Discipline For Pre-Schooler

Hi there,

I have two four year old boys that have recently grown out of time-out....it doesn't work and they could sit there forever and get up then right away do the thing they were in timeout for. So, priviledges are being taken away, but I would like to see what others do in place of time-out. Redirection works sometimes, but they are wanting to test me every minute of the day.

Mom and Dad would like free play taken away, but i disagree because free time doesn't matter either. I proposed activity time, but mom and dad want something consistent with home. So, I see where they are coming from, but I am not a big fan of their solution because it doesn't work. Taking away toys seems to me an unlikely option because the other one is punished when they didn't do anything...

any thoughts or input?

[jessrlee]

I had a very trying little boy last year. The only thing mom and I found that we could do that worked was exercise. This boy had to have at least 4 hours of active play a day to cope. Mom agreed to take him to the track or gym every night for running or swimming and I took him outside as much and as often as I could to climb and run and jump. As for punishment nothing ever worked 100% but sitting at the table and playing with only what I gave him encouraged him to try to behave.

[laundrymom]

I make them my shadows. A few hour of following me cures it for awhile. Then they are my shadow again.

[daycare]

do you have large empty boxes? when they cant control themself, I have them get the very large boxes and stack them on top of each other. Have one child at a time otherwise it could turn ugly. Trust me this will keep them busy for awhile. Some times there are boxes mixed in that are a little heavy. It will require that they use their mind and body to move the boxes and stack them.



I have 3 boys all about the same age that have ADD.... I dont belive in ADD, but I cant ignor the doctors notes. None of them are on meds.. I have my hands full daily and this is why I set our days up just like you to keep them busy. the only down time is naps.

Try doing a once every 10-15 min (MAX) check in with those two boys. Nothing long and drawn out: a wink, a pat on the back, a snuggle (few seconds), a great effort on___. Etc. I have found kids will take that little emotional fill up and savor it causing much less behavior issues during the day.

Just a fair warning, it can be difficult to want to connect with these kids when you are already expending so much of your energy disciplining them now but the more often you check in the less they will seek your attention in other ways.

Also, I started doing a kids workout dvd in the mornings yoga, stretching etc. It helps those who need large muscle stim but have trouble getting it in the long winter months.

[jen]

There is a book called Positive Discipline for Preschoolers...I highly recommend it! Other than that, it is hard to say without specific examples of what behaviors you are working on curtailing.

Great ideas.....I am new at pre-schoolers and daycare, but my mother did daycare for many years so she is a help. I think the ultimate goal is to get them outside more, but I think that the winter (in Minnesota), is getting to us all....yesterday we had beach day and the kids all came with summer gear, so when we have those days, they seem to think the rules are thrown out and it is a free for all.

I try to make sure they have activities through out each day because one boy in particular is always jealous of what the other boy has or is doing....but the other boy likes to push his buttons as well...they have a love/hate relationship. Best buddies, but they are always fighting. So, I love the support and I have to post here more often to make sure I am not alone in the process..

[youretooloud]

Originally Posted by jen

There is a book called Positive Discipline for Preschoolers...I highly recommend it! Other than that, it is hard to say without specific examples of what behaviors you are working on curtailing.

I agree. I really like that book. I even have it on my Nook.

I don't use punishment, or rewards. (sorta) I use "Logical and natural consequences". Which aren't really natural at all. I lie. I create consequences. LOL "Aww Bummer, I guess when you were throwing it, it got lost... gee.. I hope you find it soon, maybe next time, you won't throw it". (even though I know where it is... I saw it as I was kicking it under the diaper changer.)

The logical consequence of dumping the playdough on the floor, is you can't play playdough right now... and gosh darn, I was just about to put the scissors and plastic knives out for the playdough... too bad. That would have been fun.

The logical consequence of being generally mean and hateful, is it seems as if you are very tired today.... Maybe today you can sleep farther away from your friends so you get a nice nap... and maybe when you wake up you'll be in a better mood!!! YAY for good moods! (We sleep with the tv on, so the older kids have something to do while they rest... but, the ones who need a nap sleep so they can't see the tv)

Originally Posted by youretooloud

I agree. I really like that book. I even have it on my Nook.

I don't use punishment, or rewards. (sorta) I use "Logical and natural consequences". Which aren't really natural at all. I lie. I create consequences. LOL "Aww Bummer, I guess when you were throwing it, it got lost... gee.. I hope you find it soon, maybe next time, you won't throw it". (even though I know where it is... I saw it as I was kicking it under the diaper changer.)

