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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Friday Drama, Help Me Stay Strong
daycare 02:53 PM 03-28-2014
Sorry this got really long..........

Back story. One of my long time families referred their cousin to enroll. Well this week ended the trial period. 3 weeks for PT spot. It actually ended up being a 4 week trail, the child got very ill during the trial period and missed one week, so I waived the fees for that week and extended out the trial period. I let the family know that this was a one time courtesy.

During the trial period the DCM had a really hard time catching on. I know she gave it her best efforts showing up with her check book and asking how much do I owe, despite the fact that I emailed her an invoice telling her the exact amount. only once did she pay on time during the trial period without my constant nagging for payment, not something I normally do. She paid 2 late fees during this time of $50 and $100.00

I felt that do to the child getting ill that the dcm was all over the place. The dcm was very out of it and trying to juggle a lot on her plate. The DCM was very upset about her child getting very ill and even emailed me to ask if anyone here at the DC had been very ill. I was a little upset by her comment, but I guess she was just trying to find out why her kid got so sick. DCM does have two other girls that are in formal schooling,lso I was sure to point that out.

Well I waived the late fee that week that the child was out sick along with the dc fees. I know that the DCM was being truthful because my husband works in the ER and he was there the night DCK was admitted.

Moving forward, DCk comes back, I tell mom that she still needs to pay for that week, that it was due last week, but I didn't want to make them come over while child was ill. She says MY BAD and will pay at pick up, again did not pay. (OH I am forgetting one major thing here. This family is VERY and I mean VERY well to do, so I know it's not a money issue.)

Pick up no $, I tell DCM again I need payment at drop off tomorrow, again no $. So I say ok, No pay, NO stay. DCM is a little upset. I told her that she needed to get on board with our program I know that it will take time to adjust but DCK can not stay without payment. She says can I leave dck here and go get my check book, I agree. Well DCM comes back with check book and I am in the middle of class. I try to explain what is owed should she want to move forward with our program on a permanent basis. DCM says yes, so I have her sign the permanent enrollment form and tell her that she needs to pay security deposit plus month of April Fees. DCM is like OH, I didn't know I needed to pay all of that, but ok I can do that. Something happens with one of the kids and I have to walk away. She gets a phone call steps outside and does not come back in. I see no check and no paperwork.

UGH. PIck up I tell DCM I sent you an invoice via email did you get it. DCM NOPE I didn't check my email. I told her well now I have provided services for you without payment, something I never do. I need for you to submit this weeks payment, late fee and April tuition by closing on Thursday at 6:00pm.

I sent one email letting DCM know that I was going to be in and out all day yesterday but she could leave papers and payment with my assistant in an envelope. I never heard back, so this morning I sent via email a termination notice and asking for payment for this week. I still hear nothing.

At drop off, the SIL says what happened with my nephew? SIL told me that you sent her a term letter. I tell DCM that I can't discuss it with her, that unfortunately we were not a good fit for each other and that I gave it my best shot. DCM begs me to take nephew back. Again pries for more information and I say nothing. I just say sorry, I am not at liberty to discuss this with you for reasons of confidentially. She says she understand, but just emailed me again begging to let her nephew come back and she will pay all fees owed.

I have not said anything at all. I don't know legally what I can say other than what I already did. The family that I termed did not even call me, email me or anything. THey have made zero attempt here to communicate with me.

Help me stay strong here. I don't want to move forward with this family and I most certainly do not want to lose my FT family that I have had for 3 years, they are one of my wonderful ones.

Sorry that this got so long any advise here would be great...UGH. BTW I could care less about the money that I am owed for the services that I already provided, not worth the fight for me. I just want to be able to secure my FT family and need to write an email back to them letting them know that.... I am afraid they are going to leave.............
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NoMoreJuice! 04:32 PM 03-28-2014
Sounds like a tough spot, and I totally understand not wanting to lose a great family, but you did the right thing for your business! That mom gave you a great preview of how the rest of your life would go until that child goes to school and no longer needs care.

