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  #1  
Old 03-29-2014, 09:33 AM
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Default Trying Very Hard Not To Be Bitter

This probably should be in the venting thread, but I guess it's more of a lament than a vent (hopefully). Here's what happened - sorry it's long and convoluted: I have had a nice family with 2 kids for more almost 3 years. Several months ago DCD got sick (with a serious but recoverable illness) and his treatment plan called for him being out of work for several months. DCM needed to work but they still needed childcare, and she came to me in a panic about money because of DCD's loss of income (his job would wait for him, but not with pay). Because they were such great parents and because of my love for their children, I cut their rate by half until DCD went back to work (estimated at 6 months). I had a waiting list but I figured it was the right thing to do because I sure would want someone to help me out if by awful chance I found myself in that situation. So I give her the discount and DCM was ecstatic, hugs all around, much gratitude, and I felt very happy about doing this for her.
So DCD recovers and goes back to work last week (and it did turn out to be 6 months). Last night DCM picks up and all is well, until last night I get an email from her. It opens with some minor problem with one of her kids, and then this:
''Just wanted you to know that my mom has decided to leave her job and will watch the kids. So this is our 3 weeks notice, and I'd like to thank you for being such a wonderful baby-sitter. You were a lifesaver! Love, DCM."
Ugh. I felt (and still feel) sick about this. I feel taken advantage of even though I willingly gave the discount. But she didn't even have the guts to tell me in person, and they were the last pickup. We had time to talk. I just feel so taken advantage of, because I think of all the times I overlooked the late pickups because of DCD's illness. We even took them over dinners over the last few months because DCM was so stressed and harried.
This is all my fault, I know this. But I feel really bad and sad. If you made it all the way through, thanks for reading.
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:41 AM
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I'm so sorry this happened. But you did have this family for a very long time, and they were terrific clients. I think I would have made the same sacrifice if I were in your shoes, given their reputation, so don't beat yourself up about that.

It sucks that their leaving, but I'm sure that even though dad is back at work it's going to take them a long time to get back on track. They are doing what is best for them and ultimately what is best for you. Because when it comes to financial struggles, those wonderful clients could have easily turned into a pain.

I would ask them to continue to refer people to you, it's the least they can do
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:58 AM
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Thank you Lady MacBeth, and I know you're right. Sorry I sounded so full of self-pity! Just wish she'd talked to me in person rather than in an email. It's blindsided me. I guess a lot of providers have been through something similar.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:08 AM
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I probably would have done the same thing as you did, but I doubt I would have let it go on that long.

If there is one thing that I have learned in this business is to never run it with your emotions and that parents are ALWAYS going to do what is best for them without YOU in their thoughts. As a parent, I would do the same.

SO, after getting burnt once from a family, similar situation for about 3 weeks, I decided that I would stop making choices that were better for them and not for me. I just recently had to do it and I did feel a little bad about it, but I have a family to raise too and this is how I support my family.

You sound like a very sweet and thoughtful person, I am sorry they did this to you, like PP said, they are more than likely trying to get back on track and this was what was best for their family.

As providers, a lot of us are nurtures by nature and it's normal for us to always want to help, which is fine. Just as long as it's not bringing you down with them.

Hugs, hope you fill the spots soon
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:29 AM
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wow!
you are the sweetest person for helping them and I think your years with these kids will make such an impact in their lives how you cared for their mom and dad.

I have a dcm that is the sweetest person I ever met and I strive to be like her.
She never has a bad thing to say about anyone and would make dinner for people, give rides, do anything for you.

God bless you and your family for helping them in their time of crisis.
I know it's very tacky the way she gave you notice just keep your head up high and give those kids the best 3 weeks and know that you are loved by them.
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  #6  
Old 03-29-2014, 11:02 AM
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Wow!
Truley love everybody's comments and support.
I however, will take a walk on the other side.....hahaha
Was recently burnt in a similar fashion.
A colleague said to me, "remember.....they are not your friends, just an associate you work with".
Sure, they will do what is best for their own family, I would too.....but not in the fashion they did. Considering the coincidental timing, I find what they did to be just plain selfish, inconsiderate, and rude.
I am sorry this happened to you.
Feel proud that you were there for them and provided them a great service.

You are the bigger person!
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  #7  
Old 03-29-2014, 11:17 AM
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Daycare parents will always do what is best for them, period.

I am sorry you had to learn this the hard way.

That said, what is done is done. and you should pride yourself in the fact that you saw someone in need and you made a choice to help and there is nothing wrong with that! You have a kind, giving heart, that is nothing to be ashamed of!

Being a business owner, now you know full well that any discount or special treatment you give families will 99.9% of the time, never be "paid" back in return in anyway. So either you give wholeheartedly with that knowledge or you decide that you cannot give that. Its okay to say no!
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Old 03-29-2014, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tasha View Post
This probably should be in the venting thread, but I guess it's more of a lament than a vent (hopefully). Here's what happened - sorry it's long and convoluted: I have had a nice family with 2 kids for more almost 3 years. Several months ago DCD got sick (with a serious but recoverable illness) and his treatment plan called for him being out of work for several months. DCM needed to work but they still needed childcare, and she came to me in a panic about money because of DCD's loss of income (his job would wait for him, but not with pay). Because they were such great parents and because of my love for their children, I cut their rate by half until DCD went back to work (estimated at 6 months). I had a waiting list but I figured it was the right thing to do because I sure would want someone to help me out if by awful chance I found myself in that situation. So I give her the discount and DCM was ecstatic, hugs all around, much gratitude, and I felt very happy about doing this for her.
So DCD recovers and goes back to work last week (and it did turn out to be 6 months). Last night DCM picks up and all is well, until last night I get an email from her. It opens with some minor problem with one of her kids, and then this:
''Just wanted you to know that my mom has decided to leave her job and will watch the kids. So this is our 3 weeks notice, and I'd like to thank you for being such a wonderful baby-sitter. You were a lifesaver! Love, DCM."
Ugh. I felt (and still feel) sick about this. I feel taken advantage of even though I willingly gave the discount. But she didn't even have the guts to tell me in person, and they were the last pickup. We had time to talk. I just feel so taken advantage of, because I think of all the times I overlooked the late pickups because of DCD's illness. We even took them over dinners over the last few months because DCM was so stressed and harried.
This is all my fault, I know this. But I feel really bad and sad. If you made it all the way through, thanks for reading.
I would feel bad and sad too. That was rotten not even to tell you in person. Wow.

I guess there is not a lot you can do about it though.

I suppose you could look at it like you were giving to charity but a real live charity and give yourself some credit for doing the right thing.

If it continues to eat at you while they are with you I think you are fully justified in saying something to her, in person, like "I sure wish you would have told me the news that you were leaving in person. That hurt my feelings a bit learning it by email." Personally I think people should know when they hurt your feelings. Then if she hems and haws and tries to trivialize it, I'd say "Well it hurt anyway and I just wanted you to know that." She owes you an apology. If you don't get one then at least you made your feelings known.