The logical consequence of dumping the playdough on the floor, is you can't play playdough right now... and gosh darn, I was just about to put the scissors and plastic knives out for the playdough... too bad. That would have been fun.

The logical consequence of being generally mean and hateful, is it seems as if you are very tired today.... Maybe today you can sleep farther away from your friends so you get a nice nap... and maybe when you wake up you'll be in a better mood!!! YAY for good moods! (We sleep with the tv on, so the older kids have something to do while they rest... but, the ones who need a nap sleep so they can't see the tv)

WOWSER...that is great. I needed that. I am still getting into the groove of all of this...I have been feeling I have to be perfect and make sure everything seems (logical and thought out), when it can be as simple as this. Thanks.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by youretooloud

I agree. I really like that book. I even have it on my Nook.

I don't use punishment, or rewards. (sorta) I use "Logical and natural consequences". Which aren't really natural at all. I lie. I create consequences. LOL "Aww Bummer, I guess when you were throwing it, it got lost... gee.. I hope you find it soon, maybe next time, you won't throw it". (even though I know where it is... I saw it as I was kicking it under the diaper changer.)

The logical consequence of dumping the playdough on the floor, is you can't play playdough right now... and gosh darn, I was just about to put the scissors and plastic knives out for the playdough... too bad. That would have been fun.

The logical consequence of being generally mean and hateful, is it seems as if you are very tired today.... Maybe today you can sleep farther away from your friends so you get a nice nap... and maybe when you wake up you'll be in a better mood!!! YAY for good moods! (We sleep with the tv on, so the older kids have something to do while they rest... but, the ones who need a nap sleep so they can't see the tv)

I see that there are several different titles of this book. It is just called poitive discipline for preschoolers? I am on amazon and see a few with a similar title...

[jen]

I have this one...

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss...r+preschoolers

[youretooloud]

Originally Posted by daycare

I see that there are several different titles of this book. It is just called poitive discipline for preschoolers? I am on amazon and see a few with a similar title...

Wow.. you're right. I had to look at mine because I got confused too.

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Disci...9700039&sr=1-1 I have this one by Jane Nelson.

I also wanted to buy a book by Barbara Coloroso called "Kids are worth it". But, when I downloaded the sample, I thought it seemed weird and a little stupid. It gave me a weird feeling. I love the idea of giving kids choices, but the part I read made it sound like no matter what YOU need, the child should always make the choice... if it's not "agreeable" to the child, you should wait until it is agreeable to him or her, otherwise it undermines the child's dignity.

So, what I understood (and it was just a sample, so I could be way off) Is if you need to go to pick up your husband at the airport, but your son doesn't agree to sit in the carseat, you should wait until he's agreeable to it. You should never impose your will on your child. Soooo... I thought that was too strange.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by youretooloud

Wow.. you're right. I had to look at mine because I got confused too.

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Disci...9700039&sr=1-1 I have this one by Jane Nelson.

I also wanted to buy a book by Barbara Coloroso called "Kids are worth it". But, when I downloaded the sample, I thought it seemed weird and a little stupid. It gave me a weird feeling. I love the idea of giving kids choices, but the part I read made it sound like no matter what YOU need, the child should always make the choice... if it's not "agreeable" to the child, you should wait until it is agreeable to him or her, otherwise it undermines the child's dignity.

So, what I understood (and it was just a sample, so I could be way off) Is if you need to go to pick up your husband at the airport, but your son doesn't agree to sit in the carseat, you should wait until he's agreeable to it. You should never impose your will on your child. Soooo... I thought that was too strange.

lmao omg my sister does this and my entire family hates it..
we were eating at a restaurant one night with my entire famiy and her son kept jumping on the seat. The table behind us looked very annoyed. My parents said to my sister please have him mind and eat his food, or maybe take him outside and let him get some fresh air. My sister said well he is not ready to eat yet so he is going to jump until he is ready to eat............uuugggghhhhh

we dont invite her out much any more..

thanks for the link, I am looking into it right now...

[jen]

Originally Posted by youretooloud

I also wanted to buy a book by Barbara Coloroso called "Kids are worth it". But, when I downloaded the sample, I thought it seemed weird and a little stupid. It gave me a weird feeling. I love the idea of giving kids choices, but the part I read made it sound like no matter what YOU need, the child should always make the choice... if it's not "agreeable" to the child, you should wait until it is agreeable to him or her, otherwise it undermines the child's dignity.