As far as your good family, I HATE to say this because I've been in your shoes, but there are other good families. It sucks losing one, but another will come along. It is NOT worth having to put up with the disrespect and disregard the other mom gave you.

Good luck, I know I'd be stewing on it for days. Hope you have a great weekend!
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Shell 04:35 PM 03-28-2014
Not sure if I will be of much help here, since I am a softy when it comes to the business side of daycare. The kids, education, etc. is no problem, but anyway...

My advice is to let FT mom know that you really appreciate the referral, but it just isn't working out. Also, let dcm know that paying for the cousin is just not an option, since the contract is with the other dcm. Also, let her know you have addressed the issues you are having with dcm, and unfortunately, you haven't received an appropriate response and cannot move forward.

Why does she want the cousin there? I know a provider that had to term a cousin, but the other one stayed, because dcm knew what a flake her sister was.
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TwinKristi 04:42 PM 03-28-2014
Is this the same family who wouldn't get back to you months back about wanting the spot or not? I have a feeling these people are just flakes. I may consider taking them back IF they set up some kind of system of payment. Maybe email just isn't her thing. My dh is like that. I don't know... I don't want you to lose the other family because of this one. Maybe tell your long term DCM that she pays his tuition on time and he can stay, she can chase mom for payment. Maybe once she has to ask her 5-10 times for repayment she will understand why you term'd!!!
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daycare 04:51 PM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by mrsmichelle:
Not sure if I will be of much help here, since I am a softy when it comes to the business side of daycare. The kids, education, etc. is no problem, but anyway...

My advice is to let FT mom know that you really appreciate the referral, but it just isn't working out. Also, let dcm know that paying for the cousin is just not an option, since the contract is with the other dcm. Also, let her know you have addressed the issues you are having with dcm, and unfortunately, you haven't received an appropriate response and cannot move forward.

Why does she want the cousin there? I know a provider that had to term a cousin, but the other one stayed, because dcm knew what a flake her sister was.
thanks so much for sitting through all of that and reading my long post. I think that the moms really want the kids to grow up together. They are close already, but the families work so much, that they don't get to have the kids together as much as they want and they really thought that this would work out great. Well it didn't and it had nothing to do with the kids.

How does this sound?

Dear DCM (FT Client)

I know how much you really wanted X and X to attend preschool together at our program, but unfortunately after completing our trial period with your SIL, I have found that we are not a good fit for each other. Please understand that just as I expect all other families to abide my our policies, I expect no less from new clients as well.

I hope that you understand that my decision to terminate your SIL was strictly from a business standpoint and was nothing personal on anyone. I honestly really wished that things turned our differently for all of us, mostly the kids. However, I cannot disregard my policies nor can I allow for you to pick up the financial responsibility of your nephews contract with me. As sweet of an offer that was, I must only deal directly with X parents, as they are whom I carry the contract with.

I really want to thank you for your understanding with this matter.

Signed,
DC
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KidGrind 05:58 PM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
thanks so much for sitting through all of that and reading my long post. I think that the moms really want the kids to grow up together. They are close already, but the families work so much, that they don't get to have the kids together as much as they want and they really thought that this would work out great. Well it didn't and it had nothing to do with the kids.

How does this sound?

Dear DCM (FT Client)

I know how much you really wanted X and X to attend preschool together at our program, but unfortunately after completing our trial period with your SIL, I have found that we are not a good fit for each other. Please understand that just as I expect all other families to abide my our policies, I expect no less from new clients as well.

I hope that you understand that my decision to terminate your SIL was strictly from a business standpoint and was nothing personal on anyone. I honestly really wished that things turned our differently for all of us, mostly the kids. However, I cannot disregard my policies nor can I allow for you to pick up the financial responsibility of your nephews contract with me. As sweet of an offer that was, I must only deal directly with X parents, as they are whom I carry the contract with.

I really want to thank you for your understanding with this matter.

