I am a in home DCP and SAHM. I am thinking of returning to work PT-Which means obviously putting my 3 yr old DS in a daycare/preschool setting a few days a week.

Last week I checked out a preschool that is literally 5 minutes away from my home. The price is right and I figured DS could go once or twice a week when I am home to get out of the house and play with kids his own age. (I currently just have infants in my care)

So, yesterday DH dropped DS off and all was good. DS came home later and was super excited about going to "school" and playing with the kids.

Well yesterday on FB Chat I was chatting with my SIL and she asked the name of the school. I told her and she said, "Oh, I would be careful, 4 years ago there was a little boy that was molested by another little boy there and the teachers did nothing about it" It caught me off guard a little bit. I called the State of CA and inquired about the daycare and any complaints,etc and they informed me that the daycare had an unannounced visit in Sept 2009 and they were cited for some broken playground equipment that has since been repaired.
Then last night, SIL's DH (DH's older brother) who is also a cop, called DH and told him that there have been 4 confirmed cases of molestation at the daycare, but no one reported them to state or police because the parent's did not want the children to "be put through that" (court and testifying). At this point I was sick to my stomach and in tears because DS just went there, loved it and now I heard the above accusations.

Well...I had DH call his brother back and ask where we would be able to get the records, how does dh's brother know the info and why has no one been reported.

DH's brother said the following: "The 4 Children's parents (4 sets parents) told dh's brother that their kids had been molested by teachers there. " DH said his brother also said that these 4 kids' parents' are friends of his and his wife's. My question is, Why in the world would these four sets of parents tell my BIL but not inform police or state?

So, I called the state again today and told them what we were told, the lady I spoke to told me that there have not been any reports and that my BIL as a cop is also a mandated reporter and that he should have informed police if no one else did. She also took the name of my BIL and said that if he continued to state the above accusations she would get in contact with his Superior.

So, my WWYD is this...

DS loved going, DH and I felt super comfortable with the daycare/preschool. Would we be STUPID to send DS back or does the above accusations sound made up or like a story.

FWIW: This center has been open since 1972 and is owned by a husband and wife.

ETA: This SIL and BIL have always been highly negative if they didn't agree. Also, they believe the I should be a SAHM forever and that Daycare is "evil".

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I would talk to the daycare.... don't tell them how but tell them the rumor around town is,.... and have them explain things. right to the horses mouth.... thats the best way.

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Honestly, I would not believe it. Sounds like "rumors" to me. And, if it did happen, apparently the perpetrator was another child in care, who certainly would no longer be attending, as he would have aged out of the program.

I could see it happening with one child and it not being reported, but i highly doubt that 4 children would be molested and not even one parent felt compelled to register a complaint.

And, yes, as a cop he is a mandated reporter, and if he is so concerned aout it, he would have reported it.....not just because he is a mandated reporter, but because it is the ethical thing to do.

Sounds like a load of wash to me..........people are always going to talk. Ask the program for some references of current and former clients, then call them and see what they have to say.

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Wouldn't believe it either. Sounds like nothing but rumors, and those can be very hurtful.

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Never take a case of molesting as a RUMOR!!! If the parents didn't officially report, then there can not be an investigation... At times even as a mandated reporter they have to look at all the angles before reporting.. After living through a molesting to one of my children; I can see were the parents are coming from not wanting To put there child through it; but as a victims mother, I know how important it is to report these situations, so that no one child would ever get hurt again!!!

If it was not reported then the state would not have a report, so calling the state doesn't help!!

I would not send my child if I thought for 1 minute something could happen to him..

This something you don't want to play with, RUN, something like this can tear a family apart!!

4 years later it's an every day struggle for my husband, my child, and I!!!

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to me it sounds like a load of bs... If it was true its hard to believe 4X over that there would not be something on record. I guess you could ask the provider herself? If a parent came to me and asked something like that my jaw would drop I would be completly floored at the aquisation...

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I was a victim of child sexual abuse. So this is not something I am taking lightly.

I will say that BIL and SIL are very negative and I find it very very difficult that all 4 families had this happen and that they ALL KNEW BIL.

I also find it hard to believe that all 4 families would freely tell BIL (Who was not in law enforcement at the time) and not tell the police. (At least one of the families) tell police. So that way the center could be investigated and shut down.

