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  #1  
Old 09-28-2010, 09:41 AM
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Default Do You Expect Your DCP to Listen to You?

So there is a big controversary on the other board. I am a DCP. I feel I am hired by famlies to watch their children, and therefore I feel I should be doing as they ask me to do. If they want their baby to take naps from 10-12, I do so. If they want their baby to have juice, I give it to them. If they want their baby to have baby food, I make sure I give to them. If they want their toddler to have just 1% milk, I give that to them. So I'm curous, when you give your DCP instructions, do you expect them to follow through? Or do you think they have the right to decide what is best for YOUR child? Would you like it if yopu brought a bottle of aplle juice for your child and your DCP put it in her pantry with all the others and refused to give it to your child because SHE doesnt want to give juice in her home? Do you think it si fair that the DCP can make all the rules and you have to follow them regardless of what you feel is best for your child? Like naps? If you want your child to take a pm nap only, but the DCP wants to give your child a am & a pm nap at teh time that is most conveinant for HER, would you like that? I need some input from the "this side".

Thanks Ladies!
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:03 AM
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To each her own, Legomom, but you seem to have a pretty strong opinion on this issue . Personally, I never expected anything crazy weird from a DCP, but I've heard of some people asking for some pretty strange things that really weren't necessary and definitely not worth the hassle (or downright impossible) in a daycare environment.

I think this mainly comes down to a communication issue. Parents need to understand that what they choose to do in their home doesn't always transfer into a daycare environment. For example, the dcp should be able to have the child on whatever nap schedule works best in her care environment. As a parent, my stance has always been that since my kids aren't in my care during the day, there are certain things that are just out of my control. I can ask questions, pop in or make suggestions so that I know what's going on with my kids, but the dcp's job is hard enough without me making any demands on her other than keeping the kids safe and usually happy.

On the juice issue...the provider could easily tell the parents that she doesn't serve juice in her home for whatever reason and the parents should be able to roll with that. Seriously--is juice really something a baby *really* needs anyway? I can almost understand a dcp just putting it away and not serving it to avoid an irrational conversation. Now, if a child has specific unique nutritional needs, I would think that the parents would communicate that with the provider and those instructions should most definitely be followed.

As a DCP, it's up to you how you run your business. I think it's wonderful that you are both willing and able to keep up with the demands of your dc parents. You must really enjoy your job and that's fantastic!
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:55 AM
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Legomom, do you really do naps at whatever time parents request them? Because if I tried that here, kids would be napping from 9 am straight through to 4 pm. I wouldn't be able to take the kids outside, go for walks, pick up at the bus stop if I needed to ... It just doesn't seem practical. I would think too, that a parent looking for care would understand that certain concessions need to be made when they choose any kind of group care. If they were looking for such specialized care, i would hope they would consider a nanny.

That said, small business is all about finding a niche market. If you've found a group of parents that are looking for specialized care in a group setting, and you're willing to provide that, you've put yourself in a very unique, and possibly very lucrative, position. Good job!

Btw, for the record, the can of apple juice that went straight to my pantry -- it got added to the daycare supply of juice. We have 50/50 at am snack everyday. I just didn't give the entire 2 liters to her child to drink all day.
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by ConcernedMotherof2 View Post
To each her own, Legomom, but you seem to have a pretty strong opinion on this issue . Personally, I never expected anything crazy weird from a DCP, but I've heard of some people asking for some pretty strange things that really weren't necessary and definitely not worth the hassle (or downright impossible) in a daycare environment.

I think this mainly comes down to a communication issue. Parents need to understand that what they choose to do in their home doesn't always transfer into a daycare environment. For example, the dcp should be able to have the child on whatever nap schedule works best in her care environment. As a parent, my stance has always been that since my kids aren't in my care during the day, there are certain things that are just out of my control. I can ask questions, pop in or make suggestions so that I know what's going on with my kids, but the dcp's job is hard enough without me making any demands on her other than keeping the kids safe and usually happy.

On the juice issue...the provider could easily tell the parents that she doesn't serve juice in her home for whatever reason and the parents should be able to roll with that. Seriously--is juice really something a baby *really* needs anyway? I can almost understand a dcp just putting it away and not serving it to avoid an irrational conversation. Now, if a child has specific unique nutritional needs, I would think that the parents would communicate that with the provider and those instructions should most definitely be followed.

