Daycare.com Forum Force of Nature Disinfectant

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-22-2017, 12:53 AM
Bddy's Avatar
Bddy Bddy is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Washington state
Posts: 10
Default Parents Who Talk Your Ear Off

I'm starting an inhome daycare soon. I'm confident I can enforce payment but one thing I'm concerned about is parents who talk your ear off. I'm the type person people unload to. Is it just a matter of keeping emotional distance ?

My friend ran a daycare and parents would hang out up to an hour after pick up!

Any experiences or strategies on how to NOT let this happen? What usually happens with me is someone tells me their emotional situations they are going through and i feel bad cutting them
Off or with holding support by not engaging them.
I recently had a babysitting gig for a mom who would come home from work and talk to
Me at a minimum of 20
Minutes each time, often about a challenging work situation or something challenging in her life.

I need advice on this bad. How can I be kind but make sure everyone's gone by the time I close?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-22-2017, 03:44 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,660
Default

I have it right in my policies that drop offs and pick ups need to be quick due to transitioning challenges plus other children in my care. I allow it a little bit but never allow them to keep me engaged and away from the other children.
Just try to keep the focus on their child and you may very well have to be firm about it. This shouldn't be a social hour after work for them, it's your business.
One strategy I have used is talking directly to the child telling them 'I bet Mommy is in a hurry to get home and be with you because she's missed you all day'. You can have the dcks ready to go near your pick up area and then just hand them off. Have an end of the day routine such as reading them a book near the door. Do daily notes and encourage emails(or other forms of communicating) so you're not caught up with an hour of your time talking about the dck's day and everything else under the sun.
If nothing else works, just say 'sorry, gotta go'.
It's not rude to be open with them, be polite and tell them you have other kids to tend to, you need to get started on your evening and you're sure they want to get started on theirs, etc. It takes lots of eyes and ears to care for children and if all of yours are focused on listening to their tiring day at work, then who is watching the kiddos? Besides, I'm pretty sure therapists get paid a whole lot more than dcproviders.
Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-22-2017, 07:59 AM
knoxmomof2's Avatar
knoxmomof2 knoxmomof2 is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: East TN
Posts: 398
Default

It's in my new policies manual that I finally developed. ( I've only been in this for 5 years, only care for 4 at a time and have had mostly the same 4 since the beginning.)

As for the clients I've had since the beginning (2 of whom loved to stay and chat), I was blessed to have bought a house that has a setup that allows for a separate drop-off space.... I just wasn't using it! Thankful to DH for suggesting it ☺️

After a little bit of a tantrum from the 2 chatty Cathys (who bonded together through the fiasco *eye roll*), it has significantly allowed me to manage things much better. The worst of the 2 still tries to dominate my attention, but I make obvious glances into the daycare room, showing that I have other business to attend to and she cuts it short.

I made a quick announcement on my daycare Facebook group the weekend I decided I had enough and thought that was adequate. 2 weeks of snide behavior from the 2 prompted me to have a parent meeting (the other 2 were always quick dropoffs and didn't feel like it was necessary for them to be there when asked if they had any issues). I basically said: "I need to make some changes or I am headed for burnout. I need to make this change to reduce the stress on me and the craziness that is happening at drop off and pickup. If this no longer meets the needs of your family, you are welcome to find childcare elsewhere. " They're still here a year later.

So, have policies in place and be prepared to enforce them. (I also have one about not loitering in my driveway / on their phone at drop off or pickup.) and having a separate transition space if possible is really nice if possible ☺️
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-22-2017, 03:39 PM
Bddy's Avatar
Bddy Bddy is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Washington state
Posts: 10
Default

Thanks so much for these ideas. True it will be my business which is caring for their kids not facilitating social hour etc.
it's so weird to me parents (like the two moms who became snide) would be so offended for asking them to keep pick up times short but I guess it's human nature to resent requests that require one to change their behavior?
Whatever the reasons though these tips are great for helping me not allow it to go there in the first place. I just need to focus on the kids and keep bringing it back to THeir needs and if I think like that and that my job is to run this business not counsel parents, that may help prevent this too. .
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-22-2017, 07:47 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,915
Default

The absolute best way to cut this off is to not be super friendly right from the get go. Smile and nod but don't reciprocate conversation too much, especially if it is not related to daycare. I had two clients like this and I nipped it in the bud pretty easiky by simply smiling and nodding and letting the convo die.

It is so much easier to stop this before it starts than later when the person is used to chatting with you trust me!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-29-2017, 03:41 AM
knoxmomof2's Avatar
knoxmomof2 knoxmomof2 is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: East TN
Posts: 398
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bddy View Post
Thanks so much for these ideas. True it will be my business which is caring for their kids not facilitating social hour etc.
it's so weird to me parents (like the two moms who became snide) would be so offended for asking them to keep pick up times short but I guess it's human nature to resent requests that require one to change their behavior?
Whatever the reasons though these tips are great for helping me not allow it to go there in the first place. I just need to focus on the kids and keep bringing it back to THeir needs and if I think like that and that my job is to run this business not counsel parents, that may help prevent this too. .
They were upset because I had let them run the show for so long. I was new and wanted to accommodate. They found a platform to gain attention for themselves or their child. I finally let them know at the meeting that their behavior was causing me stress and that I wanted to provide their children with the best care possible. That appealed to their selfish side enough, apparently.

If you have policies, you should also include one about not lingering in the driveway. I have some pull up and sit on the phone.. 10 minutes to closing time! Or 2 of them will stand outside and talk for 20 minutes before leaving. If I have somewhere to be, I go out, v tell them goodnight and get in my car. They take the hint and wrap it up. These are my first clients and will be gone soon, so I tolerate it, but I will be nipping it in the bud otherwise.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-29-2017, 06:22 PM
CityGarden's Avatar
CityGarden CityGarden is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: The Happiest Place on Earth
Posts: 1,667
Default

I love to dismiss from the porch.... I have all the children sit on chairs and read them a story, we pause the story when a parent comes to say good by to our friend then go back to the story.

I also find having daily notes (either electronic or in paper form) answer many of the check in items parents desire so that cuts down on the chit chat.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-31-2017, 02:31 PM
AmyKidsCo's Avatar
AmyKidsCo AmyKidsCo is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,772
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
The absolute best way to cut this off is to not be super friendly right from the get go. Smile and nod but don't reciprocate conversation too much, especially if it is not related to daycare. I had two clients like this and I nipped it in the bud pretty easiky by simply smiling and nodding and letting the convo die.

It is so much easier to stop this before it starts than later when the person is used to chatting with you trust me!
Yup! And I don't share a lot about my family either, so the conversation doesn't keep going.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CityGarden View Post
I love to dismiss from the porch.... I have all the children sit on chairs and read them a story, we pause the story when a parent comes to say good by to our friend then go back to the story.

I also find having daily notes (either electronic or in paper form) answer many of the check in items parents desire so that cuts down on the chit chat.
My entrance area opens right to the playroom but there's linoleum by the door, which is a visual border, and I follow the child to the door and stand between the door and the rest of the area to discourage parents from coming in further and getting settled. If they're lingering I'll encourage the other kiddos to say goodbye to their friend - that usually does it.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-29-2017, 10:19 AM
Core12's Avatar
Core12 Core12 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Missouri
Posts: 151
Default Parent is oppositional defiant

I have a parent who deliberately stays around 15 mins every time she picks up her 7 month old. She will ask questions about his pooping, ask what he ate for lunch (her husband brings the lunch at drop off) how his day was...she will ask if I noticed his new tooth, and ask if I saw his "cute" behaviors that she has seen. She will say, "oh, he has a booger in his nose., and then ask for a tissue, she will ask to use the bathroom and will also play with her so on the floor.
She can tell that I'm exhausted (her kid crys almost non stop) but she is determined to "teach me" that I can talk for 15 mins about her child at pickup.
I don't have this issue with any of the other parents...I have put diaper bags on chairs so she won't sit down, then she sits on the arm of the chair!
Need advice!!! I have 4 other infants and she could care less!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-29-2017, 12:02 PM
storybookending's Avatar
storybookending storybookending is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,494
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Core12 View Post
I have a parent who deliberately stays around 15 mins every time she picks up her 7 month old. She will ask questions about his pooping, ask what he ate for lunch (her husband brings the lunch at drop off) how his day was...she will ask if I noticed his new tooth, and ask if I saw his "cute" behaviors that she has seen. She will say, "oh, he has a booger in his nose., and then ask for a tissue, she will ask to use the bathroom and will also play with her so on the floor.
She can tell that I'm exhausted (her kid crys almost non stop) but she is determined to "teach me" that I can talk for 15 mins about her child at pickup.
I don't have this issue with any of the other parents...I have put diaper bags on chairs so she won't sit down, then she sits on the arm of the chair!
Need advice!!! I have 4 other infants and she could care less!
Do you do any sort of daily report like a sheet that you fill out about the infants day? That might help if you don't. There are templates available online if you google "infant daily report" some have areas to check for how the child's day was "cranky, happy, sleepy etc". When she asks how the day was say a few words and hand her the paper. Tell her you are busy with the other infants. I would have the child's belongings packed up, meet mom at the door and hand them to her. If the child leaves an infant carrier have it ready by the door and start buckling the child in if you have to.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 08-29-2017, 12:42 PM
midaycare's Avatar
midaycare midaycare is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,659
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Core12 View Post
I have a parent who deliberately stays around 15 mins every time she picks up her 7 month old. She will ask questions about his pooping, ask what he ate for lunch (her husband brings the lunch at drop off) how his day was...she will ask if I noticed his new tooth, and ask if I saw his "cute" behaviors that she has seen. She will say, "oh, he has a booger in his nose., and then ask for a tissue, she will ask to use the bathroom and will also play with her so on the floor.
She can tell that I'm exhausted (her kid crys almost non stop) but she is determined to "teach me" that I can talk for 15 mins about her child at pickup.
I don't have this issue with any of the other parents...I have put diaper bags on chairs so she won't sit down, then she sits on the arm of the chair!
Need advice!!! I have 4 other infants and she could care less!
Is she there at the end of your day? I conveniently am always racing off to my son's taekwondo practice or a workout right after work, so bummer, no time to talk.

It's a little more difficult if she picks up with others there. I would let her know you need to watch the other kids. I would create a barrier so she can't come into the room. Put up baby gates for her if you have to! Redo your entryway to contain parents and stop the crazy woman

You have to let her know that her child had a great day, and now you need to focus on the other kids.

I don't have this to quite the extreme, but I have a dcm who tries to take forever at pickup. She has to wash dcg's hands, or needs a wipe for her nose, or her older ds comes in and starts running around. And he is a turd I can say that because he's not my dck. This dcm is why I suddenly have to leave right at 5:30 p.m. every night.

I have another one who picks up at 5:00 p.m. and it takes her literally 5-7 minutes to get dcg into the car seat (8 months old). She's still new (2 weeks), so I think dcm is going slow on purpose, trying to watch my interactions with the kids. I mean, come on. No one is that freaking slow.

Some of this just comes with the territory. Don't forget it's important to build relationships so the parents not only like you and feel comfortable with you, but they also recommend you in the future. 15-20 minutes though? Totally inappropriate.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-29-2017, 01:10 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,397
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Core12 View Post
I have a parent who deliberately stays around 15 mins every time she picks up her 7 month old. She will ask questions about his pooping, ask what he ate for lunch (her husband brings the lunch at drop off) how his day was...she will ask if I noticed his new tooth, and ask if I saw his "cute" behaviors that she has seen. She will say, "oh, he has a booger in his nose., and then ask for a tissue, she will ask to use the bathroom and will also play with her so on the floor.
She can tell that I'm exhausted (her kid crys almost non stop) but she is determined to "teach me" that I can talk for 15 mins about her child at pickup.
I don't have this issue with any of the other parents...I have put diaper bags on chairs so she won't sit down, then she sits on the arm of the chair!
Need advice!!! I have 4 other infants and she could care less!
She is simply trying to avoid going home and having to parent her child on her own.

If she hangs with you, YOU are entertaining not only her child but her as well.

Does she give you a schedule as to when she is picking up so you could maybe consider a late fee if she doesn't pick up and leave...my parents are billed until they literally leave my property so there aren't many that want to pay to stick around and chat that long.

Another option is to tell her licensing does not allow parents to hang out...once she arrives she needs to immediately sign out and go. Pick up really shouldn't take much longer than 5-7 minutes.

I understand providers not wanting to tell parents to "shut up and go" (not in those words always...lol!) but you either end up having to be firm about it or just dealing with it. I have yet to hear about a provider sending home notes and/or reminders about quick pick up or pretending to have to leave work out very well....most parents that want to avoid parenting are also pretty skilled at either not recognizing or understand those subtle reminders and messages...or they outright ignore them because you couldn't possibly mean them too?

Sometimes you just have to say the words....

