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  #1  
Old 02-17-2011, 06:38 PM
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Default For Those Mom's Who Started Their Daycare To Be Home With Their Own Children...

I have been running my daycare for nearly 5 years now. My son is 6 years old and my main reason for opening a daycare was to be able to stay home with him and raise him myself. While I have been the only person that has raised him it surely did not turn out the way I was hoping for. When I opened my doors I was a single mom so income was a factor as well. I do run a full daycare. In Saskatchewan, Canada that means 2 children under 30 months, 3 children 31 months - school age and 3 before and after school children.

I have had my son complain to me that I don't spend enough time with him. Strange hey...I'm home 24 hours a day and don't have enough time for my own son. But in some aspects it is true. I can not focus all my time and energy on him when I have other children that need my time as well.

I feel he is getting the short end of the stick. It's even worse now that he is older and gone at school all day long. When he gets home he hangs out upstairs...daycare is down, so I hardly see him again until supper time. My son likes his space after school and doesn't always want to be around the little kids and be a part of the daycare rules set when he comes down. He has his own collection of toys upstairs, game systems, art supplies, etc...and would rather be doing these things on his own.

So then I still have all evening for him right? WRONG! It just doesn't seem to work out that way. I run a 10.5 hour day and when I get off work I am usually completely exhausted. Our evening meal time is not the typical family meal time at the table. Most nights we are eating on the go while running errands or ordering in or fending for ourselves (either myself or my husband prepares my son's meals) but it's just not the same as sitting down as a family and having that one on one time.

If we are not out running errands we have friends stop by or family members that need something. Showers that need to be taken, cleaning that needs taken care of, phone calls, emails to answer, letters to write etc... It's just completely rediculous!

I love my daycare and really would not want to do anything but what I do, however, I just wish I could be there for my son more. I miss all of his school events because of the daycare too.

We do have one night a week were we will all cuddle up to a family movie but this just doesn't come often enough.

Do any other's feel this way?
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Old 02-17-2011, 06:56 PM
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Yes I do, every day. the first half of school year it was hardest for my boys, they every week asked for me to come have lunch like the other moms (arrow straight to the heart). They too, like your son, don't really like being in the daycare space but lose a lot of my attention if they stay in family space. In the end I have decided to back to school so I really will be there for them and only them next year. As a single mom though, I don't know how I would handle it.
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Old 02-17-2011, 07:07 PM
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I only have one in school so far, and I've missed some special lunches and things that I used to be able to go to before the daycare. Luckily, I have my own parents and my husband who can go in my place for those things....it's not Mom, but he seems okay about it.
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Old 02-17-2011, 07:11 PM
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I only have one in school so far, and I've missed some special lunches and things that I used to be able to go to before the daycare. Luckily, I have my own parents and my husband who can go in my place for those things....it's not Mom, but he seems okay about it.
I am not so lucky. My husband works a 8-5 job and my mother who lives in the city as well could care less to be involved in 'kid' stuff so to speak so my poor boy has no one to support him with these events. I always feels so bad when he says, "mommy we are having a party tomorrow and all the parents are coming, can you come or do you have to watch the kids?" geeze nothing like feeling like a big pile of crap! It's just so unfortunate I really wish things didn't have to be this way but I don't see any way around it.
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Old 02-18-2011, 02:26 AM
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i think everyone who does home daycare feels this way.

its a catch 22.

if i had to work full time, like some of the mom's who come here, it would be the same. they pick up their kids at 6. we live in the sticks, so they're not getting home until 6:30. you know by the time they get in the door and get dinner ready, its at least 7 or even 7:30. they still have to do homework, baths, cleanup, catch up on other tasks they cant do during the day, like laundry and paying bills, and then its off to bed. forget it if they have to add ball or piano practice into the mix. then its up at the crack of dawn to do this rushed schedule all over again. most are out the door by 6:30, to get their kids here and to get to work by 7:30/8.

i think i have chosen the lesser of two evils. both my boys are in school now. they dont really like that i do daycare, but i dont think they'd like it if i worked full time either.

i tell them all the time, we're a family, and we all have to make sacrifices. so they come home to a house full of kids. they could be coming home to no one but a TV.

i do try to attend all of their functions, and take turns doing this w/ my hubby. depending on what it is, sometimes the DC kids tag along. sometimes we miss some. sometimes i'd miss some if i worked too. i have DC parents who never get to go to ANY of the school functions.

weekdays are hectic around here, so i always make sure weekends are strictly for family. even if its playing the wii, or going to the library, or baking cookies. no work, no chores, just family.

its not about the quantity of time, but the quality.
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Old 02-18-2011, 03:21 AM
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I feel that way in the summer but if I worked outside the home I wouldn't be here to do all the things I do do for them like baking them cookies or hearing their stories when they get home one of the greatest memory I have has a child is my mother always being home when I got off the bus after school with a treat and her ear to hear how my day went.
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Old 02-18-2011, 03:32 AM
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This is why I moved on to a center for work. I don't get paid much but it helps out and they are very good about working around the hours that I can work. And most importantly, I am home when my son gets home from school.

