Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Feeling Super Rejected And Like I Am Not Good Enough
sahm2three 10:00 AM 09-24-2011
I have been fired by a family. Fired may be harsh, but they are moving their kids to a CENTER. They think a CENTER will offer more than I can to the kids. They are moving them, after they have lost their father, mom came back into the picture, and big sis started school. I have loved those kids, been the mom figure in their lives, for over a year. I have taken them after hours, on the weekend, and loved them like my own. They love me as much as I love them. They say it is nothing personal, they want the 2 yo to be involved in more of a school setting. Really?! That is what those kids need right now?! To be yanked from a loving home environment? To be honest, I think mom is threatened by the relationship I have with her kids. And I do feel bad for that, because as a mom, that would hurt. But think about the KIDS. Ugh. So, I am spending my weekend sad, hurt, mad, sad some more. 
godiva83 11:35 AM 09-24-2011
I am sorry you are going thru this- I am sure it is always hard to lose a family after caring for them for so long like they were your own.
I think 'Centre' based daycares get almost like a 'ritz' thing going on- like if you can send your children to a centre you are on the up and up (at least in my area) However, I used to be a director of a large centre- and yes, it was amazing; however, there were still issues, like teacher turn over, large class size, harder to have specialized care ect.. I love what home centres can offer parents- it is sad that SOME don't see it. Maybe they will realize just how much those children thrived with you when they are gone.
try not to take it personally.
I think 'Centre' based daycares get almost like a 'ritz' thing going on- like if you can send your children to a centre you are on the up and up (at least in my area) However, I used to be a director of a large centre- and yes, it was amazing; however, there were still issues, like teacher turn over, large class size, harder to have specialized care ect.. I love what home centres can offer parents- it is sad that SOME don't see it. Maybe they will realize just how much those children thrived with you when they are gone.
try not to take it personally.
quailsgarden 11:37 AM 09-24-2011
I know exactly how you feel. It really is hard to lose a family, especially when you provide family childcare. The children become part of your family. I had the same thing happen to me 2 weeks ago. I had been caring for the child for 1 1/2 years and the DCM pulled the child out to put her in a center and said she wants more for her child. In your situation I really feel for those kids. I hope they transition to the center well. Are you keeping in touch with the family?
cheerfuldom 02:05 PM 09-24-2011
Try not to take it personally. The DCM likely has no idea what the center will truly be like nor does she yet have a full appreciation for all the extras you were doing for the family. You have to find comfort in the fact that you did your very best for as long as the DCM allowed it but when it comes down to it, she is their mom, not you and she does have the right to move them. It may not be the right choice but it is her choice to make.
sharlan 04:12 PM 09-24-2011
I wish I could send you some cyber hugs.
You know that you did everything you could for this family. You went above and beyond the "call of duty" for them.
I'm hoping that I am way off base here, but I'm wondering if Mom and Grandma are a bit jealous of the relationship that you've developed with the children. You've been their only constant stability for quite some time.
You know that you did everything you could for this family. You went above and beyond the "call of duty" for them.
I'm hoping that I am way off base here, but I'm wondering if Mom and Grandma are a bit jealous of the relationship that you've developed with the children. You've been their only constant stability for quite some time.
Blackcat31 04:17 PM 09-24-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Try not to take it personally. The DCM likely has no idea what the center will truly be like nor does she yet have a full appreciation for all the extras you were doing for the family. You have to find comfort in the fact that you did your very best for as long as the DCM allowed it but when it comes down to it, she is their mom, not you and she does have the right to move them. It may not be the right choice but it is her choice to make.
I agree that you should not take it personally although it does hurt. However, this mother may view it as it may be the best thing for the children to be moved to a new place and then by default find or seek solace in their mother. She may feel that if they are in your care and with you they may never see her as the loving caring stable parent she is trying to be since her return. No mother wants her children to chose their child care provider over her. She may feel threatened by your relationship with her children and think moving them is the route she should take to push them into re-bonding with her. Kwim? Try not to take it personally. The DCM likely has no idea what the center will truly be like nor does she yet have a full appreciation for all the extras you were doing for the family. You have to find comfort in the fact that you did your very best for as long as the DCM allowed it but when it comes down to it, she is their mom, not you and she does have the right to move them. It may not be the right choice but it is her choice to make.