Laurel
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Old 03-29-2014, 12:26 PM
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ouch. I completely understand how you feel and would have very similar feelings. I had a similar situation with a family in the Fall and honestly, I am still bitter. They had the nerve to ask if I'd have an opening for their new baby next year and couldn't imagine why I said no. Its true parents are always just going to do what is best for them. I would have to say something though. I don't know what, but I think I'd have to mention that after giving them 6 months at half price you are very disappointed in how they are repaying you. I know that's probably not the most professional thing to do but I don't think I could not say something.
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Old 03-29-2014, 12:42 PM
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ouch. I completely understand how you feel and would have very similar feelings. I had a similar situation with a family in the Fall and honestly, I am still bitter. They had the nerve to ask if I'd have an opening for their new baby next year and couldn't imagine why I said no. Its true parents are always just going to do what is best for them. I would have to say something though. I don't know what, but I think I'd have to mention that after giving them 6 months at half price you are very disappointed in how they are repaying you. I know that's probably not the most professional thing to do but I don't think I could not say something.
Me too, I would want to say something. Probably best to let it go though

I had a family with 2 kids give their notice for last day to be the day before my PAID vacation started, even though I knew the kids weren't starting at their new preschool for 2 more weeks. Clearly they were avoiding having to pay my vacation. I was at capacity, so I had to wait for them to leave before anyone could start, which now would be AFTER my vaca. Any way I sliced it I lost a week's pay for 2 spots.

Totally sucked the way they did this! After caring for their kids all year and dealing with a lot of bull from them and accommodating in several instances, this is how they repaid me, by screwing me.


I told them that respectfully they SHOULD pay my vacation and told them why I thought so. Of course I had no grounds to make them pay. They couldn't understand why I felt this way.

Anyway, I learned NOT to accommodate and learned that even the best people will screw you over to benefit themselves!

I now have a policy about termination within a month of my paid vacation
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Old 03-29-2014, 01:14 PM
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I'd feel crushed and unappreciated too and would have to say something to them. Course I'm being petty here and admittedly not very professional but I'd want them to at least feel a little bit guilty. I know, not very mature of me but still sometimes, we can't help the way we feel.
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Old 03-29-2014, 01:45 PM
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I wouldn't focus on how she told you. If she would have emailed saying she was going to repay you for the free slot for one kid for six months you wouldn't be upset about getting the news via email. It is what she said not how she said it.

It was extremely crappy of them to pull this. They are not nice people. They used you until they had to go back to the full rate. Don't minimize it. If grandma could rescue them now she could have rescued them six months ago.

You just got got. You know now to never sacrifice your own families resources for someone else. A couple of weeks maybe but six months was too much. You lost a lot of income for the price of a "thanks you have been great for all the free" words.

Lesson learned. Don't beat yourself up.
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  #13  
Old 03-29-2014, 02:53 PM
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I wouldn't focus on how she told you. If she would have emailed saying she was going to repay you for the free slot for one kid for six months you wouldn't be upset about getting the news via email. It is what she said not how she said it.

It was extremely crappy of them to pull this. They are not nice people. They used you until they had to go back to the full rate. Don't minimize it. If grandma could rescue them now she could have rescued them six months ago.

You just got got. You know now to never sacrifice your own families resources for someone else. A couple of weeks maybe but six months was too much. You lost a lot of income for the price of a "thanks you have been great for all the free" words.

Lesson learned. Don't beat yourself up.
This is how the business or logical side of me feels too.
I also think you already know this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurel View Post
I would feel bad and sad too. That was rotten not even to tell you in person. Wow.

I guess there is not a lot you can do about it though.

I suppose you could look at it like you were giving to charity but a real live charity and give yourself some credit for doing the right thing.

If it continues to eat at you while they are with you I think you are fully justified in saying something to her, in person, like "I sure wish you would have told me the news that you were leaving in person. That hurt my feelings a bit learning it by email." Personally I think people should know when they hurt your feelings. Then if she hems and haws and tries to trivialize it, I'd say "Well it hurt anyway and I just wanted you to know that." She owes you an apology. If you don't get one then at least you made your feelings known.

Laurel
^^This is how the human side of me feels. When this is all water under the bridge you will have learned from past behavior but for this moment in time, it just hurts and really sucks.

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Old 03-29-2014, 05:22 PM
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I agree with others, take the high road be professional. But (a huge but) I would be so angry, I don't think I could NOT say something! I am upset for you!
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Old 03-29-2014, 05:31 PM
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I am truly sorry, you were taken advantage of and used.

I completely know & believe most parents do not care about their child care providers. As much as I would love to be as generous as the OP, this is the exact reason I rarely work with a parent when it comes to finances.
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Old 03-29-2014, 06:16 PM
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All great advice from everyone. I feel for you, and I would be quite angry if this happened as well. I had a family ( 2 doctors, btw) that was a "friend" and "just couldn't afford" my rates. So, for 2 years, I gave them a major discount. Well, when I didn't have space for their kids one day on a whim, dcm pulled them. So, for 2 years, I was taking a substantial pay cut for a family that I was doing a favor for, just to essentially be dropped when it was no longer convenient. Lesson learned here, too. Never again.
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:13 PM
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I have had many situations where parents have had life changes that would substantially lower my hourly rate if I "worked" with them to accommodate. I have had some who were upset when I said I wouldn't do the care because they believed that I would and should accommodate so that I could still have the kid.

Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.

It shouldn't be that way but it is. Offering discounts or working cheap for the prospect of future money is never a good idea. If you want to do it then do it for you not the family. If you want to do community service and you pick a family that you will volunteer or work really cheaply for then do it for yourself and don't look back. Doing it for them is only in YOUR mind. Most parents receiving free only value it while they are getting it and deep down inside I think most feel the free is deserved. They often look at us as being perfectly able to give the free and because we can we should.

This family is a perfect example of this. They received a HUGE gift and they don't feel a second of obligation. As soon as the free was up they booked. They leave now with free words: thank you for the free.
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:32 PM
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I have had many situations where parents have had life changes that would substantially lower my hourly rate if I "worked" with them to accommodate. I have had some who were upset when I said I wouldn't do the care because they believed that I would and should accommodate so that I could still have the kid.

Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.

It shouldn't be that way but it is. Offering discounts or working cheap for the prospect of future money is never a good idea. If you want to do it then do it for you not the family. If you want to do community service and you pick a family that you will volunteer or work really cheaply for then do it for yourself and don't look back. Doing it for them is only in YOUR mind. Most parents receiving free only value it while they are getting it and deep down inside I think most feel the free is deserved. They often look at us as being perfectly able to give the free and because we can we should.

This family is a perfect example of this. They received a HUGE gift and they don't feel a second of obligation. As soon as the free was up they booked. They leave now with free words: thank you for the free.
yup. It is very hard for most parents to realize that you would not willingly take care of their children or even necessarily be around at them at all unless you are being paid too. It is like they forget, this is a business. Yes I care about your child and want the best for them, but I don't do anything for free and if you walk out there, I will have your child replaced quickly, maybe in a matter of days. They don't see special treatment the way we do. Oftentimes, they feel like they deserve it because they need it or want it and then they dont value it because they dont understand or care about the sacrifice it took for you to extend that to them.

Again, lesson learned. Do not do any special treatment unless you acknowledge full well what you are doing and the fact that the vast majority of the time, you will never get more than a thank you out of it and sometimes, not even that.
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.
^^^This is very, very true...and something I will keep in the back of my mind as I'm starting my business.

From the heart's standpoint, you made a very compassionate choice to help out a family when they needed it most. I agree, you were owed more than an email seeing as you really went above and beyond to make sure their children were still cared for. This speaks a lot to the DCM's character, and maybe she just couldn't look you in the eye knowing you bent so far over backwards for her family.

