Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Trying To Decide Whether To Term Or Not
sahm2three 08:25 AM 11-16-2011
My 2 yo that I have talked about having trouble with, has just become such a nightmare. I have to put little scraps of food in front of him for meals because if I put a plate in front of him, he throws it. He spits at people while eating, so I have had to feed him seperately. He spits at me and my assistant when we come near him. He has beem seperated from the group because he can't play near anyone without hitting or hurting someone in some way. This seperation has made his behavior worse. He doesn't hurt anyone now, but he is so defiant and disrespectful. He refuses to follow any direction. If you ask him to do something, he makes a sassy noise at you and shakes his head. OMG. If he were my kid, he would definately have been spanked! I just can't imagine a child thinking it is ok to disrespect an adult the way he does. We used to do time outs for him, but he would get violent (swings at me and my assistant if we walk past him) and scream in them. He used to do time outs well. Used to be so well behaved. He has a new little brother, and after he was born we started seeing some new behaviors. Little brother is 6 mo. Shouldn't he be used to not being an only child by now? His parents are young, and in my opinion, coddle him. He is the reason for my new policy about drop and go and texting before they come to pick up so we can have him ready to go out the door. They are also the ones who believe that all of his behavior is "normal 2 yo behavior". I don't know if I was just lucky, but none of my kids ever thought of acting this way! I have never come acrossed another daycare child who was this disrespectful this early in life either!! Kind of scary if you ask me. What are your thoughts? I am trying to use positive reinforcement (try to catch him doing good things and praising him for it), but it just isn't helping.
Reply
mismatchedsocks 08:27 AM 11-16-2011
Will he stay in play pen NEAR everyone? I cannot imagine this, and would not do seperate feedings, etc. BUT spitting is NOT ok. I dont have a 2 yo like this, and since parents dont think anything is wrong, I would ask them what they do when he acts like this. Is he a young or old 2?
Reply
sahm2three 08:36 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by lilrugrats:
Will he stay in play pen NEAR everyone? I cannot imagine this, and would not do seperate feedings, etc. BUT spitting is NOT ok. I dont have a 2 yo like this, and since parents dont think anything is wrong, I would ask them what they do when he acts like this. Is he a young or old 2?
He will be 3 in a few months. He knows better. The parents tell me they don't deal with this behavior. Which I know is BS because one of the reasons why I changed my drop off and pick up policy was because of the disrespect that he would show them when they would pick up. He would punch and kick them, kick my walls, etc. So I know they have issues with him, but they don't address them.

Oh, and that is what we have done with him. He is in a pen in the same area as the other kids.
Reply
cheerfuldom 08:46 AM 11-16-2011
Its most likely not really about his baby brother. His bad behavior started at 2.5, right? Thats when kids test limits anyway. Now that he knows he can do whatever he wants at home, it is a huge uphill battle for the daycare. If you really cannot put the time and energy into correcting his behavior, then yes I would term him. Sounds like he is way out of control so if you keep him, you run the risk of him really hurting another kid and you losing that family over it. Thats a very likely scenario.
Reply
Cat Herder 10:24 AM 11-16-2011
I recommend, like I always do , putting a star on the calendar for ** days from today (only you know what your "magic number" is. Mine is 30.). When you get to the star, without improvement, term him.

I always put a star on the calendar when I dread seeing a child pull up in the drive. It is my "light at the end of the tunnel". Most of the time the situation resolves and I have a sense of accomplishment on that day...

Sometimes I term and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me that day.....

Either way, I win.
Reply
Ariana 10:30 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I recommend, like I always do , putting a star on the calendar for ** days from today (only you know what your "magic number" is. Mine is 30.). When you get to the star, without improvement, term him.

I always put a star on the calendar when I dread seeing a child pull up in the drive. It is my "light at the end of the tunnel". Most of the time the situation resolves and I have a sense of accomplishment on that day...

Sometimes I term and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me that day.....