You are self employed and while being your own boss is great, the hours that come with it can be vast.

It's time to decide what is the most important in your life right now. Money isn't everything and as you very well know, children don't stay young forever.
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Old 02-18-2011, 03:45 AM
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Yes I think we all feel like that. I have 4 kids of my own. What we do is use our weekends wisely.we also do family nights. Something g I have always done is to do something special with each kid once a week. Just me and them.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:09 AM
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Awww I hope it doesnt get this way for me! My DS is only 19 mo so I dont have any issue really and I just watch 2 other children (Im not licensend, dont want to be, prefer to be a Class B home and really only watch other kids part time to have some extra spending money). I plan on going to back to part-time work work once DS goes to school full time so I can still be there to get him off the bus and go to all his special things. All our family lives in another state so its just Dh, me and my DS and its been just us (El hub and I) for 9 yrs before DS came so weve made it work then and try and do it now.

So far things are good here. I get to see DS always (again, hes young and not in school), and hardly ever feel rushed or behind. I get annoyed with having to deal with dcp and what goes on as its my business Im trying to run but when I do get annoyed and frustrated I remember that A) I get to see my son always and B) these people pay for my car. lol
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:25 AM
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I have 4 kids, trying spreading yourself among them. My kids don't complain about that, because everything is on the main floor (except the bedrooms) I make it to as many acitiviites as I can and I take the dck's with me (my kids like it because its their own cheering section) I think its different when you have 1 child compared to 4. My kids love having people here to play with (even thou my odd is 13) something is always going on. I do make alot of cookies for my kids when they come home, I always talk to them when they come home. Maybe get your ds to come down with you and sit with you and talk together, so even thou you are still their watching the kids you can have a convo.
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:33 AM
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lol our afterschool conversations usually go like this.

Mom "How was school?"
Son "Good."
Mom "What did you do today?"
Son "Nothing."
hahahaha
Mom "Oook?...What did you do in Gym class today?" (Son loves Gym)
Son "I can't remember."
Mom "Do you need anything for tomorrow?"
Son "I don't think so."

Feeling really informed at this point lol

NEXT MORNING...

Son "Mom I need $5.00 for my sub order, $2.00 for the school dance at lunch and $1.00 for telemiracle."

lol this is a typical week!
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:52 AM
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Oops forgot to log in before posting the above.
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:59 AM
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Yep, that is pretty much how it goes. When my dd gets home from school, I am usually in the process of getting kids up from nap, changing diapers and getting snack. I have to remind her that I am working because I don't have time to stop and chat with her about her day. My son who is 11 wanted to show me something on the computer that he had done for school; I had to tell him to wait until after daycare was over.

My oldest HATES daycare. He hates being woken up by kids screaming on non-school days, hates that our house is filled with baby stuff, hates that our home is filled with other peoples kids 11 hours a day.
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:59 AM
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lol our afterschool conversations usually go like this.

Mom "How was school?"
Son "Good."
Mom "What did you do today?"
Son "Nothing."
hahahaha
Mom "Oook?...What did you do in Gym class today?" (Son loves Gym)
Son "I can't remember."
Mom "Do you need anything for tomorrow?"
Son "I don't think so."

Feeling really informed at this point lol

NEXT MORNING...

Son "Mom I need $5.00 for my sub order, $2.00 for the school dance at lunch and $1.00 for telemiracle."