As a DCP, it's up to you how you run your business. I think it's wonderful that you are both willing and able to keep up with the demands of your dc parents. You must really enjoy your job and that's fantastic!
What she said!
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  #5  
Old 09-28-2010, 11:25 AM
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My home, my rules. They signed the contract agreeing to my menu, nap, schedule, etc..... Will I bend my rules? Sometimes, if reasonable, but rarely. I have been doing this for 40+ years and when you have 7 people (6 parents + me)dictating schedules, food, etc...ain't gonna work. As they say... too many chiefs....! Oh, don't forget licensing rules and food program regulations, they have their say so too! You will be on the forum b@$#* about how burnt out you are in no time, but as been said, "to each her own".
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Old 09-28-2010, 12:21 PM
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What Legomom isn't saying is that the posting on the other board was about an 11 month old child for whom the mom sent ONLY apple juice and no formula for the entire day.
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Old 09-28-2010, 12:27 PM
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My home, my rules. They signed the contract agreeing to my menu, nap, schedule, etc..... Will I bend my rules? Sometimes, if reasonable, but rarely. I have been doing this for 40+ years and when you have 7 people (6 parents + me)dictating schedules, food, etc...ain't gonna work. As they say... too many chiefs....! Oh, don't forget licensing rules and food program regulations, they have their say so too! You will be on the forum b@$#* about how burnt out you are in no time, but as been said, "to each her own".
Ditto - as a DCP myself.

Prior to starting my business (many years ago) my first two kids were in daycare, and I took the time to find a provider who had very similar ideas as far as the care of my children as my own, and had confidence in my own judgment to allow her to run her business as she saw fit on a day-to-day basis. I never tried to dictate her schedule or policies to her, and was very happy with the result - i.e. great care and a wonderful relationship between she and I.
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Old 09-28-2010, 12:53 PM
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This is a parent forum and the OP was directed to parents. PLease stay on topic and keep the conversation/debate about the 11 month old in the providers forum.

Thank you.
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:10 PM
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Legomom--I imagine you will get more provider responses than ones from parents who have not been and are not currently a dcp.

I have not been and currently not a dcp. I do see your point in that parents should have the right to call the shots on their own parenting choices. I don't think you are meaning that the issue of juice during the day (from the earlier thread) is the only scenario you are speaking of for when a parent's wishes should reign supreme.

I have had my son at 4 different centers. Until my child was on all solid foods, I dictated what he was fed, how much, what time, etc. Until he was 1I dictated when his naps should be. These items were in a written plan maintained by the daycare and signed off by myself or my husband AND the classroom teacher. The written plans were updated as *WE* made changes to my son's eating habits and sleep patterns. When my son was older and eating all solid foods I could only keep him from eating items that he has an allergy to, religious belief against eating, or some health issue that prevents him from eating it. The state regs mandate that the center serve him "X" amount of veggie, bread, meat, fruit, and liquid per day. Whether he eats it or not is a different story but by state regs, they have to serve it to him and offer him seconds on anything that he asks for. By the way, my son's current center (which has received the highest rating that an NC center can achieve and is NAEYC accredited) serves juice 2x's/week. There are parents who do not want their children to be served juice but the center is required to offer the child atleast 4oz of whatever it is and have the parent's written permission to replace the 2nd serving with water for those do not want their child to consume any additional. To me, I think that is an example of the center helping to accomodate the parents in their wishes on what their child should have.

I have no control over what time my son naps. It has been a time set by the daycare since he was probably 2ish and for us it hasn't been an issue. The state regs mandate that all children have 2 hour rest time. It does not mean that they are required to sleep and the centers by law cannot force a child to lie on a mat/cot or punish them for not sleeping.

