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Old 10-13-2018, 11:51 AM
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Default Just Thinking About Lovies

I'm watching my niece and nephew for the whole weekend while my BIL and SIL are out of town. We spent the night at their house last night, but I took them over to my house for naps today so I could get some stuff done. I of course forgot all their loveis, pacifiers and various other items needed for sleep at their house. My SIL FREAKED out when I told her I wasn't going back to get them because she said my niece absolutely would not sleep without those 90 things in her bed and that she would throw a fit. She also told me her 3 year old wouldn't nap so "good luck". I'm not trying to toot my own horn (ok maybe a little ) but they went down without a peep and without even asking for any of those things! It got me thinking about all these little things that kids get attached to and NEED in order to do certain things and how much we as adults have influence on them. Is it possible that the adults are just unconsciously communicating to the kids that they can't do certain things without their security items and it all it takes is some confidence on the adults' part to put an end to it? Or do some kids truly need these things? What are your thoughts? My own kids like to have certain things in their beds, but they absolutely can sleep without them too.
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Old 10-13-2018, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
I'm watching my niece and nephew for the whole weekend while my BIL and SIL are out of town. We spent the night at their house last night, but I took them over to my house for naps today so I could get some stuff done. I of course forgot all their loveis, pacifiers and various other items needed for sleep at their house. My SIL FREAKED out when I told her I wasn't going back to get them because she said my niece absolutely would not sleep without those 90 things in her bed and that she would throw a fit. She also told me her 3 year old wouldn't nap so "good luck". I'm not trying to toot my own horn (ok maybe a little ) but they went down without a peep and without even asking for any of those things! It got me thinking about all these little things that kids get attached to and NEED in order to do certain things and how much we as adults have influence on them. Is it possible that the adults are just unconsciously communicating to the kids that they can't do certain things without their security items and it all it takes is some confidence on the adults' part to put an end to it? Or do some kids truly need these things? What are your thoughts? My own kids like to have certain things in their beds, but they absolutely can sleep without them too.
Is it possible that the adults are just unconsciously communicating to the kids that they can't do certain things without their security items......

It is not just possible, but it is the case in 95% of kids who have parents that insist that the child can't live without a comfort item. The parents have trained the child to act like they need the item, and that is why they "need" it only when parents are present. There are some kids who are overly attached to items, but IME, the parents are attached to the idea of their kids "needing" an object, thinking it will make their child look precocious, cute, smart, insert whatever needs the parents need to have filled for themselves.
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Old 10-13-2018, 03:11 PM
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Did you send mom a picture of them napping peacefully?
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Old 10-13-2018, 03:21 PM
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Did you send mom a picture of them napping peacefully?
Thought about it but didn't. I didn't want to seem like I knew better than her. She asked if they slept at all for me and I said they did great and that her son actually slept the longest. She rolled her eyes and said well its probably because he woke up early this morning. Oh ok.
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Old 10-13-2018, 03:23 PM
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Is it possible that the adults are just unconsciously communicating to the kids that they can't do certain things without their security items......

It is not just possible, but it is the case in 95% of kids who have parents that insist that the child can't live without a comfort item. The parents have trained the child to act like they need the item, and that is why they "need" it only when parents are present. There are some kids who are overly attached to items, but IME, the parents are attached to the idea of their kids "needing" an object, thinking it will make their child look precocious, cute, smart, insert whatever needs the parents need to have filled for themselves.
I wonder why parents do this though. It makes life harder for them, the kids, and anyone who takes care of them.
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Old 10-13-2018, 06:34 PM
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Did you send mom a picture of them napping peacefully?
I had my 3yr old nephew one day, with my regular bunch of kiddo's. My sister said "good luck getting him to nap, he only goes down for me"

I sent her a picture of him passed out about 5 minutes after I put him down :P I am the little sister, it's my job to be a butt

About a week later we were at my grandma's house and he needed to nap... she looked at me and said "well baby whisperer, want another go?"
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Old 10-13-2018, 06:56 PM
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I think secure kids can absolutely sleep without these things. We lost my daughters beloved doll at an airport and she went to sleep that night. I was more upset than she was. My kids both also dropped their soothers without issues. I think for most securely attached kids these things are just a favorite thing they like to have. I have sleep trained so many kids and I usually eliminate whatever sleep toy is brought unless they are older and they have no issues without it.

But I have seen some kids bawl their faces off if a lovey is forgotten at home and will wail all through sleep time. To me those are kids with unhealthy attachments and are not secure.
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Old 10-14-2018, 10:12 AM
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I wonder why parents do this though. It makes life harder for them, the kids, and anyone who takes care of them.
A.T.T.E.N.T.I.O.N. that's why.
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Old 10-16-2018, 01:37 PM
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I see it regularly with pacifiers.

It's Mommy Dearest who is screaming:

"But she/he can't live without it!"
"She NEEDS it!"

No sweetie....YOU are the one trying to brainwash Snowflake that she/he can't live without it.

I just say "You're a big kid and don't need this. It goes in your cubby until home time."

Works like a charm, with no fussing (including nap time) until Mommy shows up and goes into a panic because Snowflake doesn't has a faceful of plastic...
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Old 10-20-2018, 05:42 PM
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A.T.T.E.N.T.I.O.N. that's why.
Resentment more likely. Some parents have resentment towards us. I had a few parents who hated spending time with their kids, but also hated putting them here.
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Old 10-21-2018, 11:27 AM
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I can see your point, but you got nap time done ONCe without it. You might not have the same luck with a daily go at it. Anything can happen once-itís the daily actions that merit applause. Yes, daily the kid might not need the lovie, but if it makes mom life easier, then let her have that key to nap time. Mom life is hard and mommy shaming is way to prevalent
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Old 10-21-2018, 02:12 PM
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I can see your point, but you got nap time done ONCe without it. You might not have the same luck with a daily go at it. Anything can happen once-itís the daily actions that merit applause. Yes, daily the kid might not need the lovie, but if it makes mom life easier, then let her have that key to nap time. Mom life is hard and mommy shaming is way to prevalent
I haven't done it just once. I do it ALL the time with daycare kids. Literally, it's my job. I'm not "mommy shaming". I asked a question if some kids really do need lovies. My feeling is that they don't and maybe we need to teach parents that they don't need all these things. There is nothing shameful about that. The problem is parents do everything they can to make things as easy as possible for THEM without considering how it affects their children and the people who care for them. I'm not really concerned about parents having it easy. I'm a parent and it's not easy. I'm concerned about what is best for kids. But I see you're going off on everyone's posts today, so please be my guest!
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Old 10-21-2018, 03:38 PM
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I can see your point, but you got nap time done ONCe without it. You might not have the same luck with a daily go at it. Anything can happen once-itís the daily actions that merit applause. Yes, daily the kid might not need the lovie, but if it makes mom life easier, then let her have that key to nap time. Mom life is hard and mommy shaming is way to prevalent
It might make moms life easier but it makes the kids life harder and my job is to help the kids, not the mom . Mom is an adult.

I have two parents that pop soothers in their kids mouth at pickup. Kid canít even say hello before the thing is put in their mouths.
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