lol this is a typical week!
Angelwings...I thought you were having a conversation with my DS! We make him tell us 5 things that happened at school that day. We try to make him come up with at least 2 without us giving him any prompts (what was your favorite/least favorite, lunch, recess, special classes, etc). Then out of the blue he'll tell us something that happened like a month ago! My favorite is when he gets the lovely 6yr old DUH-how-could-you-ask-such-a-stupid-question-attitude. I hate to think what the teens years wills be like
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:04 AM
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Angelwings...I thought you were having a conversation with my DS! We make him tell us 5 things that happened at school that day. We try to make him come up with at least 2 without us giving him any prompts (what was your favorite/least favorite, lunch, recess, special classes, etc). Then out of the blue he'll tell us something that happened like a month ago! My favorite is when he gets the lovely 6yr old DUH-how-could-you-ask-such-a-stupid-question-attitude. I hate to think what the teens years wills be like
omg lol (DUH-how-could-you-ask-such-a-stupid-question-attitude) yep that would be my son too. It seems the second he started school he instantly knew more than me lol. I am not looking forward to the teenaged years, can I just keep him the way he is now? lol
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:08 AM
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Angelwings...I thought you were having a conversation with my DS! We make him tell us 5 things that happened at school that day. We try to make him come up with at least 2 without us giving him any prompts (what was your favorite/least favorite, lunch, recess, special classes, etc). Then out of the blue he'll tell us something that happened like a month ago! My favorite is when he gets the lovely 6yr old DUH-how-could-you-ask-such-a-stupid-question-attitude. I hate to think what the teens years wills be like
I don't do 5 things, but do ask what their favorite thing was and least favorite thing was. I may try adding 3 more things to that list, jog their brains a bit more.

I get papers in their backpacks for the money and permission things.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:11 AM
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Sorry, I tried my best to read most of the posts on here.

Apparently everyone in my house now has pinkeye including me! UGH, and it happened after swimming lessons!!!!!!!! So it really hurts to look at the monitor.


Truth is, no matter what, someone is always upset at something. If you worked outside the home, you would miss out on ALOT more. Think about it, you do laundry, dishes, cooking etc during the day. But if you worked outside the home, you would be gone all day, and have to do that stuff in the evenings, and on weekends.

There's no way to avoid that. And kids, although I hate to say this for lack of better words, are usually pretty ungrateful. They don't understand the meaning of being grateful (alot of them, maybe not all of them), and so to them, nothing seems fair.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:13 AM
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anglewings--that is the typical conversation of a boy. My ds is 8 and he tells me he does nothing all day. Now his sisters on the other hand tell me everything and more. I do the "tell me 3 things that you did at school and recess and lunch don't count"
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:16 AM
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Yep, that is pretty much how it goes. When my dd gets home from school, I am usually in the process of getting kids up from nap, changing diapers and getting snack. I have to remind her that I am working because I don't have time to stop and chat with her about her day. My son who is 11 wanted to show me something on the computer that he had done for school; I had to tell him to wait until after daycare was over.

My oldest HATES daycare. He hates being woken up by kids screaming on non-school days, hates that our house is filled with baby stuff, hates that our home is filled with other peoples kids 11 hours a day.
see, I always stop and chat with my kids, they may have to follow me in the daycare room but we always chat, heck I make them help me and we talk about the day.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:21 AM
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Yep, that is pretty much how it goes. When my dd gets home from school, I am usually in the process of getting kids up from nap, changing diapers and getting snack. I have to remind her that I am working because I don't have time to stop and chat with her about her day. My son who is 11 wanted to show me something on the computer that he had done for school; I had to tell him to wait until after daycare was over.

My oldest HATES daycare. He hates being woken up by kids screaming on non-school days, hates that our house is filled with baby stuff, hates that our home is filled with other peoples kids 11 hours a day.
I bet he LOVES the food you put in his belly, the clothes you put on his back, the hot water he bathes in and the roof over his head... all paid for by YOUR JOB

You can always have the kids help out with the daycare and chat while doing it!
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Old 02-18-2011, 08:31 AM
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I have two school-agers of my own, and when they get home I'm always busy with either snack or outdoor play or with pick-up time. They can't stand it either, and it drives me nuts when I have to tend to a crying baby when my 10-year-old is trying to tell me about his day.

I do one thing that they REALLY appreciate though (as do their friends that occasionally tag along). I bake 3 cookies for each of them during naptime and leave them on the baking sheet on top of the stove. By the time they get home, the cookies (and the stove) have cooled down. And they're the slice-and-bake kind (no name version of Pillsbury), so it takes about two minutes to do. My kids love it, and if they think I'm not listening, I'll hear them telling their friends about how their mom makes cookies for them everyday .

I think THE most important thing is that my kids have a parent to come home to. They have one friend in particular that hangs around here, commenting on how good the food I'm making for dinner smells and how he wonders what his mom is going to make when she gets home from work -- he and his brother are home alone after school til about 5:30/6:00. I know my oldest realizes how lucky he is that his mom is at home (even though he wouldn't say it), but I'm not sure if it's sunk in for my younger son. It will one day, though.

