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  #1  
Old 07-19-2012, 12:56 PM
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queenbee queenbee is offline
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Default Am I In The Wrong?

I have a parent with 3 kids in my daycare (4mo, 4yo, 6yo). The 4yo and 6yo are school-agers and are only here for the summer.

Last Monday, 6yo brings in a bag filled with barbies, two stuffed animals that she sleeps with and 4 books. The bag stayed on her hook all day with no mention of anything in the bag besides getting the stuffed animals for naptime. Tuesday, same thing. Bag comes in - nothing is every mentioned. Wednesday, Thursday - same thing. Friday the 6yo forgets the bag in the car and is upset that she doesn't have anything to sleep with.

This Monday comes and 6yo brings in a smaller bag with 6 books, 2 barbies and one stuffed animal.

Mom says: "Molly told me that you haven't been making her read her books. Can you make sure she reads to you today for at least 30 minutes?"

I said: "I wasn't aware that she needed to read each day. We don't allow any outside toys or books so the books stay in the bag until pick-up."

Mom sighs loudly and exits. Tuesday comes around and the bag is back I was busy changing diapers in the changing room and didn't see the trio arrive. One of my assistants welcomed them into the gate and she tells me that DCM told her to "Please have Molly read to you today. She is really behind on where she should be. We don't have any time in the evenings for her to read so it needs to happen here."

I emailed Mom during naptime on Tuesday and say:

Dear DCM,

My assistant informed me of your request this morning at drop-off regarding Molly and her required reading. Our daily schedule is followed to the minute each day and we cannot accomodate a 30 minutes session of individual reading with just one child.

I would suggest spending some time with Molly each evening after pick-up and having her read to you or perhaps even her siblings. Maybe she can take advantage of the car ride to and from daycare to catch up on her reading. Unfortunately, I cannot devote time specifically to Molly for 30 minutes each day as it is unfair to the other children who also need my attention and supervision.

Please contact me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Queen


Mom emailed back with a brisk "Sure, thanks", and so far the bag has been brought back to daycare for the past two mornings. Mom has not mentioned it but dcg has told me each morning shortly after drop off that her mom said she needs to read today.

It is NOT my responsiblity to make sure dcg reads for at least 30 minutes each day. Not only do we not have time for it as our schedule during the day, but I do not feel that I should be forcing dcg to read during the day while her friends play and have fun. Summer is about fun and we have fieldtrips nearly everyday. With 16 children ranging from 4mo - 6yrs, it is not possible especially in group care.

Am I completely in the wrong or does Mom need to stop trying to pass the responsibility off to me?

All input is welcome!
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  #2  
Old 07-19-2012, 01:05 PM
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Mom needs to stop pushing HER duties off on you. (Unless homework or school work is offered as part of your services)

I would allow the child to read to you 30 minutes per day for an additional fee to cover a helper or assistant to care for the other children while my attention is soley on this child.

If you really feel like you want to accommodate the child, have her read outloud to all the other kids for 30 minutes instead of you.
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  #3  
Old 07-19-2012, 01:06 PM
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It is not your responsibility & parents need to make time to do this on their own. She needs to read to mom, dad or siblings at home! You are completely right to call her out on it!
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Old 07-19-2012, 01:06 PM
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Nope...you are not wrong for feeling this way. It is definitely not your responsiblity.
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  #5  
Old 07-19-2012, 01:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Mom needs to stop pushing HER duties off on you. (Unless homework or school work is offered as part of your services)

I would allow the child to read to you 30 minutes per day for an additional fee to cover a helper or assistant to care for the other children while my attention is soley on this child.

If you really feel like you want to accommodate the child, have her read outloud to all the other kids for 30 minutes instead of you.
ITA with what I bolded above!
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  #6  
Old 07-19-2012, 01:09 PM
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IMHO, Mom needs to stop passing off her responsibility to you.

I can understand how impossible it is for you to devote a 30 min block of time to one child - 2 mins here, 3 mins there, yes, but not a full 30 mins.

What about naptime? Can DCG read quietly to herself while the others are sleeping?
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Old 07-19-2012, 01:42 PM
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Good grief my first thought was "Um, that's YOUR job, lady!"

I can't imagine not taking the time to read with my own child and I would never foist it off on someone else!
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Old 07-19-2012, 01:54 PM
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This is her job. She cares just enough to foist it on someone else but not enough to make time to do it herself? She has 3 kids and cant find the time yet you are supposed to with 16 kids?

