Daycare.com Forum Kidacare by Minute Menu Force of Nature Disinfectant HiMama Childcare App

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:04 PM
MamaBear MamaBear is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 666
Default What Would You Do?

Okay... Heres my situation:

I have a 13 month old DCB that left my daycare about 2.5 months ago. His mom is a teacher & right before the summer break they moved about 40 minutes away but she still works close to my home. So she made the decision to put him in a daycare next to her home and gave her 2 week notice back in May. All was fine and they were gone.

About a month ago she contacts me to tell me that he was having an awful time at the new daycare. He had been with me from when he was 3 months old till they left me when he was about 10 or 11 months. He was always fine here. Basically the mom was upset that every time she'd pick him up he was having a crying fit at his new daycare. So she asks me if she could bring him back to my daycare.

She apologized up & down for taking him out just for their "convenience" and really wanted him back here because he was so comfortable here & she never worried about him, etc etc... So I said ok.

She told me during that conversation how easy he is now... that hes walking now, napping for 3 hour naps each day and so easy going. THEN he comes back and it was NOT what she said.

He has MAJOR separation anxiety since he returned (last week). He has a HUGE fit when the mom leaves, a full on tantrum and cries so hard he barfs on himself. Then he calms down about 30 minutes later but EVERY time someone arrives or leaves at the door, he does the same routine all over again.

I started a new girl today and it was so embarrassing. He was having a fit and I was trying to listen to the new mom talk to me. It was awful.

Oh and he only naps 30 minutes a day... ALL day. So after the first awful day (which was last week) I told the mom how it was. THEN she tells me... "oh yeah - I cant even go to throw stuff out in the trash outside & leave him with his dad without him having a huge fit! He has total separation anxiety" WHAT??? What the heck happened to the easy going boy she bragged about last month??? The one who naps 3 hours a day and is so easy and happy??

So now its been a week and a half and he is getting worse. Every morning its the same thing. Big huge fit for 30 minutes to the point of puking... then starts up again every time someone arrives and leaves. And my only time to get a break from him is nap time and he wont sleep more than 30 minutes.

Hes 13 months old now... and he should be comfortable with me since he was with me for so long before... although I understand being gone from me for a couple months is like starting all over to him in his baby mind. Now I'm thinking the other daycare he was at was fine... its just him! I'm mad that the mom lied to me about how easy he is. I would never have taken him in if I knew all this about him. Especially since I had already taken another 13 month old and took in a 7 month old too. Its crazy here when hes having a fit... It triggers my 7 month old to wail even louder!

So should I term him? Give him more time? It's really wearing me out and I need to consider my sanity too.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:07 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 18,354
Default

I think you already know the answer to your question. You are just looking for someone to give you that (virtual) push in the right direction. So in that case, YOU do what YOU need to do and don't feel bad. It is a good lesson for you and for dcm.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:11 PM
laundrymom's Avatar
laundrymom laundrymom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,219
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I think you already know the answer to your question. You are just looking for someone to give you that (virtual) push in the right direction. So in that case, YOU do what YOU need to do and don't feel bad. It is a good lesson for you and for dcm.
Very good answer
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:16 PM
MamaBear MamaBear is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 666
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I think you already know the answer to your question. You are just looking for someone to give you that (virtual) push in the right direction. So in that case, YOU do what YOU need to do and don't feel bad. It is a good lesson for you and for dcm.
Your so right. I think I just feel bad since I had him before. But this is just not working out. I hate situations like this.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:18 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 18,354
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBear View Post
Your so right. I think I just feel bad since I had him before. But this is just not working out. I hate situations like this.
I hate them too but I have come to learn that the feeling of euphoria I have when that one stressful kid is gone is so liberating that I do not hesitate to do what I need to do anymore. It is hard but like, I said...good lesson for the daycare mom. She needs to suffer the consequences of her actions just like we teach our dck's. You didn't do it so you shouldn't be the one stressing.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:29 PM
sharlan's Avatar
sharlan sharlan is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chino, California
Posts: 6,025
Default

What was he like before?

If he was a pleasant baby, I would give him some more time to readjust. You have no idea what he went through in the other daycare. One day he was with you, next day somebody else. He was too young to undestand what was happening.

In his little brain, he has no idea as to whether or not he will be at your house or somewhere else tomorrow.

Parents really need to stop and think about what they are doing.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:41 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2,669
Default

What time does he come in in the morning? Is there any way to lay him down right when he gets there or keep him away from the door to see if the door is a trigger?