I have a slightly different take on the quality vs. quantity time thing -- I believe that the more hours you are around your child (even if you're not directly interacting with them), the better it is for them. After all, they know that you're always available if they really do need you. They know that they'll never be locked out of the house because you're not home from work yet (like the other kids that come here when THEY'RE locked out). And, I can keep an eye on their what they're doing after school. When they get into the dating scene, that'll come in very handy .

I think for all of us, we wouldn't work if we didn't need to. If you can afford to quit, I'd be all for it. But if you can't, I think daycare is one of the best things you can do to pay the bills AND be there for your kids.
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Old 02-18-2011, 11:31 AM
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I can see how that would get rough. My girl is 2 and I am pregnant so I dont know about school agers.

I love being here for her everyday, even though I do not get to play with her all the time, I am here to make her snacks and kiss her boo boos.

When she goes to school, I will be here to say hi, how was your day. Even if they dont say much...when they do have something bad/good happen they always have someone to tell. I think this means a lot.

I grew up going to daycare or latch key after school..nobody to ask how my day was, no hug or kiss, mom always got off work and picked me up and by the time we got home she was always crabby and running around trying to make dinner.

I dont want that for my kids. I only take 4 - 5 dcks and I am having basement done so there is seperate living space.

Maybe when my kids are in school I may go back to work. I havent decided, there is a career path I am really interested in and I want to work on my retirement funds so maybe when I am 33 I will go back to work and grandma can be with kids after school. I am only 25 so I have a while.
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Old 02-18-2011, 11:49 AM
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see, I always stop and chat with my kids, they may have to follow me in the daycare room but we always chat, heck I make them help me and we talk about the day.
Hmmm...I may have phrased that wrong...we chat as I am working, but what she really wants is for me to give her my undivided attention when she gets home from school. She doesn't like to have snack with the daycare kids (and I don't make her) and there really aren't any kids here her age to play with. If I wasn't doing daycare she'd be at kids play (after school program) with her friends and then I'd pick her up and she'd have ALL my attention.
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Old 02-18-2011, 11:53 AM
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I bet he LOVES the food you put in his belly, the clothes you put on his back, the hot water he bathes in and the roof over his head... all paid for by YOUR JOB
True! He does love his stuff...He is 16 so I don't have him do much by way of daycare, but he does accompany me to the park with the kids in the summer and drive dd and ds to their summer activities.
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Old 02-18-2011, 11:56 AM
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I decided to stay home for many reasons, not just so I could be home with my children, and I don't regret if for one moment.

1. I have two teenagers that come home to a house with a mom in it. Imagine if I worked a regular job? Teenagers home alone = disaster waiting to happen.

2. My older children get to see what it is like to work with toddlers and therfore have a better understanding of their 3yr old sibling.

3. When i really need to go some where I arrange my schedule to get it off, not a boss telling me NO or we will see.

4. I do feel sad that I don't always get to go to their school events, but dad does take the camcorder and I dont miss out on the very important onces, like honor roll awards and so forth.

5. My 3yr old may not always get mommy time and attention during DC, but there is nothing better than getting to pick him up kiss him, hug him and know that he is always going to be ok.

6. Nothing makes my heart melt more than the smile of a child

I know in my heart of hearts this is the right choice for my family.
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:03 PM
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I agree.

Plus.......

When you have teenagers, or children who grew up in a house with other children, it's like free birth control
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:05 PM
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I agree.

Plus.......

When you have teenagers, or children who grew up in a house with other children, it's like free birth control
lmao we share thoughts I sware..... again u wrote what I was thinking...
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:07 PM
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lmap we share thoughts I sware..... agin u wrote what I thought...
Great minds think alike.

Maybe we are long lost twins? lol.

Are you roasting a chicken right now too?
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:18 PM
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Great minds think alike.

Maybe we are long lost twins? lol.

Are you roasting a chicken right now too?
actually no I am eating garlic bread................lol

i cant cook....lol thats my husband dept. lmao
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:53 PM
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I can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear that their are other providers whose children say the same things mine do!

They all tell me occasionally that they wish I didn't do daycare, but I have also watched them play with the littles, get huge hugs and smile when some of them walk in. So like me, I think there are things about it that they love and things that they don't.

What I have decided to do for myself and family is drastically cut back on the amount of kids that I watch. Today I have 9 kids here. I am licensed for 10. Next year, I want to have my main group at 5, with an occasional part time if needed. It's not going to solve everything, but i will definitely have more time to give my kids attention if i only have 5 here instead of 10 when school gets out.

