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Old 03-19-2014, 05:55 AM
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Super intense these days? Especially first time parents?

I am always over prepared for interviews, and make sure to cover just about everything. In the past, I found I was giving too much info, and parents didn't really care- just wanted a nice, clean, safe spot for their child. So now, I really just go over the phb and ask basic questions about feedings, naps, lifestyle, etc.
However, my last two interviews were the most intense yet. My daycare is organic (started at the request of the most intense mom I had encountered...at that point), yet I am finding parents are so over the top about organic, that what I have isn't enough I also do follow a curriculum for infants, but mostly they need to find a routine, eat, sleep, play, etc. but the new parents are expecting something like what a center would provide: a packet outlining the type of curriculum and all sorts of info...just seems different now.

The parents I am finding seem to be asking those token questions in parenting books, which is totally fine-but I feel like they are missing the most basic points, which is that they should trust the caregiver enough to know that he/she knows how to handle almost any situation.

There's more examples, but the main point is that I thought I had already met some of the most high maintenance parents so far, but they seem to be getting more and more intense/high maintenance. Anyone else?
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:59 AM
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I call them Harvard Moms. I find that their children are burnt out on all of the performance-type stuff that Mom wants them to do OR they are delayed and Mom thinks they are brilliant and need to be reading by age 3.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:08 AM
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After interviewing one of these, we decided to open a teachers-only daycare. Not only do we have the summers off, we also ONLY get teachers as parents. Which, IME, teachers have the most realistic view of daycare and what should be/will be happening.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:10 AM
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My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:16 AM
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I have a very small center only because I couldn't make dc work out of my home. Isn't it sad that parents think they are getting all this great "stuff" at a center?? A baby's "curriculum" should be learning to play, self soothing and exploration! Don't let a parent make you feel like you need to change anything. My own kids are now in their twenties and thirties and I have seen so many parenting trends come and go and you know what? It always comes back to the basic commonsense way of raising kids!!
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:31 AM
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You all have made excellent points, and I appreciate the insight you have provided. It is true that all of the books/blogs, paired with little personal experience with babies, makes for an interesting experience with a first time parent There's so much more here, you guys have given me much to think about!

Both new parents have chosen to bring their children to my daycare, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that they loosen up a bit, or it's not going to work out. I have found in the past that once the parents get back to work, and in their routine after a few months they settle down.

I have young children myself, so I keep up with the current books/blogs/nonsense, but it does all come back to the basics as Ilpa said above. Speaking with one of these moms was like reading a chapter out of one of the books, almost word for word. The organic thing is kind of a toss up- I spend tons of money on organic everything, but these parents still want to pack their own lunches- oh well, I'm still charging the same as I would to provide meals.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:32 AM
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My youngest parent is my most honest and realistic parent. She is also one of two of the most respectful and appreciative.

I agree some parents have extreme wants & expectations, young or older. I am not a provider who facilitates extreme needs real or imaginary. So, I remain truthful and realistic with what I will & won’t do.
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:00 AM
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Originally Posted by spinnymarie View Post
Which, IME, teachers have the most realistic view of daycare and what should be/will be happening.
I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:07 AM
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Because of whats going on up here in Ontario Canada with the new daycare bill, parents who choose home daycare are under huge pressure from friends, co workers and family to use extreme caution. I have experienced more "clip board" moms then usual , who have printed off sheets of questions from the internet. I had to end one meeting, as I start off by going over my policies and procedures , telling them that it will answer many of their questions then we move onto their personal concerns. This mom would not let me speak and informed me that she was interviewing me , not the other way around. I had to tell her we would not be a good fit, my fault as she was "too busy" for the in depth phone interview that I usually do first. we made the appointment but I usually am able to screen the parents on the phone first. I have two moms that are almost harassed daily by co workers who have their children in formal daycare settings with webcams.
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:22 AM
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Originally Posted by mrsmichelle View Post
You all have made excellent points, and I appreciate the insight you have provided. It is true that all of the books/blogs, paired with little personal experience with babies, makes for an interesting experience with a first time parent There's so much more here, you guys have given me much to think about!

Both new parents have chosen to bring their children to my daycare, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that they loosen up a bit, or it's not going to work out. I have found in the past that once the parents get back to work, and in their routine after a few months they settle down.

