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Old 06-28-2013, 03:24 PM
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Red face Newborn Advice

Ok so most of you know my dilemma at this point.....I worry about it incessantly. I essentially run a preschool/child care with children aged 2-5. I LOVE the older kids and everything I do with them. One of my families recently had a newborn and I reluctantly agreed to take him. I love snuggling babies and they are adorable, but routine care of them is just something I don't have the same passion about as I do providing a preschool atmosphere for the "big kids."

So I've done a couple of trial half-days with the newborn and he is a little ham...very cute and happy. HOWEVER, he was not taking the bottle too well (he played and would only drink ~2 ounces of breastmilk in the 4 hours I watched him) and he barely slept for me (~20 minutes the entire 4 hour period and the days he arrived he already had been up for 2 hours). I understand that it's probable that he just needs to adjust and all of this will work itself out eventually. Also, dcm tells me that they've been really working on the bottle feeding and he's doing well. On the other hand, many of the other things dcm told me about his care have not entirely held true for me so far (but like I said, it could be due to him being in a new environment).

One of my big concerns (besides the obvious juggling, maintaining the same level of care for my current older children, him not sleeping or eating) is the length of time it will take him to adjust. He is part time Mon, Tues, Wed and the drop off times are different each day. I emailed dcm if there was anyway we could make the drop off times the same each day and she responded stating that the hours will be the same on Mon and Wed and Tuesday will be a drop off time of 2 hours later. She believes it won't make a difference. In my opinion, having an odd day sandwiched between the other two days will make the child have a wacky routine everyday. Plus, yes, it is only one day but it is also a third of the days I watch him. Do you think I am over reacting and it really is no big deal? I feel if I respond to her to tell her that I do believe that one day will make a difference that I will come across as petty.

I am interviewing for another vacancy that came up so if he does not work out, I am hoping to have a back-up lined up just in case. Does anyone have any experience with running and LOVING a preschool atmosphere and then adding a newborn to the mix that is not your own? If the newborn were my own, I feel like it's entirely different because I could adjust and form the schedule to my needs.....but that is not possible with a part time variable newborn.

Ugh....can you tell I'm dreading Monday ?!

I guess what I am asking is would you all tell dcm that the varying hours may make adjustment difficult or just leave it as is and let nature take its course?
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Old 06-28-2013, 03:57 PM
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Heidi Heidi is offline
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Yes, the varying hours will make the adjustment difficult. Absolutely. I would tell dcm that if she wants the spot, you will both have to work together to keep his days as consistent as possible.

This means, getting him up at the same time every day, even when he's not going to dc. This means bringing him at the same time each day he's there. This means he MUST sleep in his own bed, without rocking/etc. This means he must take a bottle easily. Although he is very young, consistency whenever possible will help him become more regulated, making it easier to "nudge" him every-so-gently into a schedule as he gets older (at about 6 months).

If none of the above criteria are met, you cannot take him, or you will go bonkers.

Honestly, you have the "upper hand" here. Part-time infant care is expensive and hard to come by, and almost every other good provider will tell her the same, exact thing anyway, or they'll just say "no".
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Old 06-28-2013, 04:31 PM
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Yes, the varying hours will make the adjustment difficult. Absolutely. I would tell dcm that if she wants the spot, you will both have to work together to keep his days as consistent as possible.

This means, getting him up at the same time every day, even when he's not going to dc. This means bringing him at the same time each day he's there. This means he MUST sleep in his own bed, without rocking/etc. This means he must take a bottle easily. Although he is very young, consistency whenever possible will help him become more regulated, making it easier to "nudge" him every-so-gently into a schedule as he gets older (at about 6 months).

If none of the above criteria are met, you cannot take him, or you will go bonkers.

Honestly, you have the "upper hand" here. Part-time infant care is expensive and hard to come by, and almost every other good provider will tell her the same, exact thing anyway, or they'll just say "no".
Whew, I'm so glad someone else thinks that the weird drop off times will make it harder (IMO it will be significantly harder!). She does pay much much less for his care here than it would be anywhere else so it would be hard to find comparable care for the amount she pays.

