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  #1  
Old 08-08-2018, 07:44 AM
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Default Owner's Son Changing Diapers

Good morning! I am new here, Iím a father of two beautiful daughters, 1 and 3, and have a third baby on the way. Both of my girls started daycare, three days a week, once they turned one and my wife stopped breastfeeding. I really like our daycare. It is run out of a private home and is somewhat a family business as the owner runs it together with her husband, daughter (in her 20ís) and oldest son (19yo). The people are nice, the house is cozy and very clean and both of my girls seem to have a great time there but I saw something the other day that is bothering me and I donít know if I could be overreacting.
To start off, I tried searching through the interweb for a similar situation but was unable to find one.
So last week I dropped off my girls a little later than usual and I saw the daycare owners 12yo son changing the diaper to one of the other girls. I didnít say anything at that moment but I asked my wife later and she also thought it odd.
Today we asked the owner about it and she was very open that she believes that her kids should contribute and learn these valuable life skills. I totally agree that chores are important in a family but hereís my thing:
While I have no problem with the owners husband or 19yo son changing diapers, I am bothered by the 12yo changing my youngest daughters diapers (our 3yo is diaper free, woot woot!). I guess itís because heís a boy in the heat of puberty thatís bothering me so much. I want to be clear that I have no reason to think there is abuse or anything like that going on and changing a 1yo diaper is in no way sexual but boys in puberty can be curious and that is what has me worried.
What do you think? Am I just supporting some sort of bias?
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:01 AM
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I honestly think you are overreacting. When you were 12 would you have done to a child whatever you think this 12 year old child could be doing? Would you feel differently if you had sons? Would you be comfortable with a 12 year old girl changing a male child? If you have trust with all of the older members of the family including a 19 year old male I canít see how the 12 year old would be any different. Now if all of the adults were leaving the daycare with the 12 year old then I might have a problem with it.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by DadBod View Post
Good morning! I am new here, Iím a father of two beautiful daughters, 1 and 3, and have a third baby on the way. Both of my girls started daycare, three days a week, once they turned one and my wife stopped breastfeeding. I really like our daycare. It is run out of a private home and is somewhat a family business as the owner runs it together with her husband, daughter (in her 20ís) and oldest son (19yo). The people are nice, the house is cozy and very clean and both of my girls seem to have a great time there but I saw something the other day that is bothering me and I donít know if I could be overreacting.
To start off, I tried searching through the interweb for a similar situation but was unable to find one.
So last week I dropped off my girls a little later than usual and I saw the daycare owners 12yo son changing the diaper to one of the other girls. I didnít say anything at that moment but I asked my wife later and she also thought it odd.
Today we asked the owner about it and she was very open that she believes that her kids should contribute and learn these valuable life skills. I totally agree that chores are important in a family but hereís my thing:
While I have no problem with the owners husband or 19yo son changing diapers, I am bothered by the 12yo changing my youngest daughters diapers (our 3yo is diaper free, woot woot!). I guess itís because heís a boy in the heat of puberty thatís bothering me so much. I want to be clear that I have no reason to think there is abuse or anything like that going on and changing a 1yo diaper is in no way sexual but boys in puberty can be curious and that is what has me worried.
What do you think? Am I just supporting some sort of bias?
If your reason is simply because heís a boy...yes it IS supporting gender discrimination but if your reasoning is simply due to his age then that is different in my opinion.

May I ask what state you are in as many states do not allow children of that age to assist/help in ways such as changing, eating or carrying an infant.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:19 AM
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I agree with OP, it wouldn't sit well with me! Mostly because that's a really intimate chore and I would want an adult to do it. There are tons of other responsibilities for a 12 year old during the day, diapering other people's children doesn't need to be one of them!
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:21 AM
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When I was 12, I was babysitting until as late as 3am for families, and I was changing diapers of boys and girls. Girls have the same teenage hormones, and I wonder if you would worry about a girl changing a son's diaper.

I'm not dismissing your worry, but I feel it is perfectly normal for a 12 year old who is working at Mom's daycare to help out with diaper changes, just as it would be if he were babysitting away from the home.

I have hired a daycare provider's teenage son to babysit my own kids, and have been very impressed with his maturity and skills with kids. He's by far the best sitter we've had, male or female.

I hope this puts your mind at ease a little.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:24 AM
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At what age are babysitting permits/CPR/First Aid legal in your state? Here it is 13, some states it is age 11. Red Cross states 11.

https://www.redcross.org/take-a-clas...ing-child-care

American Red Cross babysitting and child care courses can help you provide quality care to children of all ages. Developed by experts in the industry, our online and in-person courses are available to those ages 11 and older, and include topics such as choosing age-appropriate activities, basic child care, like bottle feeding, child behavior, leadership, professionalism, safety, starting a babysitting business, and more.
Please note: Red Cross child care classes are not intended for those seeking certification for state-licensed child care providers and does not meet all state requirements for such certification.

