I normally do not take kids under 9-10 months age at the VERY earliest but mostly 12 months old.

Currently, I am helping out a friend who needs care for her 3.5 month old son. I have him for the next two weeks from 9:30 to 2:30 daily.

He is breast fed and mom feeds him before arrival and then at 11:30 he takes a bottle and eats anywhere from 3-4.5 oz.

My problem with him is he cries non-stop. Well let's say 75% of the time.

He does not cry if I am holding him. He doesn't sleep except for about 10 minutes at a time. He is super happy and smiley and coo-ing IF I am holding him. If I lay him down at all, he immediately cries. If I pick him up, he instantly stops.

Mom said he was really colicky for the first 2 months but she eliminated dairy from her diet so he is doing much better now. I just am not sure if this is really anything to do with his tummy since he quits crying the second I pick him up.

It's only temporary as far as care goes....he won't be a regular dck. But not sure if I can deal with two full weeks of this.

Sheesh, I can get 12 kids between 1 yr old and 5 yrs old all asleep for 2 hours in one room but can't get one infant to sleep for more than 10 minutes.

I didn't think a baby so young could have preferances like that......Am I missing something here?

Any suggestions from experienced infant people?

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It is happening more and more.

It really is.

Ask Mom HOW she puts him to bed at night. Her explanation will most likely tell you what is going on.

If he only cries when gravity is applied, you have your answer. Especially if the crying slows and quiets as you approach. Antigravityitis.

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The last infant I had (and her sister when she was itty bitty) was the SAME way. Could not set the baby down or it was instant fuss, followed by a cry, followed by full on tantrum. I guess it is more common than I thought as when I joined the mommy forum I am on the majority of moms say that is how their baby is too.

Things that work:

Swaddling to sleep. (I did this with my own son until he was 7 months old. Literally would sleep 10 minute chunks not swaddled. BUT if he was swaddled he would sleep 3-4 hours in the day and 10-12 at night)

A t-shirt of the little ones mothers- so he doesn't feel alone.

If all else fails: A sling. I got the moby wrap but there are lots of others out there like baby bjorn, sleepy wrap, and mei tei (sp?) (<--- some people swear by that one!)


Occasionally, you just gotta let them cry. It was something I had a reaaaalllly big issue with as I am very no cry BUT sometimes when someone else needs to eat, diaper change, etc I would just let her cry and sit next to her (or as close as possible) and shhhh and talk to her or rock her with my foot in the rocker she was in.

Hope that helps!

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Darn. I was hoping there was a different answer.

I should know better.

She co-sleeps. Even says she knows it is not recommended but that is what she does.

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He most likely is used to being cuddled ALOT! But what I really think is going on is that he is nursed to sleep which would explain why he is not sleeping well with you and maybe mom has not caught on to this habit. Having nursed two I know from experience that this is what they want to go to sleep.

What about a pacifier?

There is not a whole lot I think you can do with him except let him cry a little if you know his needs are met and he is comfortable.

Does mom have some sort of an infant carrier you can use since you know this is temporary? At least you would be able to tend to the rest of the crew

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You need one of those baby raps to wear around if he likes to be held. I don't think he is colicky bc babies that are can't be calmed as quickly as just being picked up. I know bc my 4 month little one was. It's way dif. they are screaming out of pain and screeching...nothing helps. No amount of holding helps. Other than gas drops, swaddling, putting them on there back and moving there legs in a circular motion to get the gas to move through their little bodies. Even the way you hold the baby...it's a lot of work. When she came to me it only lasted a wk bc I used gas drops in her bottles and made sure there where the bottles where room temp. with no bubbles. The parents used Avent bottles which I love. Also, swaddling...totally helped me get her to sleep but she only would sleep for 45min at a time. She'd be with me from 9am til 2:30pm. Naps for me start at 9:30am to 10:15am then again at 1:30pm til 2:15pm. She's a diff. baby now...she isn't spitting up a lot either with is wonderful...I know if she is spitting up she isn't digesting her food well. I would need to burp her every once. Now I can burp her every 3 oz and she's burping right no cue for me. I know how hard it must be fore you. Just keep up the good work your already doing and maybe see if the parents can provide you with a baby bonjo or what those things are called or baby wrap to carry the baby in if he's more comfortable in that.

