is two weeks in diapers. Not two weeks straight. But if he wets a diaper the time starts over. You're stressing way too much about their bad parenting decisions.
If they don't bring clothes they can pick him up nekkid wearing only a pull-up or diaper.
If they don't bring them in the morning send them to the store for more.
Stop allowing them to manipulate you.
You DESERVE better.


Originally Posted by Denali:
I know.... I know....

It's not a really big thing if he has an accident on the couch, the love seat has a crib mattress protection cover on it along with a crib sheet. All I have to do is pull it up and replace with a clean set. I don't tell people this, it's simply a way to protect my couch.

I've been asking for more pants all week, today I have one more pair here, and they haven't brought me any, and i believe the line of thinking is that I'll be forced to put in more effort if I have no clothes for him.

I talked to DH last night. He said we'd find a way to make our bills if they pull before we can replace. So if they come with no extra clothes than I'll be putting dcb in a pull up as soon as dad is out the door. I'll be having a talk with mom about that dcb isn't ready if he's not going potty for anyone other than her and can't at least initiate potting himself, we've been doing this for 4 weeks now, he's not trained, he's not ready. That I'd be willing to start assisting them in potty training him here when he is going potty for someone other than her in public restrooms for a few weeks. Until than he'll have to be in pull ups here, that I'll include him in potty breaks like I have been.

Thank you everyone for the advice.

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JackandJill 11:32 AM 07-21-2016
I agree with PP, they are walking all over you, its so disrespectful!!

I would be sending home your training policy, with clear points on what you will do, what you won't do and what is required of the parents and the dcb. I would be calling for early pick up if the doesn't have the required pull ups of change of clothes, or turning away at the door. Time to let them know you are the boss!!

I would not give them one extra ounce of effort and in all honesty, I would be looking to replace ASAP, they sound like a pair of idiotic d-bags!

Hopefully it all work outs well for you
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Denali 02:11 PM 07-21-2016
Dcb had his last accident here, he will be in pull ups for the rest of his time here until parents pull, or he shows more readiness to potty train here.

So tonight will be the uncomfortable talk with mom. I'm prepared for them to not come back and pull because to them as made clear by dad "it will be my fault for not doing my part and having him trained in time for school."

Even though here is not the only place he has trouble going potty. ��

I will also be updating my potty training policy to include that they must show signs of readiness and be accident free to a period of time before they can wear underwear here. Right now I have no potty training policy other then that I'll assist them in training.

Wish me luck...
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NillaWafers 02:24 PM 07-21-2016
Originally Posted by Denali:
Dcb had his last accident here, he will be in pull ups for the rest of his time here until parents pull, or he shows more readiness to potty train here.

So tonight will be the uncomfortable talk with mom. I'm prepared for them to not come back and pull because to them as made clear by dad "it will be my fault for not doing my part and having him trained in time for school."

Even though here is not the only place he has trouble going potty. ��

I will also be updating my potty training policy to include that they must show signs of readiness and be accident free to a period of time before they can wear underwear here. Right now I have no potty training policy other then that I'll assist them in training.

Wish me luck...
Good luck!! You'll feel better whatever the outcome.
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Play Care 02:27 PM 07-21-2016
"You're right day care mom, since Timmy only seems to have an issue at my house, I think it best today be his last day and he can be where he has success on the potty."
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JackandJill 03:03 PM 07-21-2016
Hope it goes smoothly, for your sake! It will be nice to be done with the back and forth!
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NillaWafers 06:48 PM 07-21-2016
How did it go?
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Mike 08:25 PM 07-21-2016
Originally Posted by Denali:
Wish me luck...
Good luck

Good choice too.
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ColorfulSunburst 09:04 PM 07-21-2016
Originally Posted by Denali:
Their kid still refuses to use even the little potty here and hold it until he gets his neck pull-up on and then saturates it until it overflows.
...
I need advice please....
For me, it is a sign that the kid IS READY for potty training.
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Denali 09:26 PM 07-21-2016
Dad dropped off with a bag of clothes at 8:40am. Earliest they have in a long time. Told me that dcb was up at 5am this morning. Dcb of course crying his eyes out.

Mom sent a text asking how dcb was doing close to the end of nap. I Explain that he had an accident and continued to play, tracking and soiling our new play room carpet. Told mom that he was in a pull up now....

She apologized. Agreed that he should be in a pull-ups, that she just didn't understand why he was being this way.

So about 4:45pm dcb is sitting on the couch figgiting, so I ask if he needs to go potty. He actually said yes. So I take him and after sitting on the big potty for a little bit goes pee. He's been wearing a pull up all day, had him put it back on. Mom shows up and the dcb turns to me and tells me he wants his worms. Told him I had gummies only, I'll get him some for his treat, while he tells mom what he did.