As a business decision, I guess it wasn't the smartest choice, but if you feel you did the right thing, then money doesn't really matter. Maybe she'll need to put her kids back in your care if Grandma is later pulling her hair out. DCM will probably regret burning the bridge that leads to the home of such a wonderful provider.
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Old 03-30-2014, 06:05 AM
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Try to liken dropping your rates to going to the store and shopping. The stores wouldn't let you pay less. We shouldn't either. But then separating this kind of profession from your heart is an incredibly difficult thing to do; definitely a unique job we have in that regard. I'll bet most of us here have given breaks of one kind or another over time.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:16 PM
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Thanks to all of you who responded! And thank you all for being so kind, and not making me feel even more foolish. You all made so many good points, and I definitely have learned a lesson. The thing is, I DID know better. I just didn't follow my head. Fortunately, I didn't put my family in any kind of financial jeopardy, so there's that at least. I'm not stewing today as much, and I know I need to just let it go. But I know me, and I am going to have a hard time not saying anything to her. They'll be here tomorrow and I guess I'll just wait to see if she says anything more. It's gonna be a long 3 weeks, though...
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:21 PM
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Hoping that since dad is back to work the last 3 weeks will at least be at the regular rate?

Again, I am sorry this happened.
Just because you know better doesn't mean you automatically feel better.

Hang in there....you are feeling better already so pretty soon it will all be in the past.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:39 PM
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I didn't read other posts. I would be absolutely livid. I don't even know what I would say.
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:39 AM
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Did the dad not get short-term disability payments while he was off work due to illness?? Maybe that's only in Canada. That's how it works here, so I would have not given them a discount.
However I did have a dad get let go from his job and let the kids come part time instead of full time. BUT, I still got paid full price for the time they were here. Once dad got another job (six months later) they were back to full time.
I once let a long term family get a smaller increase in rates than the other families (they were the only ones with 2 children in care). They left shortly after for a school age centre program.
You used your heart and when you make decisions with your heart it will usually get broken.
You are a good person for what you did, but it turned out to not be a good business decision.
All you can do is live and learn.
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:54 AM
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Hoping that since dad is back to work the last 3 weeks will at least be at the regular rate?

Again, I am sorry this happened.
Just because you know better doesn't mean you automatically feel better.

Hang in there....you are feeling better already so pretty soon it will all be in the past.
This! Yes, I too hope that you discussed with them that since dad is now back to work you expect full payment. Sorry they screwed you over. I would have a hard time not feeling bitter too when they leave the moment the discount is gone.
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Old 03-31-2014, 09:01 AM
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Hoping that since dad is back to work the last 3 weeks will at least be at the regular rate?

Again, I am sorry this happened.
Just because you know better doesn't mean you automatically feel better.

Hang in there....you are feeling better already so pretty soon it will all be in the past.
Absolutely! Now that dad is back at work, that was the agreement! The last 3 weeks full pay or no stay!
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Old 03-31-2014, 09:12 AM
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Exactly! No more low rate, I hope! Good luck with your remaining time
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Old 03-31-2014, 09:15 AM
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Is any of this discount stuff in emails or only verbal? I would definitely be charging their full rate for their last 3wks.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:09 AM
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So DCD drops off today, which has never happened before. He will pick up, but never drop off. Says DCM had to be at work early today. Right. He paid the full amount, so that's not a problem. DCM must know I'm peeved, so I'm really anxious to see what she's like this afternoon.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots View Post
Wow!
Truley love everybody's comments and support.
I however, will take a walk on the other side.....hahaha
Was recently burnt in a similar fashion.
A colleague said to me, "remember.....they are not your friends, just an associate you work with".
Sure, they will do what is best for their own family, I would too.....but not in the fashion they did. Considering the coincidental timing, I find what they did to be just plain selfish, inconsiderate, and rude.
I am sorry this happened to you.
Feel proud that you were there for them and provided them a great service.

You are the bigger person!
Agreed. You did a wonderful thing, though.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:18 AM
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I think we all know how those "my (of insert family member, friend, neighbor here) is going to watch my kids" situations usually end. NOT well. They will be back once grandma sees she will no longer have any freedoms anymore. And you will be full up. They will regret ever leaving you.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:26 AM
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I think we all know how those "my (of insert family member, friend, neighbor here) is going to watch my kids" situations usually end. NOT well. They will be back once grandma sees she will no longer have any freedoms anymore. And you will be full up. They will regret ever leaving you.
Honestly I would NOT take them back if I were the OP.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...
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Old 03-31-2014, 11:58 AM
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Maybe DCM felt like she couldn't tell you in person because she will get too emotional. I have and have had a few (just a few, mind you) DCFs who were always very good to me and felt a genuine bond, that if they did have to leave prematurely they would probably bawl their eyes out.

Just a nice thought. I am so sorry you got screwed over.

I agree with everyone on here. I would try to be as professional as possible, while letting them know that I am filled with disappointment also. I wouldn't clarify that my disappointment was not only with the DCKs leaving, but with the way they did it and the fact that I lost so much money by doing the favor, and let them wonder about it.

You will always feel good about giving of yourself, though, no matter how it ended. What goes around, comes around, too. Some day, this family may surprise you with something phenomenal in the future when times are better for them. You never know!
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Old 03-31-2014, 12:34 PM
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Judging by that chirpy email she sent, I don't think she was feeling all emotional, but it is a nice thought. And no way would I take them as clients again! I cannot imagine she would even ask. Who would do that? Although I'm not sure if GMA knows exactly what she has signed on for... I do believe the work we do tends to get minimized. I will say that I wish these 3 weeks were already over because I don't like this feeling at all.
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Old 03-31-2014, 12:52 PM
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Judging by that chirpy email she sent, I don't think she was feeling all emotional, but it is a nice thought. And no way would I take them as clients again! I cannot imagine she would even ask. Who would do that? Although I'm not sure if GMA knows exactly what she has signed on for... I do believe the work we do tends to get minimized. I will say that I wish these 3 weeks were already over because I don't like this feeling at all.
Are you in a position where you can just term them now? I normally am not in the "quick to term" camp but I am so angry that they did this to you and would love to tell DCM since you have already lost 3 months of income on their family (6 months at half rate) that you might just as well end things now. Ok, I know that's probably not feasible or a good way to do business but oh how I would like to!!!!