Dcm says he does go to sleep wide awake with no rocking (and no nursing to sleep), but I found that he absolutely screams when I try to replicate what she does (and according to her I replicate it exactly ). The only way I've gotten him to go to sleep is by waiting until he is OVER tired and rocking him for ~20 minutes. Even then, he wakes up the second I set him down and it starts all over again. When I finally do get him asleep, he wakes up within 20 minutes....but even more tired and fussy. I burp him well and I don't believe he has gas (you can tell when they do). On top of that, it takes him awhile to feed. Considering I am always scrambling for more time in the day with the older kids, I feel like it's so difficult to juggle his frequent feedings and attempts to put to sleep without completely scrapping my entire schedule . I don't mind making adjustments for a new child, but not while sacrificing everything that I love and what the other families have grown to love about me.

As far as the scheduled drop off times...I agree that I'm trying to get a ROUTINE going here that will ultimately lead to a schedule. I mean, if he is dropped off at the same time every day, chances are he will eat and go down for naps somewhere around the same time each day also. If Monday he comes at 7:30 am and Tuesday at 9:30/10-ish and then Wednesday at 7:30, there will be variable routines. This is not including whatever his schedules are on Thursday through Sunday.

So .... should I respond to the email stating something like: "While I completely understand your need for this schedule, the later drop off time on Tuesday will most likely affect his routine and possibly delay his adjustment."
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Old 06-28-2013, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by spud912 View Post
Whew, I'm so glad someone else thinks that the weird drop off times will make it harder (IMO it will be significantly harder!). She does pay much much less for his care here than it would be anywhere else so it would be hard to find comparable care for the amount she pays.

Dcm says he does go to sleep wide awake with no rocking (and no nursing to sleep), but I found that he absolutely screams when I try to replicate what she does (and according to her I replicate it exactly ). The only way I've gotten him to go to sleep is by waiting until he is OVER tired and rocking him for ~20 minutes. Even then, he wakes up the second I set him down and it starts all over again. When I finally do get him asleep, he wakes up within 20 minutes....but even more tired and fussy. I burp him well and I don't believe he has gas (you can tell when they do). On top of that, it takes him awhile to feed. Considering I am always scrambling for more time in the day with the older kids, I feel like it's so difficult to juggle his frequent feedings and attempts to put to sleep without completely scrapping my entire schedule . I don't mind making adjustments for a new child, but not while sacrificing everything that I love and what the other families have grown to love about me.

As far as the scheduled drop off times...I agree that I'm trying to get a ROUTINE going here that will ultimately lead to a schedule. I mean, if he is dropped off at the same time every day, chances are he will eat and go down for naps somewhere around the same time each day also. If Monday he comes at 7:30 am and Tuesday at 9:30/10-ish and then Wednesday at 7:30, there will be variable routines. This is not including whatever his schedules are on Thursday through Sunday.

So .... should I respond to the email stating something like: "While I completely understand your need for this schedule, the later drop off time on Tuesday will most likely affect his routine and possibly delay his adjustment."


I might even add in that you'd be willing to do a 2 week trial period but if he is unable to adjust she will either need to bring him in at the same time all 3 days for another 2 week trial period or you will have to terminate care.
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Old 06-28-2013, 05:04 PM
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I will never do part time infants again because I had one just like this one. 3 days a week, inconsistent drop off times, a DCM that held her all the time but said she didn't... hell! It was pure torture for me and the other DCKs (all 2-4yr olds at that point) because all she did was scream and scream. It got worse at about 5months, I nearly termed but DCD's scheduled changed so she came 4-5 days a week at somewhat more consistent time (most the time) and DCPs realized they were gonna loose me (I had the if you don't change something I'm going to term talk) and really started putting her down to play and sleep.