Signed,
DC
You’ve already explained it’s not a right fit. I wouldn’t send out an email. You’re fulfilling your contract with them. The other DCF isn’t contacting you, it should be a dead issue.
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coolconfidentme 07:12 PM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
You’ve already explained it’s not a right fit. I wouldn’t send out an email. You’re fulfilling your contract with them. The other DCF isn’t contacting you, it should be a dead issue.

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Lucy 07:16 PM 03-28-2014
I would email back and re-state that you can't discuss specifics about your arrangements with the deadbeat mom (sorry to use that title, LOL), nor can you discuss what may have gone wrong in your business relationship with her.

I would tell her that you can't accept money directly from HER (the long-term mom), but if she is wanting to help financially, she can feel free to give the money to her SIL who is the one who actually owes you, and should be the one to physically pay you, because your business arrangement was with her.

You could also tell her to rest assured that your dealings with the deadbeat mom has nothing to do with your relationship with the long-term mom, and your wish is to continue your relationship into the future, just the same as it always has been.

For the deadbeat mom, I would send her a certified letter with a breakdown of what she owes you, and give a finite deadline for payment - saying that you'll turn her over to collections if no payment was received by that date.
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Lucy 07:22 PM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
You’ve already explained it’s not a right fit. I wouldn’t send out an email. You’re fulfilling your contract with them. The other DCF isn’t contacting you, it should be a dead issue.
I feel that if she just plain does not respond to the email, the mom will take it as a negative. In other words, it'll make her think "Jeez, she couldn't even answer me! She just ignored my email like it wasn't there!" I don't think I'd want to take a chance of ticking her off if she's a really good client.

Out of respect for their good business relationship in the past as well as now, I would definitely respond to it... briefly. I would stick to my guns and not reveal any private issues.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 08:19 PM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by Lucy:
I would email back and re-state that you can't discuss specifics about your arrangements with the deadbeat mom (sorry to use that title, LOL), nor can you discuss what may have gone wrong in your business relationship with her.

I would tell her that you can't accept money directly from HER (the long-term mom), but if she is wanting to help financially, she can feel free to give the money to her SIL who is the one who actually owes you, and should be the one to physically pay you, because your business arrangement was with her.

You could also tell her to rest assured that your dealings with the deadbeat mom has nothing to do with your relationship with the long-term mom, and your wish is to continue your relationship into the future, just the same as it always has been.

For the deadbeat mom, I would send her a certified letter with a breakdown of what she owes you, and give a finite deadline for payment - saying that you'll turn her over to collections if no payment was received by that date.
Exactly this.
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mountainside13 08:29 PM 03-28-2014
Personally I would take out the 2nd paragraph of the email/letter. That mom sounds difficult, hopefully your long term mom will understand.
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Laurel 03:31 AM 03-29-2014
I am a little confused. So the long term mom is agreeing to pay for the nephew out of her own pocket or maybe collect from deadbeat mom and give it to you?

If that is the case and you have no other problems with 'deadbeat family' (sorry but this is the easiest way to be clear as we don't have names), then I'd try letting her do it. I would tell her though that if it isn't paid on time then the arrangement will end and you'll have to term.

I personally wouldn't care who gave me the money. I mean if this is the only issue. If you think they will be a pain generally then I'd stick to my guns.

It looks like you already decided though so I think your letter is perfect. I like it.

Laurel
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Laurel 03:33 AM 03-29-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
Is this the same family who wouldn't get back to you months back about wanting the spot or not? I have a feeling these people are just flakes. I may consider taking them back IF they set up some kind of system of payment. Maybe email just isn't her thing. My dh is like that. I don't know... I don't want you to lose the other family because of this one. Maybe tell your long term DCM that she pays his tuition on time and he can stay, she can chase mom for payment. Maybe once she has to ask her 5-10 times for repayment she will understand why you term'd!!!