So she was happy. Didn't say anything really to me, just showered dcb in praise. I had to say "have a good night." For her to respond "you too!" As they were opening the gate to leave.

Pretty sure I'll be getting told that they're going to be pulling him. I'm disappointed in myself, but couldn't bring myself to ignore the fact that he obviously needed to go but didn't want to stop playing. My mouth opened and I was asking if he needed to go potty before I could think about what I was saying. I will not ask him about the potty and he will be in pull-ups. Tomorrow we'll see, though I usually don't see him Friday's. I may not know until Monday.

If they pull with no notice I do plan to tell them they still owe me the 2 weeks. If they don't pay I plan to take legal action.

Good news is that I've gotten interest in my ad so hopefully I'll get interviews set up soon, and they actually show up...

What I really want to do is just write up an email and explain that I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give them a 2 week notice. But then I feel petty. I don't really have an actual real reason to term other then that they are going to be pulling soon.
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Denali 10:49 PM 07-22-2016
After having more time a thin about it, and having lined out a few interviews for this weekend, I think I want to give this family notice. They have been disrespectful of my home and property, and I can't deal with the stress of waiting for them to give me notice on they're terms and when they are done with me. I want to be done.

How should I do this? I require a 2 week written notice to end care, they have paid up to the end if July. Should I redo their August bill with what they'll owe me for just the one week if August?

This will be the first time I give notice to anyone that has told me that they are planning on pulling. These next few weeks are the busiest time for families looking for care, I don't want to miss out...
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Play Care 08:43 AM 07-24-2016
Do you have anything in your contract for immediate term? Blatent disrespect is an immediate term in my day care.

I had a formal term notice that was something like this:

"Termination Of Child Care Notice

Reason for Termination:

Payment issues __
Attendance issues __
Failure to follow contracted policies___
Behavioral Issues__
Blatant Disrespect for provider ___
other __

The last day care will be provided will be ____________.

Sincerely,

Happy Provider. "

With this you could tweek it to give a two week notice, or have it be immediate. You could also put in something about payment to fit your contract - either "your advanced payment will be used for the contracted notice period and no refunds will be given per the signed contract" or "included is a check for the amount of advanced payment as termination is immediate and no care will be provided." Or whatever.

Good luck! You have done more than enough.
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Denali 12:01 PM 07-26-2016
Update.

Gave notice yesterday. They dropped off this morning and mom spent 20 minutes in the bathroom with the kid trying to get him to go potty. Saying they could get his potty chair and trying to negotiate with him to go pee on my potty. Wanted me to hang out in there with them. But I had other drop offs, so I was coming and going from the bathroom. She started to tell the kid that if he promised to go pee in the potty he could wear his underwear today. I told her no, he needed to show me that he can tell me that he needed to go when I asked.

This morning when I wouldn't let him be in underwear mom gave me two week notice. (Didn't I give you notice yesterday...?) She apologized and I told her that it was fine (whatever, she can pretend that it was her idea), that we were expecting it due to dad's comments about pulling if he wasn't trained here by time school started so we've already started advertising and I was glad there was no hard feels.

Mom said "let me know how much for the two week notice" put dcb on the couch after helping him put the pull-up on. He started crying and I assured her I'd come sit with him after I was done assisting my son in the bathroom. ( all families are made aware that my son is delayed and has low fine and gross motor skills and needs a little extra help in the bathroom)

Mom left only to come back a 10 minutes later, "I think I'm just going to take him with me. He's having a rough morning and your obviously so busy helping other children in the bathroom. I'd feel better if he just came with me."

She was going to leave his stuff, but I told her, "here, did you want to take his stuff?"

"Yes, and how much to I owe your for the two weeks?" I told her. she wrote me a check and left kids and all.

I'm wondering if I should cash the check or not?
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Denali 12:02 PM 07-26-2016
Oh, mom told me that dcb was going to be starting in the Montessori preschool on the 12th.
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daycarediva 12:21 PM 07-26-2016
What a fiasco! I would be cashing that check immediately!

Hopefully they realized you were done with the drama. I wouldn't care where he and his crazy parents were going as long as it wasn't back to my house!
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Blackcat31 12:27 PM 07-26-2016
Originally Posted by Denali:
Update.

Gave notice yesterday. They dropped off this morning and mom spent 20 minutes in the bathroom with the kid trying to get him to go potty. Saying they could get his potty chair and trying to negotiate with him to go pee on my potty. Wanted me to hang out in there with them. But I had other drop offs, so I was coming and going from the bathroom. She started to tell the kid that if he promised to go pee in the potty he could wear his underwear today. I told her no, he needed to show me that he can tell me that he needed to go when I asked.