And I feel your pain, I had a teacher who I bent over backwards for all summer, allowed half days when she was teaching summer school, allowed 1 day a week the weeks she was off, etc. etc. Child was supposed to go to preschool the following year, so had one more year here with me. Until October… suddenly decided they wanted to send him to preschool this year and gave 2 weeks notice. I could have replaced them in June or even in August but by October I had NO ONE interested in a spot. I was/am still mad. And yes, they had the nerve to still ask me about a future opening for their next baby. No thanks.
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:29 PM
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DCM came for pickup, and I am really steaming.
She asked if this could be her last week because her mom is ''ready to go.''
I said, Sure, but I'm still going to need the last 2 weeks payment, per her contract. She looked at me as if I were insane. She just assumed that I had another family ready to take her family's place, which I don't.
I think I shot myself in the foot because I really don't want to deal with her these last three weeks, but I just impulsively was not going to let her off the hook because Grandma was ''ready to go.''
I am truly in shock at this woman - I'm not sure where her entitlement has come from all of a sudden. And no, she wasn't emotional about leaving, nor did she express an iota of gratitude about anything. I've never had a daycare relationship devolve so quickly into weirdness like this. I don't know what to do!!
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:33 PM
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DCM came for pickup, and I am really steaming.
She asked if this could be her last week because her mom is ''ready to go.''
I said, Sure, but I'm still going to need the last 2 weeks payment, per her contract. She looked at me as if I were insane. She just assumed that I had another family ready to take her family's place, which I don't.
I think I shot myself in the foot because I really don't want to deal with her these last three weeks, but I just impulsively was not going to let her off the hook because Grandma was ''ready to go.''
I am truly in shock at this woman - I'm not sure where her entitlement has come from all of a sudden. And no, she wasn't emotional about leaving, nor did she express an iota of gratitude about anything. I've never had a daycare relationship devolve so quickly into weirdness like this. I don't know what to do!!
Take emotions out of your business relationship with her and treat it just as she is...business. Get the full amount she owes you and she will be gone soon!
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Old 04-01-2014, 12:59 PM
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Thank you, ECS, for this reply: it was literally a wake-up call. I woke up this morning feeling silly for being all emotional and for feeling hurt and not thinking about my business. I've got her money (for the rest of the week) and paperwork ready and I've decided to term her when she picks up. Since her mom is all ready for the kids, I'm not leaving her in the lurch and now I won't have to think about any of this anymore.
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Old 04-01-2014, 01:03 PM
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Thank you, ECS, for this reply: it was literally a wake-up call. I woke up this morning feeling silly for being all emotional and for feeling hurt and not thinking about my business. I've got her money (for the rest of the week) and paperwork ready and I've decided to term her when she picks up. Since her mom is all ready for the kids, I'm not leaving her in the lurch and now I won't have to think about any of this anymore.
It can be difficult but I am glad you have come to a more peaceful place!

The sad fact of the matter is we do so many nice things and at some point we burn out from truly going above and beyond because all it seemingly does (the vast majority of the time) is bite us in the rear. While I love children and I do enjoy this job (well, except this past month I have been in burn out mode) it is still THE way to make money so I prioritize that. It is how I provide income for my family. BlackCat once said something along the lines of people thinking we do this because we love kids and just so happen to get money but really we work for the money and just so happen to love kids.
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Old 04-01-2014, 04:15 PM
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I would totally feel bitter, too. I am so sorry that this family turned out to be so selfish.

I had a situation years ago where I offered care for 2 children from my church for the price of one because of a divorce situation and DCM having financial difficulties. I did it to be nice but it turned out that the older child did not get along with my child of the same age at all. It was a horrific 6+ months. DCM had also said she would pay me for both kids whenever she could afford to (she never did have any extra to pay for the second child) and also started paying for holidays (that lasted for 1 holiday, I think) but then stopped that. In the end, it was apparent that DCM no longer considered what I did a favor but the norm. I didn't feel I could say anything or back out because her dad was the pastor at our church. Luckily, there was a definite time limit so I just had to wait that out. I learned that all charity should be given outside of my childcare business. Caring for children for a price that is not fair to us is just not worth it.

I think it is good that you stuck to your guns and didn't let just let her out of paying for the couple of weeks just because Grandma is ready to go. They owe you that money. I understand that dcp's are always going to do what is best financially for themselves, but that is just too blatantly selfish.
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Old 04-01-2014, 04:17 PM
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It can be difficult but I am glad you have come to a more peaceful place!

The sad fact of the matter is we do so many nice things and at some point we burn out from truly going above and beyond because all it seemingly does (the vast majority of the time) is bite us in the rear. While I love children and I do enjoy this job (well, except this past month I have been in burn out mode) it is still THE way to make money so I prioritize that. It is how I provide income for my family. BlackCat once said something along the lines of people thinking we do this because we love kids and just so happen to get money but really we work for the money and just so happen to love kids.
Exactly!
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Old 04-01-2014, 06:13 PM
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Well, they're gone and it was not pretty. She actually thought I was doing some kind of April Fool's thing by telling her it was their last day and said she didn't have anyplace to take her kids because when she said Grandma was ready she meant Grandma was ready next Monday. It was an extremely unpleasant conversation and I'm floored that it turned out so sour, and boy is she mad.
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:16 PM
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Are you guys getting weary of these updates? DCM just texted me, and this is what she said - I kid you not. "I cannot believe you would dump my family after 3 years of loyalty to you. You have put us in an awful bind because I truly do not have anyone to watch DCKs this week. What are we supposed to do?"
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:21 PM
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Well, they're gone and it was not pretty. She actually thought I was doing some kind of April Fool's thing by telling her it was their last day and said she didn't have anyplace to take her kids because when she said Grandma was ready she meant Grandma was ready next Monday. It was an extremely unpleasant conversation and I'm floored that it turned out so sour, and boy is she mad.
It just keeps getting weirder and weirder....wow.

Whew, the only April fool here is HER.

Laurel
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:26 PM
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Are you guys getting weary of these updates? DCM just texted me, and this is what she said - I kid you not. "I cannot believe you would dump my family after 3 years of loyalty to you. You have put us in an awful bind because I truly do not have anyone to watch DCKs this week. What are we supposed to do?"
I typed my other post at the same time you must have been typing this.

No, I'm not weary of these updates. It amazes me how she thinks.

Not sure what I would write back if anything but I can't think of anything good.

Laurel
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:29 PM
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Are you guys getting weary of these updates? DCM just texted me, and this is what she said - I kid you not. "I cannot believe you would dump my family after 3 years of loyalty to you. You have put us in an awful bind because I truly do not have anyone to watch DCKs this week. What are we supposed to do?"
Maybe you could say "Frankly my dear, I don't give a da*n."

Laurel
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:30 PM
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I'm not sure you will be able to get her to see your point of view no matter how hard you try. A very gracious discount given leaving more money in the pockets for their family, but less in yours. Yet she balked at having to pay the two week notice she agreed to upon signing, even though they were back to normal pay. If you had known they would bolt as soon as the discounted care was no longer needed, then you likely would have not chosen to do so in the first place. YOU were loyal to THEM, not the other way around. I hope you are able to fill the spots soon.
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:08 PM
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Laurel, you make me laugh. It IS strange, and I have never had any kind of situation that comes close to this. I can't stress enough how out of character this is for her. She is (or was) a very bright, very kind and sweet woman. That's why I don't understand how she does not get it. On the other hand, I think maybe she does understand and doesn't want to concede that her behavior has been sketchy. I'm not going to reply to her text because frankly I don't know what to say. This afternoon I kinda said all I needed to say (maybe too much...) When she was incredulous about my terming, she told me flat-out that what I was doing was not nice and that I was punishing her for leaving. I was very calm and told her that she told me how she really felt about me and the job that I do by sending me an email, rather than talking in person, and that I thought I deserved better than that. And also that she waited to term the minute her discount ran out, and from my perspective that wasn't nice. I also wondered why Grandma couldn't arrange to watch the children at some point over the last six months (thanks Nannyde for that suggestion!). She used both hands to slam the door, which really angered me.
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:31 PM
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Laurel, you make me laugh. It IS strange, and I have never had any kind of situation that comes close to this. I can't stress enough how out of character this is for her. She is (or was) a very bright, very kind and sweet woman. That's why I don't understand how she does not get it. On the other hand, I think maybe she does understand and doesn't want to concede that her behavior has been sketchy. I'm not going to reply to her text because frankly I don't know what to say. This afternoon I kinda said all I needed to say (maybe too much...) When she was incredulous about my terming, she told me flat-out that what I was doing was not nice and that I was punishing her for leaving. I was very calm and told her that she told me how she really felt about me and the job that I do by sending me an email, rather than talking in person, and that I thought I deserved better than that. And also that she waited to term the minute her discount ran out, and from my perspective that wasn't nice. I also wondered why Grandma couldn't arrange to watch the children at some point over the last six months (thanks Nannyde for that suggestion!). She used both hands to slam the door, which really angered me.
That, my friend, is called a temper tantrum. Holy moly.
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Old 04-01-2014, 09:08 PM
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thank you Tasha for posting this and thanks to every one for replying
it has been a big reminder to many of us " Care Givers " how selfish our parents , friends and people can be