I do disagree though about the mom not knowing what the center is truly like. That implies the center is not a good place to be. Many centers are wonderful and fulfilling for children and I don't think that we should view them negatively. This mother may be fully aware of what the center is truly like and want that for her child. As mentioned, these are her children so it is her right to raise them as she pleases.
(((hugs))) to you though during this difficult time. It is really hard to get attached to a child and then lose them. It is something that never gets easier.
cheerfuldom 04:56 PM 09-24-2011
by "not knowing what the center is like" I meant that the OP is saying she does a lot of extras for this family that the center likely does not provide. DCM may not realize that all of these things were extras and may not realize how awesome her extras were until she does not have them anymore. I agree that not all centers are bad or whatever but lets face it, some are. Hopefully that is not the case here and the kids move from one great provider to a great center so they are not get the bad end of the deal.
Blackcat31 05:22 PM 09-24-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
by "not knowing what the center is like" I meant that the OP is saying she does a lot of extras for this family that the center likely does not provide. DCM may not realize that all of these things were extras and may not realize how awesome her extras were until she does not have them anymore. I agree that not all centers are bad or whatever but lets face it, some are. Hopefully that is not the case here and the kids move from one great provider to a great center so they are not get the bad end of the deal.
by "not knowing what the center is like" I meant that the OP is saying she does a lot of extras for this family that the center likely does not provide. DCM may not realize that all of these things were extras and may not realize how awesome her extras were until she does not have them anymore. I agree that not all centers are bad or whatever but lets face it, some are. Hopefully that is not the case here and the kids move from one great provider to a great center so they are not get the bad end of the deal.
gottcha! I thought you were saying that the mom might know that centers are bad. LOL! I shouldn't have taken it so literally. 
Either way, though it might just be that the mom doesn't really want all those extras. I have gone out of my way before and provided those little extra's just to have a mom tell me that she felt I was overstepping my boundaries and that she wanted my relationship with her and her family to be professional only. She was basically threatened by my close bond with her children. She pulled her child and went to a center as well so I have been in that position before.
It is hard to give every child/family what we think they 'need' only to find out that isn't what they 'wanted'.
cheerfuldom 05:26 PM 09-24-2011
yes I see what you mean. I know its a hard line to walk because every parent seems to start out wanting a provider that "loves little Susie just like I do!" but if you actually do that for little Susie, mom may feel threatened just like you said Blackcat. Thats possibly the reason. I don't do extras for anyone and that solves a lot of problems over here.
Blackcat31 08:54 PM 09-24-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
yes I see what you mean. I know its a hard line to walk because every parent seems to start out wanting a provider that "loves little Susie just like I do!" but if you actually do that for little Susie, mom may feel threatened just like you said Blackcat. Thats possibly the reason. I don't do extras for anyone and that solves a lot of problems over here.
Same here. Same reason. yes I see what you mean. I know its a hard line to walk because every parent seems to start out wanting a provider that "loves little Susie just like I do!" but if you actually do that for little Susie, mom may feel threatened just like you said Blackcat. Thats possibly the reason. I don't do extras for anyone and that solves a lot of problems over here.
Kaddidle Care 05:33 AM 09-25-2011
It's their loss dear.
The only thing I'm thinking is that they might feel there is a better adult/child ratio at the Center. Center's around here are at an all time low for enrollment. Right now we're at a 1/5 ratio which might look better to a parent than your situation. This can and will change though. (hopefully)
You may find them asking to come back in a month or two. Ride the wave.