Unfortunately the DCM blew smoke up your rear just to get him back in your care. Now it's up to you whether you want to continue care or not. Is she doing anything to help alleviate problem or is it out of sight, out of mind? Do you offer a trial period? If so, I would be honest with the mom and tell her that the trial period is ending soon and if these issues continue, she may need to find alternative care.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-19-2011, 01:49 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

I would not keep him. JMO but I don't think it is completely separation anxiety. He is like this at home WITH his mom. 30 minute fits multiple times a day are just too much.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-19-2011, 04:24 PM
heyhun77's Avatar
heyhun77 heyhun77 is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 370
Default

I would probably keep him but mark a calendar for 30 days and write on each day how he is. If you approach 30 days and there are more bad days than good then let them go but it may get better. I agree that he's had a couple of transitions in his short life and he's confused. Also, he's at about the age and stage that the next bout of separation anxiety will come on even if he had been in your care for the duration of his life.

I have had (and still do have) kids that cannot separate from their parents at home, at church, ect, basically anyplace but my house but here they are completely fine. You could find a goodbye routine that works for your childcare, the parent and the child and stick to it. Also you could make sure that there are pictures of his family, house, ect available for him to go to when he is missing mom.

What works for my one kiddo that still has separation issues is to come in, take off his shoes, give hugs and kisses then he comes into my living room, stands on the footstool in front of the window and waves goodbye to mom until he can't see her anymore. At first he would cry and carry on. Then over time it got less and less down to just blowing a kiss and watching her get in the car, to now where he says his goodbyes in the front porch/cubby area and then goes and washes his hands just like all the other kids without the stop at the window. If he's having a particularily tough morning he'll do it because he knows it's available but a lot of the time he just joins right into our morning routines.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-19-2011, 04:36 PM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,292
Default

I could manage everything but the crying to puke part. Is he doing that every day and multiple times a day?

I think you may have a rage baby. There are a lot of things you can do to work with him to settle him down BUT the vomiting is very difficult to get around.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-19-2011, 04:47 PM
MommyMuffin's Avatar
MommyMuffin MommyMuffin is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 887
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I could manage everything but the crying to puke part. Is he doing that every day and multiple times a day?

I think you may have a rage baby. There are a lot of things you can do to work with him to settle him down BUT the vomiting is very difficult to get around.
Sorry off topic: What is a rage baby? Is there a previous post about it?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-19-2011, 05:30 PM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,292
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyMuffin View Post
Sorry off topic: What is a rage baby? Is there a previous post about it?
intensely angry baby

Last edited by nannyde; 07-19-2011 at 05:38 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-19-2011, 05:47 PM
Michelle's Avatar
Michelle Michelle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,683
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
What was he like before?

If he was a pleasant baby, I would give him some more time to readjust. You have no idea what he went through in the other daycare. One day he was with you, next day somebody else. He was too young to undestand what was happening.

In his little brain, he has no idea as to whether or not he will be at your house or somewhere else tomorrow.

Parents really need to stop and think about what they are doing.
Exactly what i was thinking... Parents need to keep kids in one place.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-19-2011, 07:28 PM
countrymom's Avatar
countrymom countrymom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 4,756
Default

ok, 2 things. I wonder if something happened at the other daycare. I had a boy come to me 2 yrs ago, mom was crying and telling me that since her child started at the home daycare he started with seperation anxiety, he wasn't sleeping, his attitude changed. so 2 yrs later he's a good kid, mom and I are good friends but she thinks that the other provider was leaving her kid in the playpen all day thats why he had issues.

or can you call the other provider and see if she had a problem, maybe something happened that mom doesn't want to tell you. thats weird that he would do those weird behaviors.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-19-2011, 07:33 PM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,626
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
ok, 2 things. I wonder if something happened at the other daycare. I had a boy come to me 2 yrs ago, mom was crying and telling me that since her child started at the home daycare he started with seperation anxiety, he wasn't sleeping, his attitude changed. so 2 yrs later he's a good kid, mom and I are good friends but she thinks that the other provider was leaving her kid in the playpen all day thats why he had issues.

or can you call the other provider and see if she had a problem, maybe something happened that mom doesn't want to tell you. thats weird that he would do those weird behaviors.
I was also wondering if something happened at the other place. I would give him a good chance to settle down. Clam, loving, routine is probably best for him right now. Reassurance, cuddles, and perhaps a Big Exciting Awesome activity planned for about ten minutes after he arrives--fingerpainting with colored whipped cream on the high chair tray, maybe. Or even maybe try to distract him with a simple show right after drop off for awhile? Something, anything that will get his attention OFF the door.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-20-2011, 07:37 AM
SandeeAR's Avatar
SandeeAR SandeeAR is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 1,188
Default

If he was a good baby for you before, I would give it some time. I'm with the others, sounds like something happened to him, or around him at the other daycare.