Personally, I would not allow it. Did not. To protect my sons.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:28 AM
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Originally Posted by storybookending View Post
I honestly think you are overreacting. When you were 12 would you have done to a child whatever you think this 12 year old child could be doing? Would you feel differently if you had sons? Would you be comfortable with a 12 year old girl changing a male child? If you have trust with all of the older members of the family including a 19 year old male I canít see how the 12 year old would be any different. Now if all of the adults were leaving the daycare with the 12 year old then I might have a problem with it.
To your first point, I donít think the boy is doing anything. I tried to make that clear in my initial post but maybe not clear enough? I also have no reason to believe the younger son is left alone with any kids and the changing station is in the main room in full view of the adults.
I think my issue is mainly with the age. If the owner wants this life skill to be taught to the twelve year old, then it should be done with other family members and not customers children right? I have no issue with the other family members because they are adults and have had classes and/or certifications to work with children.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
If your reason is simply because he’s a boy...yes it IS supporting gender discrimination but if your reasoning is simply due to his age then that is different in my opinion.

May I ask what state you are in as many states do not allow children of that age to assist/help in ways such as changing, eating or carrying an infant.
I’m in NY. My reason has very little to do with him being a boy and more so the age. If I had a son and there was a 12yo girl changing him, I would likely feel the same way. Bear in mind, this is not a babysitter but a daycare business that I pay to take care of my girls.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
When I was 12, I was babysitting until as late as 3am for families, and I was changing diapers of boys and girls. Girls have the same teenage hormones, and I wonder if you would worry about a girl changing a son's diaper.

I'm not dismissing your worry, but I feel it is perfectly normal for a 12 year old who is working at Mom's daycare to help out with diaper changes, just as it would be if he were babysitting away from the home.

I have hired a daycare provider's teenage son to babysit my own kids, and have been very impressed with his maturity and skills with kids. He's by far the best sitter we've had, male or female.

I hope this puts your mind at ease a little.
I feel that if we hired a preteen to babysit, I would have less of a problem because I would have met the person, probably an interview of some sort to gage the level of responsibility of the person and put my mind to rest. In this case I have never met the son and I am paying the mother to look after my daughter.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:37 AM
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Originally Posted by DadBod View Post
To your first point, I donít think the boy is doing anything. I tried to make that clear in my initial post but maybe not clear enough? I also have no reason to believe the younger son is left alone with any kids and the changing station is in the main room in full view of the adults.
I think my issue is mainly with the age. If the owner wants this life skill to be taught to the twelve year old, then it should be done with other family members and not customers children right? I have no issue with the other family members because they are adults and have had classes and/or certifications to work with children.
Then I think this is something you should discuss with your provider if it is solely based on age. I know that by age 12 I personally was being left with 4-6 kids most weekends to babysit until after bar close (3AMish) so I know 12 year olds that are perfectly capable of doing such chores. I guess the issue lies with if he is allowed to do these things in a daycare setting. You would have to check your state regs for that. I know in my state you can take the babysitting course at 11 and diaper changes are all a part of that certification. I am unsure if it would be allowed in a daycare setting as most places you need to be 16.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:38 AM
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Originally Posted by DadBod View Post
I feel that if we hired a preteen to babysit, I would have less of a problem because I would have met the person, probably an interview of some sort to gage the level of responsibility of the person and put my mind to rest. In this case I have never met the son and I am paying the mother to look after my daughter.
Is this a licensed or legally unlicensed family home childcare? We have really strict laws about who can legally assist. Check out your states regulations: https://ocfs.ny.gov/main/childcare/d...egulations.asp

Go to the "Family Daycare Homes" section.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:48 AM
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The bottom line here is that these are your children, and you have the right to feel uncomfortable, when it comes to their care. It doesnít mean the provider will change anything if this is a legal practice, but you can discuss it, and make a change in daycare if necessary.