In terms of how I want my child disciplined, treated, spoken to, etc...YES, I will raise issue and ask for any correction if something were to go wrong or not in line with how we want our child treated. Unfortunately, he has had teachers where I did not agree with the comments they made at/around children, behavior, interactions, and at what point/matters they choose to discipline on and did not hesitate to pull him from the program and find alternate care. I think of it as a business *AND* parenting decision. Because I choose center based care vs home care, I choose a program based on their overall philosophy and cannot predict that there will be a teacher that does not uphold the philosophy that the center is selling or who I do not like their interactions with the children. So in those aspects, I will reign supreme or I will remove my child. It's not a threat to the center. It is that I am the parent and I choose what I think is best for my child and our family. If I choose somewhere that doesn't work out--then it doesn't work out and there are no hard feelings in the end. (so long as my child has not been injured or abused)

There is no black and white to parenting. There is no decree that each individual must follow to raise a healthy, productive and upstanding member of society. Every parent does what they want to whether it be haphazardly, or because that's how they were raised, or because they've read 100 parenting books/articles and formulated their own style. I've said it on here before, communication and respect between providers and parents is a MUST to have a successful relationship. So with that, I dare my son's daycare to ridicule how we parent. That will be the end of our relationship.
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:32 PM
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As a parent...I changed my schedule to that of the daycare providers. I understand that the daycare provider could have up to 8 kiddos and it is easier for me to change the schedule of my one child.
When my dd was on whole milk after she turned one, I would bring a gallon of whole milk each week to provide to her. I did this because my daycare provider never bought whole milk. Once I switched her to 2%, which is what my daycare provider bought for the rest of the kids; then I didn't bring whole milk anymore. I think it all depends on the situation. Other parents need to realize that you as a provider can't accommodate for every little thing for every child.
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:52 PM
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What blows my mind is how I have seen DCP's treat parents of the kids they watch, judging them, asking friends about their financial situations, etc. It seems that everyone has something to complain about, like no one meets their standards or expectations. Seems most have the I'm the boss and its my way kind of attitude, and I am not that way at all! I work with the parents as much as I possibly can, and seems I am finding out I am unique! I even have it in my contracts, that I will keep their child on the schedule that they are most comfortable with and used to for the benefit of the child not my benefit! I want my parents to be as comfortable with me as possible and want them to really feel that their child feels right at home, with no disruption to their day or schedule. I may run a business, but I run my buisness with the "human connection". The relationship is a 2 way street, and there has to be give and take, and great communication. As a parent myself, I never used DC, and knowing what I know now, I am glad I didn't and I hope my kids never have to use them either. Nothing can ever replace the childs "home" or mother, or routine, and I try to come as close to those things as possible!
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:55 PM
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To tell you the truth, I run my daycare to suit the children as well. I do take your point about some Providers being too stringent in their policies. Napping is one area where I have differed with some posters in the past. I run my program as if my nieces & nephews came over for the day to play with my kids. Oh, we eat nutritious foods and use any and all opportunities to learn things. We go outside to play, and if they need a nap, they get one. We do all that - just not at regimented times.

That being said, I think you are getting way too worked up about the juice posting. I think that if a mom of an 11 month old baby expected her daughter to drink only juice for the 10 hours or so that she was with me, and not have any formula, I would question the mom myself. Not because I'm bossy or set in my tyrannical ways, but just because I think a baby needs formula for health reasons. I'm not saying I would refuse to do what the mom asked, but I would certainly question it respectfully. Can we please drop it now?
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Old 09-28-2010, 02:17 PM
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To tell you the truth, I run my daycare to suit the children as well. I do take your point about some Providers being too stringent in their policies. Napping is one area where I have differed with some posters in the past. I run my program as if my nieces & nephews came over for the day to play with my kids. Oh, we eat nutritious foods and use any and all opportunities to learn things. We go outside to play, and if they need a nap, they get one. We do all that - just not at regimented times.

That being said, I think you are getting way too worked up about the juice posting. I think that if a mom of an 11 month old baby expected her daughter to drink only juice for the 10 hours or so that she was with me, and not have any formula, I would question the mom myself. Not because I'm bossy or set in my tyrannical ways, but just because I think a baby needs formula for health reasons. I'm not saying I would refuse to do what the mom asked, but I would certainly question it respectfully. Can we please drop it now?
Yes, you can drop it now. As was previously requested, please keep the discussion/debate about the 11 month old in the provider forum, in the appropriate thread.
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Old 09-28-2010, 02:49 PM
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Yes, you can drop it now. As was previously requested, please keep the discussion/debate about the 11 month old in the provider forum, in the appropriate thread.
Thank you!
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Old 09-28-2010, 03:45 PM
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I also do what the parent requests to an extent. If it throws off my whole schedule that I have with the other 7 kids here...I will work with the parent to come up with a solution. I have a parent that wants her 12 month old to participate in school time. Well school time is from 9-10. Her son is napping at that time..so her and I worked together to come up with a solution for a different nap time and I pushed my school time up by 1/2 hour.