Laurel
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FCCarmyprovider 07:43 AM 03-29-2014
Its weird to me that the mom is acting like a poor family, (My sister would have done the "call and run" )

You stated that she was very well to do.. usually the people who try the hardest to look well to do (escalade bad A house and new cars every month) Are the ones who are actually pretty broke. Perhaps that's the issue.
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daycare 09:01 AM 03-29-2014
Originally Posted by FCCarmyprovider:
Its weird to me that the mom is acting like a poor family, (My sister would have done the "call and run" )

You stated that she was very well to do.. usually the people who try the hardest to look well to do (escalade bad A house and new cars every month) Are the ones who are actually pretty broke. Perhaps that's the issue.
I am also surprised by the non-payment. DCM did make a lot of excuses about getting on board saying Oh it's so hard being an at home mom with 3 kids and then working part time as the accountant of our family business 2 days a week. She mentioned this MANY times.

You do have a good point about they could very well be in a lot of debt. I know that they just sprung the bill for their family renuion of 50 people to all go to Disney world. We live in CA, so I bet that was a pretty penny.

The DCM does not drive super fancy cars, but I do know that they live in a 5700sf house with 4 acres of vineyards. they import and export wine from Italy and Chile. I have never even seen the DCD or really even hear anything other than he is always gone.

I have never posted about this family or the other family before.

I don't get it, I think that the DCM is just super High Maintenance and flaky and is used to having everyone doing everything for her......
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KidGrind 09:31 AM 03-29-2014
Originally Posted by Lucy:
I feel that if she just plain does not respond to the email, the mom will take it as a negative. In other words, it'll make her think "Jeez, she couldn't even answer me! She just ignored my email like it wasn't there!" I don't think I'd want to take a chance of ticking her off if she's a really good client.

Out of respect for their good business relationship in the past as well as now, I would definitely respond to it... briefly. I would stick to my guns and not reveal any private issues.
Your suggested email response suggests there is a money situation. I don’t do a whole lot of back and forth with my clients ESPECIALLY when it involves another client. They respect the policies or they don’t and we can part ways. I say what I need to and move on. My method works best for me.
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KiddieCahoots 12:07 PM 03-29-2014
Originally Posted by Laurel:
I am a little confused. So the long term mom is agreeing to pay for the nephew out of her own pocket or maybe collect from deadbeat mom and give it to you?

If that is the case and you have no other problems with 'deadbeat family' (sorry but this is the easiest way to be clear as we don't have names), then I'd try letting her do it. I would tell her though that if it isn't paid on time then the arrangement will end and you'll have to term.

I personally wouldn't care who gave me the money. I mean if this is the only issue. If you think they will be a pain generally then I'd stick to my guns.

It looks like you already decided though so I think your letter is perfect. I like it.

Laurel

Good clients relieve stress I do what's feasible to keep them.
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TwinKristi 08:24 AM 03-31-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
I am also surprised by the non-payment. DCM did make a lot of excuses about getting on board saying Oh it's so hard being an at home mom with 3 kids and then working part time as the accountant of our family business 2 days a week. She mentioned this MANY times.

You do have a good point about they could very well be in a lot of debt. I know that they just sprung the bill for their family renuion of 50 people to all go to Disney world. We live in CA, so I bet that was a pretty penny.

The DCM does not drive super fancy cars, but I do know that they live in a 5700sf house with 4 acres of vineyards. they import and export wine from Italy and Chile. I have never even seen the DCD or really even hear anything other than he is always gone.

I have never posted about this family or the other family before.

I don't get it, I think that the DCM is just super High Maintenance and flaky and is used to having everyone doing everything for her......
So you had another family who wanted the cousin to attend your daycare who flaked as well? I remember you posting about a long term FT family you were worried about losing if the cousin didn't work out but mom wouldn't reply to your emails and return her paperwork for a spot a few months away. Weird!
And I agree, they may be credit rich and not cash rich.
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KidGrind 08:26 AM 03-31-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
they may be credit rich and not cash rich.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Family well-to-do does not mean kid’s well to do.
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My3cents 12:23 PM 03-31-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
Sorry this got really long..........