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I agree that if your BIL had heard these things that he would have needed to report this so the fact that he didn't is questionable to me. Either he heard the rumors and didn't believe it as well, is making it up that he knows the people, or just decided not to say anything (which is really surprising).

I'd go to the top at the daycare center and ask about these allegations and see what they say. Talk to your child about how our bodies are our own and how if someone (even another child) should happen to touch or do something that is uncomfortable it should be told to you immediately. Talk to other parents also that have been there a long time and ask them. Chances are if it really did happen to the extent that you've been told, it be hard to keep it a secret.

Just as a thought, innapropriate touching between children can happen and is more out of curiosity than sexual (depending on age). It's difficult for a Daycare center to term a child in these cases if it happens just once but I can see how easy this situation can be told and re-told and made into a story about how it happened to four kids and it was a teacher. Again, just a thought so I would defenetely look into it more.

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DH is going to call BIL this evening to ask for the phone number(s) of the so-called parents who's child was molested. So we will see if BIL even has a number.

Well I just called the center and asked to speak to the owners.

They will be in the office after 3:30pm (Pacific) time and they will call me back.

I did get the owner's name and googled cases against them. There was one case in August 1991. It was a small claims court case where the Owner took a client to court for non-payment.

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I totally agree with this.

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I hate to tell you this but now that BIL is in law enforcement, he can't give out that information; even though this happened before he was in law enforcement!!

As far as being a mandated reporter, if he wasn't in law enforcement at the time he was told, then hate to tell you this, but he is under no obligation to REPORT!!!

I hate to say this, but it's very possible that 4 families, were victimized and didn't say anything.... Specially if it happened to boys, a lot of boys are victimized and it's never reported, because the parents and the child are embrassed, they question their sexually and everything else, boys handle this differntly than girls, and so do parents!!!

I can't find my all my statistic right now, it can happen to 4 families and not be reported, they could be other families, sometimes there can be years and years of abused before it's reported, just because it 2010 doesn't mean this situation is handled any different than it did in the 40..

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I am not saying that nothing happened. I am saying that his story doesn't add up. First SIL says that a boy molested another boy 4 years ago and then BIL says that 4 children were molested by teachers. They had two different stories. I also find it hard to believe that he knew all 4 families-that all 4 families went to the same center and that all 4 familes chose not to report. I would think at least one family would report.

I also have a hard time thinking that these four families had something happen and they don't report, because you would think that they would not want the same thing to happen to other children in the care. Just Sayin'

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Also, I cannot for the life of me figure out why four families would just tell friends something that personal-but not tell police.

As a mom, I would not go and tell my closest friends, "Oh, BTW, DS was molested." and not tell police.

I just can't wrap my mind around that thinking.

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Hcmom--

I'm trying to tell you that it is very much possible that all 4 families said nothing!! My child was molested by a family member that molested several children before
mine, it was never reported, my childs abuser molested over 14 kids in over a 25 year time frame, 5 durning the same time, NO ONE REPORTED, until us!!

I hope that my son his is last victim, but i doubt it, he's out of jail after serving a big 15 months, and was doubed a repeat affender..

You have really got to open your closed mind!!

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I agree that their two stories don't add up but think that it's a great idea that you follow it up and get more facts. Either it happened or it didn't and I know that if it did happen I would want to know and pull my child out, if it didn;t happen then I would not want to pull my child from a program that he/she loved.

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because they needed to tell some one, it's hard to live with this guilt that you let someone hurt your child... Maybe they asked their child if the wanted to tell the police and the child said no!! Our son agreed to report or we would nit have!!!

Once it's reported to law enforcement, it's out of your hands as to how things are handled, and whether charges are brought up!! Once that happens your children are sent to doctor after doctor, tell the story more than they should have too and it's a very emtionalride for about 2 years!!

Don't think for one second that this couldn't happen!

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booroo, you said:

As far as being a mandated reporter, if he wasn't in law enforcement at the time he was told, then hate to tell you this, but he is under no obligation to REPORT!!!



not really. EVERYONE is a mandated reporter. they make it a point to let teachers, cops, daycare workers, etc. know that they must report - but ANYONE who suspects abuse or has been informed (if they believe it) is required to report it.