Either way, I win.
This is a good idea! I think at the end of the day you have to be honest with yourself about what you want/can handle when it comes to behavior. I had a 2 yr old I had to term because he had zero language and in my opinion some developmental delays that the parents were in denial about. I just knew I didn't want to handle this child. I didn't have the resources for it. Some kids really do belong in centres and it sounds like he does. If a kid is wreaking havoc on the other kids, causing you stress and anxiety then the bonus of being in business for yourself is that you get to choose who you take care of. We're not miracle workers
Reply
daycare 10:32 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I recommend, like I always do , putting a star on the calendar for ** days from today (only you know what your "magic number" is. Mine is 30.). When you get to the star, without improvement, term him.

I always put a star on the calendar when I dread seeing a child pull up in the drive. It is my "light at the end of the tunnel". Most of the time the situation resolves and I have a sense of accomplishment on that day...

Sometimes I term and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me that day.....

Either way, I win.
seriously this was the best advice I ever got when trying to decide to term or not...

In the end I termed.....

I made a plan on day one that would last the 30 days.

1.talk to the parents in a meeting, see if they are on board to help the child improve.
(that will usually tell you if you should move on or not)
2. implement a system that you will use with this child each and every day. Be 100% consistent.'
3. If you need the money to keep the kid, put everything else on the back burner and focus on getting this child to adapt, behave and etc. I don't mean ignore the other kids. I just mean if you have projects planned, cancel them.
Reply
wdmmom 10:40 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I recommend, like I always do , putting a star on the calendar for ** days from today (only you know what your "magic number" is. Mine is 30.). When you get to the star, without improvement, term him.

I always put a star on the calendar when I dread seeing a child pull up in the drive. It is my "light at the end of the tunnel". Most of the time the situation resolves and I have a sense of accomplishment on that day...

Sometimes I term and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me that day.....

Either way, I win.
I love this idea!

Although...in the course of those 30 days, as the provider, you have to be willing to take a different approach as well.

If you go in day after day with a dreadful attitude, by day 30, you probably won't feel any better.

If you talk with other posters on this thread, his parents, family members, friends that have children, etc, seek out advise on different approaches or tactics you can use to improve his stay with you.

Definitely get the spitting to stop would be my first priority. It's disrespectful, disgusting, and unsanitary! I've never had a spitter so unfortunately I can't spare any advise on that topic.

I would definitely suggest attempting to let him interact with the other kids. Take away things that might be hazardous to him or to others.

Feed him with the other kids. Let him see how well they eat, sit, etc. If he throws food, he's done. We are only required to offer it.

I hope others can offer you some advise on how to try to make this work. I think if you take Catherder's idea and go at it with a different approach, you will have your true answer in 30 days.
Reply
wahmof3 11:31 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I recommend, like I always do , putting a star on the calendar for ** days from today (only you know what your "magic number" is. Mine is 30.). When you get to the star, without improvement, term him.

I always put a star on the calendar when I dread seeing a child pull up in the drive. It is my "light at the end of the tunnel". Most of the time the situation resolves and I have a sense of accomplishment on that day...

Sometimes I term and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me that day.....

Either way, I win.
I really like this idea!
Reply
Cat Herder 11:56 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
I love this idea!

Although...in the course of those 30 days, as the provider, you have to be willing to take a different approach as well.

If you go in day after day with a dreadful attitude, by day 30, you probably won't feel any better.
Oh, definitely!!!

For me having "a light at the end of the tunnel" allows me to see it as a goal instead of a chore. It is ALL about perspective.

If I feel like I am in an endless losing cycle...well, that is good for nobody.
Reply
sahm2three 11:59 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I recommend, like I always do , putting a star on the calendar for ** days from today (only you know what your "magic number" is. Mine is 30.). When you get to the star, without improvement, term him.

I always put a star on the calendar when I dread seeing a child pull up in the drive. It is my "light at the end of the tunnel". Most of the time the situation resolves and I have a sense of accomplishment on that day...

Sometimes I term and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me that day.....

Either way, I win.
Perfect! I talked to my assistant and we have our plan.
Reply
Tags:terminate - inappropriate behavior, termination - behavioral
Reply Up