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belly time sistah

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I figured as much. Majority of babies I see that have this issue co sleep too. Mothers swear by it and say it is the only way and that they can't believe people put their babies in their own rooms ever.

I know of lots of people (on my mommy forum) that are still co sleeping with their 2 year old.

Not trying to be judgmental, but if they have to put their child into daycare- they really need to attempt to make the transition easier for their child because they can't be held constantly!

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hmm, I wrote a post about this I think last week, same thing, so all I can do is let them cry. My children never did this so this was totally something new. But its taken about 2 months for the crying to go down to about 60percent.

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To get through the next two weeks you can try having Mom leave her nightshirt to lay little one on. Clip it securely to the mattress so there is no chance of getting it wrapped.

If she has a white noise machine or sleep sheep BEG her to leave it with you. I have had great success with the heartbeat setting.

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Baby has Mommy and Blackcat trained very well, very intelligent little thing.

Can you put him into a swing for short periods?

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Thanks ladies. I knew there would be some hard work and tears involved. I was just praying it would be from the baby and not from me.

I suggested to mom the nightgown or T-shirt from her so he would feel more comfy. Securely fastened down so he won't get entangled in it.

She also said he doesn't take a paci but will send it just in case he will take it for me.

I can't put him in the swing because I don't have one. (Babies under a year are not my thing.)

I did the tummy time and all he does is cry. Did it anyways.

I will also try the swaddle thing to see if he sleeps better tomorrow that way. The whole blanket in the bassinet thing makes me nervous.

I don't own a wrap thingy and neither does she....but she might just need to buy one.

I also don't let her bring the car seat/carrier in because of the whole positional asphyxiation thread....too scarey for me.

......oh and Cat, she said he loves white noise and actually has a sleep sheep (only his is a bear)! So that will be a for sure thing tomorrow!!!


I am just super grateful that this is temporary. It is also a nice reminder for those of you who do take these really little ones that YOU GALS ROCK!!!!! Much respect for you......and it has only been 4 days for me.

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You can get an actual swaddle blankie thing that baby wears with velcro

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can she bring a swing or bouncer option for you to use for the two weeks?

the whole point of co-sleeping is to have that extra strong attachment between parent and child. the downside is that it is very hard on a child when mom is not able to give that attachment. Right now this little one is happy with basically anyone holding them but eventually, they may just want mom period. The regular provider WILL have a challenge when AP style is offered at home but not at daycare.

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Oh, hun... I'd take a hundred infants to 3 pre-schoolers.

I "survive" their last few months here before they go to pre-school. Much respect for those that can do THAT day in and out....

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No kidding

I love babies.

It only takes a little over a week to get them onto the plan and it's smooth sailing from there. I think babies are WAY easier than the preK crowd.

As long as the baby is healthy I can get them onto our schedule really quickly. It doesn't matter to me what they do at home. They can AP all they want.

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Didn't read all the replies so this has likely been said already but....the swaddle saved us! We also read a book by Dr.Harvey Karp called "happiest baby on the block" which was great. We didn't drop the swaddle until my daughter was 5 months!!

Here in Canada we get a year mat leave so we usually don't have to deal with this stuff as DCP's.

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Well, it sounds like we need to move a little closer. Between the lot of us we can cover birth to age 6. Boy, what a killing we could make!!

I am just not a baby person. Took me a long time to admit that.
I can do it, just don't really enjoy it.

I manage at around age 1
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the 2 yr old to 4 year old age group
I have had enough around Kindy age.

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I wish I could offer you advice, but I have yet to meet a tiny baby that doesn't want to be cuddled all day. It is sooooooooooo much work, but
then they age up and it gets easier.

Just keep thinking that you only have a week and a half to go.