There are certain things I think you can do for the parent...but there are also things you have to let the parent know that is just might not work that way. And we are right - it is OUR BUSINESS. We work hard on figuring out a schedule for ALL - what works for ALL to ensure a smooth day/week FOR ALL. This is all told to the parent AT THE TIME OF THE INTERVIEW. SO, a parent will know your rules etc before they even make a decision to enroll in your daycare. If your rules do not work for them..then by all means keep searching for another daycare...it wont bother me because I guarantee I will have that spot filled with someone that IS comfortable with how I run MY business.

I personally would not feed a child juice if the parent asked me too..even if they brought the juice BECAUSE...all of the other kids will be crying and whining and wondering why THEY dont get juice...You can feed your child juice at home. Here it is either milk or water. Pediatricians do not recommend juice, the food program doesnt recommend juice. The dck will be just fine drinking water.

Thankfully ALL of my families have adapted to our schedule here..their weekend naps and meals mimick my naps and meals so Monday they arent all off and have to get back into routine.
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Old 09-28-2010, 04:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by legomom922 View Post
So there is a big controversary on the other board. I am a DCP. I feel I am hired by famlies to watch their children, and therefore I feel I should be doing as they ask me to do. If they want their baby to take naps from 10-12, I do so. If they want their baby to have juice, I give it to them. If they want their baby to have baby food, I make sure I give to them. If they want their toddler to have just 1% milk, I give that to them. So I'm curous, when you give your DCP instructions, do you expect them to follow through? Or do you think they have the right to decide what is best for YOUR child? Would you like it if yopu brought a bottle of aplle juice for your child and your DCP put it in her pantry with all the others and refused to give it to your child because SHE doesnt want to give juice in her home? Do you think it si fair that the DCP can make all the rules and you have to follow them regardless of what you feel is best for your child? Like naps? If you want your child to take a pm nap only, but the DCP wants to give your child a am & a pm nap at teh time that is most conveinant for HER, would you like that? I need some input from the "this side".

Thanks Ladies!
Legomom,

see what you offer in your service is to do what you are told. That's your service. Nobody is suggesting that what you offer isn't valuable. It is. There are parents out there who want to hire someone who will do what they tell them to do right when they tell them to do it.. without hesitation.. without equivocation.

That's what YOU do. That's YOUR service.

I don't offer that service. I do what "I" think is right and the only parents who hire me are the parents who agree with what "I" think is right. This limits me to only a certain group of parents.

Your service is MUCH more valuable than mine. There are way more clients out there who want their provider to do as they are told than there are clients who agree with what "I" think is the right.

If you can manage doing what you are told with mulitple children from multiple families then keep on doing what you are doing. It's all good.

Just because a parent believes something is BEST for their child doesn't mean that every business she comes into contact with should offer what she believes is best. If she believes that organic, grass fed, chemical free meat is the best for her children then she can't go to McDonalds and stomp her feet when they don't have a single thing on the menu that is best for her child. She just doesn't go to McDonalds. She doesn't spend a dime on McDonalds food.

What she needs to do is to look into restraunts and find the ones that only serve what she believes is the best for her child OR she can stay home and cook her childs meals insuring that the children get what she believes is best.

It's the same for day care. A parent needs to spend the time to find the child care that offers what she believes is best. It's okay that 99 out of a 100 don't offer what she believes is right. She's looking for the 1 in a hundred that does.

Your service is to insure parents that whatever they believe is best will be done because you believe they have the right to decide what you do. That's something that is VERY valuable so if it's working for you then keep on keeping on.

I choose to limit what I offer to only what "I" believe is best and am providing service only to the 1 in a 100 day care parents that can afford my services and agree that "I" know best. My service is only valuable to the select few that are able and willing to go with what "I" believe is best.