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You better check your facts, because unless your a mandated reporter, you don't have to report and not everyone is a mandated reporter... Now should he have reported sure should have, but he better be sure of the alligations!! I have lived inlaw enforcement enough to now the law and rules, Not Everyone is a mandated reporter!!!

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So sad but true. Not everyone is required to report. Anyone that is a mandated reporter is required to report suspected abuse, neglect etc. by law. If there was a man and I saw him hitting his son and I did not report it and something happened to him (or not) and the law found out that I knew I could be held accountable to the fullest extend of the law and have my license revoked and not be allowed to do daycare ever again. However, if my neighbor who is not a mandated reporter saw the same thing and did not report and someone found out, I doubt anything would happen.

Only certain vocations and volunteers are required to report and we have to report SUSPECTED abuse and neglect. The only way that a regular citizen could be held accountable for not reporting abuse or neglect was if it was attrociously serious or ended with a death. I just recently heard about a case where an elderly woman who was being cared for by a daughter was reported by a nurse for suspected elderly abuse and the elderly woman's son had also suspected abuse by his sister but did not report it. Nothing happened to him even though his mother was noticably thin and had bruises and bad bed sores (which is why she ended up in the hospital) and only the sister was charged. So you see, not everyone is required to report.

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because they needed to tell some one, it's hard to live with this guilt that you let someone hurt your child... Maybe they asked their child if the wanted to tell the police and the child said no!! Our son agreed to report or we would nit have!!!

They needed to tell someone? Tell the police. My son would not have the option not to tell. WHY? Because I WOULD NOT WANT ANY OTHER CHILD TO BE ABUSED.
Once it's reported to law enforcement, it's out of your hands as to how things are handled, and whether charges are brought up!! Once that happens your children are sent to doctor after doctor, tell the story more than they should have too and it's a very emtionalride for about 2 years!!

I know what takes place. As I have stated, I was abused 20 years ago as a child.

Don't think for one second that this couldn't happen!

I don't.

I think we can just agree to disagree.

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I have to say, that I would never ask a child if he wants me to report it to the police.....children are naturally worried about police involvement in anything and would be scared to death to "tell" the police. It's not up to the child, it's the parent's responsibility to report it.

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This has me ROFLMAO! That would be nice hcmom, but don't think that will EVER happen on this forum! LOL!

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I do see many disagree on this forum but at least "most" are diplomatic.

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I wouldn't send him back. I could never live with myself if something did happen and I had been given the heads up and still sent him.

But that's just me.

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As a mother, a foster mother and a daycare provider... I find this also hard to swallow. why would the alleged parent not want to protect other children from becoming victims and speaking out? They child do not have to go to court and have the tramua of the abuse unfold.. They have a GIL to do all the talking for them.. even when they are teenager they do not have to court! I personally would think that the child would suffer more tramua from not getting the help that they so desperatly need and deserve when they are violated.

This can happen anywhere...unfortunatly we cannot keep out children in a plastic bubble protected all the time. If you feel safe that the daycare center is legal and doing the right things.. then by all means continue to take him there and be on high alert...just for the if so's.

I have seen and heard alot of abuse with children... and as what you have shared with is.. I would send my son back! JMHO!

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Any person, including, but not limited to, any:
• Physician, osteopathic physician, medical examiner,
chiropractor, nurse or hospital personnel engaged in the
admission, examination, care or treatment of persons
• Any other health or mental health professional;
• Practitioner who relies solely on spiritual means for healing;
• School teacher or other school official or personnel;
• Judge of any court of the state;
• Social worker, day care center worker, or other professional
child care, foster care, residential or institutional worker;
• Law enforcement officer; or
• Neighbor, relative, friend or any other person who knows or
has reasonable cause to suspect that a child has been sexually
abused.

maybe it's different in every state, but that's how it is in tennessee. if a neighbor, relative, friend, or ANY OTHER PERSON doesn't encompass "everyone" then i don't know what does.

thanks for the friendly reminder to check my facts. i like being reassured that i'm right.