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. Ear plugs for you!!!!! A couple years ago I would have never ever allowed a baby to cry. These days if their needs are met.... Diaper changed, fed, etc then I'm sorry of I can't hold you at the moment but exercise those lungs. I have an 11 month old that is not happy about half the day. I can not hold him all day. If I would just let him crawl around in livingroom as he pleases he would be fine but when placed in a bouncer or walker or even when we are in play room with gate at door he screams. He will eventually get use to it. He is here 530 am to 630 pm 6 to 7 days a week. One day I hope he finally stops the screaming lol. My other baby is 6 months and super good!!!!!! However, his brother is my hitter and problem child. Ugh

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Just curious, when you swaddle is that the arms as well or below the arms? Is this the same as the sleep sack?

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Is he in protective daycare?

13 hours a day 6 days a week is 78 hours a week
13 hours a day 7 days a week is 91 hours a week

Those hours he is there are all awake hours. He must not be getting any AWAKE parent time at all.

What you are seeing is a human baby who is not parented. It will not get better no matter what you do.

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Arms as well yes. We then progressed to the one arm swaddle and then below the arms. It was a slow progression to get rid of the swaddle. Then she went right to a sleep sac!

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So I talked to mom a bit about it and did get confirmation that he is nursed to sleep, she sleeps with him in her bed. He is held almost 100% of the day. She is fully aware of the AP parenting downfalls when she plans on putting him in daycare. She has an older child age 3.5 who she AP'ed and the girl adjusted to daycare well, HOWEVER, this one is not the same and she admittedly said she just doesn't know what to do because she had so much trouble BF'ing her oldest that she is really enjoying the fact that she is sucessful with this one.

She said she feels like she has to pick between BF'ing and "having a good daycare child".

If this were to be a regular child in my care (she has asked and I haven't answered yet) I just don't know what to tell her. She brought a paci today and a pillowcase from her bed. I slipped the pillowcase over the mattress and secured it tightly. I used the paci, but he cries around it. I will keep trying that. She said he hates swaddling...which I found out when I tried to swaddle him. (He freaked out).

I honestly think he is just so used to being literally attached to someone that he has no idea how to go to sleep. When I fed him his 11:30 bottle, he kept trying to drift off to sleep. I woke him to finish but as soon as he was done, he started to cry. That is when I used the paci. He just kept crying. I think in all honestly, I am going to have to do a bit of CIO with him.

How long is "safe" to let him cry? I will rub his back and try to sooth him but he seems to start getting really worked up and crying super hard so I pick him up, he stops crying and then when I lay him back down he starts again. Do I just keep doing that?

Again....a million thumbs up to those of you who take the time to do this with an infant....

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IMHO, CIO when you cannot one-to-one is the only thing that is going to work while caring for a houseful of other kids. Daycare and AP just don't mix. He is being trained to need his own adult.

BF'ing and Daycare mix just fine. ALL my current kids came here as newborns and breastfed well. They were all enrolled prior to birth.

I wish I had a answer you wanted to hear. At least now you see why I would not have accepted him into care, here.

I LOVE babies, but not all Parents will work within my peaceful, happy group. If they cannot tolerate CIO, we can't work together. I really don't do it to push my agenda... The screaming is just too much for the other littles to bear for their 50 hours a week here.

I must do what is best for the ENTIRE group of children, not one Mothers wishes. Daycare is not the best thing out there, but for some it is the only option, YKWIM? I know it is hard as a Mom, that is why I did not do it again with my own.

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Can you wear him in a babybjorn or something? CIO on an infant this young isn't recommended. They have to be 4 months AND 14 lbs.

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Where did you find that? What source?

This is straight from the Doctor Sears site that many Mom's seem to be refering to recently:


So the main question is, how does a mom prepare herself and her high-need baby for the day when she has to return to work (I won't discuss dad's here)? Here are five main ideas to help make this transition easier for everyone. These also apply to non-high need babies:

Well, the number one most important note is to get your baby used to the caregiver early! Fortunately for this particular mom, she has another 5 months or so. Many parents only have six weeks of maternity leave. Start getting your infant used to the other caregiver early, weeks or months before you go back to work. Have the caregiver watch your infant for a few hours twice a week. Try to get the caregiver to spend a lot of time holding, talking to, feeding, and singing to the baby. This repetitive contact will allow your baby to develop a relationship with the person.


