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Unregistered 07:43 AM 03-14-2012
i have remained logged out for privacy reasons..not sure if parent is on here.
I've allowed a DCM to treat me with disrespect ever since she started and have decided I've just about had enough. Since I'm in the process of working on my backbone, I'd like some input from the more experienced providers on here regarding this letter I've drafted and want to send. It seems a little wordy, but I think this mom really needs the details so she can't argue.
Please tell me what you think. Also, they have 2 kids here so I'm taking a big risk on this as she is the type to probably pull after I send this...but who knows..

Dear DCM,

I have decided to write you this letter to express some concerns regarding how I feel I am treated by you. I thought I'd send this through email as it seems to be your preferred choice of communication, and saves me from wasting paper with printing it off to send home this evening.

I feel as though you treat me with a lack of respect. This has been shown on several occasions:

- I often find in the mornings that you make no acknowledgement of me what so ever, and only speak with me once I approach you unless you need to let me know something about the girls. A simple "good morning" would be appreciated. The acknowledgement is the respect.
- Questioning the previous menu (Wafer cookies) after menu being in rotation for several weeks/months. (When menu was sent home for parents to review and keep for themselves you did not say a word to me about these wafer cookies. All of a sudden, you have a problem with the cookies on my menu either because you were in a bad mood that morning or I've done something to upset you.
- Rolling your eyes when DCB was sent home with diarrhea. I had reminded you of my illness policy (which you are aware of and had signed) that DCB must be symptom free for 24 hours prior to returning to daycare. You stood there and rolled your eyes and "huffed". This is my policy. You agreed to it. It shouldn't be a surprise to you that I am requesting this. As my illness policy states, this is to protect the other children in my care, and my own family.
- When angry that I had to cancel daycare d/t illness, you contacted another provider who you know is a friend of mine and asked if your kids could be on their waiting list. I had to find out from this other person of your concern, rather then hear it from you. When I approached you about it you brushed it off as you were mad and overreacted and said nothing more.
- This morning when you expressed your concerns for DCB wearing his hood yesterday, rather then his hat, Your approach was very disrespectful as I feel as though you were talking down to me. There is definitely a much nicer way to express your concerns.

Until today, I have brushed it off as you're having a bad day, stressed out, etc and I've chosen to try to ignore your behavior. I often feel as though you treat me as if I am a teenage babysitter working FOR you. I would like to remind you that I am a very capable child care provider working WITH you to help raise your children. I have always made it very clear that if any of the parents have any concerns they are welcomed to approach me to discuss their concerns in a mature and appropriate manner. I am choosing to no longer brush off this lack of respect that I am receiving from you. It is not the way I choose to treat others, and expect the same in return.

I am sure you do not intend to come across this way as I know you are a very pleasant person. I would just like to let you know that this is how I am feeling. I hope that we can move forward from this, with an improved relationship especially for the children.


Sincerely,

your provider
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SunshineMama 07:59 AM 03-14-2012
Honestly, that letter is too emotional. You need to rip it up and let it go. So dcm is a b&$@h.... At least she came to get her kid when they had diaharrea. It sounds like you are irritated with her mannerisms, but as long as she is following your policies don't stir the pot. Sometimes you just have to eat a dose of humble pie and suck it up, that's the business. Sorry to come off harsh- she probably would pull her kids and you will lose 2 spots, which really aren't easy to fill. Be the better person and Ignore her, don't stoop to her level. She's probably a b&$@h in all aspects of her life and karma will bite her in the tookus one day.
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MamaBear 08:17 AM 03-14-2012
I had a mom that made me feel like that too. I agree with Sunshinemama though... the letter is too emotional and personal. She's probably such a terd that she will only get mad reading this and not apologetic. Its sometimes good to write things down though and get them out... and then rip it up. Maybe next time she acts like a jerk, call her on it RIGHT when it happens. LIke for example "Why did you just roll your eyes? Is there a problem?" Or "Do you have a problem with what foods I'm serving?"... I found over the years that as soon as you come back at DCM's like that to their faces, they quickly change their tune and will realize "oh she's not taking my sh** anymore" and won't disrespect you anymore. It works! I promise
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daycare 08:18 AM 03-14-2012
Part of working on your backbone, is also learning how to keep your emotions out of it and keeping it 100% business. DON"T let anyone take you down, nor give them the gratification of doing so.

YOu need to learn to NOT take things personal. We don't know what is going on in any of our parents lives. They may be going through a lot. Be thankful that they are not sharing their personal drama with you.