Back story. One of my long time families referred their cousin to enroll. Well this week ended the trial period. 3 weeks for PT spot. It actually ended up being a 4 week trail, the child got very ill during the trial period and missed one week, so I waived the fees for that week and extended out the trial period. I let the family know that this was a one time courtesy.

During the trial period the DCM had a really hard time catching on. I know she gave it her best efforts showing up with her check book and asking how much do I owe, despite the fact that I emailed her an invoice telling her the exact amount. only once did she pay on time during the trial period without my constant nagging for payment, not something I normally do. She paid 2 late fees during this time of $50 and $100.00

I felt that do to the child getting ill that the dcm was all over the place. The dcm was very out of it and trying to juggle a lot on her plate. The DCM was very upset about her child getting very ill and even emailed me to ask if anyone here at the DC had been very ill. I was a little upset by her comment, but I guess she was just trying to find out why her kid got so sick. DCM does have two other girls that are in formal schooling,lso I was sure to point that out.

Well I waived the late fee that week that the child was out sick along with the dc fees. I know that the DCM was being truthful because my husband works in the ER and he was there the night DCK was admitted.

Moving forward, DCk comes back, I tell mom that she still needs to pay for that week, that it was due last week, but I didn't want to make them come over while child was ill. She says MY BAD and will pay at pick up, again did not pay. (OH I am forgetting one major thing here. This family is VERY and I mean VERY well to do, so I know it's not a money issue.)

Pick up no $, I tell DCM again I need payment at drop off tomorrow, again no $. So I say ok, No pay, NO stay. DCM is a little upset. I told her that she needed to get on board with our program I know that it will take time to adjust but DCK can not stay without payment. She says can I leave dck here and go get my check book, I agree. Well DCM comes back with check book and I am in the middle of class. I try to explain what is owed should she want to move forward with our program on a permanent basis. DCM says yes, so I have her sign the permanent enrollment form and tell her that she needs to pay security deposit plus month of April Fees. DCM is like OH, I didn't know I needed to pay all of that, but ok I can do that. Something happens with one of the kids and I have to walk away. She gets a phone call steps outside and does not come back in. I see no check and no paperwork.

UGH. PIck up I tell DCM I sent you an invoice via email did you get it. DCM NOPE I didn't check my email. I told her well now I have provided services for you without payment, something I never do. I need for you to submit this weeks payment, late fee and April tuition by closing on Thursday at 6:00pm.

I sent one email letting DCM know that I was going to be in and out all day yesterday but she could leave papers and payment with my assistant in an envelope. I never heard back, so this morning I sent via email a termination notice and asking for payment for this week. I still hear nothing.

At drop off, the SIL says what happened with my nephew? SIL told me that you sent her a term letter. I tell DCM that I can't discuss it with her, that unfortunately we were not a good fit for each other and that I gave it my best shot. DCM begs me to take nephew back. Again pries for more information and I say nothing. I just say sorry, I am not at liberty to discuss this with you for reasons of confidentially. She says she understand, but just emailed me again begging to let her nephew come back and she will pay all fees owed.

I have not said anything at all. I don't know legally what I can say other than what I already did. The family that I termed did not even call me, email me or anything. THey have made zero attempt here to communicate with me.

Help me stay strong here. I don't want to move forward with this family and I most certainly do not want to lose my FT family that I have had for 3 years, they are one of my wonderful ones.

Sorry that this got so long any advise here would be great...UGH. BTW I could care less about the money that I am owed for the services that I already provided, not worth the fight for me. I just want to be able to secure my FT family and need to write an email back to them letting them know that.... I am afraid they are going to leave.............
have her come over and pay you and sit down and talk with her. Explain you need to be paid before services are rendered from this point foward and offer another two weeks trial... with payment being paid before services. Sometimes it just takes a bit to get into the groove of how daycare works. but have her pay you a week ahead and with knowing that if she doesn't pay kid doesn't stay....no more chances
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My3cents 12:27 PM 03-31-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
You’ve already explained it’s not a right fit. I wouldn’t send out an email. You’re fulfilling your contract with them. The other DCF isn’t contacting you, it should be a dead issue.

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