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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Issues With Going Outdoors With Almost-20-Month-Old. Wearing Me Thin!
MaritimeMummy 07:45 AM 09-05-2012
This is about my cousin's little guy. He's almost 20 months old now. He's been coming to me since he turned a year old in January. When he came to me, he had never been away from his mother, even for babysitting.

His adjustment was really hard. He followed me from room to room, screaming crying...yes, he was a screamer...an all-day screamer. When he'd cry, he'd make my then 7-month-old son cry, too. It was a hard few weeks, and if it had been anyone else's child I would have termed. But because it was my cousin's son, I stuck it out.

Around mid-February he started coming around. He started napping (very well!). He started smiling more when he played, becoming more light-hearted. He'd still cry from the time his mother turned to come down my driveway until about 2 seconds after she'd leave, but then he'd be absolutely fine the rest of the day.

One day, back in June, we were outside (he loved it outside!) and a neighour (specifically, my in-laws, who live next door) began mowing their lawn when we were outside.

That was enough to break him. Seriously. The poor kid is now terrified of being outside when he's here. He's apparently fine when he is outside at home, and still loves it at home. But even now, 3 months after the day that we were outside and the mower scared him, he still completely looses his mind when anyone suggests going outside, or if he sees the sunscreen or any other clothing for outdoors. He even knows the time of day it is when we go outside because he'll just start wailing and go hide in a corner.

He screams and cries during the entire process of getting 5 kids sunscreened, pottied, diapers changed, etc to go outside. Then when we do get outside, he makes a beeline for the playhouse, crouches down, and hides the entire time we're outside. if a plane goes overhead or a car drives down the main road (which is very far away...a good football field's length away), he begins screaming even harder. Heaven forbid if any of the neighbours have to do outdoor work. It's just...tiresome. I have talked with my cousin about it...while she seems concerned and somewhat embarrassed, she doesn't seem to be helping in finding out what I can do other than telling me, "he's going to have to get over it".

I've tried so much...giving him a favorite stuffed animal while outdoors, involving him in getting the other kids ready, cuddles and hugs and extra security while outside...I've even just pretended like he wasn't acting like that at all and tried involving him ("Hey DCB, wouldn't you like to come on over here and play in this sandbox? I've got some water and we can make lots of gucky stuff!" Nothing works.

Obviously he was traumatized but I don't know where to go from here...
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Heidi 07:53 AM 09-05-2012
How about some ear muffs and sun glasses? Seriously, maybe that would muffle things a bit.

He doesn't cry from the car to the house in the morning or when he leaves, right? Just when YOU take him out?

Could you change your routine for a while and do a neighborhood walk (him in a stroller) for a while, then walk back to the yard for playing.

I'm just thinking a change in routine may also break the cycle.

BTW, does he freak out over the vacuum?
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countrymom 07:55 AM 09-05-2012
Sometimes you need to have him face his fears I know some don't agree but if you don't do it know it's going to get worse. Every kid goes thru the noise faze but I have never heard of a kid screaming at the site of sunscreen. Also I would take his hand and make him play I wouldn't allow the hiding and yes I'm mean
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MaritimeMummy 08:04 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by Heidi:
How about some ear muffs and sun glasses? Seriously, maybe that would muffle things a bit.

He doesn't cry from the car to the house in the morning or when he leaves, right? Just when YOU take him out?

Could you change your routine for a while and do a neighborhood walk (him in a stroller) for a while, then walk back to the yard for playing.

I'm just thinking a change in routine may also break the cycle.

BTW, does he freak out over the vacuum?
He still cries from the car to the house but not from the house to the car. And he's so happy and carefree during the day, while we're inside.

Yes, he freaks out over the vacuum, not that I really vacuum here while kids are here, I use a silent carpet sweeper, but his mother has told me that he''s been terrified of blenders, vacuums, toilet flushing, dryers, etc. Terrified of tractors and anything that makes a loud noise that is outdoors even if they are not running.

