Hello,

Disclaimer right off the bat: I mean not offense to anyone in particular. I'm just puzzled and confused in general.
Reading on these message boards, the main thing I derive from the threads is that most of you feel parents are a pain in the backside; kids are difficult, snotty, snooty, spoiled, or annoying; things would be so much better if parents just gave up their own silly ideas and followed your rules and guidelines; and generally, running a home daycare is just one small step short of the seventh circle of hell.

Is it really that bad? I'm not a troll; I am actually a fairly long-time member studying to get my ECE diploma right now, and this is truly not an attempt to cause trouble. I'm just really not prepared to deal with the anger and the resentment that will undoubtedly follow, and I am really, genuinely puzzled. I got into the ECE field because I absolutely adore children (and before you bring on the "Oh, you must be so young; we'll talk to you in a year," card, I'm in my 40s and I have three young children of my own, 9, newly 7, and 3). I realized when I started doing field placements that all parents - well, most parents do their utmost for their children with the often limited knowledge and - resources they have at their disposal. I figured, since I'm not all that special, that most ECEs/ECE students/professional childcare providers feel the same way.

But then on this forum, all I ever see is complaining. Snarky comments about daycare parents. Derogatory statements about daycare parents' parenting ideas. Long, elaborate descriptions of terribly behaved young children. It's all so, so, so negative that it saddens me. Come on. It can't be all bad. If this whole deal stinks so bad, why are you here? Why are you still doing this? Why are you not a greeter at Walmart, an employee at Subway, an up-and-coming actress?
Unless it's a misery-loves-company thing.

So talk to me. Help me understand, because I don't want to end up jaded and cynical and impatient with tiny humans who need our assistance while they are attempting to make sense of this world.

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Why would we come here to talk about the ones that we DON'T have problems with? You're reading here about the worst of the worst. The ones that we come here to vent about to avoid exploding. I have some GREAT kids and GREAT parents-I don't feel the urge to come on a forum to talk about the kid who listened when I asked him not to jump on the furniture or to complain about the parent that always picks up 15 minutes early.

I, along with most everyone here (I believe), love my job. I love the kids I care for, and I genuinely like the parents. It's when they tick me off or I chose the wrong family to enroll that you'll see me here complaining.

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Here's the thing though. It doesn't sound like it's exceptions. It comes across as every parent, every child, every day. And if it comes across like that to me, odds are that it does to childcare parents, or prospective childcare parents, as well. Nobody ever starts a thread with, "I love this job, I'm so glad I chose it; however, there is this one family/child/situation I have an issue with." It's always, "parents do this;children do that; nobody ever listens when I say this, that, or the other."
You may not see it because you have been in this business for so long. We tend to overlook things that are either not useful, or downright painful for us to face. But trust me when I say that this whole forum comes across as incredibly unkind and uncharitable to both daycare parents and daycare children alike.

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I don't think it comes across as unkind necessarily. I think it's more of "a lot of parents will do _________ if you let them which is why I have a policy that says ______________" And it seems like there is always that one family (hopefully it's only one!) that for some reason just doesn't seem to get it.

I used to work in the horse industry and there were a lot the same problems there. A lot of people didn't read contracts, tried to pay late, didn't provide the items they were supposed to, etc.

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It's because this is mostly where people vent or need help solving problems so that is the part you mostly see. People tend to not write about the good things because good things don't upset them.

Then there are a few providers from time to time who aren't in this profession for the long haul or have just chosen the wrong career. It happens so you see their angst here.

Then there is the fact that you have not actually done it yourself yet on your own (no matter what your age). I think you'll 'get' this forum after you do.

I am retired now after 20 years of doing this and I feel it was the most rewarding profession I could have picked. I did something truly important. It's weird because I feel this way and don't see this forum as being negative. Stick around for at least a year after you start doing childcare on your own and I bet your perception will be different.

Like someone else said, it happens in other jobs as well. I'd say all jobs. People just complain about the parts that they don't like but don't mention the parts they do. It is human nature. No mystery there.