My own kids grew up in my daycare, and I never had them changing diapers....they helped out in many other ways, but it never even crossed my mind to have them change diapers. Iím not saying it would have been inappropriate for them to do it....I just wouldnít want to raise any concerns like you are having now.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
Is this a licensed or legally unlicensed family home childcare? We have really strict laws about who can legally assist. Check out your states regulations: https://ocfs.ny.gov/main/childcare/d...egulations.asp

Go to the "Family Daycare Homes" section.
Good point. In my state, your 12 year old can be registered as an assistant and is able to perform most any duties under the supervision of the adult (may not be left alone with kids, but can change diapers).
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:57 AM
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New York State Child Day Care Regulations
Effective March 20, 2017

Part 417:
Family Day Care


"417.13 Staff qualifications

(a) The provider, assistant(s), and substitutes must each meet the following qualifications:

(1) be at least 18 years old;

(2) have a minimum of either two (2) years of experience caring for children under six years of age, or one (1) year of experience caring for children under six years of age plus six hours of training or education in early childhood development. The phrase "experience caring for children" can mean child-rearing as well as paid and unpaid experience caring for children. The term "training" can mean educational workshops and courses in caring for preschool-age children; (3) be capable of providing, and agree to provide, safe and suitable care to children which is supportive of the children's physical, intellectual, emotional and social well-being;

(4) provide to the Office the names, addresses and daytime telephone numbers of at least three (3) acceptable references, other than relatives. At least one of the references must be able to attest to the employment history, work record and qualifications, if the person had ever been employed outside the home. At least one of the references must be able to attest to the character, habits and personal qualifications to be a family day care provider, assistant, or substitute; and

(5) submit a satisfactory medical statement, as required in section 417.11(b).

(b) All caregivers and volunteers are required to comply with the criminal history review provisions of this Part and Part 413 of this Article.

(c) All caregivers and volunteers hired after June 30, 2013 must comply with the background check requirements for the register of substantiated category one cases of abuse or neglect maintained by the Justice Center for the Protection of Persons with Special Needs pursuant to Section 495 of the Social Services Law.

(d) All caregivers are required to complete a State Central Register database check.

(e) A person applying to be the provider must have completed a health and safety training as required in section 417.14(a) of this Part before being approved for that role.

(f) A person is not approved to be a caregiver until the child care program receives written approval from the Office."
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Old 08-08-2018, 10:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
New York State Child Day Care Regulations
Effective March 20, 2017

Part 417:
Family Day Care


"417.13 Staff qualifications

(a) The provider, assistant(s), and substitutes must each meet the following qualifications:

(1) be at least 18 years old;

(2) have a minimum of either two (2) years of experience caring for children under six years of age, or one (1) year of experience caring for children under six years of age plus six hours of training or education in early childhood development. The phrase "experience caring for children" can mean child-rearing as well as paid and unpaid experience caring for children. The term "training" can mean educational workshops and courses in caring for preschool-age children; (3) be capable of providing, and agree to provide, safe and suitable care to children which is supportive of the children's physical, intellectual, emotional and social well-being;

(4) provide to the Office the names, addresses and daytime telephone numbers of at least three (3) acceptable references, other than relatives. At least one of the references must be able to attest to the employment history, work record and qualifications, if the person had ever been employed outside the home. At least one of the references must be able to attest to the character, habits and personal qualifications to be a family day care provider, assistant, or substitute; and

(5) submit a satisfactory medical statement, as required in section 417.11(b).

(b) All caregivers and volunteers are required to comply with the criminal history review provisions of this Part and Part 413 of this Article.

(c) All caregivers and volunteers hired after June 30, 2013 must comply with the background check requirements for the register of substantiated category one cases of abuse or neglect maintained by the Justice Center for the Protection of Persons with Special Needs pursuant to Section 495 of the Social Services Law.

(d) All caregivers are required to complete a State Central Register database check.

(e) A person applying to be the provider must have completed a health and safety training as required in section 417.14(a) of this Part before being approved for that role.

(f) A person is not approved to be a caregiver until the child care program receives written approval from the Office."
I'm sure the 12 year old isn't considered a caregiver but a volunteer and there is no age limit for that it looks like.
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Old 08-08-2018, 10:38 AM
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At the age of 9 almost 10 I was changing my newborn baby brothers diapers, by the age of 12 (legal age to babysit where I lived at the time) i was changing all the kids i babysat some as young as 3 months.

I personally dont see an issue as long as the qw year old knows how to do it properly.
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Old 08-08-2018, 10:48 AM
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I'm sure the 12 year old isn't considered a caregiver but a volunteer and there is no age limit for that it looks like.
Here volunteers cannot provide direct care (they can read, lead a project, sing, dance, lecture, cook, etc.) , must have a background check on file for view and have written approval before being in the playroom.

I did not look up requirements for volunteers in NY. I might have a few minutes this afternoon. Huge storms = clingy kids.
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Old 08-08-2018, 11:21 AM
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If your reason is simply because heís a boy...yes it IS supporting gender discrimination but if your reasoning is simply due to his age then that is different in my opinion.