This morning when I wouldn't let him be in underwear mom gave me two week notice. (Didn't I give you notice yesterday...?) She apologized and I told her that it was fine (whatever, she can pretend that it was her idea), that we were expecting it due to dad's comments about pulling if he wasn't trained here by time school started so we've already started advertising and I was glad there was no hard feels.

Mom said "let me know how much for the two week notice" put dcb on the couch after helping him put the pull-up on. He started crying and I assured her I'd come sit with him after I was done assisting my son in the bathroom. ( all families are made aware that my son is delayed and has low fine and gross motor skills and needs a little extra help in the bathroom)

Mom left only to come back a 10 minutes later, "I think I'm just going to take him with me. He's having a rough morning and your obviously so busy helping other children in the bathroom. I'd feel better if he just came with me."

She was going to leave his stuff, but I told her, "here, did you want to take his stuff?"

"Yes, and how much to I owe your for the two weeks?" I told her. she wrote me a check and left kids and all.

I'm wondering if I should cash the check or not?
Mom just learned what "group" care means.

She also learned a great lesson in parental responsibility.

YES! Cash the check before they decide to put a "stop pay" on it.

Thank goodness you are done with this family.
What a headache.

Odds are he'll get kicked out of the Montessori school if they only accept potty trained kids...because no matter how many rewards, bribes, treats or special things she promises him, he is not potty trained.
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laundrymom 12:29 PM 07-26-2016
Cash it at HER BANK. Today.
Originally Posted by Denali:
Update.

Gave notice yesterday. They dropped off this morning and mom spent 20 minutes in the bathroom with the kid trying to get him to go potty. Saying they could get his potty chair and trying to negotiate with him to go pee on my potty. Wanted me to hang out in there with them. But I had other drop offs, so I was coming and going from the bathroom. She started to tell the kid that if he promised to go pee in the potty he could wear his underwear today. I told her no, he needed to show me that he can tell me that he needed to go when I asked.

This morning when I wouldn't let him be in underwear mom gave me two week notice. (Didn't I give you notice yesterday...?) She apologized and I told her that it was fine (whatever, she can pretend that it was her idea), that we were expecting it due to dad's comments about pulling if he wasn't trained here by time school started so we've already started advertising and I was glad there was no hard feels.

Mom said "let me know how much for the two week notice" put dcb on the couch after helping him put the pull-up on. He started crying and I assured her I'd come sit with him after I was done assisting my son in the bathroom. ( all families are made aware that my son is delayed and has low fine and gross motor skills and needs a little extra help in the bathroom)

Mom left only to come back a 10 minutes later, "I think I'm just going to take him with me. He's having a rough morning and your obviously so busy helping other children in the bathroom. I'd feel better if he just came with me."

She was going to leave his stuff, but I told her, "here, did you want to take his stuff?"

"Yes, and how much to I owe your for the two weeks?" I told her. she wrote me a check and left kids and all.

I'm wondering if I should cash the check or not?

Reply
Mike 12:36 PM 07-26-2016
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Cash it at HER BANK. Today.

Reply
NillaWafers 12:39 PM 07-26-2016
Originally Posted by Denali:
Update.

Gave notice yesterday. They dropped off this morning and mom spent 20 minutes in the bathroom with the kid trying to get him to go potty. Saying they could get his potty chair and trying to negotiate with him to go pee on my potty. Wanted me to hang out in there with them. But I had other drop offs, so I was coming and going from the bathroom. She started to tell the kid that if he promised to go pee in the potty he could wear his underwear today. I told her no, he needed to show me that he can tell me that he needed to go when I asked.

This morning when I wouldn't let him be in underwear mom gave me two week notice. (Didn't I give you notice yesterday...?) She apologized and I told her that it was fine (whatever, she can pretend that it was her idea), that we were expecting it due to dad's comments about pulling if he wasn't trained here by time school started so we've already started advertising and I was glad there was no hard feels.

Mom said "let me know how much for the two week notice" put dcb on the couch after helping him put the pull-up on. He started crying and I assured her I'd come sit with him after I was done assisting my son in the bathroom. ( all families are made aware that my son is delayed and has low fine and gross motor skills and needs a little extra help in the bathroom)

Mom left only to come back a 10 minutes later, "I think I'm just going to take him with me. He's having a rough morning and your obviously so busy helping other children in the bathroom. I'd feel better if he just came with me."

She was going to leave his stuff, but I told her, "here, did you want to take his stuff?"

"Yes, and how much to I owe your for the two weeks?" I told her. she wrote me a check and left kids and all.

I'm wondering if I should cash the check or not?
Lol at you being obviously busy with other kids. DUH. big fat DUH. Hire a nanny.

Yes, cash the check today, at her bank. Thank goodness that special snowflake is gone!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 12:51 PM 07-26-2016
What a hot mess family. They'll be unenrolled from his preschool within 1 week. He won't care to control his urine there either.

Cash that check. Don't respond to any further messages.
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