THis mom may not be a Happy go lucky kinda gal. I would NEVER send that letter.

I would talk to her face to face and just ask her straight out.

Hi DCM, I couldnt help but notice that you seemed a little upset about something that last several days and I just want to make sure that everything is ok. I hope that you know if there is EVER anything that you need to talk to me about regarding your child, I am always here.

Thanks so much,

DCP
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Blackcat31 08:18 AM 03-14-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Honestly, that letter is too emotional. You need to rip it up and let it go. So dcm is a b&$@h.... At least she came to get her kid when they had diaharrea. It sounds like you are irritated with her mannerisms, but as long as she is following your policies don't stir the pot. Sometimes you just have to eat a dose of humble pie and suck it up, that's the business. Sorry to come off harsh- she probably would pull her kids and you will lose 2 spots, which really aren't easy to fill. Be the better person and Ignore her, don't stoop to her level. She's probably a b&$@h in all aspects of her life and karma will bite her in the tookus one day.
I completely disagree. Disrespectful behavior from a parent is something I will absolutely NOT tolerate in my home!

If a daycare parent rolled her eyes at me, I would have said something on the spot!!! I don't care if she is normally a b&$@h or not!

I agree though that your letter is a bit too emotional. I would try to shorten it up a bit and address the issues of the illness policy. If it is important that this mom acknowledge you in the morning, I would personally say something to her the second she walks in and "ignores" you.

I would say good morning and if she didn't respond I would say "Did you not hear me? I said good morning!" If she copped an attitude, I would say that she is welcome to take her child and his/her belongings and find elsewhere to go if she is unhappy here as I will NEVER allow a parent to treat me so poorly.

If you feel this parent is condescending or out right rude, address it at the moment it happens.

Use a letter to reiterate your illness policy. Maybe add a note on the bottom that says that if she is unable to abide by the policies, she will need to give her two weeks notice as disrespect and ignoring the rules will NOT be tolerated.

Taking the high road is one thing but letting someone treat you poorly is not okay!!
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MamaBear 08:20 AM 03-14-2012
Amen to Blackcats post
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Unregistered 10:01 AM 03-14-2012
You are all right. After hearing what everyone had to say I see it from a different perspective. I am way too emotional about the whole thing and I do need to be thankful that at least she does come to p/u her child when sick. I also think you're absolutely right in saying that I need to call DCM on it right away to show her I will not take her S***. This is where I definitely lack confidence!! but I think she would back off a little and cut me some slack.

Thank you all so much for your words of advice...advice taken!!
I'm so happy I have others to help me through these times.
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Sugar Magnolia 10:34 AM 03-14-2012
Not a fan of using email to communicate with parents. Or notes. Or signs posted. If youcan't say it to them in person, don't say it at all. This mom hasan ugly attitude, I amso sorry she treated you that way. You should not tolerate that, but Blackcat had it right, discuss issues immediately, in person. Good luck.
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JenNJ 10:38 AM 03-14-2012
I wouldn't send a letter, I would just term the family. I treat everyone with respect in my home and deserve no less. Respect everyone and everything while at daycare or GET OUT!
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TBird 10:53 AM 03-14-2012
I'm glad you wrote that letter. Now rip it up & throw it out.

You be the grownup...call her on it in person. Guaranteed she'll feel stupid & the shenanigans will stop.
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bunnyslippers 11:09 AM 03-14-2012
I once had a family that was incredibly disrespectful. I wrote several emotional letters, then ripped them up. Whenever they were rude, I would just address it at that moment (much like Black Cat said). It was hard the first few times, but it got easier.

It hit the final straw when dcd wrote me a horrible letter assaulting my character. There were only 2 weeks left in their contract, so every day that dcd dropped off my husband would also be standing in the classroom, right next to me (did I mention dcd was a shrimp and my husband is 6'7'?). Maybe not the best tactic, but he got the point.

At the end of our contract, dcm emailed me asking for a spot the following year. I simply responded with:

Dear DCM,
After the disparaging comments made about my character, I assumed you would no longer want to enroll _ here. Your spot has been filled by another family. Good luck in your search.
Sincerely, Bunny

Let me tell you, it felt so good to take the high road and give them no ammunition against me. She sent me 3 more emails, all trying to get her spot back. It was awesome to be able to ignore her and move on. I still chuckle about it - but if I had said all the things I wanted to say...it would have gotten ugly.
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Tags:disrespectful, disrespectful parents, rude clients
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