I have many times " given the breaks " " thought of others issues " and " have helped " and almost every time I have been bitten as a result

Even this day I feel the frustation of this " bussiness "

BUT

I hold my head up and can look in the mirror every morning and love who I am and all I do ...it is about the children why we do it first and it is about us and how it makes us feel

Yes we pay the bills and it is a bussiness ..so we need to treat is as such
feeding my daughter HAS to come first for that is what the parents think of first ...so why not me ...thank you for helping put myself back on track and maybe a few others
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:17 AM
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My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!



I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think your generosity was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:45 AM
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Laurel, you make me laugh. It IS strange, and I have never had any kind of situation that comes close to this. I can't stress enough how out of character this is for her. She is (or was) a very bright, very kind and sweet woman. That's why I don't understand how she does not get it. On the other hand, I think maybe she does understand and doesn't want to concede that her behavior has been sketchy. I'm not going to reply to her text because frankly I don't know what to say. This afternoon I kinda said all I needed to say (maybe too much...) When she was incredulous about my terming, she told me flat-out that what I was doing was not nice and that I was punishing her for leaving. I was very calm and told her that she told me how she really felt about me and the job that I do by sending me an email, rather than talking in person, and that I thought I deserved better than that. And also that she waited to term the minute her discount ran out, and from my perspective that wasn't nice. I also wondered why Grandma couldn't arrange to watch the children at some point over the last six months (thanks Nannyde for that suggestion!). She used both hands to slam the door, which really angered me.
Good for you. I like what you said to her. I don't think there is any need to reply to her email but it sure is tempting just to get it out. I wouldn't though. You can let it out here. We get it.

Laurel
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:49 AM
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thank you Tasha for posting this and thanks to every one for replying
it has been a big reminder to many of us " Care Givers " how selfish our parents , friends and people can be

I have many times " given the breaks " " thought of others issues " and " have helped " and almost every time I have been bitten as a result

Even this day I feel the frustation of this " bussiness "

BUT

I hold my head up and can look in the mirror every morning and love who I am and all I do ...it is about the children why we do it first and it is about us and how it makes us feel

Yes we pay the bills and it is a bussiness ..so we need to treat is as such
feeding my daughter HAS to come first for that is what the parents think of first ...so why not me ...thank you for helping put myself back on track and maybe a few others
I know I've been burned helping someone too. I did do it voluntarily also but later wished I hadn't.

I think our business is harder in that we get to know our 'customers'. If you go into a retail store you don't even ask for a break or no one offers. It is a bit different.

Laurel
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:54 AM
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My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!



I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.
You know what. I love your letter. I think I am changing my mind and would copy your letter word for word and email it to her. It's great! After how she behaved, she deserves to hear exactly how OP was hurt by this and what her sacrifice was. You still kept it civil, in my opinion.

Perfect.

Laurel

Edited to add: I love the part about "How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?"
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:20 AM
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My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!



I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.
KidGrind, this letter is a perfect distillation of my feelings and really reflects exactly what happened. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. In fact, seeing it laid out like this so well makes me even angrier. I am very much tempted to send it.
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:33 AM
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My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!



I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.
In this situation I would have to respond. I wouldn't be able to let it roll off my back, not this time.

This letter is perfect! Not angry or retaliated, just pointing out the facts that are not obvious to mom.

If it were me I would send this, since clearly she doesn't even realize that you have a point of view at all
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:34 AM
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Oh, and I love the dollar amount showing her how much money you sacrificed out of the goodness of your heart, then she slaps you in the face with it
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:44 AM
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not tired of hearing about this, came back looking for an update! I think a few of us have been in your shoes. I kept my mouth shut when it happened to me so I am really interested in hearing how others handle it. I think the letter KidGrind posted is fabulous!!!! I really would want this woman to know exactly how much you gave up for her when she is saying how loyal they were… they were loyal because you were technically gave them 3 months of FREE daycare!!! Please update if you send a similar letter and she responds!! I am sorry I didn't say more to the family that pulled a similar stunt on me.
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:40 AM
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Totally not tired of hearing the updates. You need a place to get your feelings out and everyone here is willing to help however they can and are the most likely to truly understand how hurtful this situation is to you.

Sounds to me like you told her the truth and she did not like it so she threw a tantrum. I personally would probably leave it where it is (but then I am very non-confrontationaly ). She is probably never going to acknowledge that her defection as soon as the fees went back to normal was the "not nice" part of this deal. Even if she is attacking to sooth her own conscience, she is unlikely to give you the satisfaction of apologizing or even admitting you are right about any of it. I've run into people like her...they just stew and stew over the perceived hurt to them and are unable to see the provider's side. She is showing her true colors....all nice and sweet as long as she is getting the best part of the deal but turning into a "b" as soon as she is called on her selfishness.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:13 AM
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Wow, I came back to see the update and am shocked! What a turn of events! I can't believe she's being such a B!!!
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:15 AM
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This, of all the threads I've read on this site over a couple years, has been the one that got me ticked off the most. (At the situation, not you!) I would have been so incredibly hurt and mad at the same time.

Remember that government shutdown awhile back? I offered to discount for a military family during that. Fortunately, it all blew over really fast and I ended up not losing anything, but I was willing to work with them because I felt for them and for their situation. They work hard, they try hard to provide well, but they do struggle. Then the gov't threw this at them, and they were devastated. It was MY suggestion to help them out.

I had my reservations and told myself I was probably crazy for taking a hit for someone else's problem, but we do what we feel is right at the time. And it felt more right than it did crazy.

I'm glad for myself and for the family that it blew over and never affected us, but it very well could have gone the other way. It could have been a long, drawn out event in which I could've lost a LOT of money. Had that happened, and then at the end of the crisis the family just picked up and ran their kids to Grandma's without so much as a "thank you", "how can we ever repay you?", "you've been a godsend to us when we needed it most", etc., etc, I would have been utterly devastated.

I feel for you. I think I know exactly how it made you feel. Hurt mostly, but at the same time, MAD! I would be very tempted to send an email, just because I hate knowing that they got away with hurting me THAT badly, and never knew about it. Whether that's the right way to think about it, I don't know. Many would say that you should be the bigger person and let them go off into the sunset in their ignorance, and that you should move on with lesson learned.