There are many providers that believe that parents know their baby best and they know what's best for their baby. If that is your belief then feel free to operate your business accordingly. It's a very popular current philosophy and should serve you well in your business. You will find legions of parents agreeing with this and taking you up on your doing what you are told.

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Old 09-29-2010, 05:34 AM
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I am a provider, but just over a year ago, I was just a parent dropping my kid off at daycare, and I will speak from that point......
I interviewed with my daycare prior to choosing, them,,,,I knew when I interviewed, that there was no juice served, that she served this type of milk, that once they were old enough to go to one nap, she would push in that direction, during the nap times is when she would get her cleaning, done, and I wanted a clean environment for my son, so please put him to sleep and clean, and hes not in my care, so I would never expect her to go by what I said, I always expected her to on sleep to do what was best for my CHILD, not what was best for ME, I trusted that if he was miserable and tired, she would put him to sleep, If hes not, by all means, do whatever works for you its your house, And If I dont like that I could quit my job and stay home. Now that was after the age of 1, While my child was an infant, I did expect my directions for eating to be followed, until he was on all solids, But I think most daycare providers follow eating directions on babies, But c'mon on things they need, Not things they don't. As a provider now, I love listening to my parents, And making sure they know what I do with their children during the day, and what I'm feeding them, At the interviews my parents were all told I don't serve juice, I serve plenty of fresh fruit, And if they didn't like that and would rather it another way, They would have chosen somewhere else for their child. If I wanted someone to cater to my every want for my child, I would hire a nanny to come into my home, Or I would stay home with my child.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:00 AM
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its all about balance and compromise. i try to work with all my families to the best of my ability. i listen to them, and take everything into consideration. i also have to keep in mind what works for me, and is going to keep me sane throughout the day. i can be very flexible with certain things, and others, not so much. i have 6 families, with 6 different parenting philosophies. some allow their kids to eat chocolate for breakfast. some are so strict, and the kids arent allowed to sit in the grass for fear their pants will get dirty. my families have to understand as well, that i may not be able to do everything the same way they do. 6 different ways of doing things 100% of the time will equal 1 burnt out provider!!!

you want your child to drink juice? not what i would choose, but ya know what? its not gonna kill them.

you dont want your child to nap for more than 1 hr? i won't like it, but eh, i'll get over it.

you dont want your childs clothes to get dirty? this is where i would expect the parent to compromise. i'm not going to not let the child play, learn and explore. however, i will make sure they are clean and changed before pickup.

you won't let me drive your child in my car? then you must find alternate care on field trip days.

you want me to spank your child when disiplining them? sorry- not gonna happen.

that is why as providers, we have policies, handbooks, and interviews. and why open honest discussions are crucial to the parent/provider relationship.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by legomom922 View Post
What blows my mind is how I have seen DCP's treat parents of the kids they watch, judging them, asking friends about their financial situations, etc. It seems that everyone has something to complain about, like no one meets their standards or expectations. Seems most have the I'm the boss and its my way kind of attitude, and I am not that way at all! I work with the parents as much as I possibly can, and seems I am finding out I am unique! I even have it in my contracts, that I will keep their child on the schedule that they are most comfortable with and used to for the benefit of the child not my benefit! I want my parents to be as comfortable with me as possible and want them to really feel that their child feels right at home, with no disruption to their day or schedule. I may run a business, but I run my buisness with the "human connection". The relationship is a 2 way street, and there has to be give and take, and great communication. As a parent myself, I never used DC, and knowing what I know now, I am glad I didn't and I hope my kids never have to use them either. Nothing can ever replace the childs "home" or mother, or routine, and I try to come as close to those things as possible!
I came to this site when I was looking for a new dc and wound up engrossed in conversations. I, too, was floored when I read what some of the providers here were saying about parents. I fought it for a while, sticking up for my side as much as possible, then I left for a good long while because it just got too sickening. I understand the need to vent and try to maintain an open mind, but the negativity toward parents is a bit overwhelming at times. Unfortunately, even on "this side," you're going to get more comments from providers than parents.