Laurel

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The challenging dcps and dcks are the ones that rile us and the ones we need help with. Yes, we're going to come here and complain, vent, rant, and beg for help. A lot of us work alone, some don't have significant others to talk to, some do but they don't want to complain to them or they won't listen. DCproviders NEED some place to open up to others who can offer advice, a 'been there done that and this is what worked' outlet. Isn't it better to let off steam somewhere than to keep it all inside and make ourselves sick?
I think daycare is an under-respected profession, thankless, used and abused by many dcfs and some of us are reaching out for appreciation and validation.
It may very well come off as a bunch of dcproviders who hate their job, especially on any certain given day. But if you keep reading, there are also those who love their kids, take special care, go above and beyond, do special things, love their dcfs, etc., etc.
I have said on the forums, more than once, that I wish everyone had parents like mine. And as for the kids, I love all my kids, even the 1 I have so many issues with. She'll be leaving in the fall for all day prek and I've had her since she was 3 months old. As crazy insane as she makes me some days, I'm going to miss her so much.
Fact is, childcare is a very stressful job and as I said, if we didn't have somewhere to vent, we'd all be sick or in therapy.

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Then don't keep posting and hanging around on this forum. It sounds like you have a lot of spare time on your hands. You can't tell me that your the perfect person and nothing ever bothers you! I do love my job but there are still things that bug me. There are in any job I'm sure.

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I dare the OP to visit any 'water cooler/break room/lunch room" anywhere...in any state...doing any business....and find one where everyone only spews happy thoughts and tells their co-workers what a wonderful place they work in and how nothing is ever wrong. How they have perfect clients and perfect bosses and that life is rainbows and unicorns....because they "love their job"

This is our water cooler. These are our co-workers. We're normal. We vent. We STILL love our jobs!

I recently lost a baby in my care to SIDS. One of the worst times of my life. I have been a provider for 30 years. The police, licensing department and the parents of the child say I did everything right and it couldn't have been stopped. I am still grieving.

I am crying right now, because the OP has no idea what great people are on this forum. I received SO MUCH SUPPORT it was over-whelming. The providers here have made a HUGE DIFFERENCE in my life....from a good vent, to a good laugh.....to support during a nightmare.

Please don't accuse the providers on here as being anything but supportive and professional.

I happen to love them all dearly.

OP...you don't know the folks on here and obviously do not want to.

Your loss.

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[INDENT[/INDENT
Meeko, please don't let some anonymous person hurt you. Trust me, this person is not interested in hearing the good , they just want to complain about what they conclude from reading a little. Take the way the parents of the precious child think of you ! They adore you and know how much you care about the children. Someone who doesn't like children/parents isn't going to last long in childcare. Most of the providers on here really do care about the families and especially the children. How many have talked about giving discounts , giving some families their own children's clothing , cried over children leaving their program? That is the true heart of most of the providers on here. And we all know that even if we sometimes complain and have a rough day, you go back and do it all over again. Because you guys all care. I'm crying for you right now

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It's all about perception. You perceive this forum as negative and snarky, which can be true, but for good reason. It's far better for us to get out our negative/snarky comments here than to do it in front of dcps, don't you think? This is, for the vast majority of us, the only place where we can vent and complain without worrying about losing a client or losing their respect. Most of us work alone, so there's no coworkers to gripe to.

Don't get discouraged. At the end of the day, I'm very happy with the decisions I've made that brought me to this profession. Sure it has its challenges, but wouldn't it be boring if it didn't?

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Not sure what forum threads you are reading but I read every day about providers asking for tips, tricks, suggestions and support in finding ways to:

make their environments better for the kids, set up sensory bins, organize paperwork, fit in training courses, adjust sleep schedules, help a toddler learn not to hit/bite, word their policies better, get a newbie adjusted, stop a child from throwing tantrums, meal and snack ideas, stay within ratios, become licensed, certified, accredited, earn their ECE degree, find info about CDA, proper diaper changing routines, cloth diapering, saving money, get new clients, keep current clients, term a client nicely, toilet train a child, find craft ideas, plan parties, prepare advertising materials, gift giving options, find grant options, how work state assistance programs, how to participate with QRIS in their state, how to be more Reggio, Montessori, organic etc within their programs, set up their homes so that families feel welcome, contact CPS or DHS or licensing, how to maintain a sense of business owner, parent, caregiver and friend all at the same time.......etc

Every single day I read posts from providers asking/advising others how to be better at those things. In the midst of all that, I do read negatives now and then but the negative posts are pretty few and between. At least from my perspective.