The younger you start this process, the easier it is. Most newborns don't really care who is feeding and holding them, just so long as someone is (with some exceptions of course). It is therefore fairly easy to get your newborn accustomed to another caregiver. This is not true for many infants older than three months of age. By this age, they often do care who is holding them, and it better be someone they are used to! This becomes even truer by 6 months of age when stranger anxiety sets in.


Try some introductory sessions together - this is more practical for an in-home daycare situation with only one caregiver. Stay with the baby and caregiver for a number of introductory sessions. Let your baby see you having fun and being close and friendly with the caregiver. This may not be practical for a daycare center. They may not allow you to accompany your infant to a daycare center and stay. If they do, than concentrate on one or two of the caregivers who plan to be there long-term.


Try not to start daycare during the late fall and winter - young infants are really susceptible to catching colds during this time. While older children can tolerate colds and coughs with little problem, young infants can get a lot sicker from common colds. There is one particular cold virus in the winter called RSV that is very contagious and can cause breathing difficulty and wheezing for several weeks. If at all possible, delay going back to work until the late winter and spring.


Try to choose a smaller in-home daycare if affordable - research has shown that infants get sick less often in this type of daycare than they do at larger daycare centers. The more kids and caregivers, the more germs will be passed around. It will also be much easier for your high-need baby to accept a single caregiver in a smaller setting.


Try going "cold turkey" - some infants, especially non-high need ones, don't require the above preparations. They may be happy being watched by anybody. They may fuss a little, and go through a few days of being clingy. But some will get used to the new situation quickly.


A note on high-need babies - I have given you some strategies to try to help get a high-need baby ready for daycare. Now for the bad news - this plan may not work on high-need babies. You may go through all of this preparation and when it finally comes time for you to go back to work, your baby won't accept it. He may cry and scream no matter what you or the caregiver do. Some will only cry for several days, then get used to it. Others, however, will cry and scream for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week as long as they are in daycare. I have seen this happen to a couple of mom's who really did need to work. Their babies spent months crying every day. They never did get used to it. If your baby doesn't accept the situation, you need to decide what to do. If using an in-home daycare, you may need to offer the caregiver more money to care for your child (no one knows better than you how much extra work a high-need baby is).

Dr. Bob

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The Sleep Easy Sleep Solution book which is a form of CIO I did with my daughter. I don't have the book handy to directly quote where they say it or why but you can check our their website.

http://www.sleepyplanet.com/index.html

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Hmmmmm

I don't agree with most of that. I think the thing he needs to say is that most Moms by far will believe their baby is a high needs baby whether they are or not. It's impossible to tell if a baby IS high needs when they are cared for from day one by having an adult every second of their life holding, walking, rocking, co-sleeping, etc. It's impossible to tell if the baby is high needs if the only time they are not attached to an adult they are in motion equipment.

All of that and not a single connection to belly time and how belly time is the best exercise you can give your baby. Not a word about how to manage crying with belly time and how to cycle feedings and napping around belly time.

Not a word about putting your baby to bed WIDE awake and not doing ANYTHING to lull a baby to sleep. Nothing about a cool temperature, warm clothing on the child, dark room..... you know the stuff that REALLY does matter in establishing a healthy sleep routine and thus a happy UP time.

I don't think Dr Bob has ever taken care of someone elses baby by himself ten hours a day five days a week. This shows clearly that he knows nothing about group care.

He doesn't bring up any of the things that REALLY make a difference in putting an infant into group care. He doesn't have a clue because he doesn't take care of kids. I think medical doctors need to stay out of the business of child care. They aren't trained for it and they don't have any expeirence doing it. They are advising Moms on something they know nothing about. They learn what words make them money but not words that work.

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I agree, Nan. I am really interested in what the "NEW" recommendations are, though. I have had a few clients refer to that site and have to be able to explain why it does not work.

I could not do most of what he is suggesting, thankfully nobody has ever even asked.

Every couple years there seems to be a new theory and I will be having a whole new group in the next two years to prepare for as all my currents go off to preschool.

I really only know what works for me.