Back to the topic (don't yell at me Crystal, I'm keeping on topic lol)... It really sounds like you care a lot about your dc kids and that's so great It also sounds like everyone here (even if they don't agree with you) is impressed by your ability to provide the service that you do. Don't underestimate the value of those providers who's opinions differ from yours, though. It is because of strict providers who held fast to their schedules and routines that I've become the parent that I am now and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. When my kids were babies, I really had no idea what I was doing. I loved them and never neglected or mistreated them, but I was the type of new mommy who would never put the baby down. I'm sure you all know the type. I was obsessed with all the little things like matching up original nipples to bottles after they were washed and making sure not a speck of dirt got on either of my children. None of that is bad... just not practical when you've got two kids and a full time job and a house to keep clean. Strict, but loving providers over the years have been the people who have taught me how to handle everything without going insane.

And I'll say it again To each her own.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:16 AM
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Very well said melskids.....exactly the way it should be.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:21 PM
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I finally got an idea of what I wanted to say on this topic--it's not a dictatorship on either side. I view the parent/provider relationship as a partnership--where both of you work together to find what works best for all three parties--the parent, the provider, and the child. Parents see and know things that we providers don't, and we providers see and know things that the parents don't. The fact is, we are with the children for most of their waking hours, in many cases. We are feeding them, playing with them, and putting them down for their naps. We may be the first to catch that something is seeming "off"--he didn't go down as easily as usual today, or she didn't want to finish her milk, which is totally out of character. We let the parents know, and in return expect the parents to let us know that she was up five times during the night or that he didn't want to wake up this morning.

The provider has several other children in the house--napping one child alone in a completely silent room (as opposed to with the other kids with the white noise on to drown out noise from the non-nappers) is probably not going to be practical. Having a child napping at completely different times from everyone else, may not be practical. Letting the child go to sleep with a blanket, a pacifier, a sippy of water...sure, those are easy to accommodate.

Dietary restrictions (for any reason), diaper change frequency (within reason...family who only wanted the kid changed twice a day and the family who wanted the kid changed every half hour...not kidding!), those are parental requests that are *probably* going to be workable--but again, the provider has a routine that the parents need to be happy with.

The point is, it's a partnership. The parents don't (or shouldn't) dictate how the provider runs her day (unless it's a nanny) and the provider doesn't get to dictate how the parent parents. Neither one gets to dictate something that's not in the child's best interest. Parents need to be able to trust their provider to make sound decisions, and providers need to trust that the parents know their child and do their best to accommodate *reasonable* requests.
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  #22  
Old 09-30-2010, 03:46 AM
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melskids melskids is offline
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
I finally got an idea of what I wanted to say on this topic--it's not a dictatorship on either side. I view the parent/provider relationship as a partnership--where both of you work together to find what works best for all three parties--the parent, the provider, and the child. Parents see and know things that we providers don't, and we providers see and know things that the parents don't. The fact is, we are with the children for most of their waking hours, in many cases. We are feeding them, playing with them, and putting them down for their naps. We may be the first to catch that something is seeming "off"--he didn't go down as easily as usual today, or she didn't want to finish her milk, which is totally out of character. We let the parents know, and in return expect the parents to let us know that she was up five times during the night or that he didn't want to wake up this morning.

The provider has several other children in the house--napping one child alone in a completely silent room (as opposed to with the other kids with the white noise on to drown out noise from the non-nappers) is probably not going to be practical. Having a child napping at completely different times from everyone else, may not be practical. Letting the child go to sleep with a blanket, a pacifier, a sippy of water...sure, those are easy to accommodate.

Dietary restrictions (for any reason), diaper change frequency (within reason...family who only wanted the kid changed twice a day and the family who wanted the kid changed every half hour...not kidding!), those are parental requests that are *probably* going to be workable--but again, the provider has a routine that the parents need to be happy with.