I have young children myself, so I keep up with the current books/blogs/nonsense, but it does all come back to the basics as Ilpa said above. Speaking with one of these moms was like reading a chapter out of one of the books, almost word for word. The organic thing is kind of a toss up- I spend tons of money on organic everything, but these parents still want to pack their own lunches- oh well, I'm still charging the same as I would to provide meals.
Well, congrats on two new dcks!!
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.
I'm sorry to hear that
I was thinking more along the lines of teachers having the most realistic view of the actual care -- they are less concerned with minor bumps, kids fighting with one another, etc. As PP said, they HAVE been around small children (at least, the elementary teachers have - so far we have 1st grade, K, and Pre-K teachers signed up) It's possible that I've been lucky so far, though.

We're doing teachers-only, so they won't be paying for the holidays and vacation, and we won't be working those days either. On the other hand, they are also paying a well-above average daily rate that partially makes up for it
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:46 AM
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My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.
I cheer.

Can you switch that to "gifted special POOKIE snowflake?"
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:49 AM
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You know what I can't figure out? This has been weighing heavily on my few brain cells left.

How do you make money off of this?

I'm trying to figure out the way to make money but not end up actually doing the "my child is a gifted special pookie snowflake" care.

I'm loosing sleep over this one.... my tired.

Who put California in the key words? Cat? Black or Hearder????? Fess up
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Old 03-19-2014, 08:10 AM
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Yes! I don't have lots of recent experience professionally watching kids, but I have adult kids and a 3 yr old and am pregnant. Trends have definitely changed in the last 20 yrs, and it seems so many parents are afraid to say no to their kids or buy way too much crap and start them being materialistic at a young age. I have a parent who is leaving in a few weeks who has just gotten worse, maybe it's her pregnancy hormones and mine together, but she's just gotten...ugh..lately. At interview, they used the phrase 'every bite she takes is important. They want all her food to mean something.' They also didn't ever want me to say no..just politely redirect her. And when I told them tv was on rarely here, maybe a couple times a week for a couple hrs one week, and none for several weeks after, they said, 'well we prefer no tv, but we know that's not realistic, so every once in a while is fine.' Every time I have had the tv on at pick up, which is a handful over the last year, they've complained about it, including the day after I went to the ER because I thought I was miscarrying and bleeding & was put on rest for the week. They've just become demanding.
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Old 03-19-2014, 08:16 AM
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I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.
This is my general experience with parents who are teachers. Very few come right after work, and even less keep them home when school is closed.

I have a DCG whose mom is a teacher, and she is my first arrival and last pickup. She does stay home when school is out though.
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Old 03-19-2014, 08:46 AM
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I have one set of teacher parents - both teach high school - and they are my most consistent boil on my butt. Other families have had occasional flare ups, but these two are steady PITAs. They often do things they absolutely would not tolerate in their classrooms.
They are the only family I have currently that makes the sorts of demands you are talking about. My other families seem to be more down-to-earth and reasonable. I had a family in the past who broke the rules daily, but I think they just liked to break rules, they didn't really have a philosophy they were trying to ram down my throat.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:07 AM
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I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.
This has been my experience, too.
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by spinnymarie View Post
After interviewing one of these, we decided to open a teachers-only daycare. Not only do we have the summers off, we also ONLY get teachers as parents. Which, IME, teachers have the most realistic view of daycare and what should be/will be happening.
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:11 PM
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I cheer.

Can you switch that to "gifted special POOKIE snowflake?"
yes i will switch it....just for you

and I will say that yes, I do read a lot of parenting and child rearing info so I am not opposed to educating yourself. I just find that so many moms get their ideas from one book/blog/mommy friend which is THE source for all info and they are not becoming well rounded, balanced parents. The same parents that pick one type of parenting style whether it be AP or RIE or whatever else is cool right now and just stick so hard and fast to that system even when it is clearly not working. They read "What to Expect" like it is the Bible. or the other extreme, they know nothing about kids and aren't motivated to learn anything and have no clue what they are doing yet are positive that their way is THE way.
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:15 PM
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I have one set of teacher parents - both teach high school - and they are my most consistent boil on my butt. Other families have had occasional flare ups, but these two are steady PITAs. They often do things they absolutely would not tolerate in their classrooms.
They are the only family I have currently that makes the sorts of demands you are talking about. My other families seem to be more down-to-earth and reasonable. I had a family in the past who broke the rules daily, but I think they just liked to break rules, they didn't really have a philosophy they were trying to ram down my throat.
I have a DCD like that...he is a jerk. He thinks he is being cute or funny but really, he is insecure with limited social skills. Nip that in the bud when I politely but firmly put him in his place one time after a late pickup. He has been a lamb for about a year LOL now it is starting to flair up again so looks like it is time to whip him back into shape. And lest anyone think it is just me being a diva, he and his wife admitted he had "communication issues" with the last provider. I guess at the end, she refused to speak to him at all. I am not surprised.
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Old 03-19-2014, 03:28 PM
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This is my general experience with parents who are teachers. Very few come right after work, and even less keep them home when school is closed.

I have a DCG whose mom is a teacher, and she is my first arrival and last pickup. She does stay home when school is out though.
I have only had two. One was not so great (middle school teacher) and is no longer here. One is fantastic (elementary teacher) and is. I LOVE the family. He is here most weeks only 4 days, he is home every school closing, she was coming to get him after she got off but he was always upset and wanting to stay so now she is the first mom at pick up time, and she is very realistic and funny! They pay for a full-time spot.
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Old 07-23-2014, 12:45 PM
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You know what I can't figure out? This has been weighing heavily on my few brain cells left.

How do you make money off of this?

I'm trying to figure out the way to make money but not end up actually doing the "my child is a gifted special pookie snowflake" care.

I'm loosing sleep over this one.... my tired.

Who put California in the key words? Cat? Black or Hearder????? Fess up
Yes, I tagged.

The buzz words you are looking for are "Individualized Care Offered" (not referring to special needs), "Special Diets Welcomed" (not referring to allergies/medical needs) and "Infant and Toddler Tutoring Available". I kid you not. These new categories are actually on some care listing sites as "services offered" check boxes now.
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Old 07-23-2014, 12:55 PM
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Yes, I tagged.

The buzz words you are looking for are "Individualized Care Offered" (not referring to special needs), "Special Diets Welcomed" (not referring to allergies/medical needs) and "Infant and Toddler Tutoring Available". I kid you not. These new categories are actually on some care listing sites as "services offered" check boxes now.
But, then wouldn't you have to actually accommodate the individualized care requests and special diets at your own expense? Only pat pookie poo on his left elbow at morning nap but pat him on his belly button for afternoon nap, please don't let pookie poo eat the inside of the apple only the skin, etc.
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Old 07-23-2014, 01:00 PM
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I think parents want the special diet and tutoring not bc they want the best for their children but bc they want to flaunt how trendy they are and flaunt their creation. They want Pookie yo get an ivy league education so they can brag....not bc they don't want to see their kids struggle. They want their Pookie to order the gluten free vegan dish when out at a restaurant so they can take a Facebook picture of their trendy oh so cool child.
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Old 07-23-2014, 01:01 PM
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But, then wouldn't you have to actually accommodate the individualized care requests and special diets at your own expense?
Nope.

The words "Offered", "Available" and "Welcomed" all imply extra cost or for the parent to supply.

It is a marketing theme that gives extra $value$ to the "special".

Suddenly the "Included" looks valuable again.
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Old 07-23-2014, 01:07 PM
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I think parents want the special diet and tutoring not bc they want the best for their children but bc they want to flaunt how trendy they are and flaunt their creation. They want Pookie yo get an ivy league education so they can brag....not bc they don't want to see their kids struggle. They want their Pookie to order the gluten free vegan dish when out at a restaurant so they can take a Facebook picture of their trendy oh so cool child.
I think that's one side of it. The other side is parents who desperately want to do things "right" and are bombarded on every side by messages that 1. You HAVE to do things right because you've only got 1 chance with your child, and 2. If you do everything right your child will always be happy, healthy, etc. These poor parents are terrified about choosing the wrong formula, the wrong diapers, etc, because they want to do everything RIGHT so their child will turn out "OK." I actually feel sorry for them...
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Old 07-23-2014, 01:14 PM
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I think that's one side of it. The other side is parents who desperately want to do things "right" and are bombarded on every side by messages that 1. You HAVE to do things right because you've only got 1 chance with your child, and 2. If you do everything right your child will always be happy, healthy, etc. These poor parents are terrified about choosing the wrong formula, the wrong diapers, etc, because they want to do everything RIGHT so their child will turn out "OK." I actually feel sorry for them...
You make a good point. I do get that feel from ads geared toward new parents. I never thought of it as a fear factor in some but it makes sense.
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:09 PM
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Nope.

The words "Offered", "Available" and "Welcomed" all imply extra cost or for the parent to supply.

It is a marketing theme that gives extra $value$ to the "special".

Suddenly the "Included" looks valuable again.
Brilliant. What dollar amount makes these things worth it?
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:12 PM
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I'm just looking for one newborn to watch while I go to grad school this Fall. I've done a traditional home daycare for 10 years, so I thought it would be easy--an ideal situation for someone. Wrong! The fun-filled parents in my area, want their infants to have lots of "friends." I can't even finish typing...my eyeballs permanently rolled up into my head....
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:28 PM
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I can't even finish typing...my eyeballs permanently rolled up into my head....


Stealing that one!
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:54 PM
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I think parents want the special diet and tutoring not bc they want the best for their children but bc they want to flaunt how trendy they are and flaunt their creation. They want Pookie yo get an ivy league education so they can brag....not bc they don't want to see their kids struggle. They want their Pookie to order the gluten free vegan dish when out at a restaurant so they can take a Facebook picture of their trendy oh so cool child.
Alot of these individual requests are also due to the parents need for individual attention.

If your child is different from the others, then YOU get lots of "specialized" attention.

Think Munchausen by Proxy only now days it is Munchausen by Facebook
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Old 07-23-2014, 03:39 PM
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My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.
I wonder if this is a regional thing, because when I find out someone is a teacher I usually find a reason to reject them. I used to be a teacher and my first clients were all TEACHERS. I just got fed up of people making good money and good benefits complaining to me. I also got tired of them wanting all their days free. I also got tired of knowing someone was home on say Good Friday and them coming at 6pm. I feel they're the moms that are like that. I.e. My child just turned 18 months why isn't he/she...? They know the milestones and what colleges are looking for. They know how must children act, but think their children are above it. I once had a parent term after she said some Ivy looks for something and I turned around and said "Well, good luck. From what I can see your child isn't college material. If you're so concerned with X, why didn't you practice it with them last Tuesday when you had the day off?".
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:07 PM
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Alot of these individual requests are also due to the parents need for individual attention.

If your child is different from the others, then YOU get lots of "specialized" attention.

Think Munchausen by Proxy only now days it is Munchausen by Facebook
Well now we know what to blame. ...it's all face book's fault! Lol!!!
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:15 PM
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Alot of these individual requests are also due to the parents need for individual attention.

If your child is different from the others, then YOU get lots of "specialized" attention.

Think Munchausen by Proxy only now days it is Munchausen by Facebook

I heard a radio report that the incidence of Munchausen by proxy is increasing, because with social media it's so easy to get a much bigger audience, and more attention and sympathy
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Old 07-23-2014, 04:45 PM
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I heard a radio report that the incidence of Munchausen by proxy is increasing, because with social media it's so easy to get a much bigger audience, and more attention and sympathy
See?

Maybe I'm not that far off in my thinking....


My DH says Facebook for too many people is nothing more than "social masturbation".
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:20 PM
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See?

Maybe I'm not that far off in my thinking....


My DH says Facebook for too many people is nothing more than "social masturbation".
BC, your response is why we need a like button.
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Old 07-23-2014, 07:03 PM
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I'm just looking for one newborn to watch while I go to grad school this Fall. I've done a traditional home daycare for 10 years, so I thought it would be easy--an ideal situation for someone. Wrong! The fun-filled parents in my area, want their infants to have lots of "friends." I can't even finish typing...my eyeballs permanently rolled up into my head....
Uh-oh! There goes my retirement plan
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Old 07-23-2014, 07:11 PM
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I get tired of hearing how teachers are paid so poorly. And that they get a tax break for a measly $400 spent on their classroom. Poor babies.
People think that what they pay us is what we "make". But we take an incredible $ amount out of that for expenses, many of them required by law.
I did used to have a lot of teacher families though, and they were good, for the most part. Better on average, than most. There were some clunkers though.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:11 PM
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I get tired of hearing how teachers are paid so poorly. And that they get a tax break for a measly $400 spent on their classroom. Poor babies.
People think that what they pay us is what we "make". But we take an incredible $ amount out of that for expenses, many of them required by law.
I did used to have a lot of teacher families though, and they were good, for the most part. Better on average, than most. There were some clunkers though.
I know A LOT of teachers who still have years to retirement and they're making about 60K. I feel bad for some teachers, because it is a struggle in other ways. Like I remember a parent not bringing in supplies. My aide was incompetent and a liar. She said she brought the supplies. I said if you saw them, you should pay for them. The principal made us split the cost. There was plenty of times as a teacher I had to pay out of my pocket. Also, at least we get to term. There so many terrible parents and children I had to put up with for ten months. Some teachers can be really nasty. Like some were referred to me not knowing I used to work in a head start. They were like "I'm a teacher". I would always cut them off and tell them I was a teacher for the board, too. Now, I have my teaching license, BA, and Dean's List certificates hanging in the "office" where I interview parents.
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Old 07-24-2014, 03:51 AM
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I get tired of hearing how teachers are paid so poorly. And that they get a tax break for a measly $400 spent on their classroom. Poor babies.
People think that what they pay us is what we "make". But we take an incredible $ amount out of that for expenses, many of them required by law.
I did used to have a lot of teacher families though, and they were good, for the most part. Better on average, than most. There were some clunkers though.
I have to say that for the most part, I DO love having teachers as clients. BUT I have a special teacher contract that they must adhere to in order to get a discount - so that takes out the come in early, stay late, come on on days off type of stuff...I prefer having a lighter load on vacations though and am blessed to have that option. And for the most part, they are the most realistic about group care.