I don't know how much a change of routine would help but it's worth a shot I guess. Right now we walk in the morning and play in the yard in the afternoon because the morning sun is too hot in the play area.
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MaritimeMummy 08:05 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
Sometimes you need to have him face his fears I know some don't agree but if you don't do it know it's going to get worse. Every kid goes thru the noise faze but I have never heard of a kid screaming at the site of sunscreen. Also I would take his hand and make him play I wouldn't allow the hiding and yes I'm mean
I haven't stopped going outside, we still go out. I do hold his hand while going out and going off the doorstep, then he breaks free of my hand and goes running for that playhouse. I've thought about blocking the door to the playhouse but unsure...I don't want to break him more. Over the months I have made very slight progress, but it's very minimal.
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Meyou 08:09 AM 09-05-2012
I kinda think he's being dramatic. If he was scared of outside I think he'd be scared at home too, you know? Personally, if I would try making him sit in a not so fun (but safe) spot doing nothing and engaging with noone unless he stops screaming. I would make the spot "safe" for him, maybe a lawn chair near the house so he has the wall on one side but I would not let him go and chose his screaming area and disrupt other kids.

Maybe I'm totally wrong but I just don't think a 20 month old has it in them to be really and truly fearful of something as sizable as outside in one place and totally fine in another.
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Willow 08:12 AM 09-05-2012
I would ignore him.

Completely.

If he throws a ridiculous fit while others are getting ready to go outside tell him he can go do it alone in another room. You absolutely don't want to hear or see it and neither does anyone else.

Offer to let him stay inside alone and go out and do something AWESOMELY fun with the others outside. Tell him he needs to stand right at the window or door so you can make sure he's ok (with the real motivation behind that being that he'll have to watch all the fun that's being had without him), then go out and "ignore" him.

I'd tell him if you're going to cry, hide and act ridiculous this is the new routine.


I get the feeling he is used to getting attention for his "insecurities" and he's playing you like a fiddle. Just you saying he was "traumatized" and "broken" by the lawn mower shows how much he's got you convinced.
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Sunchimes 08:20 AM 09-05-2012
I had a little one that was afraid of loud noises-not to the same extent as yours, but still afraid. She was about the same age then. After one episode, I held her on my lap and told her that my job was to protect her. As long as she was outside with me, she was safe. I would never let anything hurt her. It took a few weeks and repeating the message over and over, but she got over it. I don't know if she outgrew it naturally or if she finally believed me. Now, she just looks up from what she's doing and identifies the noise, truck, motorcycle, man working.
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MaritimeMummy 09:16 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by Willow:
I would ignore him.

Completely.

If he throws a ridiculous fit while others are getting ready to go outside tell him he can go do it alone in another room. You absolutely don't want to hear or see it and neither does anyone else.

Offer to let him stay inside alone and go out and do something AWESOMELY fun with the others outside. Tell him he needs to stand right at the window or door so you can make sure he's ok (with the real motivation behind that being that he'll have to watch all the fun that's being had without him), then go out and "ignore" him.

I'd tell him if you're going to cry, hide and act ridiculous this is the new routine.


I get the feeling he is used to getting attention for his "insecurities" and he's playing you like a fiddle. Just you saying he was "traumatized" and "broken" by the lawn mower shows how much he's got you convinced.
Leaving him inside alone is not an option. If anyone were to come visit, especially my home day care agency, I would lose my approval in a heartbeat and likely be reported for neglect. I'm not saying that in your case something like that would be neglectful because I don't know the layout of your home/outdoor play area. But here, it woudl totally isolate him and I could not keep an eye on him while I'm outdoors and he's indoors. There is no place to watch from inside and even if there was, I cannot force a 20 month old to sit in one spot by himself indoors by himself.

I agree with the ignoring part but to be honest, ignoring has gotten me nowhere with him when we're outside. If he's ignored he bolts for the front door to go back inside...which is around the other side of the house so I can't safely keep an eye on both him and the rest of the kids.

