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TXhomedaycare 03:04 PM 02-04-2016
I have posted about this dcb before. Mom wanted me to not release child to dad but she had nothing stating I couldn't so we moved on. Dad was supposed to pick up last weeK Friday but mom came instead. She said dad was drunk and suicidal and couldn't come and pick up dcb. This Monday mom said she is filing a restraining order against dad and requesting full custody and she has a friend of dad's stating he has done questionable things with dcb present. She is hoping the judge signs off on everything today since tomorrow is dad's pickup day again. I hope she gets everything cleared today too so I can have the docs but dcb has shown up at random before wanting to give dcb hug and called to say hi. I am trying to put together a game plan for if dcd shows up tomorrow after I get the docs. I have met him a few times before and he seems OK but I can really see him getting upset. The good thing is that dh will be home and he is my security. I hate being put in this situation.
Thriftylady 03:27 PM 02-04-2016
Well without a court order you can't stop dad. But once you get copies of the court order, I would just tell dad he cannot call or come on the property until the order is lifted or amended.
TXhomedaycare 03:38 PM 02-04-2016
Mom just gave me the signed court document but dad has not been served. I think dcb should stay home until dad is served. I don't want to be the one to tell the dad.
Thriftylady 03:39 PM 02-04-2016
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare:
Mom just gave me the signed court document but dad has not been served. I think dcb should stay home until dad is served. I don't want to be the one to tell the dad.
The problem with that is unless she is using a personal server, service can be iffy. I had to do that when I had my ex served with divorce papers.Mom just gave me the signed court document but dad has not been served. I think dcb should stay home until dad is served. I don't want to be the one to tell the dad.
TXhomedaycare 03:45 PM 02-04-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
The problem with that is unless she is using a personal server, service can be iffy. I had to do that when I had my ex served with divorce papers.
OK that makes sense but I still don't want to be the one to tell him he can no longer see his child and he has a restraining order against him. I am thinking if he shows up I will have dh meet him outside the house and handle this. I don't want to make this a big issue or have other kids around if he gets upset.The problem with that is unless she is using a personal server, service can be iffy. I had to do that when I had my ex served with divorce papers.
Thriftylady 04:02 PM 02-04-2016
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare:
OK that makes sense but I still don't want to be the one to tell him he can no longer see his child and he has a restraining order against him. I am thinking if he shows up I will have dh meet him outside the house and handle this. I don't want to make this a big issue or have other kids around if he gets upset.
How fast is your police response? Would they come tell him? That would keep you and DH out of it.OK that makes sense but I still don't want to be the one to tell him he can no longer see his child and he has a restraining order against him. I am thinking if he shows up I will have dh meet him outside the house and handle this. I don't want to make this a big issue or have other kids around if he gets upset.
Ariana 05:12 PM 02-04-2016
You can call the police and have them accompany you when you or your DH tells him. You can also have them accompany you if you want to serve him the papers. I am in Canada though so it might be different here.
MunchkinWrangler 08:02 PM 02-04-2016
Yeah, I would let police know, even call your non emergency number and see what the protocol would be. You obviously don't want a scene and you want to protect DCB from witnessing this possible incident, it could really destroy him, poor thing won't and shouldn't understand.
I agree, I wouldn't want to be in the middle of this situation, do what you can to protect the little one and others in your care. None of them need to witness any adult situations like this.
I agree, I wouldn't want to be in the middle of this situation, do what you can to protect the little one and others in your care. None of them need to witness any adult situations like this.
childcaremom 01:13 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare:
Mom just gave me the signed court document but dad has not been served. I think dcb should stay home until dad is served. I don't want to be the one to tell the dad.
Mom just gave me the signed court document but dad has not been served. I think dcb should stay home until dad is served. I don't want to be the one to tell the dad.
I agree with you. And if things are dicey enough to require a court order, dcm should be taking the initiative and keeping dcb home (or with family) until the papers are served.
This is NOT in your job description. Well, it's not in mine.
Play Care 03:13 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
I agree with you. And if things are dicey enough to require a court order, dcm should be taking the initiative and keeping dcb home (or with family) until the papers are served.
This is NOT in your job description. Well, it's not in mine.
I agree with you. And if things are dicey enough to require a court order, dcm should be taking the initiative and keeping dcb home (or with family) until the papers are served.
This is NOT in your job description. Well, it's not in mine.
Completely agree. Also, if he's suicidal and behaving questionably, I would NOT even open the door to him but be calling 911. This is how tragedy's play out.
Blackcat31 05:47 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Completely agree. Also, if he's suicidal and behaving questionably, I would NOT even open the door to him but be calling 911. This is how tragedy's play out.