The only thing I'm thinking is that they might feel there is a better adult/child ratio at the Center. Center's around here are at an all time low for enrollment. Right now we're at a 1/5 ratio which might look better to a parent than your situation. This can and will change though. (hopefully)
You may find them asking to come back in a month or two. Ride the wave.
sahm2three 08:47 AM 09-25-2011
I have a full time assistant, and we only have 10 kids, so our ratio is pretty good. I honestly think it is the mom feeling threatened. So I guess I just have to let go. I just have gotten attached. How do you not get attached? Ugh. I have a waiting list, so I will have no problems filling the spots. So unfortunately, I won't have room if they change their minds.
Live and Learn 08:58 AM 09-25-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
yes I see what you mean. I know its a hard line to walk because every parent seems to start out wanting a provider that "loves little Susie just like I do!" but if you actually do that for little Susie, mom may feel threatened just like you said Blackcat. Thats possibly the reason. I don't do extras for anyone and that solves a lot of problems over here.
In our area a big center is considered the worst choice for the kids. I have heard daycare centers referred to as "warehouses" for children. yes I see what you mean. I know its a hard line to walk because every parent seems to start out wanting a provider that "loves little Susie just like I do!" but if you actually do that for little Susie, mom may feel threatened just like you said Blackcat. Thats possibly the reason. I don't do extras for anyone and that solves a lot of problems over here.
In our area the order of preference for childcare is
1) stay at home parent
2) nanny
3) small in home daycare
4) a center of some kind
In this situation I feel confident that the real reason that mom is moving the kids to a center is because she feels threatened by your close relationship with her children.
Sugar Magnolia 10:07 AM 09-25-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I have been fired by a family. Fired may be harsh, but they are moving their kids to a CENTER. They think a CENTER will offer more than I can to the kids. They are moving them, after they have lost their father, mom came back into the picture, and big sis started school. I have loved those kids, been the mom figure in their lives, for over a year. I have taken them after hours, on the weekend, and loved them like my own. They love me as much as I love them. They say it is nothing personal, they want the 2 yo to be involved in more of a school setting. Really?! That is what those kids need right now?! To be yanked from a loving home environment? To be honest, I think mom is threatened by the relationship I have with her kids. And I do feel bad for that, because as a mom, that would hurt. But think about the KIDS. Ugh. So, I am spending my weekend sad, hurt, mad, sad some more.
I am sorry you feel hurt. I totally understand that. But I run a center, and I just want to say this: its not what type of license you hold, its what kind of program you run. Not all centers are kid warehouses with impersonal care and massive turnover. I love my students too, and I DO have close (but professional) relationships with my families. It is possible to provide loving care and a curriculum too, why does it have to be an either/or situation?I have been fired by a family. Fired may be harsh, but they are moving their kids to a CENTER. They think a CENTER will offer more than I can to the kids. They are moving them, after they have lost their father, mom came back into the picture, and big sis started school. I have loved those kids, been the mom figure in their lives, for over a year. I have taken them after hours, on the weekend, and loved them like my own. They love me as much as I love them. They say it is nothing personal, they want the 2 yo to be involved in more of a school setting. Really?! That is what those kids need right now?! To be yanked from a loving home environment? To be honest, I think mom is threatened by the relationship I have with her kids. And I do feel bad for that, because as a mom, that would hurt. But think about the KIDS. Ugh. So, I am spending my weekend sad, hurt, mad, sad some more.
Crystal 03:00 PM 09-25-2011
Aw....bummer. I don't blame you for feeling bad, I would too.
Keep up with the "special" though.....MOST parents appreciate it, and I KNOW the children do
Here's to new, GOLDEN families
Keep up with the "special" though.....MOST parents appreciate it, and I KNOW the children do
Here's to new, GOLDEN families
Live and Learn 04:47 PM 09-25-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Aw....bummer. I don't blame you for feeling bad, I would too.
Keep up with the "special" though.....MOST parents appreciate it, and I KNOW the children do
Here's to new, GOLDEN families
Aw....bummer. I don't blame you for feeling bad, I would too.
Keep up with the "special" though.....MOST parents appreciate it, and I KNOW the children do
Here's to new, GOLDEN families
The things you do special are what set you apart. Don't stop the special!!!!!! I imagine your other dc families and those on your waiting list value the special too.