May I ask what state you are in as many states do not allow children of that age to assist/help in ways such as changing, eating or carrying an infant.
I agree. Our state requires a caregiver to be at least 18 years old and approved by the office (background check, fingerprinting, etc). Even if there is a grey area with the caregiver/volunteer verbiage, volunteers cannot give direct care. As a parent I would prefer it not be happening. When I enrolled I assumed the caregivers only would be doing this, you know? I have 11 & 13 yo boys. I wouldn't be telling them to change diapers. It seems unprofessional.
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Old 08-08-2018, 11:36 AM
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I agree. Our state requires a caregiver to be at least 18 years old and approved by the office (background check, fingerprinting, etc). Even if there is a grey area with the caregiver/volunteer verbiage, volunteers cannot give direct care. As a parent I would prefer it not be happening. When I enrolled I assumed the caregivers only would be doing this, you know? I have 11 & 13 yo boys. I wouldn't be telling them to change diapers. It seems unprofessional.
Just clarifying since so many are commenting about what they did/do as babysitters.

Babysitting and working/volunteering and/or helping within the umbrella of a licensed caregiver are two different things.

OP~ I would discuss this with the licensed provider and just let her know that you would prefer that only those 18 and over (REGARDLESS of gender) perform all basic care routines etc for your children.
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Old 08-08-2018, 11:41 AM
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Here volunteers cannot provide direct care (they can read, lead a project, sing, dance, lecture, cook, etc.) , must have a background check on file for view and have written approval before being in the playroom.

I did not look up requirements for volunteers in NY. I might have a few minutes this afternoon. Huge storms = clingy kids.
Yep, we have a severe wind/damaging hail warning right now with our thunderstorms... not the greatest idea for infants that are trying to nap
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Old 08-08-2018, 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Just clarifying since so many are commenting about what they did/do as babysitters.

Babysitting and working/volunteering and/or helping within the umbrella of a licensed caregiver are two different things.

OP~ I would discuss this with the licensed provider and just let her know that you would prefer that only those 18 and over (REGARDLESS of gender) perform all basic care routines etc for your children.
THIS
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Old 08-08-2018, 11:56 AM
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Good morning! I am new here, Iím a father of two beautiful daughters, 1 and 3, and have a third baby on the way. Both of my girls started daycare, three days a week, once they turned one and my wife stopped breastfeeding. I really like our daycare. It is run out of a private home and is somewhat a family business as the owner runs it together with her husband, daughter (in her 20ís) and oldest son (19yo). The people are nice, the house is cozy and very clean and both of my girls seem to have a great time there but I saw something the other day that is bothering me and I donít know if I could be overreacting.
To start off, I tried searching through the interweb for a similar situation but was unable to find one.
So last week I dropped off my girls a little later than usual and I saw the daycare owners 12yo son changing the diaper to one of the other girls. I didnít say anything at that moment but I asked my wife later and she also thought it odd.
Today we asked the owner about it and she was very open that she believes that her kids should contribute and learn these valuable life skills. I totally agree that chores are important in a family but hereís my thing:
While I have no problem with the owners husband or 19yo son changing diapers, I am bothered by the 12yo changing my youngest daughters diapers (our 3yo is diaper free, woot woot!). I guess itís because heís a boy in the heat of puberty thatís bothering me so much. I want to be clear that I have no reason to think there is abuse or anything like that going on and changing a 1yo diaper is in no way sexual but boys in puberty can be curious and that is what has me worried.
What do you think? Am I just supporting some sort of bias?
Yes, I do think you are being bias towards young men. That is why I am assuming Catherder does not allow her sons to change diapers...to protect them from parents who may falsely judge or accuse them(sorry if that is not the case CH!). That being said, as parents, we should always be made aware of the people who will be providing direct care for our children. You saw another person's child being changed, questioned it, and now hopefully they understand you prefer the other adults to change your child, versus the son. If you don't feel they understand this, I would just speak with your provider and I am sure she will understand. That being said, I know many teen boys who are excellent childcare providers! If you feel good about everything otherwise, hopefully they will honor your wishes and it will all work out! Wish you the best!
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Old 08-08-2018, 12:28 PM
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Yes, I do think you are being bias towards young men. That is why I am assuming Catherder does not allow her sons to change diapers...to protect them from parents who may falsely judge or accuse them(sorry if that is not the case CH!).
It is. I've been in business for myself 24 years. Worked in centers several (many ) years before that. When I opened it was still against regs for men to work in rooms with infants/toddlers or assist in restrooms. Yes, I am serious.

Attitudes are changing, but not as quickly as one would expect.

One false accusation could have ruined my sons chances of a productive future. True or not, that shadow sticks with someone.
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Old 08-08-2018, 01:33 PM
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It is. I've been in business for myself 24 years. Worked in centers several (many ) years before that. When I opened it was still against regs for men to work in rooms with infants/toddlers or assist in restrooms. Yes, I am serious.