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I just re-read the original post.

The line "why don't you be walmart greeters or work at a subway....." is SUPER insulting, and honestly, the most negative comment I've seen in a long time.

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I will say this....anyone who does not complain about their lives or jobs is lying. No one has a perfect anything.....

I guess I should not say complain, but maybe vent, open up, look for ideas, try to find solutions.

Until you work in this field first hand, you won't be able to understand what we go through.

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And IMO most posts are requests for help with something. People generally don't ask for help with things they don't need help with, so the vast majority of "positive" things aren't ever mentioned. I'll bet for every "Help me with this terrible ________" post there are 3-4 "I'm great at ____________" posts that are never created.

Like someone else said, it's human nature to focus on what needs to be fixed, rather than what's working well.

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I didnt appreciate this comment either.......

Come back when you have worked all day every day for at least a couple years and see how you feel then. It doesn't have anything to do with your age. Perspective will change after you have the sole responsibility of caring for children day in and day out.....it is not the same thing as parenting your own 3. If you still don't like the forum, start a different one. Do whatever you want. But don't expect an entire forum to change here just because your perceive it as negative.

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......as of the last few years, its the kids that are easy and parents that are difficult.

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I couldn't agree more! As if either of those jobs is beneath anyone. I think that any job someone does is to be respected. I have said many times that I could not work at Subway to my family when I go there. That is a hard job to remember what goes on every sub there. Seriously!

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*in defence of the providers*
because we ARE a pain in the backside! gosh... I mean, take one parent who demands some special treament for a special Snowflake (she likes THIS blankie, and her broccoli cut/served THIS way, and she hates to be told "no," and she sleeps whenever she sleeps, who cares when your nap time is... and so on, and so forth), and then multiply this by the number of children in a group - what, 6-12? - and you got a bunch of hens quacking about their special Snowflakes. then add the parents who want to plop a child in the daycare every day, including Sunday (I know some work Saturdays - and I have no idea how they survive), sick and without an extra diaper or change of clothes... and throw in the ones coming to pick up way too late, not giving a single thought that a provider has a life and needs to clean up after their children...
yes, we ARE a pain in the backside.
you have no idea how enlightening this forum has been for me. some things were, like, "oh, wow, I had no idea that was even an issue!" - which made me, in turn, change a few of my habits. it is beneficial to see the other side of the story, uncomfortable as it may be.

but guess what? we all are pain in other people's tails. one drive down the freeway will give you a few nice examples.

oh, by the way, while I am at it. my DC director's relative
(not sure which one or from which side) just died from cancer, but I did not find out from her (someone just gossipped about that... gross, I know, but I can't UNhear it). do I need to send a card or say something? or will I look like I am spreading that gossip? on one hand, I want to speak up, and on the other, I want to stay out of what's not my business...

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LOL I am glad someone was brave enough to say what I have thought every time I read this thread title. Usually I think "not just parents!". Heck hubby is home today, talk about a ginormous pain in the ..... Really I love him but he is under foot!

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I've heard McDonalds used in that comparison so many times. My own dd even used to say she'd never work there as in it's a lowly job. *I* couldn't work there because I couldn't handle everyone barking orders, the stress, facing customers, and my memory is horrible along with my hearing. Every single job needs its own qualifications and I respect each person's job. Most of them I could not do.
Ya know what? I'll bet every one(or 99%) of the population complain at one time or another about the job they do or people they encounter.

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This is perceived as offensive? I tossed out the first three random jobs I could think of, considering I had Subway for dinner, had gone to Walmart for some shopping before picking up my kids, and was skimming over a thread on the latest up-and-comers in Hollywood on E.T. or some such site while wondering about whether or not to write this thread. I see absolutely nothing offensive about it. I named three different professions, all three in the forefront of my mind at that particular moment. Why would it be offensive to be a greeter at Walmart, or to have a job at Subway?