I say SCREW THAT!!! Send an email !!!!! LOL

I'd send something like, "I need to tell you how hurt I was that the help I gave your family over these last several months was not only not acknowledged, but pretty much slapped in the face. If you look at it this way, I literally GAVE you X amount of dollars to help your family in a time of crisis. (stealing from KidGrind here...) Did Grandma give you money? Did any other family members give you money? I'm not even family and I GAVE you X amount of dollars! You didn't even have the decency to acknowledge that, nor to offer some sort of repayment plan. Nothing. You say that you were loyal to me? Loyalty would have been to stay after the charity ran out. I am deeply hurt and insulted by the way you treated me after my gesture of goodwill to your family. I wish the best for your kids."
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:17 AM
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Wow! Tasha, so glad you are sharing this with us! I'm impressed on how you are handling the situation too! Don't think I could with such class and professionalism as you are.
KidGrind did write the perfect letter, I loved it! Felt myself getting all fired up as I kept reading. I'm sure you are aware, but just gonna mention it....If you do send that letter, it'll most likely open the door for her to retaliate even more, seeing she is choosing denial to deal with it in the first place. kwim?
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:48 AM
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Wow! I, too, came back for the update and can't believe what has unfolded!

I had a similar situation for a family I was a nanny for. It got ugly real fast when I gave notice, and a bunch of lengthy emails back and forth- then the mom got nasty, and started hurling insults at me. I finally stepped back to look at what was going on, and I just stopped...

I had said my piece, and there was nothing more productive. The mom I am speaking of was flat out wrong, I could have crushed her with insults as she tried to do to me, she was a VERY easy target, but I didn't.

If you feel you have gotten your point across, I would walk away from it all. If not, send the email. This mom is 100% in the wrong, and someday she will realize what she's lost. Right now, it's easier for her to toss blame your way, deflecting it from herself. I would want her out of my life, and I would let her know you wish to have no further contact once the financial aspects are settled.
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Old 04-02-2014, 12:13 PM
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Wow! I, too, came back for the update and can't believe what has unfolded!

I had a similar situation for a family I was a nanny for. It got ugly real fast when I gave notice, and a bunch of lengthy emails back and forth- then the mom got nasty, and started hurling insults at me. I finally stepped back to look at what was going on, and I just stopped...

I had said my piece, and there was nothing more productive. The mom I am speaking of was flat out wrong, I could have crushed her with insults as she tried to do to me, she was a VERY easy target, but I didn't.

If you feel you have gotten your point across, I would walk away from it all. If not, send the email. This mom is 100% in the wrong, and someday she will realize what she's lost. Right now, it's easier for her to toss blame your way, deflecting it from herself. I would want her out of my life, and I would let her know you wish to have no further contact once the financial aspects are settled.


Agree. Sometimes it's hard because you feel as though if you could just explain one more time or a different way, etc. the reality is people see things how they want and often no amount of explaining helps - often it just gives them more ammunition.
I am so sorry the family did that after what you did for them.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:00 PM
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I think you're both right, MrsMichelle and Play Care. I don't think she'll ever get it, but that "loyalty" line just about sent me over the edge. I am just in shock and embarrassed over my huge misjudgment about DCM. I do not know what has gotten into her. I still am so conflicted. Nannyde said I just got got, and I don't want it to end like this, with her actually believing I have somehow done her wrong.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:02 PM
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Wow! Tasha, so glad you are sharing this with us! I'm impressed on how you are handling the situation too! Don't think I could with such class and professionalism as you are.
KidGrind did write the perfect letter, I loved it! Felt myself getting all fired up as I kept reading. I'm sure you are aware, but just gonna mention it....If you do send that letter, it'll most likely open the door for her to retaliate even more, seeing she is choosing denial to deal with it in the first place. kwim?
This is very nice of you to say, but I don't think I've been very classy. I've cried in private (which is ridiculous, I know) and even though I was calm yesterday, I was clearly irritated with her.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:05 PM
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This, of all the threads I've read on this site over a couple years, has been the one that got me ticked off the most. (At the situation, not you!) I would have been so incredibly hurt and mad at the same time.

Remember that government shutdown awhile back? I offered to discount for a military family during that. Fortunately, it all blew over really fast and I ended up not losing anything, but I was willing to work with them because I felt for them and for their situation. They work hard, they try hard to provide well, but they do struggle. Then the gov't threw this at them, and they were devastated. It was MY suggestion to help them out.

I had my reservations and told myself I was probably crazy for taking a hit for someone else's problem, but we do what we feel is right at the time. And it felt more right than it did crazy.

I'm glad for myself and for the family that it blew over and never affected us, but it very well could have gone the other way. It could have been a long, drawn out event in which I could've lost a LOT of money. Had that happened, and then at the end of the crisis the family just picked up and ran their kids to Grandma's without so much as a "thank you", "how can we ever repay you?", "you've been a godsend to us when we needed it most", etc., etc, I would have been utterly devastated.

I feel for you. I think I know exactly how it made you feel. Hurt mostly, but at the same time, MAD! I would be very tempted to send an email, just because I hate knowing that they got away with hurting me THAT badly, and never knew about it. Whether that's the right way to think about it, I don't know. Many would say that you should be the bigger person and let them go off into the sunset in their ignorance, and that you should move on with lesson learned.

I say SCREW THAT!!! Send an email !!!!! LOL

I'd send something like, "I need to tell you how hurt I was that the help I gave your family over these last several months was not only not acknowledged, but pretty much slapped in the face. If you look at it this way, I literally GAVE you X amount of dollars to help your family in a time of crisis. (stealing from KidGrind here...) Did Grandma give you money? Did any other family members give you money? I'm not even family and I GAVE you X amount of dollars! You didn't even have the decency to acknowledge that, nor to offer some sort of repayment plan. Nothing. You say that you were loyal to me? Loyalty would have been to stay after the charity ran out. I am deeply hurt and insulted by the way you treated me after my gesture of goodwill to your family. I wish the best for your kids."
Lucy, you have made me feel so much better with this! And I want to thank everybody on here for your support. I hesitated before posting because I didn't want my first thread on here (though I've been a longtime lurker) to be such a negative downer, and of course I didn't realize how freaky it would get. But you wonderful women have made me feel so much better, and I am truly touched. Thank you.
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:52 PM
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Tasha, your post tugs at my heart. I am so sorry you went through this & I would send that e-mail. Some might say no, don't so that. But I think it would make you feel better & after the way you were treated it may help to get it out!
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Old 04-03-2014, 11:03 AM
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Lucy, you have made me feel so much better with this! And I want to thank everybody on here for your support. I hesitated before posting because I didn't want my first thread on here (though I've been a longtime lurker) to be such a negative downer, and of course I didn't realize how freaky it would get. But you wonderful women have made me feel so much better, and I am truly touched. Thank you.
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Old 04-04-2014, 12:54 PM
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And on and on it goes... Got a text earlier today from DCM informing me (not asking) that she'll be by on Saturday ''with the girls'' to pick up some leftover items that I ''kept.'' I did think I gave her everything she left behind on Tuesday, but she says I have a couple of pairs of socks (''one pink, one white''); a pacifier that I know I gave back months ago; a little T-shirt, which I do not have, and a small Teddy bear that one of the girls suddenly discovered was missing and needs it immediately (and that she also stopped playing with awhile ago). I'm still mad about her loyalty text and I don't want to see her at all, ever again. I haven't responded to her yet, and I really do think she's just trying to needle me. I want to ignore her because at this point I feel like anything I say or do will blow up in my face.
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:08 PM
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And on and on it goes... Got a text earlier today from DCM informing me (not asking) that she'll be by on Saturday ''with the girls'' to pick up some leftover items that I ''kept.'' I did think I gave her everything she left behind on Tuesday, but she says I have a couple of pairs of socks (''one pink, one white''); a pacifier that I know I gave back months ago; a little T-shirt, which I do not have, and a small Teddy bear that one of the girls suddenly discovered was missing and needs it immediately (and that she also stopped playing with awhile ago). I'm still mad about her loyalty email and I don't want to see her at all, ever again. I haven't responded to her yet, and I really do think she's just trying to needle me. I want to ignore her because at this point I feel like anything I say or do will blow up in my face.
I would not allow her to return.