Now she is a different kid and so outgoing (18mos) but if she hadnt had that more consistent schedule and parents willing to work she wouldnt be here for sure!
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Old 06-29-2013, 01:52 PM
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Thanks so much everyone. Wish me luck on Monday!
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Old 06-29-2013, 05:53 PM
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He's not nipple trained and he's sleeping while breastfeeding. Have mom and or dad bottle feed him in front of you to SHOW you how well he does. Have them sit on your couch and show you the way.

If they don't eat every thing goes to hell. If he's breastfeeding to sleep you can't replicate it. The parents have a responsibility to get the baby ready for daycare. Not with words but with action. You are getting words.
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Old 06-30-2013, 08:21 PM
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Dcm agreed to bring him the same time each day. While these parents are not always understanding of group care, they are good daycare parents (pay on time, pick up on time and willing to make adjustments to make it work).

I just hope he actually sleeps for me this week! I have my hands full with a full crew plus the baby on top of preparing for upcoming interviews .
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Old 07-01-2013, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spud912 View Post
Ok so most of you know my dilemma at this point.....I worry about it incessantly. I essentially run a preschool/child care with children aged 2-5. I LOVE the older kids and everything I do with them. One of my families recently had a newborn and I reluctantly agreed to take him. I love snuggling babies and they are adorable, but routine care of them is just something I don't have the same passion about as I do providing a preschool atmosphere for the "big kids."

So I've done a couple of trial half-days with the newborn and he is a little ham...very cute and happy. HOWEVER, he was not taking the bottle too well (he played and would only drink ~2 ounces of breastmilk in the 4 hours I watched him) and he barely slept for me (~20 minutes the entire 4 hour period and the days he arrived he already had been up for 2 hours). I understand that it's probable that he just needs to adjust and all of this will work itself out eventually. Also, dcm tells me that they've been really working on the bottle feeding and he's doing well. On the other hand, many of the other things dcm told me about his care have not entirely held true for me so far (but like I said, it could be due to him being in a new environment).

One of my big concerns (besides the obvious juggling, maintaining the same level of care for my current older children, him not sleeping or eating) is the length of time it will take him to adjust. He is part time Mon, Tues, Wed and the drop off times are different each day. I emailed dcm if there was anyway we could make the drop off times the same each day and she responded stating that the hours will be the same on Mon and Wed and Tuesday will be a drop off time of 2 hours later. She believes it won't make a difference. In my opinion, having an odd day sandwiched between the other two days will make the child have a wacky routine everyday. Plus, yes, it is only one day but it is also a third of the days I watch him. Do you think I am over reacting and it really is no big deal? I feel if I respond to her to tell her that I do believe that one day will make a difference that I will come across as petty.

I am interviewing for another vacancy that came up so if he does not work out, I am hoping to have a back-up lined up just in case. Does anyone have any experience with running and LOVING a preschool atmosphere and then adding a newborn to the mix that is not your own? If the newborn were my own, I feel like it's entirely different because I could adjust and form the schedule to my needs.....but that is not possible with a part time variable newborn.

Ugh....can you tell I'm dreading Monday ?!

I guess what I am asking is would you all tell dcm that the varying hours may make adjustment difficult or just leave it as is and let nature take its course?
It was hard for me with my own newborn, and i would never ever take an infant part time. The youngest I have ever taken of someone else's was 10 mos, and I really don't enjoy it compared to the older kids.
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Old 07-01-2013, 01:19 PM
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I think part time infants are hard in general. It is possible, if the parents or whoever is watching him the other days follow the same eat/sleep schedule as daycare, but it is hard.

I'm glad they agreed to bring him at the same time each day. That will be helpful.