I have asked my 9 year old if she would rather come home to an empty house and she seems to think that would be great. I think the novelty of that would soon wear off! She does the same thing after school, walks in the door gets a snack then goes upstairs. I usually don't see her till everyone is gone! My 12 year old usually hangs out for awhile and my 14 year old always has after school activities so he gets home when they are gone!
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:55 PM
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I agree.

Plus.......

When you have teenagers, or children who grew up in a house with other children, it's like free birth control
My 12 year old told me the other day...babies are hard, why does anyone want them? I told her if any of her friends ever think they want a baby to have them come spend a week with us!
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Old 02-18-2011, 01:03 PM
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My 12 year old told me the other day...babies are hard, why does anyone want them? I told her if any of her friends ever think they want a baby to have them come spend a week with us!
exactly!!!!! Usually when kids/teens see babies, they are all cute and happy. But if you have to deal with a child, ESPECIALLY at sleeping time (usually daycares do not have them overnight) it's really frustrating.

I had my nephew for a night last weekend, and my goodness, I dreaded bedtime, then when he got fussy before bed (he never fusses ever) I was ready to drive the 45 minutes to take him home! Thank goodness he fussed no more than 10 minutes and passed out for the night. Woke up once, and than slept until 10am.
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  #33  
Old 02-18-2011, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by jen View Post
Hmmm...I may have phrased that wrong...we chat as I am working, but what she really wants is for me to give her my undivided attention when she gets home from school. She doesn't like to have snack with the daycare kids (and I don't make her) and there really aren't any kids here her age to play with. If I wasn't doing daycare she'd be at kids play (after school program) with her friends and then I'd pick her up and she'd have ALL my attention.
oh ok, it sounded really bad the way it was written, I just thought you ignored your kids (ok, so we all do it when they start talking too much) my ds is sitting next to me talking about legos and I have no idea what he is talking about so i just nod.
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Old 02-18-2011, 01:43 PM
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I agree.

Plus.......

When you have teenagers, or children who grew up in a house with other children, it's like free birth control
I was just going to post this.
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Old 09-21-2016, 01:33 PM
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Default Hiring an assistant

Old thread...but I have trained and hired a young 20 something to run my daycare a few hours a week so that I can take my kids out for quality time. It makes such a difference!! It gives me a break, and it gives my kids their mom for a few hours. Does anyone else do this?
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Old 09-23-2016, 06:08 PM
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I've homeschooled my 2 (DD12 and DS13) since they were Preschool age. I started doing daycare 4 years ago. Before this, I did caregiving for Seniors overnight. I have seen posts on here about this issue, so I just talk to my children about it. I explain that, if they were in school and/ or I worked outside of the home, we would see a lot less of each other. That sometimes I'm available to chat and sometimes I'm not, but at least we are near each other. The daycare and nap room are dedicated spaces, so my children have their own space to work in if they don't want to be around the craziness. Other times, they wander in and partake of an episode of Sheriff Callie while I'm preparing lunch or join in building with wooden blocks- everyone goes outside for outdoor time though! They help me and have their lessons and chores all day, so evening time is very casual and laid back. I expect little of them. They each have 1 evening extracurricular and attend Youth on Wednesday nights. Otherwise, we chill out and do our own thing. I'm here if they need me. DH works nights mostly so he takes them on errands or watches a show or movie with them several times a week. He's here for lunch and chats with them about various things. We just make time when we can. We as parents will always have to make concessions somewhere, you just have to decide if these are the right ones for you. They're perfect for us, I couldn't have it better with the home/ work balance.
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Old 09-25-2016, 08:45 PM
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I feel the same sometimes with my own kids (18m and 9y) I was home with my daughter all 5 years and she had friends and playmates but she did get jealous. When she went to kindergarten I got a job out of the house...I knew I made a mistake instantly. I was not guaranteed the time I wanted off for her school functions, I wasn't getting home until 6 and when I got there the laundry and housework was all waiting for me. I eventually had a meltdown, found a low paying job at a small local daycare and it was nice and the boss was amazing at being flexible but the money was just not there for me to do my part. My husband was feeling it to because he had to take on more responsibilities after his full day of construction. I decided to re-open the daycare in our basement and we ended up having another child. On days I still feel like I'm not giving him enough of me, but during the day I can get stuff done around the house and at 5:30 my focus is solely on my family. I also have someone come in and watch the dck for me in Tuesday for several hours. I can use this time to fm my errands that I used to have to drag the kids on on weekends, or I can bring my son upstairs and just have us time, I can go have lunch with my daughter.
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