Arrange to have her things sent to her.

Tell her to stop contacting you. Your business agreement is over and any other connection you may have had ended when she chose to show her true colors.
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:20 PM
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Don't let this woman into your house! If you have anything at all of theirs, leave it on the porch and halt all further communication. This lady sounds vindictive and on the train to crazy town. It's time to let it go.
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:26 PM
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Just curious, did you respond to the other text?

I would not want her back at my house, or her kids (why would she bring them?)

Sounds like she's playing games. Respond back, I will put the items in the mail today. No need to come to my home as your items will not be here.
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:38 PM
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Just curious, did you respond to the other text?

I would not want her back at my house, or her kids (why would she bring them?)

Sounds like she's playing games. Respond back, I will put the items in the mail today. No need to come to my home as your items will not be here.
I didn't respond to her text from Tuesday night. I thought about using KidGrind's letter because it was so good, but thought better of it because I was sure this whole mess would escalate. About her daughters: All she wrote was that the girls and I will be by on Saturday... So I haven't the foggiest why she would bring them. I said my goodbyes to them the other day and there is really nothing left to be said.
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:11 PM
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And on and on it goes... Got a text earlier today from DCM informing me (not asking) that she'll be by on Saturday ''with the girls'' to pick up some leftover items that I ''kept.'' I did think I gave her everything she left behind on Tuesday, but she says I have a couple of pairs of socks (''one pink, one white''); a pacifier that I know I gave back months ago; a little T-shirt, which I do not have, and a small Teddy bear that one of the girls suddenly discovered was missing and needs it immediately (and that she also stopped playing with awhile ago). I'm still mad about her loyalty text and I don't want to see her at all, ever again. I haven't responded to her yet, and I really do think she's just trying to needle me. I want to ignore her because at this point I feel like anything I say or do will blow up in my face.
You know, the story I mentioned above about being a nanny had a similar situation.They were insistent that they come to my house to collect items. I was honestly afraid they were going to pretend to fall and try and sue or something.
Agree with everyone else. Do not let them back, put any items certified mail (if they even exist). This mom is a real piece...
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:30 PM
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What is it with the extra socks? I had a one month notice period that I suffered through....putting on my happy face every day until the end. I had a little going away party, bag of extra clothes packed, hugs all around, thank you and goodbye! DCD says "are sure we don'thave any little socks or anything left?". Oh I'm sure, buh by now. No way would I let your DCM come back on Saturday.... not to mention did she give you a time or are supposed to just wait around on her. I would deliberately be gone and maybe leave a copy of that letter for her.
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:39 PM
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I didn't respond to her text from Tuesday night. I thought about using KidGrind's letter because it was so good, but thought better of it because I was sure this whole mess would escalate. About her daughters: All she wrote was that the girls and I will be by on Saturday... So I haven't the foggiest why she would bring them. I said my goodbyes to them the other day and there is really nothing left to be said.
I would send an email or text:

I have returned all belongings to you on Tuesday during after termination of our childcare service contract. The items are not in my possession. I would like for you to refrain from contacting me in the future. Thank you!
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:44 PM
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You know, the story I mentioned above about being a nanny had a similar situation.They were insistent that they come to my house to collect items. I was honestly afraid they were going to pretend to fall and try and sue or something.
Agree with everyone else. Do not let them back, put any items certified mail (if they even exist). This mom is a real piece...
Had something similar happen to me. Was afraid mom would try to claim an accident on my property and try to sue, so I left the belongings at the end of the walk way. Well guess who reported me with bogus claims!? Because she didn't truly have any real complaints, they came off pretty petty, but she tried to say I left her dcb's belongings in the sewer. Hind sight.....I should've sent certified mail. One less exaggerated lie for her to file.
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Old 04-04-2014, 07:23 PM
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I would not allow her to return.

Arrange to have her things sent to her.

Tell her to stop contacting you. Your business agreement is over and any other connection you may have had ended when she chose to show her true colors.
You are absolutely right, BC. I texted her and told her not to come by, that i'll mail her Teddy bear, and that our business arrangement was done. I truly hope she listens to me and doesn't come by anyway. DH won't be back in town until Sunday so it's just me and DD, and I know I don't have anything to worry about, but I don't want her coming over and causing a scene.
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Old 04-04-2014, 07:26 PM
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What is it with the extra socks? I had a one month notice period that I suffered through....putting on my happy face every day until the end. I had a little going away party, bag of extra clothes packed, hugs all around, thank you and goodbye! DCD says "are sure we don'thave any little socks or anything left?". Oh I'm sure, buh by now. No way would I let your DCM come back on Saturday.... not to mention did she give you a time or are supposed to just wait around on her. I would deliberately be gone and maybe leave a copy of that letter for her.
I have to admit I laughed at the sock request. She was very specific, too: pair of pink and white socks. Those girls were always velcroed up without socks!
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Old 04-24-2014, 04:58 PM
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Sorry to resurrect this thread, but so many of you stuck with me through this strange saga so I thought I'd let you know that I just got an email and I am cracking up at the nerve. Some of you called it, saying that DCM would want her girls to come back and I just thought there was no way in heck that would happen after the psycho way she acted. I was wrong!
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Old 04-24-2014, 05:18 PM
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Sorry to resurrect this thread, but so many of you stuck with me through this strange saga so I thought I'd let you know that I just got an email and I am cracking up at the nerve. Some of you called it, saying that DCM would want her girls to come back and I just thought there was no way in heck that would happen after the psycho way she acted. I was wrong!


Please tell us you said no way in heck?!
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Old 04-24-2014, 05:22 PM
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Sorry to resurrect this thread, but so many of you stuck with me through this strange saga so I thought I'd let you know that I just got an email and I am cracking up at the nerve. Some of you called it, saying that DCM would want her girls to come back and I just thought there was no way in heck that would happen after the psycho way she acted. I was wrong!
Oh wow! The nerve! What was your response or lack of?
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Old 04-24-2014, 05:22 PM
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I'm so sorry this happened. But you did have this family for a very long time, and they were terrific clients. I think I would have made the same sacrifice if I were in your shoes, given their reputation, so don't beat yourself up about that.

It sucks that their leaving, but I'm sure that even though dad is back at work it's going to take them a long time to get back on track. They are doing what is best for them and ultimately what is best for you. Because when it comes to financial struggles, those wonderful clients could have easily turned into a pain.

I would ask them to continue to refer people to you, it's the least they can do
very nice

OP, you are a very caring person
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Old 04-24-2014, 06:20 PM
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Sorry to resurrect this thread, but so many of you stuck with me through this strange saga so I thought I'd let you know that I just got an email and I am cracking up at the nerve. Some of you called it, saying that DCM would want her girls to come back and I just thought there was no way in heck that would happen after the psycho way she acted. I was wrong!
No way!!!!