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i have to say, it's easy to say what you would do until you're in the situation -that goes for anything. i was in a position when i was 12/13 where my mom wanted to call the cops on some freak, and i BEGGED her not to -for all the reasons booroo mentioned. i didn't want to have to tell people over and over, and then testify? no thanks. she listened to what i wanted since i was the one affected by it and all - and i'm glad she did. she didn't want to.

anyhow, karma is better justice than the court. the freak i encountered ended up blowing his brains out after his marriage was ruined as a result of what he did. not saying i'm glad it happened, but it is what it is.

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I guess the thing that gets me booroo, you say that if your son chose not to want to tell police, that you wouldn't report the crime to police.

Well, My question is, How would you be able to live with yourself knowing that this person is out molesting other children and not put away because your son didn't want to tell.

It just doesn't make sense.

My DH called my BIL this afternoon to ask a few more questions and my BIL is stumped. Which leads me to believe that BIL and SIL don't know what they are talking about.

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hcmom, I think you are doing the right thing by pressing for answers from BIL and SIL, since they are the ones who felt the need to "bring" this information to you (but interestingly enough, no one in authority). Granted, it is entirely possible that something did happen at this daycare, as much as anything is possible, but considering the circumstances that brought you that information, I would say it is unlikely at best. It sounds to me like fear-mongering by your BIL and SIL simply because they do not agree with your choices. They are taking something they probably heard in the rumor mill and presenting it as fact, which is evidenced by the fact that he was "stumped" when you pressed for further details. If these families truly came to him with their stories, as he claimed, I am sure he would have all the information you are seeking.

If it were me, given the circumstances you have described, I would not pull my child from the center. I would keep my eyes and ears sharp, but I would do that with any place that had my child. You are right to ask the owner's - it may turn out to be a long-standing rumor that they have had to deal with before, and if so, they can put your mind at ease. Let us know what they say!

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Definitely get these parents' phone numbers and talk to them directly. If your bil can provide them, you can go straight to the source. If he can't at least give you their names, it would be a pretty good indication that he's making it up.

But going to the daycare management, the police, the state, etc., won't get you anywhere if these cases haven't been reported ...

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Ok, So I talked to the owners. They said that there has never been molestation is their 38 years of service. They said that what it sounds like my BIL is saying is "slander" and that he could be sued by it.

Also, DBug, DH called and asked for the numbers of the families and BIL would not give them up.

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Personally I am not willing to take chances like that with my kids, so I would at the VERY least, talk to the daycare directer and teachers and talk to your son about good touch and bad touch, and that he should tell you if anyone ever tries to touch him. I would honestly err on the side of caution and look elsewhere. I know rumors are rumors, but I would NEVER forgive myself if something happened to my child when I knew about what was being said! Good luck in your decision!

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In that case, I wouldn't believe a word he said.

There's always a chance that anywhere you send your child could be dangerous to some degree, and there's always a chance a child predator will be around. I think you should go and either make some surprise visits, or stick around for a morning if possible. That way you can get a feel for the staff. I'm a strong believer in intuition, so if there's anyone you feel uncomfortable about don't dismiss it, but look into that person's work history, ask the other staff about them, etc. And for my kids, I've always avoided the "don't talk to strangers" routine, and told them to get away from ANYONE that makes them feel uncomfortable (scares them, makes their tummy feel funny, gives them goosebumps, etc), and then tell me or Daddy.

Good luck! It's hard enough to find good care, without people planting seeds of doubt in your mind! I hope everything works out.

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I say go with your gut, if you have a nagging doubt (more than the usual that we all have when we entrust our children to someone else) then save yourself the worry and go elsewhere.

Personally, I think that BIL's story is highly suspicious. I can't imagine, as a parent, not doing everything in my power to shut that place down if my child were molested...Plus, seriously, there are FOUR families and they ALL know your BIL and NONE of them would report and you can't speak to ANY of them???

And, as a police officer he's OK with that?

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I think so to, and like i said the fact that both SIL and BIL have different versions of the same story adds to the suspicion. I think it was a rumor that was heard and blown up or started by a disgruntled parent or past worker (it happens a lot). If someone that has no children going to a daycare center knows about this issue and parents of the children that go to the daycare center don't or choose to take their kids there makes me think that the story is nothing more than a that, a story.

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