I will say this, even though I disagree rather vehemently with the picture you all paint of this forum, I love the way you are sticking up for each other. The sense of community is nice. I would have loved some input from parents on this though. I'm curious about their take on it.

Do I expect, or even want, this forum to change? Um, no, and I don't believe I have stated that anywhere. I said I was honestly curious about why there was so much negativity. You all answered with your thoughts on it, which I appreciate. Did it change my perception? No, it did not, because the way people describe the threads here is vastly different from the way they come across when you actually read them. And that's okay, because the beauty of the internet is that you can just close a page when you don't feel like reading it anymore.

Like I said, I truly appreciate everybody's input. I ask one courtesy though: instead of automatically assuming that something is meant to be offensive, why not just ask for clarification?

Oh, and one more thing: I work 40 hours a week. In a daycare facility. Just thought I'd mention it.

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I remember when I first started reading these threads / posts . Some of the discussions seemed a bit snarky , unflattering to parents. Now I just skip over the discussions I see as upsetting to me . It's not worth it to argue viewpoints. But I will step up and say something if I feel a poster is being downright mean about the child . It has rarely been a problem .

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Why would you suggest ANY alternate employment options, especially minimum wage jobs that require no skills or education? It didn't seem relevant to your question. It's offensive because it implies we are better suited to work at low level jobs, and have no business caring for children or owning our own businesses. As a person with an advanced degree and a large amount of cash invested in a licensed facility, I didn't appreciate it.

Please link specific posts that have struck you as particularly snarky and derogatory, and demonstrate how clearly we all hate our jobs. I'm sure those posters would be happy to provide you with some clarification.

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Working at a daycare is STILL not the same thing as running your own in-home. Again, come back and see how you feel when you have actually done our job. Right now you are doing about half of the job, unless you are also the owner and manager of the daycare which it doesnt sound like. Trust me, it is not the same thing at all.

Good luck to you.

I know I sound snarky but this is after years of people thinking my job is so cushy. I have had a number of people see what I do and think "hey I can do that"......none have lasted over one year. I do not complain/vent/or really discuss my job at all but for this one forum and a select few local provider friends. That is all I have for support.

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I don't mean this rudely but what difference does it make?

From my experience on this board, parents rarely visit. There are lots of mommy groups and parenting sites to seek advice, support and information from. Yes, there are a few parents that do visit and even a few that stay on as long term members but rarely if ever has this board been aimed at parental support.

It's a daycare board. ALL About daycare.

As a provider daycare consumes a HUGE portion of my life.

As a parent, daycare is a small portion of the big picture.

So obviously you are going to see 100 providers weigh in on something before you see 1 parent give input.

Posting about parental perspectives when providers vent is like going on a motorcycle forum and complaining that they aren't covering topics like cake decorating or lawn mowing.

Also, like someone else pointed out...perspective is different and unique to everyone. It's pretty clear that you are in the minority in perceiving this forum to be negative. So maybe, (and AGAIN I do NOT mean this rudely) but just maybe the negativity is YOUR perception and not necessarily the way everyone else views this forum.

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This forum has been a wealth of knowledge ,support and ideas for running a happy daycare home.I am at the end of my carreer(30 yrs). I have found the people posting for the most part very helpful.When you work caring for non-related children in your home it can be very difficult.Having this site to come to for good and bad (hard)issues is wonderful. As another poster noted the issues often discussed are the tough ones(crying babies ,late parents ,meshing our homes and families with the childcare ect) .The easy times we do not have to discuss as much. The original poster will see if she runs her childcare at home how challenging it can be. The other day my Grandson was talking to his mom.He started his conversation with "no offence Mom but" my daughter stopped him right there and stated"honey if you start with "no offence "then you know that what you are about to say is offensive.She had a point. I think most people who run a family childcare care about the children and familes they care for.That doesn't mean every day is a piece of cake. I am sure parents get sick of the rules and wish we would just do our job. My clients all had time off paid and new before signing contracts what was expected. In 30 yrs I only had to term 2 children .