The point is, it's a partnership. The parents don't (or shouldn't) dictate how the provider runs her day (unless it's a nanny) and the provider doesn't get to dictate how the parent parents. Neither one gets to dictate something that's not in the child's best interest. Parents need to be able to trust their provider to make sound decisions, and providers need to trust that the parents know their child and do their best to accommodate *reasonable* requests.
EXACTLY. that's what i wanted to say....you said it MUCH better.
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  #23  
Old 09-30-2010, 05:22 AM
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tymaboy tymaboy is offline
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Well said SilverSabre25!
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Old 09-30-2010, 10:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
I finally got an idea of what I wanted to say on this topic--it's not a dictatorship on either side. I view the parent/provider relationship as a partnership--where both of you work together to find what works best for all three parties--the parent, the provider, and the child. Parents see and know things that we providers don't, and we providers see and know things that the parents don't. The fact is, we are with the children for most of their waking hours, in many cases. We are feeding them, playing with them, and putting them down for their naps. We may be the first to catch that something is seeming "off"--he didn't go down as easily as usual today, or she didn't want to finish her milk, which is totally out of character. We let the parents know, and in return expect the parents to let us know that she was up five times during the night or that he didn't want to wake up this morning.

The provider has several other children in the house--napping one child alone in a completely silent room (as opposed to with the other kids with the white noise on to drown out noise from the non-nappers) is probably not going to be practical. Having a child napping at completely different times from everyone else, may not be practical. Letting the child go to sleep with a blanket, a pacifier, a sippy of water...sure, those are easy to accommodate.

Dietary restrictions (for any reason), diaper change frequency (within reason...family who only wanted the kid changed twice a day and the family who wanted the kid changed every half hour...not kidding!), those are parental requests that are *probably* going to be workable--but again, the provider has a routine that the parents need to be happy with.

The point is, it's a partnership. The parents don't (or shouldn't) dictate how the provider runs her day (unless it's a nanny) and the provider doesn't get to dictate how the parent parents. Neither one gets to dictate something that's not in the child's best interest. Parents need to be able to trust their provider to make sound decisions, and providers need to trust that the parents know their child and do their best to accommodate *reasonable* requests.
i agree. i no longer keep children, but when i did, my "selling point" was that i worked with the child's schedule instead of making them work with mine. that meant the CHILD'S schedule - not what the parents demanded their schedule to be or what i wanted it to be. i had great parents who understood that though. if one day a child's diaper was changed 3 times - it wasn't questioned. if it was changed 10 times - it wasn't questioned. if they napped for 1 hour one day, 3 hours the next, and not at all the next - that's just how it was. they slept when they slept. i changed them when they needed it. they ate when they were hungry. if it was too cold out, we didn't go. if it was too hot, we got in the water. i washed their clothes if they were dirty. i gave them baths if they needed one. i really never had any complaints from the parents by operating that way. i think i did the same thing any parent would do. if my own kids played outside, so did their kids. if my kids got cake, so did their kids. if their kids were sleeping, i made mine go away and be quiet. if mine were sleeping, i took their kids away from them so mine wouldn't be bothered. i had kids not take a nap when they were with me because they went to sleep at 7:00 at home and woke up at 8am. on the other hand, i'd have kids take a 3 hour nap and then wake up at home at 5am. the parents never complained because they knew i TRIED to make it to where their kids would sleep well for them at home. if they didn't, oh well. just like if they didn't sleep for me, oh well.
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  #25  
Old 10-24-2010, 01:51 PM
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Default yes, DCP should follow parent's instructions

I expect my DCP to follow my instructions, as long as they comply with State licensing. I'm no expert in State licensing, so I rely on DCP to explain it to me if my requests go against it. I don't want to risk my DCP getting into trouble. On the other end, there are cases where I feel the DCP hides behind licensing where licensing could be called for clarification. For example, my son doesn't nap and never has. He's almost 5 and I've requested that licensing be called to advise on where I could provide a doctor note or parent note to request no nap. DCP refuses to do so, saying it wouldn't be fair to rest of class. Licensing requires 30 minute rest time, but daycare requires they stay on cot for 30 minutes plus 15 minutes of puzzle time, so 45 minutes every day minimum. He's miserable and no other daycare agrees with this practice. They say let him have 30 minute rest and then let him get up and do quiet activities but my DCP refuses, citing fairness. I expect my DCP to follow my instructions regarding everything - now whether or not it's followed, I can't guarantee. I can also say that I used to have my DCP give food and naps on our requested schedule. DCP complained so much about it and worked on us for months to switch to what was convenient for her. Don't know if my relenting permanently effected his being able to nap since he was only napped on the group schedule, not his own, even though it's licensing to feed and nap according to baby's schedule. Ideally, I want them to follow my instructions.
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