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The mom is involved as much as possible. She is single and honestly has to work like that just to make it. She knows he is safe and loved here. She does let them stay up later so she can just spend some time with them. That means they sleep later at my house but I understand why she let's them stay up. When they get here they just go straight back to sleep. Of course I feel very close to these kids. They are all more like family than they are clients. We include them in family dinners and such. Mom is alone with no family at all. She wasn't working quite so much as she is now but her car broke down and she had to get another. She asked me before she bought another if her working more overtime was ok. I said of course. She has to be able to get to work. Honestly its sad. She is trying to not be on public assistance but in order for her to not be and make a better life for her and her babies she has to work a lot. I treat the kids as if they were mine and they are happy healthy well adjusted kids. It breaks the moms heart but she knows they are ok here. I just keep her 2 and then 2 others. They 2 others are just 4 days a week. My entire family has adopted the kids into our family. The 2 year old loves my husband so much that he makes every step my husband does when he is here. My husband is the only man in his life and he takes time for him. I guess we are not the normal day care but it works for us

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That is the problem with this little guy. I honestly don't think he is or ever was high needs. I think what Nan said: "It's impossible to tell if a baby IS high needs when they are cared for from day one by having an adult every second of their life holding, walking, rocking, co-sleeping, etc. It's impossible to tell if the baby is high needs if the only time they are not attached to an adult they are in motion equipment." is exactly what is going on.

Except the part about the equipment. She let me borrow her portable swing. He hates it! He simply wants to be held.

He doesn't care who it is that is feeding or holding him as long as he is being held. My DH stepped in and held and fed him and the little guy smiled and cooed like the happiest baby on earth. Hubs lays him down and he starts to cry before his little body even made contact with the mattress.

When I told mom that she said, "See, I think he is having trouble with the transition." ?????? She thinks it is the small window of time between being held and the motion of bending over to lay him down that he has trouble with. I said, "No, he just knows that sensation means he is being put down and he isn't happy about that." Is she grasping at straws and justifying the fact that her child is simply dependent or is that even possible?

She said she is also having trouble with nursing him as the week goes on because he is suffering from nipple confusion. The only time he takes a bottle is for me at 11:30. He drinks approx. 4 oz and has no problem drinking it. It does take him about 20-25 minutes to do that. He is nursed for all other meals. Mom said by Thursday afternoon, she had trouble getting him to latch on and that she thought he was confused because he had the bottle 4 times that week. That just doesn't make much sense to me since only 4 bottles compared to all the other times he nurses doesn't seem like 4 times on a bottle is enough times to have a preferance to it over the breast. (??)

I honestly think this mom really believes her child is high needs when really he just hasn't been given the opportunity to experience belly time or away from an adult time. I asked about belly time and mom reluctantly admitted that he is NEVER put down at home. If mom needs to do anything, she has dad hold him. She even said dad even complained about how "You can never put this kid down" so he holds him because it is easier. Mom even bathes WITH the child because he seems to like it better than alone.

I think she is a great mom but I think having a second child with a 3 yr old is what threw her off. She did say her older child was not at all like this. I think she is overwhelmed with how tough having 2 kids is verses only one so she is simply doing what is easiest and that is holding him. She was also unable ot nurse her oldest for whatever reason so I think she is using the BF'ing as an excuse to hold him, sleep with him and even bathe with him.

I suppose the only answer is that unless she is willing to change some practices at home this baby will just be fighting a losing battle between being the center of everything at home and being a part of a group while at daycare. Poor kid.

Mom even said it is easier to think he cries at daycare instead of home because if she hears him cry she lactates and cannot physically deal with it so she really doesn't seem to be concerned that her cries at daycare. He HAS to, because I have other kids and it is just not feasible for me to hold him. I am honestly not a babywearer and I think that doing that may be a solution to some high needs babies but I am kind of not buying that this is a high needs baby.

Who knows, I may be wrong. I just know that babies are cute and snuggly and can be fun, but babies are just not my thing. I can do it and I do NOT lose my cool as I am VERY laid back so the stress for me is not something I am worried about. I have NEVER gotten upset because a baby cries but I do feel bad that he is so unhappy.

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