I would give the Mom a 30 day written notice, that you must see a great deal of improvement in that time. Then you will re-evaluate the situation. If there is enough improvement for you, then you will extend to another 30 days. If not enough improvement, you will term immediately.

Tell her she has to do her part to improve the situation. She has to work on things at home too, if she wants him to be able to stay.

Just remember, she has already lied to you once. A big lie! So be sure you want to continue to deal with her in the future, before you make this offer. If not, then term now. Reason, you were lied to.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-20-2011, 07:53 AM
MamaBear MamaBear is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 666
Default

Thanks all so much for your advice. I talked to the mom yesterday and told her again how bad the separation anxiety is and how disruptive it is through the day. She pretty much acted like it was no big deal until I said that if it doesn't improve during my trial period then it wouldn't work out. That perked up her ears. She was surprised that he'd have do a new trial period... but its a new contract so duhhhh. I have a 2 week trial period. He's been coming about a week now... started last Thursday but I'm closed today for my 2 son's first day of school... so I would let it roll into next week to make it fair.

She said she would bring a "comfort" toy for him and hopes that will work to soothe him. I know it wont. He still will cry. But I agreed to try it to be fair.

He was a somewhat easy baby before he left here. He didnt cry like this at drop offs and when others came. He was just a goofy silly boy who'd either play, sleep or eat. But he also had his older sister here back then too. Shes since gone off to preschool and so that might be another part of his freaking out. No mom and no sister and so hes all crazed.

I think I'm more frustrated that she lied about how he is than anything. Even when I told her that he only sleeps 30 minutes a day, she says "oh yea thats what hes doing lately". So I was like "I thought you said he was a great napper now"... she looked all confused like she forgot her lie. So that bugs me more than anything and I feel the need to end it.

We'll see how it goes in the next week. I'll let you guys know!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-20-2011, 08:34 AM
Zoe's Avatar
Zoe Zoe is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,442
Default

Funny how she doesn't even remember her own lie. I'm glad you confronted her about that. Hopefully the child will calm down for you!
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-20-2011, 11:48 AM
MamaBear MamaBear is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 666
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoe View Post
Funny how she doesn't even remember her own lie. I'm glad you confronted her about that. Hopefully the child will calm down for you!
Yeah this mom was infamous for lying to me about itty bitty things and big things and then not remembering her lie. Why or why did I even take her back. Blech!
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-20-2011, 11:56 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 18,354
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBear View Post
Yeah this mom was infamous for lying to me about itty bitty things and big things and then not remembering her lie. Why or why did I even take her back. Blech!
I don't normally advise people to just term, but in this scenario, I could sense that you had already decided that was the best option and needed someone to say it was okay to do so without feeling guilty about not sticking it out longer etc as others have suggested. I still think that is what you wanna do and still think that is what you should do. Your sanity is the most important thing.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 07-20-2011, 02:07 PM
grandmom's Avatar
grandmom grandmom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 734
Default

This poor baby. Of course he's full of rage. He's now training his 3rd provider.

I was going to suggest you hang in there so he won't have to go to yet another new place.

Then I read your last post about the lies. Give it the 2 weeks, and then term.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 07-20-2011, 10:20 PM
MamaBear MamaBear is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 666
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by grandmom View Post
This poor baby. Of course he's full of rage. He's now training his 3rd provider.

I was going to suggest you hang in there so he won't have to go to yet another new place.

Then I read your last post about the lies. Give it the 2 weeks, and then term.
Yea I agree. I would feel bad for him to switch to a 3rd daycare if it didnt work out here - so I feel like I should give him time to get better here. But then the lies from the mom intermixed with the constant raging makes it really hard for me to do it. I'll give him until the end of next week and if its still bad, then he'll be outta here!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
crying - every day, parents - ask too much, rage baby, terminate, unreasonable parental expectations, wwyd

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:28 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming