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Old 02-14-2017, 06:54 AM
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Default Dealing with THAT family

I have a family that started First week of November when mom returned to work after the birth of third child. Kids are B4 G2 B infant. My main issue is concerning the B4 who attends part time preschool 3 days a week. He is a control freak with the other kids-telling them which at lunch to eat "this before that". Which toys to play with and how. Directing everything and constantly watching how I do certain things and even trying to correct me. I have pretty well nipped the above problems, but now he has a new "thing". At drop off, he will make his mom bend down so he can whisper something to her-which is a correction of some sort directed to me. In the last week it has been 1) "the baby's neck is chaffed from slobbering so make sure to change his bib more often." 2) did G2 play use glue at craft time yesterday? She had a couple knots in her hair that seemed to be glue 3) did G2 watch spongebob yesterday? We don't allow that -she did not-however she colored a coloring book page with him on it and took it home-so I imagine that's where the story came from. All these were things brought up after the boy had whispered a "reminder" to her at drop off. I'm feeling like evenings at home are debriefing sessions on my care. I am in quite the sour mood today over all of it. WWYD?
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:01 AM
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So, dcb is telling mom, then mom is having a serious conversation with you about it? Is that what I'm understanding?

How does mom approach you about it?

My thoughts:

I would approach dcb while it's happening with:
"My job is to take care of sister and brother, your job is to take care of you and have fun doing so."

Then I would approach mom with:
"I understand dcb's feelings and appreciate his love for his siblings, but I need to know that you trust me to do my job and not second guess my care. Are you comfortable with that?"
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:41 AM
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I am a little sarcastic with this kind of stuff.

If you know 100% for certain that this is all happening I would do this:

I would say, with DCB standing right there:

Wow those are some INTERESTING stories you have there, where would you get ideas like those? Let them answer.

If they say that they came from DCB i would respond with.
In a fun tone of voice..


Wow DCB, sounds like since you know so much you are ready to be your siblings teacher now, I must not be doing a very good job. What do you think?

Then tell both DCB and DCM, I need for you DCB to make sure that you are always helping me by taking care of yourself and letting me take care of everyone else. I promise you if I ever need any help, I will be sure to talk to your mom and dad.

Leave it at that.

FYI I termed a family who had a child that told tall tales. They started out silly and got serious very quickly.

hope this ends soon for you, I know what a headache this can be.
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:45 AM
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Correct. He is telling mom who then turns to me and says "oh, btw..."
It is really causing me to second guess how said boy interprets everything and how it may be relayed at home. For instance, the other day I bought rootbeer in the brown bottle. He saw it in my fridge and and said you have a lot of beer. I had to have a long explanation about how it wasn't beer and hope that he didn't run home telling mom and dad that I need an intervention LOL.
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
I am a little sarcastic with this kind of stuff.

If you know 100% for certain that this is all happening I would do this:

I would say, with DCB standing right there:

Wow those are some INTERESTING stories you have there, where would you get ideas like those? Let them answer.

If they say that they came from DCB i would respond with.
In a fun tone of voice..


Wow DCB, sounds like since you know so much you are ready to be your siblings teacher now, I must not be doing a very good job. What do you think?

Then tell both DCB and DCM, I need for you DCB to make sure that you are always helping me by taking care of yourself and letting me take care of everyone else. I promise you if I ever need any help, I will be sure to talk to your mom and dad.

Leave it at that.

FYI I termed a family who had a child that told tall tales. They started out silly and got serious very quickly.

hope this ends soon for you, I know what a headache this can be.
Yes, I am positive what he is saying because he hasn't gotten down. Sing quiet when whispering. I can hear exactly what he is telling mom-and she is showing that's is in control by turning right to me and addressing what he says while he stands there. It feels as if a four year old is being my boss
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:04 AM
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UGH what a pain..

I would say what I suggested or what PP said.

I hate that when parents do that. I would be telling mom, if there are any issues, I will be sure to address it with you. I know DCB is trying to be helpful, but the stories he is telling you is not what is happening and I want to make sure you trust what I am telling you.
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:05 AM
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That would be beyond irritating. I did have a child about that age that was telling some big tales at home and mom asked me about a couple of them. He also told me big stories about what went on at his house. They were completely untrue, so I said, well, you have to be really careful with stories from toddlers. I heard one time that your husband held dcb upside down and put his head in the toilet and flushed it. Good thing I took it with a grain of salt and didn't call dhs. Didn't have a problem after that lol
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:05 AM
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Before I became licensed and I was caring for 1 family I had a 6 yr old boy who would tell parents I didn't feed him lunch, my son would hit him all day, we never go outside, etc. I got sick of the phone calls around 7pm asking if this or that happened when it hadn't. They didn't last very long and I agree it starts off with small tales and turns into serious allegations quick!

Now that I'm licensed with multiple families I'd just address DCM and say "You trust me or you don't. If you are questioning my care on the daily maybe I'm not the best fit for your needs anymore" and let DCM take it from there. She'll either back off or move on. If she moves on I'd personally be thrilled. I don't want people in and out of my home who don't trust I can care for their kiddos!
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:13 AM
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maybe a simple "are you concerned with how I'm caring for the kids?" would shut her up. That's irritating.
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:25 AM
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I'd give him exactly what he wants....

There would not be a second of my day where I wouldn't be expecting him to be helping out, providing comments, suggestions and care instructions.

I would NOT let him have a single minute to himself.

He wants to be in control so let him have control.

He might just come to find out on his own that minding someone else's business does nothing but take time away from his ability to mind his/play.
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Old 02-14-2017, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Poptarts22 View Post
Yes, I am positive what he is saying because he hasn't gotten down. Sing quiet when whispering. I can hear exactly what he is telling mom-and she is showing that's is in control by turning right to me and addressing what he says while he stands there. It feels as if a four year old is being my boss
Tell Mom you're not comfortable discussing this in front of her child. You could ask her to set up an appointment after daycare hours to discuss when she has concerns about things (and don't offer her a time that's immediately after daycare). You could ask her to wait until her child has joined the group and discuss things privately. What you're doing now is empowering the little one and making him think he DOES control you. It's hard when you have a big brother or sister who thinks you're doing it all wrong (I had a foster child who thought I was trying to murder his sibling by giving him tummy time-he already had a baby sibling who'd been killed and he was very critical of my care of the baby and very worried about me doing it wrong).
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Old 02-14-2017, 02:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I'd give him exactly what he wants....

There would not be a second of my day where I wouldn't be expecting him to be helping out, providing comments, suggestions and care instructions.

I would NOT let him have a single minute to himself.

He wants to be in control so let him have control.

He might just come to find out on his own that minding someone else's business does nothing but take time away from his ability to mind his/play.
I would definitely try this out!

No advice but honestly those kids are super annoying. My niece is like this. Constantly correcting and arguing, her dad is the same way, no idea how my sister puts up with the two of them. Its likely it is a personality trait and nothing personal against you but it is still annoying!
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Old 02-14-2017, 04:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I'd give him exactly what he wants....

There would not be a second of my day where I wouldn't be expecting him to be helping out, providing comments, suggestions and care instructions.

I would NOT let him have a single minute to himself.

He wants to be in control so let him have control.

He might just come to find out on his own that minding someone else's business does nothing but take time away from his ability to mind his/play.
A FANTASTIC idea!
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Old 02-14-2017, 05:27 PM
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I like Bc's Idea, but how do you do that with a positive approach?

Or what do you do if the child really likes having to be constantly helping out and it slows you down every day??
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Old 02-14-2017, 06:19 PM
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I have a dcg4 that tells her grandma things that aren't true. Last week it was that xxxx took things from her; this week it has been ms. xxxx doesn't let her play in the housekeeping center.....so this week every time a group gathers and dcg4 attempts to join in, I say "remember you never get to play in the housekeeping center so you need to go play in that center".....she gives me a "disgusted" look but I think I am getting my point across On my assessment day, she sat around pouting "thinking" I would give in to her demands because someone was in the room but I didn't....I am counting the days down till she goes to school These kids are in for a rude awakening when they go to school
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Old 02-14-2017, 07:13 PM
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so this week every time a group gathers and dcg4 attempts to join in, I say "remember you never get to play in the housekeeping center so you need to go play in that center".....she gives me a "disgusted" look but I think I am getting my point across
Ha, ha, good idea!

Maybe along the same lines, the dcb from OP could be assigned to play with his 2 yo sister since you, OP, obviously aren't cutting it. When he feels like your care is good enough to not tattle on you he gets some free time.

It sounds like the mom is really encouraging this by taking him so seriously.

And wow, there sure are some really horrible kids out there.
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Old 02-15-2017, 07:11 AM
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This is why I prefer not to take sibling pairs on, although I have several. My latest are 2 girls one is 11-months-old and the other is 4-years-old. The 4-year-old is constantly trying to take care of and direct what I should do and not do for her sister. Generally when my assistant is here I keep them, and all sibling pairs separated.

I agree with the other suggestions and if this continues you may have to terminate. I had to terminate a pair - 8-month-old boy and his 9-year-old sister over last summer. She started off embellishing an incident that actually happened, but then transitioned to just making stuff up once I separated them.
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Old 02-15-2017, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Poptarts22 View Post
Yes, I am positive what he is saying because he hasn't gotten down. Sing quiet when whispering. I can hear exactly what he is telling mom-and she is showing that's is in control by turning right to me and addressing what he says while he stands there. It feels as if a four year old is being my boss
I would refuse to be his audience. If it's during pick up time that he's doing this then I'd wave, say bye, and QUICKLY walk away to clean up.

If it's during drop off time I'd wave hi and continue playing with/helping the other kids already in the daycare.
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