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You know what, I think I've gotten about all that I will out of this question. I asked why there was so much negativity and snarkiness, and basically most of the answers either denied the negativity or added more snarkiness.

If you really believe that, you are so misguided it's not even funny.

Cheerfuldom, I do not appreciate your derogatory attitude. You have no idea what my day entails. You wouldn't appreciate me saying, "Gee, spending the whole day in your own comfortable home, making up your own rules, that sounds like SUCH a hardship," so please do not judge my job without having any clue whatsoever.

I am in the field of early childhood education because I truly love young children and want to help educate them and support their families. I am obviously cut from a different cloth than you home daycare providers. I wish you all the very best in your business endeavors, and I thank you for the illuminating answers.

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To the OP, I have read through many of the threads and I have seen both positive and negative. IMO, it is the nature of what we do. I worked in childcare centers for years at the beginning of my career, before I got my Master's Degree.

Working in a center is challenging in it's own right. There are still challenging behaviors and challenging parents, but I had support. I could refer an angry parent to the director. I didn't have to worry about my paycheck. And I could go home at the end of the day and stop working. I miss the 40 hour work week and talking to my co workers.

Since I started my own home based preschool and childcare, typically, I work from 6:30 a.m-6:00 pm providing direct services to kids. I spend an additional 15-20 hours a week outside of these hours updating my website, marketing, returning potential client calls, preparing paperwork for client packets, working on payroll, filing for taxes, food program paperwork, lesson planning, billing, and more. My work weeks are long so I do vent. Daycare.com is an amazing resource for providers and has helped me to troubleshoot more than one difficult situation with a client.

Are there negative threads on here? I am sure. We all have rough weeks. And 70-80 hour work weeks take a toll. Working with young children is exceptionally rewarding work, but it is also challenging at times. Having a community to share the good and bad with, whether online or off, helps caregivers continue to do the important work they do each day.

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Umm, you're painting everyone with a very broad stroke and putting yourself above and beyond the group of providers here. Totally unfair and self-righteous. Sorry, I don't speak my mind all that often but had to speak up on this comment.

I think you'd find the majority of us doing this profession because of our love of children. I say that because no matter what profession you pick, you're going to find the unhappy and the disgruntled. A lot of people here have a college education, years and years of experience, take trainings and workshops. Most of us(Never say all) are not uneducated. I have done this for 30+ years. Sure, there have been times when it was too trying to feel I could make it another day. Did I bitch? Sure! Do I still bitch? Sure! But I wouldn't trade this profession with any other.

The thing about forums and the written word altogether is that so much can be read between the lines. So much misinterpretation. And it seems like it's easier to offend people that way.

IF you find these forums to be hateful towards families and children, that's sad. As everywhere on the internet(and quite often in the real world) I tend to ignore what ticks me off, makes me feel hurt, sad angry or bad. I take what helps and leave the rest. Ok, well except your one comment.

We're trying to help you see we do love the dcks and dcfs(most of the time ) even though we have to let off steam. You're here to tell us we appear like a hateful group. Maybe we can all just agree to disagree........nicely.

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omg. hilariously self righteous.

I do have a clue what your job entails. Many of us here are educated and have or do work in centers. We know what your job is for goodness sakes and we know what ours is as well. If anyone is only seeing half the picture, it is you because you have not run your own in home daycare yet. Have fun joining the real world. Please do come back in a couple years and update us. Seriously you would be welcome. you will need the support at that point. Godd luck to you.

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I didn't say it wasnt important to them.
I said daycare is only part of a family's bigger picture. Its not who they are.

Daycare families dont go about their evenings/weekends thinking about their provider.

Yet a majority of providers spend a large portion of their off hours thinking about and taking care of daycare. Putting things away and cleaning up from one day while simultaneously preparing and planning for the next. The lists are endless.

Daycare families pick their kids up at the end of the day and probably don't think about daycare again until they need to drop their child back off again on Monday

.....but its not the same for providers....They are ususally consumed with anything daycare related 24/7 whether or not they are open or off.

Daycare clients dont do that.
They are not consumed with all things daycare all the time.