I think you handled this wonderfully. She is being passive aggressive by sending the bag and instructed her daughter when she already has an answer from you.
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  #9  
Old 07-19-2012, 01:56 PM
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What exactly does Mom have to do when she gets home where she can't take 30 mins to read with DCK? Why do people have children when they know that they can't/won't take the time to raise them?
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  #10  
Old 07-19-2012, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
What about naptime? Can DCG read quietly to herself while the others are sleeping?
She's the first one asleep, last one awake. She also sleeps like a dead person I also don't do naptime activities as alternatives. All my kids (except my most recently enrolled) sleep like champions

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Originally Posted by Bookworm View Post
What exactly does Mom have to do when she gets home where she can't take 30 mins to read with DCK? Why do people have children when they know that they can't/won't take the time to raise them?
She has 2 step-children and each day is a variation of karate, guitar practice, dance, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, tap, and on and on She wants her kids to be "well-rounded". She can certainly skip or ditch an activity and spend that quality time reading to her child.
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Old 07-19-2012, 04:00 PM
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Im sure you have books in your daycare.

I would tell the mom that books are available for the kids to read all day, but the bag from home needs to stay at home. You dont run a tutoring service. If the girl wants to spend 30 minutes a day reading to herself, that's fine but I wouldn't hold her back from having fun.

I had this same issue back during the school year when the mother of one my Headstart kids demanded that I make her three-year-old sit down and do a homework packet every day. The dcg wanted nothing to do with the boring worksheets because a. she's three and b. everyone else was playing. Plus, the other kids weren't being adequately supervised. Well I was forced to do it because my director will do anything to please the parents
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  #12  
Old 07-19-2012, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by queenbee View Post
She's the first one asleep, last one awake. She also sleeps like a dead person I also don't do naptime activities as alternatives. All my kids (except my most recently enrolled) sleep like champions



She has 2 step-children and each day is a variation of karate, guitar practice, dance, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, tap, and on and on She wants her kids to be "well-rounded". She can certainly skip or ditch an activity and spend that quality time reading to her child.
Children can be well rounded without having a different activity each day. I've been noticing in my center that "outside activities" are used as a substitute for parental involvement. They usually schedule activities as late as possible so when it's over, it's a quick trip Mickey D's, maybe a bath then off to bed.
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  #13  
Old 07-19-2012, 05:13 PM
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That's so sad. I'm glad that even given some of the questionable decisions made by my sets of dcps at least they all spend good time with their children.

Could you meet mom partway and have dcg read to the younger kids at storytime? I bet that would be super fun for dcg and the little kids would get a kick out of it, too. Ten or fifteen minutes and then mom has a lot less to do.

Though she should totes read in the car. Sounds like they are in the car a lot.
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  #14  
Old 07-19-2012, 05:13 PM
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I would hand the bag back to her and tell her to call Sylvan! I have four kids of my own and never managed to not get things done in the evening. Some people are just ridiculous.
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  #15  
Old 07-20-2012, 06:39 AM
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What a sad statement of her relationship with her child that she cannot (more like "will" not) devote 30 minutes to being mommy and give her child that undivided attention to read to her each day. I feel bad for the little girl that her mom does not want to spend even 30 minutes with her in the evening.

I agree with eveyone else...this is NOT your job. This is a mom who does not want to mother and is passing her job onto you. Definitely passive agressive as someone else here stated to still be sending that bag and sending messages through her daughter.
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  #16  
Old 07-20-2012, 06:42 AM
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I have had a couple of emails wanting the daycare provider to assist with all homework after school. Are you kidding me??? I have my own children to help with homework each evening. I can't believe!!!
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  #17  
Old 07-20-2012, 06:58 AM
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Hi There. I know it would be tough to accomodate an individual child for a thirty minute block. I kinda like SilverSabre25's idea about meeting mom halfway. If the child could read to the younger children for a few minutes each day- then she can get in some reading time and the younger children will benefit too. It really would be a win/win/win/win situation... Mom would be happy, the child would be strengthening her reading skills, the younger children would get some additional book time, and you can have peace of mind. Everyone wins
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RYM Workshops View Post
Hi There. I know it would be tough to accomodate an individual child for a thirty minute block. I kinda like SilverSabre25's idea about meeting mom halfway. If the child could read to the younger children for a few minutes each day- then she can get in some reading time and the younger children will benefit too. It really would be a win/win/win/win situation... Mom would be happy, the child would be strengthening her reading skills, the younger children would get some additional book time, and you can have peace of mind. Everyone wins
Sometimes it has nothing to do with everyone winning and more to do with principle.

It is MOM's job to make sure school re-lated activites are completed.

Child care providers are paid (or underpaid) to provide care NOT provide things that a parent should be doing.