Attitudes are changing, but not as quickly as one would expect.

One false accusation could have ruined my sons chances of a productive future. True or not, that shadow sticks with someone.
It does. My oldest daughters daycare was ruined over a false accusation. The woman was proven liar. It still ruined their business.
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Old 08-08-2018, 01:54 PM
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My Mom ran a home daycare when I was 10-16 and I helped out. I don't remember if I changed diapers then (mid-late 80's). I know I changed diapers at 16 assisting in a 2 year old classroom in the daycare center she opened. Check with your local licensing for what the assistant requirements are. In IL you have to be 14 & 5 years older than the oldest enrolled child. I could easily see a situation where the provider asked if their child could "help out" at that age and a rep saying "sure" thinking they were talking about reading, passing out food, etc. and not considering diapering. If it's against regs they shouldn't be doing it period. If it complies with regulations they aren't doing anything wrong.

As to your question- I do think at least part of this biased based on you raising things such as hormones/ curiosity/ etc. This is family business including a husband and another man who I'm assuming helped when he was younger. There's a good chance they've experienced some pretty sexist/ discriminatory crap in that time. All in the name of "concerns", "protection", "it's a difficult situation" or other bs. Lord knows I've dealt with it from parents and other child care professionals my whole career. So they are probably not going to put up with any type of implication. Don't be surprised if when you go anywhere near what your are implying they tell to get out of their house and never come back.
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Old 08-08-2018, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by DaveA View Post
My Mom ran a home daycare when I was 10-16 and I helped out. I don't remember if I changed diapers then (mid-late 80's). I know I changed diapers at 16 assisting in a 2 year old classroom in the daycare center she opened. Check with your local licensing for what the assistant requirements are. In IL you have to be 14 & 5 years older than the oldest enrolled child. I could easily see a situation where the provider asked if their child could "help out" at that age and a rep saying "sure" thinking they were talking about reading, passing out food, etc. and not considering diapering. If it's against regs they shouldn't be doing it period. If it complies with regulations they aren't doing anything wrong.

As to your question- I do think at least part of this biased based on you raising things such as hormones/ curiosity/ etc. This is family business including a husband and another man who I'm assuming helped when he was younger. There's a good chance they've experienced some pretty sexist/ discriminatory crap in that time. All in the name of "concerns", "protection", "it's a difficult situation" or other bs. Lord knows I've dealt with it from parents and other child care professionals my whole career. So they are probably not going to put up with any type of implication. Don't be surprised if when you go anywhere near what your are implying they tell to get out of their house and never come back.
You're really going to pull the sexism card? In a field that is predominantly women and paid lower wage than fields that are predominantly men? Really, Dave? I'm not going to cow toe to you like everyone else does.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:01 PM
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So it's okay if her 19 yo son changes diapers but not her 12yo son? I'm having a hard time with that. You're saying he was supervised.

I can hire a 14 year old off the street as an assistant in my state. And because they aren't 18 yet, there is no background check required. However, they count as a second adult in my ratios.....

you're overreacting
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:03 PM
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I'd also like to point out...that your post didn't read like the 12 year old was changing YOUR child...and you have no way of knowing what their relationship to that child's family is. The little one could have been a cousin, niece, godchild etc....

2 of my families have been hiring my son to babysit their girls at their homes on date nights since he was 12.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:13 PM
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I'd also like to point out...that your post didn't read like the 12 year old was changing YOUR child...and you have no way of knowing what their relationship to that child's family is. The little one could have been a cousin, niece, godchild etc....

2 of my families have been hiring my son to babysit their girls at their homes on date nights since he was 12.
It wasn't my child this time, but I was unaware that a 12yo was changing diapers at all since summer break began. My daughter could have been changed on a daily basis by this boy for the past 6 weeks.

I do know the mother of the girl that was being changed and they are not related to the boy or the owners family. If it were a family thing there would be obviously no problem there.

The two families that your son babysits for know or have met him I presume? I have never talked to this boy and I do not know his character or level of responsibility. Also, I am not paying a babysitter or an individual, I am paying a state inspected child care business.

I dont mind the 19yo working at the day care because he is not a minor and is certified to work as a caregiver.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:15 PM
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It wasn't my child this time, but I was unaware that a 12yo was changing diapers at all since summer break began. My daughter could have been changed on a daily basis by this boy for the past 6 weeks.

I do know the mother of the girl that was being changed and they are not related to the boy or the owners family. If it were a family thing there would be obviously no problem there.

The two families that your son babysits for know or have met him I presume? I have never talked to this boy and I do not know his character or level of responsibility. Also, I am not paying a babysitter or an individual, I am paying a state inspected child care business.