What did she say?
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Old 04-24-2014, 06:44 PM
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Old 04-24-2014, 07:09 PM
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I have not replied yet, I thought I'd let it sit awhile until I figure out precisely what I want to say, but there is absolutely no way I would take that family back and have to deal with her again! I got a lot of satisfaction from her email, which said that she'd like to bring the girls back part-time ''to give Mom a little break during the week if that would be okay.'' She wants to "move forward'' and put the past behind us. Right.
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Old 04-24-2014, 07:42 PM
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I have not replied yet, I thought I'd let it sit awhile until I figure out precisely what I want to say, but there is absolutely no way I would take that family back and have to deal with her again! I got a lot of satisfaction from her email, which said that she'd like to bring the girls back part-time ''to give Mom a little break during the week if that would be okay.'' She wants to "move forward'' and put the past behind us. Right.
Wow.

I'm glad you updated us.

You could just reply with two words. Not interested.

Laurel
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Old 04-24-2014, 07:48 PM
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Or just not reply at all. Sometimes saying nothing speaks volumes, although maybe this dcm still wouldn't get it!
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Old 04-24-2014, 09:21 PM
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Ohhhhhhh please update when you respond!!
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Old 04-24-2014, 09:36 PM
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You did a good thing. And they are gone now. And you won't take them back; you will make the decision that's right for you as to how or if you respond

I'm dealing with a "situation" too. Your thread is one of the first I was interested in when I found this site. That was before my own "situation" came to light.

I made a decision that I can live with. It's not the right one financially, but I can hold my head up knowing that I did things right. And with respect and even kindness, even though the parents did not deserve all of that.

You can hold yours up too. You did a kind thing, not based on finances, but right for your heart and mind. They took advantage of that, whether they realize it or not, but that doesn't lessen your kindness.

I respect that.
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  #92  
Old 04-24-2014, 11:12 PM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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I would totally all her out on it

Dear Pam, I received your inquiry regarding part time spots for X and Y. I have always enjoyed working with your children however, I feel that your actions when we last parted ways has ruined forever our working relationship. I am not interested working with a parent that happily uses my services when receiving a generous discount yet leaves me immediately when that discounted time is coming to an end. Nor am I willing to work with a parent that makes the situation worse by other insensitive actions. I am surprised to hear from you considering how poorly things ended between us after 3 years of working together but again, I am not interested in continuing our working relationship in any way. Please do not contact me again. As I have already expressed to you, our business relationship is done. I will no longer respond to any communication from you.
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  #93  
Old 04-25-2014, 02:22 AM
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Tasha Tasha is offline
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I would totally all her out on it

Dear Pam, I received your inquiry regarding part time spots for X and Y. I have always enjoyed working with your children however, I feel that your actions when we last parted ways has ruined forever our working relationship. I am not interested working with a parent that happily uses my services when receiving a generous discount yet leaves me immediately when that discounted time is coming to an end. Nor am I willing to work with a parent that makes the situation worse by other insensitive actions. I am surprised to hear from you considering how poorly things ended between us after 3 years of working together but again, I am not interested in continuing our working relationship in any way. Please do not contact me again. As I have already expressed to you, our business relationship is done. I will no longer respond to any communication from you.
Cheerfuldom, you nailed it! I'm going to take parts of this, if you don't mind, and I'm going to throw in a few of my own thoughts and reply this afternoon. I'm glad I let it marinate for awhile, and I wonder what she is really thinking because I thought I made myself crystal clear when I shipped her socks back.
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  #94  
Old 04-25-2014, 03:37 AM
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Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
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Sure, for 5x the money. After all, it is part time and you need to recap some of your lost income from being so kind.
I can't believe the audacity of that woman. Did she really think you'd jump at the chance to be treated like dirt again??
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  #95  
Old 04-25-2014, 05:59 AM
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I have not replied yet, I thought I'd let it sit awhile until I figure out precisely what I want to say, but there is absolutely no way I would take that family back and have to deal with her again! I got a lot of satisfaction from her email, which said that she'd like to bring the girls back part-time ''to give Mom a little break during the week if that would be okay.'' She wants to "move forward'' and put the past behind us. Right.




Good morning Mrs. Ingrate,

I received your inquiry concerning part-time. I am currently interviewing families requiring full-time care.

I am sure _______ and ________ are enjoying Grandma! Moving forward, I hope you find part-time care which meets your needs.

Good luck,


The Best D*mn Provider You’ll Ever Have

This DCM has way too much nerve. Other posters nailed it when they predicted it would NOT be Candy Land at Grandma’s!

I had to edit this post to add:

*&^% @#!

I know you are not going to do this but if it were me. I would say sure _______ and __________ can come back for part-time care. The part-time registration fee is $______ <-----( Would be the six months of income I sacrificed during their time of need.)

Last edited by KidGrind; 04-25-2014 at 06:07 AM. Reason: I am wilding out over the pure nerve of some people.
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Old 04-25-2014, 06:03 AM
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JoseyJo JoseyJo is offline
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Originally Posted by KidGrind View Post




Good morning Mrs. Ingrate,

I received your inquiry concerning part-time. I am currently interviewing families requiring full-time care.

I am sure _______ and ________ are enjoying Grandma! Moving forward, I hope you find part-time care which meets your needs.

Good luck,


The Best D*mn Provider You’ll Ever Have
As much as I would WANT to email back one of the other responses, in the end I would stick with this one. Not stooping to her level would make me feel better in the long run.
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  #97  
Old 04-25-2014, 06:55 AM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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As much as I would WANT to email back one of the other responses, in the end I would stick with this one. Not stooping to her level would make me feel better in the long run.
I could see the benefit of either letter and support whichever the OP chooses, however, I dont think my letter is stooping to her level. It was direct but yes, specific in why I would say no. There was no name calling, pulling the children into the argument, lies or anything else that i would consider "stooping". I think sometimes parents really do need a "hey, you cant treat people that way" wake-up call.
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  #98  
Old 04-25-2014, 06:58 AM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
I could see the benefit of either letter and support whichever the OP chooses, however, I dont think my letter is stooping to her level. It was direct but yes, specific in why I would say no. There was no name calling, pulling the children into the argument, lies or anything else that i would consider "stooping". I think sometimes parents really do need a "hey, you cant treat people that way" wake-up call.
If we called more people out on their BAD behavior there might be less of it. But, instead we live in a society where people can do as they wish and no one says anything.
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  #99  
Old 04-25-2014, 07:06 AM
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wow, the nerve!!!! When I saw this post bumped I hoped it was an update… did not expect her to be coming back looking for care so soon though, LOL!!!

Please DO NOT take this family back!!! I think now is the perfect time to send a little of the points from KidGrind's original letter along with the "not interested" response.
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  #100  
Old 04-25-2014, 07:06 AM
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spinnymarie spinnymarie is offline
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I'd go with this one, from PP:
Good morning Mrs. Ingrate,

I received your inquiry concerning part-time. I am currently interviewing families requiring full-time care.

I am sure _______ and ________ are enjoying Grandma! Moving forward, I hope you find part-time care which meets your needs.

Good luck,

The Best D*mn Provider You’ll Ever Have

The only reason I wouldn't get into a 'why' letter is because I wouldn't want to string it out any longer. She's already shown you what she does when she's PO'd and I wouldn't want to get into that again. She said let's leave the past behind, so no reason to bring it back up.
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