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Old 05-09-2014, 02:26 PM
TwinKristi's Avatar
TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
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Default DCM upset...

So I have a DCB here who has some issues, I've written about him before. He's had a lot of GI issues until we recently switched to a GF diet and it's improved a lot along with his speech. But two weeks in a row now, on Friday he has had bad poops again. I suspect Nana isn't on board with the GF diet and gives him things thinking it's no big deal. I guess the great grandpa who lives there as well has been feeding him non-GF things as well. DCM just got a new job, odd hours (11-7 an hour away) and Nana picks up on W-Th-F and watches him til DCM gets home. DCM and her boyfriend have been trying to get a place together and avoid this interference and reliance on Nana.

Well last weeks diarrhea incident was 10 min before she got here so I just dealt with it but had it been earlier I would have sent him home. Massive liquidy poops that got all over and I needed help from my teen to avoid major disaster. Today mom says he probably won't poop today because he had bad gas and not "diarrhea" but not solid poop twice within an hour. So she brings him and within 20 min he squats and has a small amount of diarrhea. Within an hour he had 2 more gradually getting worse.

TMI ahead... but just undigested food and mucous. It was nasty. So then I told her I wish they could all get on board here because I have to send him home when this happens. I'm sure now he's gotten it out of his system and won't poop again but it's said and done and I know mom is upset. Dh gave me a hard time about sending him home saying kids poop and I need to just deal with it but he's not the one who has to change him (and freaked out the one time he did when I had to go to an appt and he stayed here) and deal with other parents if they came in amidst the catastrophe of a blow out.

Last week I literally had to hurry a new DCM out the door when I heard him go. So I want to text or call DCM and explain. I feel it's sort of my fault for not being firm and sending him home the first 50 times this happened in he last year but now that it's not a regular occurrence it's more distinguishable when it's diarrhea. 4 times in less than 2 hours, plus the twice in an hour at home, is not normal. And I feel like I'm allowing them to be lazy with his diet and not have him seen by a dr and tested for allergies and whatever else is wrong.

I just feel torn. I feel bad sending him home once a week with this problem, plus I can't imagine mom will keep her job at this rate, but I also don't want to deal with this mess every week and enable this. I don't think she would term but I do sense that she's frustrated as am I. She's recently asked about me watching him later hours to avoid Nana and Grandpa having him and sabotaging his diet and such. So 3 long days instead of 5 normal ones and she's willing to pay more but this is the kinda stuff that makes me want to say heck to the no!! She needs someone who can pick him up it she can't. Kids get sick, get hurt, etc and if you don't have a job that has this flexibility then that can really hurt your career.

I guess part of my guilt comes from allowing my first DCF to stay here if DCB was sick because I didn't have any other kids here and I knew he'd just have to go to work with mom and be sick there. So it was better for him to get a good nap here and rest. After awhile it was expected and got more and more dramatic. I sent him to the dr with a red & white sore on his mouth and low grade fever to get a drs note that it wasn't contagious before returning. She gave me 2 months notice that she was putting him in "Jr Preschool" at 22 mos because it was easier to have him at the same site as his sister. I know it was because I sent him home that day. She was pissed about it and didn't text me for days unlike her usual 20+ texts a day. But the same thing applies, I allowed it until it got out of hand and when I put my foot down they get upset. I am being more firm with my new families to avoid this in the future but I think I need to mend this issue with DCM.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 05-09-2014 at 03:13 PM.
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Old 05-09-2014, 02:39 PM
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craftymissbeth craftymissbeth is offline
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I wouldn't be upset. If she wants to keep her job then I guess she'll just have to get nana on board, ya know? It seems like an "easy" fix that she doesn't want to do.
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:08 PM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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Do not even worry about it. Let them term and just be done with it. The weird schedule, multiple caregivers plus health issues is just too much. This is not your problem to solve! And just because people term over illness policy does not mean it is better at the next place. A lot of parents will get it together but only after they receive "no" from multiple daycares. Just because they leave does not mean they wont encounter the exact same rules at the next place.
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:10 PM
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preschoolteacher preschoolteacher is offline Member
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Why are you feeling guilty? Diarrhea is Not conducive to group care. It's the parents' job to make sure he's fed right wherever he goes. It might be the motivation she needs to get things figured out. It's not your responsibility to fix it for her!
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:16 PM
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KiddieCahoots KiddieCahoots is offline
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Do you feel you can continue dealing with diarrhea?
Doesn't sound like Grandma is willing to hear or change, and dcm seems to need her too much.....kwim?
Maybe start looking for a replacement, then make the final decision on what YOU want.
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:20 PM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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Originally Posted by preschoolteacher View Post
Why are you feeling guilty? Diarrhea is Not conducive to group care. It's the parents' job to make sure he's fed right wherever he goes. It might be the motivation she needs to get things figured out. It's not your responsibility to fix it for her!
Absolutely. That is a sanitary issue issue regardless of the cause and it needs to be fixed for him to attend. Period.
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:22 PM
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TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
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Thank you for the reassurance, I just know she wants to do better but is so reliant on her mom's help and it's hindering him. I knew this was the right thing to do but it's just hard. I don't think she realizes how abnormal his behavior and health issues are. I mean, I have a DCB who poops like 3x a day but it's never liquid or exploding out his pants. I know mom knows that the care I give is exceeding the normal realm of care but since that's just normal to her it should be normal to me. I've accommodated so many changes and issues with them and took the changes with stride. Recently I had to enforce my closing time because Nana would come as late as 6:30-7pm if I let her. I put my foot down and said 5pm on baseball game nights and 5:30 is my closing time otherwise. That wasn't met with much resistance but I understand this is because it's costing her money and most likely a new job.
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:29 PM
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TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
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His diarrhea has gotten SO MUCH better since we went GF but I know Nana has to be sneaking it in because we're having these issues on days after she's had him. DCB is a great eater, sleeper, etc. He's still having social issues but is getting better. Mom pays on time, communicates well, is one of the sweetest moms but I think she's getting kinda burnt out. She's had him in various forms of therapy 3 days a week for months now and with very little improvement. She's since cancelled services and is on board with GF since there's been a dramatic improvement but it's so hard with Nana involved. I don't know how he would do at another daycare. I mean the only other option for him is a special needs preschool type setting. And that isn't for me to worry about. I think I may need to just have a sit-down meeting with her about things. I don't think I can obligate myself to evening care in the future either so we have a lot to talk about.
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exclusion, sick policy, upset parent

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