I dont mind the 19yo working at the day care because he is not a minor and is certified to work as a caregiver.

Very true, if you were paying a baby sitter you'd be paying MUCH MUCH more.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:18 PM
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I totally get that it was surprising, and should have been mentioned up front. My clients all know that this is a family run business. Just as my kids would be flipping burgers if I owned a burger stand. my 8 year old doesn't change diapers, lol, but she does feed and burp babies. and at some point, I'm sure she'll start changing diapers.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by DaveA View Post
My Mom ran a home daycare when I was 10-16 and I helped out. I don't remember if I changed diapers then (mid-late 80's). I know I changed diapers at 16 assisting in a 2 year old classroom in the daycare center she opened. Check with your local licensing for what the assistant requirements are. In IL you have to be 14 & 5 years older than the oldest enrolled child. I could easily see a situation where the provider asked if their child could "help out" at that age and a rep saying "sure" thinking they were talking about reading, passing out food, etc. and not considering diapering. If it's against regs they shouldn't be doing it period. If it complies with regulations they aren't doing anything wrong.

As to your question- I do think at least part of this biased based on you raising things such as hormones/ curiosity/ etc. This is family business including a husband and another man who I'm assuming helped when he was younger. There's a good chance they've experienced some pretty sexist/ discriminatory crap in that time. All in the name of "concerns", "protection", "it's a difficult situation" or other bs. Lord knows I've dealt with it from parents and other child care professionals my whole career. So they are probably not going to put up with any type of implication. Don't be surprised if when you go anywhere near what your are implying they tell to get out of their house and never come back.
Hi Dave, although I have my concerns with the current situation with my daycare, as a guy myself, I have no issues about men working in childcare.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:43 PM
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Hi Dave, although I have my concerns with the current situation with my daycare, as a guy myself, I have no issues about men working in childcare.
And this young man is learning the industry in a similar fashion to how I did. I wish him the best of luck if he decides to stay in this field and is good at it. As long as your provider is not violating licensing regulations I hope y'all have a long and mutually enjoyable professional relationship.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:44 PM
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You're really going to pull the sexism card? In a field that is predominantly women and paid lower wage than fields that are predominantly men? Really, Dave? I'm not going to cow toe to you like everyone else does.
I'm happy to have brightened your day. Bless your heart.
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Old 08-08-2018, 04:55 PM
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I did talk with the owner and although she was noticeably agitated, she did agree that only the adults would change my daughter.
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Old 08-08-2018, 05:07 PM
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I'm happy to have brightened your day. Bless your heart.
Dave, you're a terrible person. I'm holding back, so this doesn't get deleted.

The real sexism women face isn't funny. You don't have to tell people what you do for a living. You made a choice to do this job. We didn't choose to be born women. You don't know what it's like to be afraid when you go somewhere alone or new.

It must be nice to be in a field that is predominantly the opposite sex and be welcomed so warmly here. Every flaw is sexism. Must be nice...
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Old 08-09-2018, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
You're really going to pull the sexism card? In a field that is predominantly women and paid lower wage than fields that are predominantly men? Really, Dave? I'm not going to cow toe to you like everyone else does.
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Dave, you're a terrible person. I'm holding back, so this doesn't get deleted.

The real sexism women face isn't funny. You don't have to tell people what you do for a living. You made a choice to do this job. We didn't choose to be born women. You don't know what it's like to be afraid when you go somewhere alone or new.

It must be nice to be in a field that is predominantly the opposite sex and be welcomed so warmly here. Every flaw is sexism. Must be nice...
Um okay....

I am reading one thing but hearing another. If you have a particular and/or personal problem with a member here please contact that member directly and privately.

If that isn't an option for you, then please contact Michael or a moderator....myself included to address the issue in a more mature manner.

If there is no issue [other than Dave sharing an opinion that doesn't align with yours] then being rude or snarky towards a member is not necessary nor is it helpful.

In fact, it demonstrates the very issue being discussed and the divide we have in this country already when it comes to gender and sexism.
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Old 08-09-2018, 06:45 AM
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Dave, you're a terrible person. I'm holding back, so this doesn't get deleted.

The real sexism women face isn't funny. You don't have to tell people what you do for a living. You made a choice to do this job. We didn't choose to be born women. You don't know what it's like to be afraid when you go somewhere alone or new.

It must be nice to be in a field that is predominantly the opposite sex and be welcomed so warmly here. Every flaw is sexism. Must be nice...

I'm just going to leave this right here.

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Old 08-09-2018, 08:34 AM
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Just clarifying since so many are commenting about what they did/do as babysitters.

Babysitting and working/volunteering and/or helping within the umbrella of a licensed caregiver are two different things.