That was the point I was trying to make which you obviously misinterpreted.

ANOTHER example of different perceptions.

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Let me start by saying, I would do anything in order to be here with my 2 children. Fortunately for me, I love children and don't mind caring for them. Being the eldest of five, it comes quite naturally and it doesn't hurt that I am blessed with patience. Above all else, I'm grateful for my work - it has afforded me the greatest fringe benefit; the ability to watch, care, teach, and love on my babies every single day of their lives.

I look at parents as my boss - so I have several. As with any boss, they have their days; some more than others but you know come payday, you will get a check, for the agreed upon rate plus any overtime they may have needed/caused. This is where some parents become fools. Whether they conveniently forget, "Oh, I don't have my checkbook", and you have to ask, beg or track em down or they have no money; they are worthy of their paycheck but I am not or they don't want to pay what they own. They may have forgotten Wednesday evening, when I had dinner plans, and they show up 3 hours late , smelling of alcohol. Or that they imposed for just an hour on Sunday and returned 6 hours later but, I remember! The "oh, okay, I'll catch you ...never" routine get old as does, "or you never made me pay extra before!". I'm not an aggressive person. and forgive me but, I get an overwhelming desire to deck them. Not just for the money. Not because they lie or think I'm stupid but for taking advantage of me. It is always the same parent(s). You'd like to quit but by this time, you've fallen in love with the child(ren) and they know this. I excuse their behavior and of course, the abuse escalates.

Weekly pay struggles seem petty when compared to getting paid holidays, sick days, personal leave, and vacation pay. It's the same dance and routine only they want to deck me -lol! My rates are a little lower than the average at $125/week for full-time. That includes 10 paid federal holidays, and sick/personal time when and if taken by the parent and they keep their child home. I do not take vacations for extended periods so I collect my one week paid vacation pay when they go on their first. When they wine about it, I offer them a beer and the $30/day pay as you go plan - I have to lol, then pee my pants!!

I can only speak for myself when I say, I'd much rather deal with 5 children regardless of their health, flip lips or temper tantums than 1 parent who places little value in what I do.

You might to read, "Why We Work" by Barry Schwartz, it's a great book and may shed lite on your questions. Walmart has those horrible blue shirts and there are so many parents there.

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I think that with most things, there is always more spark when something bad happens versus when something good happens. I love that in my field I am able to see my parents everyday however parents are people and we do butt heads.

At the end of the day everyone is looking out for the child and looking through different lenses. When I spend 8-10 hours daily with your child and notice something only to be fought tooth and nail it's frustrating.

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Hahaha, I know this thread is old but I just want to say (suggest):

If it's an "unregistered" poster who states "I'm not a troll, but..."...they ARE trolls, or highly ignorant, and not worth our limited time.

I love this forum, I love the community.

I've been a prek teacher before this, and a marketing exec at a software firm, and a line cook at a restaurant. Everyone complains. Human nature! We still love our kids!

I mean, sheesh, just read mommy blogs and try to troll parents about all the complaining they do about their kids!

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Yep, she's a troll. "It's nice how you all stick up for each other" So patronizing! Oh, and by the way I forgot to mention that I work 40 hours a week in a daycare. TROLL!

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I should add that I am also a mommy blogger, so it's not like I'm talking out of my butt with that comment

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To be honest, I vent a lot but I don't see what is so wrong with that. I do love my job but there are a lot of things about this job that are hard, stressful, frustrating, puzzling, and plain bewildering. I never use names or places when I ask for advice about a certain situation or person. If we can't vent about this job somewhere then we carry it around all bottled up. (not good). I have great clients and kids, don't get me wrong.
Deb

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Not only that, but many times when I vent, I am open to suggestions on how others have solved the issue I am having. if I can find a good solution, I think that is better than letting something simmer.

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Maybe we do use this site as a water cooler for shut-ins.

I think many would be shocked to hear a conversation in the break room of public schools.

I love reading the vents about daycare providers on mommy boards. It makes me a better provider. Hope it works in reverse for them here.

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You are killing me, Cat Herder Your posts this week have made me smile.....love your "sarcasm".

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