I personally, don't think it would be tough to fit into the day but I wouldn't do it out of principle. I am NOT the child's parent.
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:10 AM
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I have had my own older daughter and another read to the other children at storytime, if they are off school, etc... The smaller kids love it and so do the older children!!
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by queenbee View Post
She's the first one asleep, last one awake. She also sleeps like a dead person I also don't do naptime activities as alternatives. All my kids (except my most recently enrolled) sleep like champions



She has 2 step-children and each day is a variation of karate, guitar practice, dance, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, tap, and on and on She wants her kids to be "well-rounded". She can certainly skip or ditch an activity and spend that quality time reading to her child.
It's not going to help her be so well rounded if she can't read! Oy! She needs to get her priorities straight!
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Old 07-20-2012, 08:52 AM
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I would have told mom to have her child read in the car too, or in the morning hen mom is getting ready for work or whenever as long as it wasn't at daycare. I have had to do that with my own children on occasion. As for letting her read to the younger children at daycare it would really depend on the group. The only way my group stays somewhat quiet and still during reading time is if I use voices for each character and "act" out the book. A "new reader" like the 6 year old might bore the children with her slow, monotone reading style and if not they would probably make it difficult for her to read with their interruptions...then again maybe she's a great reader and your group is able to stay quiet and still for 30 minutes. If not I would suggest not letting her read to the group because their distractions may cause her to dislike reading.
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Old 07-20-2012, 10:13 AM
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In TN, the school children have "required" reading for the summer and they are usually tested on it a few days into the new school year. I'm wondering if the little girl is not actually behind in her reading, but needs to complete an assignment and mom is stressed about it Just a thought.

(Not saying that she's justified in trying to pawn off her responsiblities as a parent).
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Old 07-20-2012, 11:50 AM
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Blackcat31 I appreciate your feedback. =) It is my belief that it takes a village to raise a child. If we spend all day with a child- whether that child is our biological child or not- we are in essence helping to raise that child. I don't see anything wrong with helping a child build her reading skills by encouraging her to practice reading daily- especially if it can be easily fit into the schedule. At the end of the day- it really helps the child (regardless of what one might think of the parent.) Blessings!
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by RYM Workshops View Post
Blackcat31 I appreciate your feedback. =) It is my belief that it takes a village to raise a child. If we spend all day with a child- whether that child is our biological child or not- we are in essence helping to raise that child. I don't see anything wrong with helping a child build her reading skills by encouraging her to practice reading daily- especially if it can be easily fit into the schedule. At the end of the day- it really helps the child (regardless of what one might think of the parent.) Blessings!
Oh no I absolutely agree! However, like I said, it is the principle of it.

Had the mother came to the provider and said "Ya know Janice, I am so busy that I just can't always find the time to help Janey with her reading so I was wondering if you could maybe help me out and have her read outloud to the other kids or to you for 30 minutes a day a couple times a week I will do it at home too but I was just wondering if that would be something you were willing to do?"

In that case, I would have absolutely agreed to help this little gal and accommodate her mothers request but when a parent tries to sneak things past me or slough off their duties with the attitude that it is MY job and NOT theirs then I am not so inclined to help them out. KWIM?

So again, you are right....there is nothing wrong with helping raise a child.....but when I am asked to, not expected to. I do belong to the villiage but I am not their idiot.
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:21 PM
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Oh no I absolutely agree! However, like I said, it is the principle of it.

Had the mother came to the provider and said "Ya know Janice, I am so busy that I just can't always find the time to help Janey with her reading so I was wondering if you could maybe help me out and have her read outloud to the other kids or to you for 30 minutes a day a couple times a week I will do it at home too but I was just wondering if that would be something you were willing to do?"

In that case, I would have absolutely agreed to help this little gal and accommodate her mothers request but when a parent tries to sneak things past me or slough off their duties with the attitude that it is MY job and NOT theirs then I am not so inclined to help them out. KWIM?

So again, you are right....there is nothing wrong with helping raise a child.....but when I am asked to, not expected to. I do belong to the villiage but I am not their idiot.
OMG, I love that last line!!!

OP... totally mom's job trying to be pawned off on you. I would be more than willing to accommodate a parent ASKING me if I could spare a few minutes towards reading here and there (and I would do it where child is reading to the younger kids) but 30 minutes is a heck of a long time and I only have 5 daycare kids, not 16!!! I couldn't even imagine fitting in a 30 min. block to be spent completely on one child like that. And mom did not ask, just sent the stuff in every day. That right there says a lot!
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  #26  
Old 07-20-2012, 09:10 PM
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You're not wrong at all. If Mom is so concerned about it then she needs to MAKE the time for her daughter. And besides, 30 minutes of reading can be done in 3 different 10 minute sessions as well.

If she does read for your group, make sure you pick a book at her level and make it a 10 minute read. The car ride to and from Daycare can be her other 2 sessions.

She kind of reminds me of the Mom that thinks the Daycare should be potty training her children.

I had a neighbor use me for fill in after care for her child and insisted the child do homework as soon as she arrived. I sort of raised my eyebrows at that one but allowed it since my son sat at the table and they both did their work. I'd look it over but if the child found something complicated I saved it for her Mom to do with her. Now we're talking 1st Grade homework - no reason at all that Mom couldn't do it with her as it took all of 10-15 minutes.

While I understand the work before play attitude, (as I had that with my first son) my 2nd son typically does his homework after supper. He looks forward to coming home from school and going out to play.

Sorry - I've gotten off the subject but I do feel that reading is homework when it's required to be 30 minutes a day.
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