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Old 02-28-2011, 12:07 PM
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Missani Missani is offline
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Default Okay, Here's A Potty Training Question For You!

Okay, so DCD brought his child in today and said, "DCG went potty all weekend and even told us when she had to go. She's pooping on the potty and doing really well, so we expect that you will work with us and she'll be completely trained in a month or so. Is that a reasonable expectation?"

Umm...sure??? Well, DCG has NEVER gone potty or told me she has to go potty or anything here...because DCG is 17 months old!!!! She can't talk. She can't drink from a cup or stay sitting in a chair for a whole meal time without getting up 25-30 times. She dumps toys all day, is a horrible napper but sleeps in a crib, etc. She's a baby!

I've been potty training kids for a long time, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it. I was a toddler teacher for a really long time, a nanny, and I think I've potty trained nearly 175 toddlers. I'm not exaggerating! In my time, the youngest I've ever seen completely trained is 22 months, and that was only once. I have seen a handful under 2 years, but in all cases except one, it was the parents who were trained and not the child.

So how am I supposed to train a 17 month old this month now that I have a "deadline?" I don't know what to say. This morning I told DCD that I was glad she was interested in the potty but to remember that she is still really young. I don't know what else to do. To make matters worse, I have my daycare in my basement, but there is no finished bathroom down here. We are in the process of finishing it, but for now, we are getting by. I have 2 potty trained children currently and both are 4 years old. They are kind of on a "schedule" to make the best of our situation. We go upstairs only to go outside, so I have them go potty before we start getting outdoor clothes on and when we come in (about 1.5-2 hrs. apart). Then, after lunch, I put the littles down for nap and take them up. In the afternoon or if they have to go at "unscheduled" times, I let them go alone. I can hear them, and I can easily get there if they need help. My licensor knows this and is fine with this temporary arrangement.

Anyway, so if I am supposed to train a 17 month old, this will not work. I cannot bring all of the kids upstairs all day (all supplies/equipment/table and chairs for meals, etc.) are downstairs. I obviously cannot leave 5 children 4 and under downstairs for a huge chunk of the day while I potty train a baby, and I know it will involve a large part of the day. Also, the parents do not want her using a potty chair because she should learn on the big potty so she's not confused, so that eliminates the possibility of bringing a potty chair downstairs.

I don't think I can do this, and it's all kind of silly to me. Shouldn't we focus on using a spoon or learning to talk or drink from a cup instead at this age? I finally just took the bottle away from her in January, but she still gets it at home. Maybe wean from the bottle? Or sit long enough for a board book to be read to her before expecting her to sit long enough to go potty? It's a bit hard not to laugh. That being said, I don't want to discourage interest if she is indeed interested in going potty, and I am happy to help with potty training when the time is right.

What do I say to the parents? (And how do I say it with a straight face?)
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:26 PM
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momma2girls momma2girls is offline
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I had to change my contract a couple of yrs. ago- It says something like this- I will assist with potty training when the child is ready, this needs to be started at home, and making good progress, before I will start with it here.
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:38 PM
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Them: Is this reasonable?

Me: I don't know! I guess that is up to her! That is a big under-taking! Good luck! Of course, I'm happy to assist you in potty training. When she has successfully used the potty without any accidents, we'll be happy to make the switch to big girls pants.

YOU don't have a deadline...it is their job, so it is their deadline.
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:58 PM
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I have a family with 2 girls. the older one was in the potty training process at age 3, (started too late, but its not my child) the other child was only 16 months at the time. They came to me with a similar story that the 16month old was telling them when she went to the bathroom in her pants and was sitting on the toilet. They had asked me to also potty train her.

I told them I think that you child is way too young, however, when we have potty break time, I will take her with the rest of the kids when they go. If she wants to sit on the toilet great, if she does not then I will not force her. If she is able to tell me she has to go (which she could not) then I will take her at that time as well.... It lasted about a week and then the child gave up the interest...

I agreed to their silly request on my terms... Of course they saw it silly later too when they had to fight her just to sit on the toilet at home after a week of it......
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:59 PM
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Going out on a limb here, but why don't you just have a discussion with them stating everything you posted on here? Well, I guess not everything but you are obviously knowledgable enough to know what is feasible and what is not in regards to how you run your program. Which to me is the answer here, it is YOUR program. If YOU cannot make it work then they should have to understand and be told that information. Tell them why it won't work (bathroom upstairs, not developmentally ready, no verbal skills, their choice of which type of toilet she uses, etc)
I would also fall back on the idea that she is really not considered trained until she can tell you (which she doesn't) that she needs to go, and that she is not accident free for a specific amount of time before you get involved. I personally would not allow a parent to tell me their child is trained. I feel I am the one tomake that decision based on the time at my house. If Ineeded to bring a potty chair down and have it available to me, I wouldn't be okay wiht a parent saying the child can't use it and must use a big toilet.
I agree that 17 months is young, although I do have a 19 month old here who is and has been trained for several months. However, my 19 month old is very verbal and can use silverware, sleep on a nap mat, clean up her toys, and dress and undress herself so in her case she is good all around. Again, I would just have a good discussion with the parents. I would not allow them to tell you how to run your program though. They are obviously not taking into consideration that you are caring for a group of kids not just theirs.
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Old 02-28-2011, 02:58 PM
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my rule is I don't put them on the potty unless they tell me I will not take them every 15 mins. to the potty. I alway say you can train for six months or train in 3 days when they are ready. What works at home is much different then what works at daycare
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Old 02-28-2011, 03:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jen View Post
Them: Is this reasonable?

Me: I don't know! I guess that is up to her! That is a big under-taking! Good luck! Of course, I'm happy to assist you in potty training. When she has successfully used the potty without any accidents, we'll be happy to make the switch to big girls pants.

YOU don't have a deadline...it is their job, so it is their deadline.
It's like you are in my head.........
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Old 03-01-2011, 05:17 AM
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my rule is I don't put them on the potty unless they tell me I will not take them every 15 mins. to the potty. I alway say you can train for six months or train in 3 days when they are ready. What works at home is much different then what works at daycar

^ ^ I agree with this and would tell the parents just this!! I had a 20 month old little boy here who had been coming for just a week when Mom who doesn't even have custody and I had never met contacted me and asked me how he was doing with potty training and Dad never even mentioned it to me! He showed zero interest in the potty and never communicated any signs of readiness! I told Dad I did not feel he was ready at all! If you start to soon it can actually turn them off if you force it!
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Old 03-01-2011, 06:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boysx5 View Post
my rule is I don't put them on the potty unless they tell me I will not take them every 15 mins. to the potty. I alway say you can train for six months or train in 3 days when they are ready. What works at home is much different then what works at daycare
I totally agree! I'm rewriting my contract and have been looking for the words to express this. I love the way you put it.

This is what I currently have.....


I will ask them if they need to go potty on a regular basis. I will not take a child on a schedule. Taking a child on a schedule trains the adult, not the child. The child MUST learn to say, “I need to go potty” or respond to the question, “Do you need to go potty”?
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