I do agree he's being dramatic though, but I do know that to an extent, he is spooked by coming outside. Maybe just a little and he's playing it up? I don't know.
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MrsSteinel'sHouse 09:33 AM 09-05-2012
OK This is going to sound really strange, but see if his mom will get his hearing tested. It could be that the really loud sounds startle him because he is not hearing everything else clearly. That may also be why he is a screamer. I would just want to eliminate any medical issue first.
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MizzCheryl 09:42 AM 09-05-2012
Sensory overload. It can be tough for one that young. Ear muff if he would wear them. Have you tried to see if he feels safer in a stroller?
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Meeko 09:47 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
OK This is going to sound really strange, but see if his mom will get his hearing tested. It could be that the really loud sounds startle him because he is not hearing everything else clearly. That may also be why he is a screamer. I would just want to eliminate any medical issue first.
I was going to suggest this too
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Heidi 09:47 AM 09-05-2012
I agree about the hearing test, but I suspect this is a sensory thing for him because he does freak out with other loud noises.

A child his age does not have the capacity to realize that these things can't hurt him. Just like another child may fear going down the drain because they don't understand relative size.

Until he gets to the age where he CAN comprehend it, he is not being "naughty". He is genuinely scared and cannot understand it. The only thing you can do is protect him as much as possible. Since never going outside is not a good option, I suggest some noise-cancelling headphones. It's worth a try at least. I know they are often used with people with Autism, so it might work.

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keyw...e-bin%3A509318

I had a girl years ago that age who was TERRIFIED of anything circling overhead or being hemmed in, such as a helicopter, kites nearby, or a parking garage. I had her in KMART once and they had some toy helicopters attached to cords flying around, and she FREAKED.

She is 23 now and highly intelligent, and has no irrational fears. She just grew out of it.
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MaritimeMummy 09:47 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
OK This is going to sound really strange, but see if his mom will get his hearing tested. It could be that the really loud sounds startle him because he is not hearing everything else clearly. That may also be why he is a screamer. I would just want to eliminate any medical issue first.
I never thought of that. Good suggestion.

For the record, he's not a screamer anymore...that was just during the transition period. He's been done with that now since February. The only time he "screams" now is when he first arrives (for like 2 seconds) and when we go outside.

Maybe I should also mention that before he starts screaming, he acts like he's having this huge internal struggle to restrain himself from crying. He arches his back, rounds his shoulders, makes this face that he's on the brink of bursting into tears...and then he starts acting frantic and THEN he starts to cry.
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Willow 09:53 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by MaritimeMummy:
Leaving him inside alone is not an option. If anyone were to come visit, especially my home day care agency, I would lose my approval in a heartbeat and likely be reported for neglect. I'm not saying that in your case something like that would be neglectful because I don't know the layout of your home/outdoor play area. But here, it woudl totally isolate him and I could not keep an eye on him while I'm outdoors and he's indoors. There is no place to watch from inside and even if there was, I cannot force a 20 month old to sit in one spot by himself indoors by himself.
Holy buckets, I don't know why I thought he was much older. I'm sorry! Even with a suitable layout I'd never try something like that at that age.



I still believe he's been taught to behave this way though and undoing it will still take consistency in making it completely a non-issue.

Not sure what exactly is available in your area, but if you have something like Early Childhood Intervention would the parents consider getting them involved? Most have birth to three programs that can help parents deal with all kinds of issues like this. If the parents got help it would definitely help you.
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MizzCheryl 09:56 AM 09-05-2012
I kept a girl that had the same issue but she was older and had been diagnosed with sensory dysfunction. Mom had forewarned me and if anyone ran a lawn mower, chainsaw or something like that we all went inside. I also did no vaccuming or using loud appliances. She still would overload at times because she had a wide spectrum of sensory issues. It is very sad that this little fellow is struggling. You are a blessing to him. I think it is wonderful that you are looking for ways to help him.

http://incrediblehorizons.com/sensory-integration.htm
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Country Kids 10:03 AM 09-05-2012
I know of an older child that has to wear ear muffs at anything where there will be loud noises. Any type of sport games-inside or out, I believe P.E., the fair, things like that. He is very noise sensitive I believe and it is just to much for him.
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Mommy2One 10:14 AM 09-05-2012
Around the same age my daughter was terrified of the blender at our provider's house (her husband made a smoothie before he left for work, which was about the same as our arrival time). She also didn't care for the vacuum at home. We would explain what was making the noise, let her know it was safe, etc. I think for the vacuum I even left it off and unplugged and coaxed her into touching it to prove it was loud but not harmful. I also warned her before turning on loud appliances whenever possible. It lasted a few months and she outgrew it.

For slightly older kids, I've heard of giving them a spray bottle filled with water or a special flashlight to "protect" themselves or a special "protective" toy (like the scare-me-not monsters) for when they're nervous about things that aren't really harmful (like the dark, monsters, etc.). Maybe something like that would help? What about getting him a toy bubble mower so he starts to think mowers are fun instead of scary?
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My3cents 10:24 AM 09-05-2012
If it is not medical, or a from of Autism

then.......

the kid is playing you. Some kids are stubborn. You can feel that you gave him enough time to adjust, but he is going to tell you when he has had enough time to adjust. I say go about your normal and keep redirecting him in. Move the play house and keep busy and have things for him to do. He has had his mom all to himself for his first year. His adjustment is going to be hard. He is also a relative so you feel you have to do a bit more. Don't. Treat him the same way you would the other children. Bless your heart in the process. Keep showing him what he can do and he will get it. Use a time away, or thinking spot for crying fits. Tell him that when he stops crying he may get up. Don't leave him in the house to watch you have fun outside. Not safe. Another idea is to walk around having him hold your hand until he figures out how boring that can be. If you can't hold his hand have him stay next to you. I don't suggest this unless you try everything else first and with anything you do keep at it for some time. He is a stubborn one. Smart actually. He knows how to manipulate you. It is amazing how kids so young can master this. Best-
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e.j. 11:18 AM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I agree about the hearing test, but I suspect this is a sensory thing for him because he does freak out with other loud noises.

A child his age does not have the capacity to realize that these things can't hurt him. Just like another child may fear going down the drain because they don't understand relative size.

Until he gets to the age where he CAN comprehend it, he is not being "naughty". He is genuinely scared and cannot understand it. The only thing you can do is protect him as much as possible. Since never going outside is not a good option, I suggest some noise-cancelling headphones. It's worth a try at least. I know they are often used with people with Autism, so it might work.

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keyw...e-bin%3A509318

I had a girl years ago that age who was TERRIFIED of anything circling overhead or being hemmed in, such as a helicopter, kites nearby, or a parking garage. I had her in KMART once and they had some toy helicopters attached to cords flying around, and she FREAKED.

She is 23 now and highly intelligent, and has no irrational fears. She just grew out of it.
The first thing I though of was an auditory sensory integration disorder. As a young child, my son couldn't stand the slight pinging sound of the forced hot water heat coming up through the baseboard heating units, the sound of a toilet flushing, smoke/fire alarms, etc. His hearing is much more accute than most people's hearing. He used to ask me if I could hear a train whistle from the train that would go by about a mile away from our house. I never could until almost 5-10 minutes after he had heard it! I would suggest that his mom speak with his pediatrician about testing. Not just a hearing test but an evaluation for Sensory Integration Disorder.
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SilverSabre25 11:22 AM 09-05-2012
It sounds sensory to me too--does he show any other signs of sensory issues, either aversions or seeking? How is he about being touched, cuddled, etc? About his clothes and tickly things like tags or the toe seam on socks? How is he about eating and different textures? How does he relate to other kids (does he do a lot of slamming into people or things, etc)?
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countrymom 11:56 AM 09-05-2012
I don't think its sensory because he suddenly started doing this and she said the minute he sees outdoor clothes he freaks. I would just block the house and go about my day. Also, if it was sensory then why is he going into this weird body thing then crying, don't you think he would cover his ears or start crying right away (my dd would cry right away when there was loud noise) just curious, does he allow others in the house, or does he scream. Have the children tried to bang on the house, what was his reaction. I'm wondering if its a control thing too.
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Heidi 12:09 PM 09-05-2012
http://www.babycenter.com/0_easing-y...ars_1503644.bc

Toddlers and fear

It's normal for your toddler to be fearful. After all, anxiety is a natural condition that helps us cope with new experiences and protects us from danger.

Some toddlers are frightened of very specific things: bugs, dogs, the dark, or loud noises, like the vacuum cleaner. Others are afraid of new situations or meeting new people. Most of your toddler's fears will fade as she becomes more secure in herself and her environment.



What scares your toddler the most? Animals? Water? The dark? Take our poll.



What you can do to ease your toddler's fears

The following strategies may help, but don't expect your toddler to overcome her fears right away. It can take months — even up to a year — before a child gets over a fear. In the meantime, it's normal for your toddler to obsess over the thing that frightens her by showing fascination with it, modeling it in play, drawing pictures of it, or talking about it incessantly. It's her way of working through the issue.

Don't make light of her fears. They may seem silly and irrational, but they're very real and serious to her. Try not to smile or be dismissive when she reacts with fright to, say, a flushing toilet or a siren. Let her know you understand how it feels to be afraid of something. If you're reassuring and comforting, she'll learn that it's okay to feel afraid and it's best to deal with her fears.

Trying to convince your toddler that there isn't any reason to be afraid will only backfire. You'll probably just make her more upset if you say, "Don't worry, there's no reason to be afraid of the dog." Instead, offer security and reassurance: "I understand that the dog frightens you. Let's walk past him together. If you don't want to do that, I'll hold you while he walks past us."

Use a "lovey." A so-called comfort object — a raggedy baby blanket, perhaps, or a well-worn teddy bear — can help some children with their fears. An object like this can offer an anxious child familiarity and reassurance, especially at times when you need to leave her, such as when you drop her off at daycare or tuck her in for the night.

A lovey can also make it easier for a child to do potentially scary things like meet new people, attend a play group, or visit the doctor. So allow your toddler to hold on to her special toy or blanket. She's likely to stop carrying around that mangy-looking monkey by the time she turns 4. By then, she'll have learned other ways to soothe herself when she's frightened.

Explain, expose, and explore. A scared toddler can sometimes get over a fright if you provide a simple, rational explanation for what's worrying her. You may put an end to her fear of being sucked down the drain along with the bathwater by saying, "Water and bubbles can go down the drain, but rubber duckies and children can't." Or explain that an ambulance has to make a really loud noise so that other cars know to get out of the way.

For some toddlers, a demonstration can be reassuring. Your child may be relieved to see that while a vacuum cleaner can suck up crumbs, sand, and dirt, it can't inhale her toy train or Daddy's toes. A walk at dusk can help make nighttime seem more magical than scary. Or if your toddler's trembling at the thought of getting a hair cut, let the hairdresser snip a strand or two of your own hair to show that it doesn't hurt.

If past experiences are fueling your child's fears — previous vaccinations, for instance, making her panicky about a trip to the doctor's office — don't sugarcoat things. But don't dwell on the bad stuff, either. Gently tell her that while the shot may sting at first, it'll be over quickly, and that the two of you will do something fun afterward. The promise of a reward can help to distract her from the scary event.

You can help your child learn about frightening things from a safe distance, too. She may get over her fear of Halloween characters if she sees a picture book or video about good witches, kind ghosts, and friendly black cats. If she's scared of animals, a trip to a petting zoo, where the creatures can be stroked and fed, may help.

Another way to reassure your toddler is to tell her an uplifting story about another child who does what he's afraid to do and survives the experience unscathed. Make up something off the top of your head, or browse the library for books on the subject.

Problem-solve together. If your toddler's afraid of the dark, get a nightlight for her room. Other tactics you can use to banish bedtime fears include a designated guard (a beloved stuffed animal), "monster spray" (water in a spray-bottle), or a magic phrase that wards off unwelcome visitors.

Through trial and error, you and your toddler will figure out together what helps to increase her sense of power and control over things that frighten her.

Practice through pretend play. If your child is terrified of the doctor, she may benefit from role-playing what happens at the doctor's office (a toy doctor's kit can help). Some toddlers feel more confident when they actually visit the doctor if they come with their kit in tow.

If your toddler shrinks at the sight of strangers, she may feel less frightened if she acts out such encounters using dolls or stuffed animals. If people in costumes scare her, dress up together to help ease her fears.

Don't share your own fears. If your toddler sees you break out in a sweat because there's a spider in the bedroom or cringe when you walk into the dentist's office, then she's likely to feel scared of these things, too. So try to work through your own anxieties or at least try to downplay them.

It's okay, however, to confess that you didn't like going to the dentist as a kid, but you went to keep your teeth healthy. It helps a child to know she's not alone, and that you, too, learned to overcome something scary.

Seek advice. Talk to other parents about your toddler's particular fears and how to handle them.



What to watch out for

If your toddler's fears routinely interfere with her normal daily activities — if she won't wash her hair because she's afraid of water, or she resists going outside for fear of encountering a dog — talk to her doctor about the problem, especially if her fears have intensified over time. She may have a genuine phobia (an intense and persistent irrational fear) or an anxiety disorder.

It's also a good idea to seek a doctor's advice if your toddler reacts to a fear so severely that she simply can't be calmed.
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harperluu 01:22 PM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by Sunchimes:
I had a little one that was afraid of loud noises-not to the same extent as yours, but still afraid. She was about the same age then. After one episode, I held her on my lap and told her that my job was to protect her. As long as she was outside with me, she was safe. I would never let anything hurt her. It took a few weeks and repeating the message over and over, but she got over it. I don't know if she outgrew it naturally or if she finally believed me. Now, she just looks up from what she's doing and identifies the noise, truck, motorcycle, man working.
My own dd has this same innate sensitivity to loud sounds. We have taken a similar approach, telling her that the train can't come in the backyard. The garbage truck stays on the street and won't come in the backyard. My older son is also extremely sensitive to loud sounds. Because of other issues at school we had him assessed and discovered that he is a strong visual-spatial learner and that often carries with it a tendency toward heightened sensitivities to touch/sight/sound/taste. These sensitivities can result in extremely creative, artistic people. But the sensitivities are real and they should be validated. We don't coddle our children, but say things like, "That train sounds really loud to you. But it will pass soon." Mostly the sounds are causing stress because they are LOUD and unpredicatable to a child that young. A matter-of-fact approach is best. Validation is best. And this child might become a great musician that can hear and produce delightful music someday with his acute sense of hearing.
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Heidi 01:43 PM 09-05-2012
Originally Posted by harperluu:
My own dd has this same innate sensitivity to loud sounds. We have taken a similar approach, telling her that the train can't come in the backyard. The garbage truck stays on the street and won't come in the backyard. My older son is also extremely sensitive to loud sounds. Because of other issues at school we had him assessed and discovered that he is a strong visual-spatial learner and that often carries with it a tendency toward heightened sensitivities to touch/sight/sound/taste. These sensitivities can result in extremely creative, artistic people. But the sensitivities are real and they should be validated. We don't coddle our children, but say things like, "That train sounds really loud to you. But it will pass soon." Mostly the sounds are causing stress because they are LOUD and unpredicatable to a child that young. A matter-of-fact approach is best. Validation is best. And this child might become a great musician that can hear and produce delightful music someday with his acute sense of hearing.
yes! My oldest son had that issue with texture and smell, specifically with eating. He was always a picky eater, although at 22, he's learned to overcome it. He'd probably make a great chef because he has such a "sensitive palate"

My 2nd one, it was fabrics. He only wanted "soft pants" and I had to cut the tags out of his shirts. He's in the Army now. I'm pretty sure they don't give a hoot if his clothes bothers him...lol

Some children outgrow the sensitivities, some don't. It's when it interfers with their lives on a regular basis (or yours) that it can become a problem. 22 months is really young to expect him to be able to just "get over it". He just doesn't have the capacity for that yet.
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jojosmommy 07:12 PM 09-05-2012
I have one dcg who was afraid of the vacuum. Small handheld one. I ran it everyday at every meal. She doesn't cry about it anymore.

I did have one who was afraid of the garbage man. Shook all day on garbage day as we have two for each house (one recycling one garbage) and our city allows you to choose any provider so there are like 6 or so companies on rotating pick ups all day during garbage day. Mom fed into it and it continued. I never mentioned it and we took walks on garbage day. She was fine.

IMO the more you make of it the more they get from it.

Outside for everyone. No tears. Play and enjoy yourself.
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Meyou 02:35 AM 09-06-2012
Is it normal for kids with sensory issues to be completely ok outside in one place (in this situation) and not ok in another at 20 months? I have a little one who doesn't like planes...but she doesn't like them anywhere, KWIM?
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SilverSabre25 04:55 AM 09-06-2012
Originally Posted by Meyou:
Is it normal for kids with sensory issues to be completely ok outside in one place (in this situation) and not ok in another at 20 months? I have a little one who doesn't like planes...but she doesn't like them anywhere, KWIM?
I don't think there *is* a normal with sensory issues. They just are what they are and there's usually not a rhyme or reason for it.
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Wigglesandgiggles 05:02 AM 09-06-2012
Maybe its just me....but....he played fine before, still plays fine at home.....I'd be inclined to think that he is just really focussing on this one thing. Refocus his attention. Remove the playhouse so he can't do the usual run and hide. Bring out a new activity. Maybe something else he loves! An over sized box, and paint it perhaps. Reassure him calmly, but don't coddle or play into it too much. Go for a walk to the park instead of going in the backyard. sidewalk chalk, bubbles, paint the fence with water. Big distractiond (as a group....you don't want to let him think you are doing something just for him, because he is scared....
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Meyou 07:24 AM 09-06-2012
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
I don't think there *is* a normal with sensory issues. They just are what they are and there's usually not a rhyme or reason for it.
OK, I didn't know that.
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SilverSabre25 08:54 AM 09-06-2012
Originally Posted by Meyou:
OK, I didn't know that.
NP Sensory issues aren't something most people know a lot about.

Believe me, it's frustrating. Sometimes a stimulus will be fine with me (sounds, sensations, etc) and then sometimes it affects me like an electric shock and I can NOT stand it. DH will be rubbing my back and I'm fine and then BOOM! in the matter of a couple seconds it goes from nice to me screaming at him to stop and jerking away from him. It used to be a big problem--he'd get upset that I hadn't stopped him sooner if it was bothering me, but now he understands that I can't, because sometimes there's not a middle ground there.

Same with noise for me--it can be loud all day but then there will come a certain point where in the space of about one minute it becomes unbearable and I'm scrambling to get away from any auditory chaos.
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harperluu 09:11 AM 09-06-2012
Originally Posted by Meyou:
Is it normal for kids with sensory issues to be completely ok outside in one place (in this situation) and not ok in another at 20 months? I have a little one who doesn't like planes...but she doesn't like them anywhere, KWIM?
Here is my take on this. This child sounds like he hasn't been completely comfortable and settled in childcare since he began coming. As he grew to trust his caretaker and his environment, a very loud, scary sound unpredictably entered what had finally become a safe place.

Also, I think parents aren't always really upfront with how a child behaves at home. I've had people tell me their infant was really easy, but when they come to child care they cry all the time. How can that be? Because sometimes parents create environments where children will never have any discomfort. This could explain some of the difference (or reported difference) in behavior the OP is seeing.
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Willow 10:00 AM 09-06-2012
Mayou - to answer your question - kind of IMHO.

My have had several foster kids diagnosed with SPD (which is extremely common with drug exposure in utero, premature birth and neglect which all had faced), some that I suspected had it but were never formerly diagnosed, and I've also cared for some kids that were just plain coddled by helicopter parents and they learned to take full advantage of being able to manipulate those around them.


How those suffering from SPD responded to anything in life (as with most every child) **DID** always depend entirely on who was with them. If they were with someone they felt safe with and had a good healthy bond with they were far more inclined to cope better with any of their perceived stresses. A child with SPD who doesn't like airplanes is not going to be magically fine hearing one around one person and a puddle on the floor around someone else. However, a child with SPD may feel more secure and better equipped to deal with what it does to their body and mind around one person or another.


I *DON'T* however believe children with true SPD are capable of completely disguising their angst to a personal trigger. If a child is completely fine with a given scenario in another context then that's not SPD. It's intolerance. And while they can be mild on up through severe that's not a disorder that warrants some special intervention.

At that point I'd be looking to why the child is so intolerant of x, y or z and sorting out what I can do to get them over it or at least to a point where they can function despite it.


I had an 8 month old once who screamed when her legs touched the grass outside. She also couldn't handle being bare legged on the carpet. As in screamed as if she were being stabbed until she was moved or her voice went hoarse. She had plenty of feeding problems to boot and was ultimately diagnosed with SPD. I got her to the point where she was able to feed relatively well with me (nowhere near perfect but functionally she was able to sustain herself so that was a giant success in my eyes) but during visits with her mom (who was really a stranger to her at best) she reverted right back to square one....sometimes even steps behind that.


On the flip side of that one in my very first batch of daycare kids ever was a nearly 3 year old little girl. Her very first day we went outside and imagine my horror when she near lost HER mind over crossing the lawn in flip flops and the grass touching her feet. Screamed and carried on begging me to carry her as if her feet would burst into flames if her toe touched another blade. Of course my mind jumped to SPD and I talked to her dad that night about it. Come to find out, she'd just plain never walked bare foot in grass. He said "she hates that so I carry her when we're out in the yard." She was trying to play the same exact game with me. A couple of days hanging out on the driveway alone instead of playing with the other kids on the lawn and swing set and she was instantly over her ridiculousness, racing around barefoot in the grass just like everyone else. She didn't hate grass between her toes at all, she was simply taught that being overly dramatic got her attention. That is NOT SPD. That's manipulation pure and simple.


See the difference?
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MaritimeMummy 10:25 AM 09-07-2012
Okay, so a bit of an update.

I had someone from my home day care agency come out and observe him. He did the same thing for her as he does for me. But then once we were outside, he let loose. he didn't cry, but he still sought his "safe" places, and still cringed and made a very upset face when he saw the parked lawn tractor that wasn''t running, and at the powersaw that my father in law ran next door. But all in all not a terrible experience outside, not like normal.

We observed a few things.

#1 - FT DCG was not there at the time. DCG has a tendency to bulldoze around the house and when she discovers that we're going outside, she makes it very plain and repeats it over and over, "We going outside?! Here, put on me sunscreen! Is this his sunscreen? Hold still, me help you with you shoes, "X" (at that point she is forcing herself on whatever child it is that she has chosen to put shoes on). So maybe my DCB was at ease without her there?

#2 - We went outside in the morning rather than the afternoon. Could be that he's getting tired of the same routine and wouldn't mind a switch up?

#3 - SEPARATION ANXIETY! It seems pretty likely. He's super smart, observant, listens to and follows direction very well. But because he's so quiet and reserved, he might notice more than another child that oh, I don't know, his mother is working shift work, 11 hours a day, full time. He's 20 months old and still not sleeping through the night...now it makes sense to me, he is trying to see his mother. With me, he might either be making the association that going outside means going into the car to go home, and he's not going home. Or, he might think when we go outside that I'm going to devote my attention to everyone else but him.

He DEFINITELY is NOT manipulating, nor is is suffering from any developmental disorder. But there are still things to address. thank goodness the rep came today.
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MaritimeMummy 10:35 AM 09-07-2012
Originally Posted by harperluu:
Here is my take on this. This child sounds like he hasn't been completely comfortable and settled in childcare since he began coming. As he grew to trust his caretaker and his environment, a very loud, scary sound unpredictably entered what had finally become a safe place.
THIS also came into discussion.
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