OP~ I would discuss this with the licensed provider and just let her know that you would prefer that only those 18 and over (REGARDLESS of gender) perform all basic care routines etc for your children.
I agree.

My sister was babysitting at age 10, and a few times I took her place (age 15) when she had to go out somewhere. I changed diapers then, but the parents met me first and since it was babysitting, it's obvious that whoever the babysitter was would be the one changing diapers, whether it was her or me.

Daycare isn't the same thing. Some people take their kids to daycare, especially daycare centers, and don't worry about who works there or does what. Others take their kids to daycare, especially home-based, and want to meet the people taking care of their child. Often, that's why they chose home daycare. For those parents, having someone they haven't met helping with general duties is one thing, but having someone they haven't met doing something as discrete as diaper changing is a whole new thing.

If you take your child to a home daycare because you want to know who's taking care of your child, having someone you've never met changing diapers, regardless of gender or even age, can bother you.

Talking to the provider is the right thing to do about anything that worries a parent. I hope the family does understand your concerns and all goes well from here on.

I'm with Dave in wishing this young boy the best of luck if he decides to go into this field.
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Old 08-09-2018, 10:15 AM
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dadbod (cracking up at that username, BTW) I hope you stay on! We need more parents here! Also, glad you broached your concerns with your provider and I hope she was receptive. I don't think you came across sexist, just concerned as that was not what you expected when enrolling.

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Dave, you're a terrible person. I'm holding back, so this doesn't get deleted.

The real sexism women face isn't funny. You don't have to tell people what you do for a living. You made a choice to do this job. We didn't choose to be born women. You don't know what it's like to be afraid when you go somewhere alone or new.

It must be nice to be in a field that is predominantly the opposite sex and be welcomed so warmly here. Every flaw is sexism. Must be nice...
To be fair, you should log in.....

I am a woman. I've worked in both female dominated fields and male dominated fields. As a young, attractive 20 something, I NEVER experience sexism. In fact, it was the opposite. BECAUSE I was a woman in a male dominated field, I was offered more jobs and more opportunities than my male colleagues.

The difference between the 'wage gap' has more to do with chosen field than it does with gender. Dave is making what other women in his field make, and he IS dealing with people who are still against men in childcare. He regularly uses his good humor to make light of the situation.

I think you need to take a self defense course, carry some pepper spray and stop reading the news. Media tends to hype up the unsafe situations in our country (assuming you are in the US and not living in detroit) you're probably safe to go places alone and should not feel unsafe. Maybe because I don't buy into the hype, but I've NEVER felt unsafe because I was a woman. I used to work nights in a very ghetto/unsafe area. Was shown nothing but respect by the men.

Now, OTHER WOMEN, that's a pandora's box I'm not touching.
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Old 08-09-2018, 11:03 AM
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dadbod (cracking up at that username, BTW) I hope you stay on! We need more parents here! Also, glad you broached your concerns with your provider and I hope she was receptive. I don't think you came across sexist, just concerned as that was not what you expected when enrolling.



To be fair, you should log in.....

I am a woman. I've worked in both female dominated fields and male dominated fields. As a young, attractive 20 something, I NEVER experience sexism. In fact, it was the opposite. BECAUSE I was a woman in a male dominated field, I was offered more jobs and more opportunities than my male colleagues.

The difference between the 'wage gap' has more to do with chosen field than it does with gender. Dave is making what other women in his field make, and he IS dealing with people who are still against men in childcare. He regularly uses his good humor to make light of the situation.

I think you need to take a self defense course, carry some pepper spray and stop reading the news. Media tends to hype up the unsafe situations in our country (assuming you are in the US and not living in detroit) you're probably safe to go places alone and should not feel unsafe. Maybe because I don't buy into the hype, but I've NEVER felt unsafe because I was a woman. I used to work nights in a very ghetto/unsafe area. Was shown nothing but respect by the men.

Now, OTHER WOMEN, that's a pandora's box I'm not touching.
I'm glad you and BlackCat replied. It just reaffirms my opinion. This isn't a place for women or to discuss real issues we face. I will no longer be posting or reading here. Many of you are uneducated and it shows. Oh, you have Associates and CDAs. LOL

Very telling you are telling parents how to feel. I don't care if someone pulls out of care because they don't like the jeans I'm wearing today. I respect parents should be allowed to have opinions and choices. It makes me wonder what does on in your homes. As I said I'm done here.
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Old 08-09-2018, 11:23 AM
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I will no longer be posting or reading here.
Okay....bye.
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Old 08-09-2018, 11:26 AM
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Dadbod- I want to clarify something. I wasn't saying you were sexist. You asked if bias played a factor in your opinion, and I responded to that part. You handled it well- you looked for information and had a conversation with your provider. Apparently pretty tactfully as you are still working with them and their client. So



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I will no longer be posting or reading here.

As I said I'm done here.
I'm so going to miss these insightful conversations. I am going to give you a bit of advice- If you're going to go full "F this bridge burn" you can't do it effectively as an unregistered random. You need to log in to do a really thorough final act. At least do a Private Message blast- usually they involve something like wishing me a slow and fiery death, telling me my wife is banging her personal trainer like a drum, or at the very least that I'm a clueless troglodyte and a disgrace to the human race. You got to up your troll game. Facebook daycare groups do it much better.

Bye Bye now. Have fun storming the castle.
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Old 08-09-2018, 11:59 AM
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I'm glad you and BlackCat replied. It just reaffirms my opinion. This isn't a place for women or to discuss real issues we face. I will no longer be posting or reading here. Many of you are uneducated and it shows. Oh, you have Associates and CDAs. LOL

Very telling you are telling parents how to feel. I don't care if someone pulls out of care because they don't like the jeans I'm wearing today. I respect parents should be allowed to have opinions and choices. It makes me wonder what does on in your homes. As I said I'm done here.
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Old 08-09-2018, 01:56 PM
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I'm glad you and BlackCat replied. It just reaffirms my opinion. This isn't a place for women or to discuss real issues we face. I will no longer be posting or reading here. Many of you are uneducated and it shows. Oh, you have Associates and CDAs. LOL

Very telling you are telling parents how to feel. I don't care if someone pulls out of care because they don't like the jeans I'm wearing today. I respect parents should be allowed to have opinions and choices. It makes me wonder what does on in your homes. As I said I'm done here.
Yes, you are done here.
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Old 08-09-2018, 02:40 PM
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Old 08-12-2018, 12:24 PM
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I'm going to be an odd female out here and say - I would never have either of my children (daughter age 14 and son age 15), change a diaper here. Granted, I'm a small, license exempt provider, but IF I were under licensing rules and IF those rules allowed my underage child to do so, I still would not. IF my child were 18 or over and there was no way around it, I would have one of them change a diaper, but they would be instructed on how to be very clear about what they are doing at all times, including the use of "conversation" with the child about what is happening just to be safe. In that case, I would use my daughter first because of the stereotype - and because my son is weirded out about diapers and the like anyway. I am very aware that someday he may have a child, and I'll be more than happy to show him how to change his baby, but my client's children are not his Guinea pig in this matter and I wouldn't even ask him or my daughter to change my own 9 month old's diaper. It's just a private, messy task that they don't need to do.

I have them be my eyes and ears at times, set things up for me, run after things for me, participate in social / educational activities when I feel it would benefit them or the little guys, but no to diapers. I would figure it out...

Also, there's just no room for interpretation in this area. I've done this since my children were 8 & 9- they know to be mindful of what they are doing when a parent is present in case it could be taken as inappropriate, they know to only disturb me when a parent is present if it is urgent, they know that if they are in the daycare room when a parent pulls up (I have large picture windows that face the driveway) that they are to stay in the room and continue about their business instead of quickly rushing out because that might seem sketchy, they know to make themselves scarce during interviews, they know to be friendly and say hi if they see a parent and to be polite but watch what they say, etc.. All it takes is one wrong word or action and a parent assumes the worst. It could cost me a client, or worse. Not because I have anything to hide but because people tend to overreact or assume when they don't know what goes on in my home all day.

So, that's my (long) take.
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Old 08-12-2018, 01:45 PM
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My son grew up in a daycare until he was nearly 14 and I never had him provide direct care to any children. I would NEVER have allowed diaper changes. I tried very hard to keep him out of the daycare from birth on. He had his own life to live in his home and I went to great lengths to make sure he had as normal of a childhood as possible with the daycare affecting him as little as possible.

I would have never put him at risk to do any cares.

In my state the age for assistants can be 14 and up.
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Old 08-13-2018, 09:41 AM
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I'm glad you and BlackCat replied. It just reaffirms my opinion. This isn't a place for women or to discuss real issues we face. I will no longer be posting or reading here. Many of you are uneducated and it shows. Oh, you have Associates and CDAs. LOL

Very telling you are telling parents how to feel. I don't care if someone pulls out of care because they don't like the jeans I'm wearing today. I respect parents should be allowed to have opinions and choices. It makes me wonder what does on in your homes. As I said I'm done here.
Try MAed.

When did I say parents couldn't have opinions and make choices? In fact, I respected this parents rights to speak to his provider and voice his opinions?

Quite frankly, you came into this thread and called names. Take your toys and go home now because nobody wanted to play? Sounds about right.
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