"DCM, while I love chit chat with my clients from time to time I am simply unable to visit longer than a couple minutes DURING pick up. (don't elaborate or give reason. Just that you can't.)

I am sure you understand. (requires a reply so you KNOW she heard you)

If you ever have anything in regards to the care of your child that you wish to discuss with me, please feel free to e-mail me." (let's her know you DO care about her child's needs in regards to child care and provides her a method in which to get info to you but doesn't interfere with your work day)

HTH
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-29-2017, 02:40 PM
Core12's Avatar
Core12 Core12 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Missouri
Posts: 151
Default Wow! Thanks for all of the advice

Btw...she also loves to sit in her car in my driveway on the phone and come After the time we close...I so regret telling her (before I knew her) "no, we don't charge late fees"
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-29-2017, 02:53 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,915
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Core12 View Post
I have a parent who deliberately stays around 15 mins every time she picks up her 7 month old. She will ask questions about his pooping, ask what he ate for lunch (her husband brings the lunch at drop off) how his day was...she will ask if I noticed his new tooth, and ask if I saw his "cute" behaviors that she has seen. She will say, "oh, he has a booger in his nose., and then ask for a tissue, she will ask to use the bathroom and will also play with her so on the floor.
She can tell that I'm exhausted (her kid crys almost non stop) but she is determined to "teach me" that I can talk for 15 mins about her child at pickup.
I don't have this issue with any of the other parents...I have put diaper bags on chairs so she won't sit down, then she sits on the arm of the chair!
Need advice!!! I have 4 other infants and she could care less!
I have literally said "sorry to scoot you out the door but I am uber busy right now, text me if you have any questions about his day". I just don't have a whole lot of time and if there are other kids I can't just linger in the porch chatting. The other kids safety comes first. You really need to be in her face about it or just literally say "ok bye see you tomorrow, have a good night" in a booming voice and walk away. You will feel like you are being rude but fight that thought. She is the one being self centred and rude.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-29-2017, 03:03 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,397
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Core12 View Post
Btw...she also loves to sit in her car in my driveway on the phone and come After the time we close...I so regret telling her (before I knew her) "no, we don't charge late fees"
Oh that's an easy fix:

Dear Parents

Beginning September 5, any family still on the child care property after closing time will be assessed a late fee of $X.

A late fee policy needed to be implemented due to the high number of parents not respecting ABC Daycare's closing time.

ABC Daycare closes at 5PM. This means ALL families must pickup their child and be off site NO LATER than 5PM.

Unfortunately grace periods will not be given as it is simply not possible.

Thank you for your consideration and respect when adhering to this new policy.

Sincerely

Tired Daycare Provider-that-just-wants-you-to-take-your-kid-and-go-home!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 08-29-2017, 03:55 PM
Mom2Two's Avatar
Mom2Two Mom2Two is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 1,851
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Core12 View Post
I have a parent who deliberately stays around 15 mins every time she picks up her 7 month old. She will ask questions about his pooping, ask what he ate for lunch (her husband brings the lunch at drop off) how his day was...she will ask if I noticed his new tooth, and ask if I saw his "cute" behaviors that she has seen. She will say, "oh, he has a booger in his nose., and then ask for a tissue, she will ask to use the bathroom and will also play with her so on the floor.
She can tell that I'm exhausted (her kid crys almost non stop) but she is determined to "teach me" that I can talk for 15 mins about her child at pickup.
I don't have this issue with any of the other parents...I have put diaper bags on chairs so she won't sit down, then she sits on the arm of the chair!
Need advice!!! I have 4 other infants and she could care less!
ITA log book. Just pick up a small spiral bound book and ask parents to write morning awake time/diaper/meal then keep a log during the day of meals/naps/diapers.

Then when mom asks, just say, "Oh I put it in the book, because I really have to get back to <something the other kids need>."
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
lingering parents, talk too much - parent

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A Question - Most of You Feel Parents Are a Pain in the Backside Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 62 01-29-2016 03:50 AM
Just For Fun: (Rant) Parents Posting Children's Tantrums (And 1 Funny Video) Starburst Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 25 03-19-2013 05:08 PM
Would You Term A Good Child Due To Bad Parents? PolkaTots Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 18 01-08-2013 02:22 PM
"My Child is Gifted" Parents Hunni Bee Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 8 12-03-2012 06:02 PM
Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children? skittles Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 126 08-05-2010 11:14 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:09 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming