I am new here and very upset with what I have learned about one of the daycare families that are no longer in my daycare. Lots of things have happened that I could go into great detail but the main thing is this woman and man have lied from the day they came in. No truth in what they have said or what they do. I let these people into my home and around the children I care for and he was convicted of a serious felony and another pending and she is (get this) a **** star. I thought a stripper-I didn't judge. Grandma came with them for the initial visit. She worked for the school district so I thought maybe what I thought wasn't true.
They loved my daycare until I stood my ground and now I have bad reviews on my daycare site from people who don't tell the truth. Saying unacceptable things happen here and that I am not professional. I let my personal life interfere with my job. I had a hysterectomy and need 6 weeks off, I only took 5 and I work 10-12 hour days.
I am so furious that I let them into my home. I had no idea until I dug a little deeper. Would it be unacceptable to tell the parents that I do background checks on them before they come into my home? I am not even sure I will take on new kids now.

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I won't lie, I snoop into people's lives before offering them a spot. I look up their Facebook pages and scroll through their comments and posts for as far back as Facebook will allow. And I don't consider this to be unethical. Just like you said, you're letting them into your home. They want to know everything about you, so why shouldn't you feel the same? I think it's rate for a provider to request background checks on parents, but it is within your rights. And you will likely turn some families off by it, but others would appreciate your thoroughness.

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I've always wanted to ask for a credit report. If they can't pay their bills elsewhere, why would I expect them to pay me?

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I've heard that providerwatch.com (?) Is very helpful in finding out if a family has had issues in the past with another provider. In addition to this, I personally 'look up' everyone. The internet is a tell all. If they are social, I scour it. Why not, its there for the world to see. I think craigslist stopped doing this, but when I would email back and forth with someone whom I was going to meet for some reason or another (usually to pick up or buy something) I would take the email they were writing from and paste it into facebook and it would pop up who they were and I could see if they looked like a crazy person or not. Its not thorough and doesnt necesarily mean you are safe but sometimes seeing they didnt look shady was enough for me. You can tell a lot about people from their facebook. Some people are very conservative and aren't public though. And I dont have a problem doing this at all because we live in a digital world now. Requiring a background check is also not out of the question, especially if you think they are perfect and really want to sign them... they look up the crap out of you online too, you know they do...

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I look everyone including the people on the pick up list. Once I found the DCD on the sex offender registry. This guy has his kids living with him! HOW?? I called the hotline number to report it.

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I don't ask for bg checks, but I do snoop. If I can see their Facebook page and I don't like what I see, next! Then I check out all the other social media if FB is okay.

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Are you mad because she lied about her job? So what, she does adult movies... I don't get the shaming of sex workers, especially when so many, myself included use their products..(As far as movies go..) Now the felonies would give me pause depending on what they were for and when...Armed robbery 20 yrs ago would be different from armed robbery last year. I see that you said one's pending. As far as checking up on people, I totally prescreen people on facebook if I can. If someone has pages liking the tea party and anti-gay comments/likes on their page, it just will not work here. I have a trans child, a bi husband, and we're very liberal. Not trying to exclude for politics, as our parents are all very conservative and religious & we still love them, but I would not purposely choose to do business with someone who considers us an abomination or disgrace, or going to hell...what have you. If they're conservative, fine, but if they're rabid about it and against equal rights, not going to work here. Next time, definitely try facebook to see if they seem like they won't be a good fit. Sorry they're slandering you though.

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Scary! Good for you! Did you ever find out how it ended?

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No I didn't. Will they tell me???

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I honestly think I should! I've had a father who had kidnapped his son from his mother!!!! I've had a couple of fathers who had recently been released from jail; one for violently breaking into a home and robbing the house!

It is scary for us. We open our home to complete strangers. We expose our children, ourselves, our pets, and our daycare children to complete strangers. We were taught while we were growing up not to talk to strangers, not to get into strangers cars, not to go into strangers houses, but here we are inviting every stranger who says they have a kid into OUR home! Kind of dangerous to begin with!

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I feel the same OP. Are you upset after the fact at the way they behaved within your contractual time with them or are you mad because they didnt tell you their personal details.

If you are upset about how the daycare agreement/relationship went, I don't understand what that has to do with what the parents do for a living.

As for the bad reviews, can you add a rebuttal to defend yourself?



Just because he was on the sex offender list doesn't mean he was a danger to his children. I've read countless stories about people being placed on these lists for crimes that really don't fit that bill or aren't really what we all think...

I have a DCD that has to register on the sex offender list for dating his wife when they were in High School. He was 18 and a Senior..she was 15 and a freshman. Her parents pressed charges when she refused to stop seeing him. He was charged.

Once she turned 18, she married him. He still has to register but he still gets to live with his children.

It isn't always what we assume.

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What I wish I could do is call references for their personality and character. Boy, have I had some crazy ones come through my doors (and then right back out shortly thereafter due to me terming/them terming). It stresses me out just to think about.

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My comment didn't post. Maybe because it had the s** word in it?

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Agree!

Sometimes it's the ones who have no traceable history or criminal past....just the whack-a-doodle ones that have me freaked out too.

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I'm more worried about the freaky ones who do/have done horrible things yet have never been caught. Think about it, I'm sure each of us has to have had contact with a complete psycho at one point in our lives.

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I am mad about being lied to more than the surprise of the life that she leads. I think that I was in complete shock that she was in my home. Come on, I think any person would be if they found out. I guess I was more worried about what people would think if they found out that she was in my daycare. Not many people approve of that kind of lifestyle and most people hide the fact that they do watch it. I wasn't sure how my daycare families would act knowing that I had her in the same place they had their children. I am a small, six child home daycare. From what I have read and I don't know any facts for sure besides what you hear in the news, but from that lifestyle there are many more things that go on. How do I know who she sends to pick her child up would be safe? So, I guess in writing this, I do judge her. Only because of what I have seen and how she has conducted herself. Finding out what she did only put the pieces together. I think everyone judges people in one way or another. It could be the way they live their life, the way the act, the way the care for their child and so on.
I will, from now on, make sure I check these people out. Although, if they don't give their real name, you will never know who they really are until you stumble upon it, like I did.

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You'd have to check with your licensor first. As far as I know we can not ask a parent for a background check here. Which stinks because these people are in MY home, near MY kids, not to mention the others as well

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Years ago before sed offender registries were online, I worked for a family for two years. The Dad was a carpenter. They weren't married.

They were a great family. I hired the Dad to do work on my house. He did a couple of thousand dollars of repairs and construction. They were excellent customers and I loved working for them.

They broken up and the mom took the kid to another city. The last day she owed me money so she wrote me a check. As she was writing the check on the top of the car she tells me the Dad is a registered sex offender.

They never said a word until the last minute and.she only told me because she.was fighting with him over the kid and money.

I had him at my house for many hours working and at drop offs and pick ups. I NEVER had an inkling.

I looked his name up on the internet when she.left and yup he was a registered offender in Florida. They had an online registry before Iowa. If his offense would have been.in Iowa I would not have been able to look it up.

So I had to contact his parole officer and turn him in for being on my property working while Ihad kids here. His offense was with a 15 plus minor about ttwelve years before I met him but he was not supposed to be around kids.

I didn't have a clue but it taught me to look up ALL parents before I interview them. The ass kicker was the mom dropped the bomb on me the last minute of our relationship and a week later the.check bombed too.

Live and learn cuz ya never know.

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Their stock in trade. A relative of mine was married to one. Even her kids' GAL was all goo-goo over him. And she knew what he was.

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He was an violent offender against children. Our registry distinguishes between level of offenses.

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Everyone does not judge. I don’t. I personally would have more respect for a **** star who takes great care of his/her kids than a teacher, doctor, policeman, (insert whichever career you choose) who neglects his/her kids.

I would be irritated I was lied to by a parent in regards to childcare. I’m irritated at least weekly with some lie a parent has told me. If a stripper told me she was a secretary…. shrugs, as long as my policies are being respected I don’t care.

What would fire me up is someone slandering my business because they’re mad I have to take time off. Which may very well happen today...

I hope they stop and you know the truth. If you can give an generic account of the truth, then do so.

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Yeah, the judgment based on their choice of work is sad.

I would have MORE respect for a parent working in the adult p o r n industry than a parent that sits at home and does nothing but collect assistance.

My DH's best friend from early childhood, put himself through college being a male escort and a 1-800 phone sex operator. (He had children himself at this time too.)

He is a paramedic with Life Flight services here now. He served in the military is a wonderful father and person.....despite his career in the adult sex business.

Gottcha...Big difference then if you know what the crimes were. Wonder how he manged to slip through the cracks.

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I came to this site to get advice. To some it seems that I judge others. Maybe I do and so do most of us on here because I have read a lot of posts from people. It's too bad that the people who are saying that they don't judge are the ones who are judging me. The lifestyle a person may choose is, yes in fact, their choice but don't expect me not to say something if you bring it into my home. It may not be the the "job" itself that I see, but the consequences of that job/lifestyle that has an effect on that child. It really is all about the children. If it affects them it affects me.

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I am not judging you as a person or provider.

I am saying the judgement you are placing on the DCF's choice of income/career is sad.

I didnt say YOU are sad.

Also when you come to a public forum for advice, you aren't always going to be told only those things that you want to hear.

You are going to get multiple perspectives and multiple opinions. NOT all of them are going to agree with you.

If it is important to you and your business to only enroll families that work in certain sectors or career fields, then I would suggest to make sure that is a topic you discuss during the interview so that this type of situation will not be a repeat.

On a side note, not taking a family or terming a family based solely on their choice of work/profession could be considered discrimination by some.

I'm sorry you feel judged by me and other posters. I imagine it doesnt feel nice. I bet your DCF feels the same.

It is clear now that there are double standards in this particular instance but I do apologize if I made you feel judged as that was not my intent.

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It is our home and I am skeptical, too! That being said, I also had a client that wasn't a stripper but was "well-known" for the wrong reasons in the community. I lost another child over her being here, BUT she paid me, was courteous to me, followed my policies, etc.....My goal was to take care of the child and my relationship with the mother was strictly professional. The family that left tried to force me into terming the little boy becausse of this mother. But, I have a business and as long as the mother did not bring her lifestyle into my home and showed me respect, we made it just fine! Sure, I did not agree with all of this mother's choices but I am sure she didn't agree fully with mine either.

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this really does prove my point from the other thread that I was flamed for
I will never let any repairman in my home while kids are present and when it's just me and my own girls at home... my dh will not leave the house while work is being done
you just never know!
parents drop off and pick up at the door where the cubbies are and playroom/ daycare room are at the far end of the house
we must protect these kids no matter what and I don't care how beat up I got in the last thread... I was right about this!

now as far as what parents do for a living?
I live in L.A. I don't currently have a parent that work's in that industry now but a few years ago, I had a mom that was a stripper and she took very good care of her son and followed all of my policies

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I guess I discriminate by profession
Good thing it is not a protected class.
I do not take children of preschool or daycare directors.
In my experience they like to recruit from my families and it causes me extra work, to find new families.

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I guess I discriminate, too.

I honestly don't think I'd have a problem with a parent working in the sex industry (as long as it's legal, obviously), but surprisingly I would NEVER take the child of a doctor or nurse, current or former child care employee, or any of the local government "officials". I don't care what my reasons are... these people just seem like they'd be trouble. I'm sure everyone has had wonderful experiences with people in these professions, but I'm judgmental and just don't feel it.

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I agree with you.

I try not to judge...but when it comes to children and my business...yes I do.

A home where the mom is a **** star, is likely to be very free with talk about sex etc. Who knows what the children may see and hear.

I would not want the liability of her children coming to daycare and talking about stuff that will get repeated to parents.

EVERY parent talks about their job. To their partner, on the phone to a friend etc. And let's face it......kids repeat. Even when we think they weren't listening. I refuse to believe (especially after how they behave as clients) that they are UBER careful and responsible in what they say and do around their kids.

I would not want them as clients.

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The reason I told the family not to come back was because she told me F U. Because she had decided that she was going to go part time 3 days and never told me until a day before she was starting it.
Everything was good. She came into my daycare in October and mom was very happy. In January I had a hysterectomy and had to be off 6 weeks, I only took 5. She was fine with it. She even came back and said this is such a great place the other places are bad schools. Then came the HFM episode where I child came down with it and then my whole family and the dr. shut us down for 1 week. Her child showed the signs of it. The day before she came back the mother called and said she broke out in a rash, they took her to the dr but the dr didn't know for sure if it was HFM but it looked like just a rash from being outside. I told her because of how contagious it is, she would need to keep her children home ( I had her son also for the summer) until the following Monday. She didn't like the fact that she would be missing work (which isn't the truth because the boyfriend and grandmother took care of them also). She said fine..we will see you on Monday then. So Sunday night I get a text saying both her kids have a fever that they won't be back until Wednesday possibly Tuesday. I said ok not a problem and told her she would still owe me the full week for both kids even though they were not coming back which is stated in the contract. So she called. She said that she would owe 180 because it was only 3 days. I said you didn't tell me that you were starting the three day week so it will have to start the following week since I had bought the food and things for the activities already. She argued saying that if I had let her children come back last week then I would have known. I told her she could have called. I then told her again that she would have to pay me full price or the kids wouldn't be allowed back. She said she wouldn't pay me...that I should consider the payment for the 5 weeks I took off for the hysterectomy and the 2 weeks that we had HFM. I said it doesn't work that way. She also tried to blame me for her not having a back up sitter. That is not my responsibility. She wanted to keep arguing and finally I said either you pay or your kids can't come back and she said F> U. I told her to pick up their things they no longer would be coming back. She wouldn't pick up their things told me to throw them away. She went to my site and made the comment about a picture of a the 3 kids going down a little slide at the same time. A two year old little boy at the top, a four year old little boy in the middle and her daughter who is 3 at the bottom crunch over a little because she was on the grass ready to get off. Her comment said-very inappropriate for a boy to be straddling my daughter. That was made public by her on my site. She made other comments then blocked me so I couldn't see what she was writing.
I did not know what this woman did for a living until after she made all those comments. I kept her child in my home even though I had thought of what she might be doing. It was when she made those comments that I checked her out and found what her lifestyle was. If she could say those things about the innocent children then what else was going on?

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A person can be a registered offender and still have their own children around them, depending on the reason for them being on the offenders list. All they have to do is get the approval from a judge for each child. Now he shouldnt have been picking up and dropping off at daycare unless he also had another signed approval and you would have to sign that as well stating you would always be in the room with him. What a mess.

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