So, what I understood (and it was just a sample, so I could be way off) Is if you need to go to pick up your husband at the airport, but your son doesn't agree to sit in the carseat, you should wait until he's agreeable to it. You should never impose your will on your child. Soooo... I thought that was too strange.

OK...Let's hope you're wrong, but truthfully, you probably got the authors message loud and clear. I'm going to write a book too...it's called, "People are stupid."

Sorry...I'm in a mood

[DCMomOf3]

Originally Posted by jen

OK...Let's hope you're wrong, but truthfully, you probably got the authors message loud and clear. I'm going to write a book too...it's called, "People are stupid."

Sorry...I'm in a mood

I'd buy that book jen.

[thecrazyisout]

Okay, so I have now joined daycare.com because I was sick of seeing me as unregistered....I just bought the books by the way. HEHE my DH is going to wonder how I paid for it...I LOVE AMAZON, they keep your CC number in the account if you like.

No really, it is worth the buy...I need all the help I can get. The parents didn't want me using taking away his TV priviledge because that was something they couldn't see doing at home. Give me a break...I am okay with TV, but I think it should be used as an incentive for good behavior...or maybe I could just say.....Oh I'm sorry, you don't like to listen to me? Oh, the tv isn't turning on today...well maybe it doesn't like it when you don't mind me so now it doesn't want to turn on... WOW I am crabby....

[thecrazyisout]

Originally Posted by DCMomOf3

I'd buy that book jen.

I would buy that book too!

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by youretooloud

Wow.. you're right. I had to look at mine because I got confused too.

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Disci...9700039&sr=1-1 I have this one by Jane Nelson.

I also wanted to buy a book by Barbara Coloroso called "Kids are worth it". But, when I downloaded the sample, I thought it seemed weird and a little stupid. It gave me a weird feeling. I love the idea of giving kids choices, but the part I read made it sound like no matter what YOU need, the child should always make the choice... if it's not "agreeable" to the child, you should wait until it is agreeable to him or her, otherwise it undermines the child's dignity.

So, what I understood (and it was just a sample, so I could be way off) Is if you need to go to pick up your husband at the airport, but your son doesn't agree to sit in the carseat, you should wait until he's agreeable to it. You should never impose your will on your child. Soooo... I thought that was too strange.

We have really lost our way.

You don't see this anywhere in the animal kingdom but we humans are so special that we can have the young lead the way. If any other species took this approach they would die out within a generation.

It's rediculous.

[DCMomOf3]

Originally Posted by thecrazyisout

Okay, so I have now joined daycare.com because I was sick of seeing me as unregistered....I just bought the books by the way. HEHE my DH is going to wonder how I paid for it...I LOVE AMAZON, they keep your CC number in the account if you like.

No really, it is worth the buy...I need all the help I can get. The parents didn't want me using taking away his TV priviledge because that was something they couldn't see doing at home. Give me a break...I am okay with TV, but I think it should be used as an incentive for good behavior...or maybe I could just say.....Oh I'm sorry, you don't like to listen to me? Oh, the tv isn't turning on today...well maybe it doesn't like it when you don't mind me so now it doesn't want to turn on... WOW I am crabby....

Glad to see you registered! Let us know how you like the books. I hope the parents can be a little more accommodating for you. They can't take tv privileges away at home?

[daycare]

Originally Posted by thecrazyisout

I would buy that book too!

lol... ill make a second edition called why are stupid people allowed to breed...lmao jk

[thecrazyisout]

Originally Posted by DCMomOf3

Glad to see you registered! Let us know how you like the books. I hope the parents can be a little more accommodating for you. They can't take tv privileges away at home?

I know, it is wierd. I am pretty sure they kids watch tv all night when they get home. Here I only allow a movie on FRIDAY FUNDAY, and then every so often during the week we watch something to change things up. But, I hope they are able to take it away...

[DCMomOf3]

My gut tells me they probably have a TV in his room and don't want to take it out....

[jen]

Originally Posted by daycare

lol... ill make a second edition called why are stupid people allowed to breed...lmao jk

LOL!!!!! We'll co-author!

[daycare]

Originally Posted by jen

LOL!!!!! We'll co-author!

im on it!!! lol