That said, I also get tired of teacher complaining about their jobs or trying to get discounts because of their "small" paychecks - all the teachers I know (and I say this as the wife, daughter and sister of teachers) make plenty of money. No other job has the time off that they get - and often when they do leave the teaching field they are gobsmacked to work and *only* get two weeks off a year - that they have to compete for with other co-workers. I know many who go back to teaching because they can't hack "real" hours...
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Old 03-02-2017, 05:22 PM
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Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.
I know this is old and not sure if cheerful still hangs here, but i have been home sick for 3 days now and just reading the archives and random parent/provider forums, and this post just really hit home to me. I feel like these new parents need guidance. I got it from my mom and grandma, but that doesnt seem to be the norm anymore
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Old 03-03-2017, 04:23 AM
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I feel like these new parents need guidance. I got it from my mom and grandma, but that doesnt seem to be the norm anymore
Oh they get guidance. They get their information from their Mommy Facebook groups and their echo chambers in whatever groups espouse whatever it is they believe is right.

Daycare providers aren't a part of that because daycare providers have a lot of "no's" and "that isn't normal".

They can always find a "yes" group that tells them what they believe is normal.

Child rearing is the only thing I can think of where the "worker" believes they are an expert in the field without a single ounce of experience. Our society, the baby experts, and the echo chambers tell them that they know their baby best and they know what"s best for their baby.

It isn't true but it SELLS. There are so many businesses that make so much money selling this to parents.

You have to work around it because it's not going to get any better. The work around is to say what you will or will not do and stick to it. You don't have to address their "woo". You just have to say and do what it best for your business.

Learn this phrase: "I don't provide that service".

It's not judgmental. It's not addressing what they are asking for or trying to force you to do. It just says YOU don't offer it.

"I want my baby to have six ounces TOTAL of breast milk a day because he "cluster feeds" at night".

You: I don't provide that service. I allow babies to free feed and they decide the amount they need at each feeding. If their "cluster feeding" means they have access to six ounces in a ten hour day then I can't provide service.

"I want to potty learn with elimination training".

YOU: I don't provide that service. I begin potty training when children are able to say the words "I have to go potty" BEFORE they have to go.

"I don't want my x year old to nap"

YOU: I don't provide that service. I don't provide service to children who don't NEED a full afternoon nap.

"I want my baby held and rocked to sleep".

YOU: I don't provide that service. I put the babies to bed wide awake every nap every day.

It doesn't speak to their want. It doesn't degrade them or make them feel like you are telling them what to do. There are a zillion providers who will do what the parent wants because they want the money. They just need to find "desperate" provider or "I offer that service" provider.

It really isn't personal. I don't feel like it's my job to educate parents unless they ask and the answer I give them takes a small amount of my time. I don't want conferencing that turns into bargaining.

There's too many powerful contributing editors to their parenting. The experienced child care provider SHOULD be near the top of their list but they aren't.

Knowing your place is a key to longevity. Knowing they believe that because they are the parent and they pay you they decide and dispelling that on or before the first interview, is a key to longevity.
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  #43  
Old 03-03-2017, 05:45 AM
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Knowing your place is a key to longevity. Knowing they believe that because they are the parent and they pay you they decide and dispelling that on or before the first interview, is a key to longevity.

this is soooooo true!
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