I had one that struggled with eating and sleeping at first. I had the parents come in and show me. "Show me how he eats for you. Maybe you hold him differently or hold the bottle differently" Surprise, surprise they couldn't get him to eat from the bottle, even though mom had previously said he did just fine with it at home "Show me how you do naps." She put him in the PNP and he screamed and screamed. I had her follow my routine of after a short time, check on him, return pacifier and leave. Surprise again, he would not sleep. He screamed for over 20 minutes and mom finally left in tears. They stayed home for the whole next week and trained him to drink from the bottle. They worked on self soothing and not nursing to sleep. When he returned, he was so much better.
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Old 07-01-2013, 02:56 PM
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Well here I am at nap time with him. He is micro-feeding (1/2 to 1 ounce at a time before he absolutely refuses to drink more). I try to extend the time between feedings and it's the same so the only way to get enough milk in him is to do it every hour or so .

The big problem is that he won't sleep longer than 30 minutes. I can lay him down wide awake but then not even 30 minutes later he's screaming. It makes me wonder if he is even sleeping at all . Dcm says he sleeps for "hours at a time" at home and I supposedly do the same nap time stuff she does, yet he is not sleeping here. On top of that, he is getting progressively crankier as the day goes by. He is here 10-10 1/2 hours in a day so I'm sure it will be noticeable tonight when he's only slept less than 1 1/2 hours in a 10 hour period.

He does surprisingly well during our preschool time but the age gap really becomes a problem during meal times, periods of transition and during big kid nap time. I cannot cater to all of his frequent needs during the 45 minute block of breakfast and lunch (at least 45 minutes are needed to make the meal, serve it and clean up afterward). During this time, he usually cries the entire time. The same thing goes during nap preparation (changing diapers of older toddlers, brushing teeth, story time, tuck the kiddos in ). Since lunch is back to back with nap time, it ends up being a good hour+ of hearing him cry. If I hold him/feed him/change him, it will seriously delay me and cause the older kids to start acting up. Then today, he will be awake during the entire nap time and he is a talkative loud baby. I have a child sleeping in nearly every room of my house so I am worried it's only a matter of time before he wakes someone up.

I am going to give this 2 weeks (the end of next week) and if the naps/frequent micro feedings don't improve, I'm going to give notice. I hate the fact that I seriously dread the days he will be here! Please tell me this improves! Maybe at the end of this week if the naps/feedings don't improve I can have one of the parents come and show me how they do them.
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Old 07-01-2013, 03:27 PM
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Something is not right here. I am guessing that they are nursing or rocking to sleep or maybe even co sleeping. anyway, he doesnt fit in with your group and even if he was napping and sleeping better, he is still going to be a major handful when he is so much younger than the other kids. Honestly, I think you would be better to just term now otherwise you will wait out a couple more weeks and then a notice period. you might get stuck with this baby for another month!

part time infants are by far the hardest kids. I would rather take any other kid, any age, any hours then take another part time infant. I will be honest in saying it would be a miracle to make this work since you offer preschool care normally.
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Old 07-01-2013, 03:53 PM
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Something is not right here. I am guessing that they are nursing or rocking to sleep or maybe even co sleeping. anyway, he doesnt fit in with your group and even if he was napping and sleeping better, he is still going to be a major handful when he is so much younger than the other kids. Honestly, I think you would be better to just term now otherwise you will wait out a couple more weeks and then a notice period. you might get stuck with this baby for another month!

part time infants are by far the hardest kids. I would rather take any other kid, any age, any hours then take another part time infant. I will be honest in saying it would be a miracle to make this work since you offer preschool care normally.
I feel like such a failure terming right away without at least giving it a fair trial. To be honest, though, all I want to do is rush through these two weeks and give notice because I think it will take a lot more time, dedication, and SACRIFICE that I don't necessarily want to give. I know some kids just don't sleep well in a daycare setting with background noise. I need a break at some point in the day too! I usually wait until nap time to go to the bathroom so I can do it without destruction in the background. Now I can't even do that because every time I walk out of his line of sight he cries and it will wake up everyone.

My dh is telling me that I am quitting before I even gave it a try and I need to practice some patience. UGH....why did I agree to this?! I guess I just need some kind of "It's ok . . . you already know it's not going to work so just give notice before you create a whole world of stress."
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