But the provider only knows this because of the mom. Completely agree. Also, if he's suicidal and behaving questionably, I would NOT even open the door to him but be calling 911. This is how tragedy's play out.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
Thriftylady 05:54 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
But the provider only knows this because of the mom.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
This does happen, but I guess I wouldn't assume either way. I would call the police to be there just in case. I wouldn't however say the child couldn't come until the papers were served, because if they are using the sheriff it can take weeks to get them served. The sheriff will go to one address. If that person isn't there, they take it back to the office and it has to go back to the court to be redone so the sheriff will go again. And they only serve from 8 am to 5 pm. So he will be home after 6? Sorry. That is why when I got my divorce and temp protective order when I got divorced my lawyer had me pay for a process server that would try multiple addresses and would do it at the time we thought he would be somewhere. I didn't tell my ex the papers were coming (he had no clue I had filed for divorce, for my safety), but had he known he would have dodged the papers as long as possible had I used the sheriff I could have been fighting it for ages. I guess it could be different in different places, but that was my experience.But the provider only knows this because of the mom.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
Blackcat31 06:11 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
This does happen, but I guess I wouldn't assume either way. I would call the police to be there just in case. I wouldn't however say the child couldn't come until the papers were served, because if they are using the sheriff it can take weeks to get them served. The sheriff will go to one address. If that person isn't there, they take it back to the office and it has to go back to the court to be redone so the sheriff will go again. And they only serve from 8 am to 5 pm. So he will be home after 6? Sorry. That is why when I got my divorce and temp protective order when I got divorced my lawyer had me pay for a process server that would try multiple addresses and would do it at the time we thought he would be somewhere. I didn't tell my ex the papers were coming (he had no clue I had filed for divorce, for my safety), but had he known he would have dodged the papers as long as possible had I used the sheriff I could have been fighting it for ages. I guess it could be different in different places, but that was my experience.
That's your state. OP lives in TX. This does happen, but I guess I wouldn't assume either way. I would call the police to be there just in case. I wouldn't however say the child couldn't come until the papers were served, because if they are using the sheriff it can take weeks to get them served. The sheriff will go to one address. If that person isn't there, they take it back to the office and it has to go back to the court to be redone so the sheriff will go again. And they only serve from 8 am to 5 pm. So he will be home after 6? Sorry. That is why when I got my divorce and temp protective order when I got divorced my lawyer had me pay for a process server that would try multiple addresses and would do it at the time we thought he would be somewhere. I didn't tell my ex the papers were coming (he had no clue I had filed for divorce, for my safety), but had he known he would have dodged the papers as long as possible had I used the sheriff I could have been fighting it for ages. I guess it could be different in different places, but that was my experience.
I live in MN.
When someone files a restraining order here it is granted TEMPORARILY for 5 days. ANYONE can say ANYTHING to get one. In 5 days the person filed against can go to court and contest whatever the filer says. If the filer lied, the restraining order is denied and it's like it never happened.
IF the filer has enough proof then it's granted for a period of 1 or 2 years depending and is usually very specific.
In my state its VERY common for a parent (usually the mother) to make up all sorts of stuff about the soon to be ex in regards to the child so that the mom gets custody
However, my thoughts on this situation is that the OP ONLY knows what the mom has told her. HEARSAY.
If I were the OP, I would tell the mom that I would NOT accept the child into care until the dad has been served the restraining order and unless it was a granted NOT TEMPORARY (as in a few days) order I would not accept the child into care simply because of the liability alone until the order was addressed in court more deeply than just the initial temporary order. TOO risky.
It's not the providers responsibility to notify the dad or anything else in this situation. Her only responsibility is to keep herself and the other children in care safe. If that means denying care to this family (until it's settled down and more legalized in the courts) because someone else's drama ESPECIALLY dangerous drama is not the OP's problem.
Blackcat31 06:31 AM 02-05-2016
Reading up a bit on Texas law and it appears to work similarly to MN. Temporary order issued for MAX of 20 days.
Defendent has a right to appeal it and state case. If petitioner (mom) does not have any actual proof of what she's claiming, the order is denied. If she has adequate proof or dad doesnt contest it, the order is granted for UP TO 2 yrs.
Right now, the DCM in this case appears to only be in the "he said/she-said" part of the process.
Defendent has a right to appeal it and state case. If petitioner (mom) does not have any actual proof of what she's claiming, the order is denied. If she has adequate proof or dad doesnt contest it, the order is granted for UP TO 2 yrs.
Right now, the DCM in this case appears to only be in the "he said/she-said" part of the process.
Ariana 07:02 AM 02-05-2016
Oh wow if that is how it works then I agree with BlackCat 100%.
Thriftylady 07:12 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
That's your state. OP lives in TX.
I live in MN.
When someone files a restraining order here it is granted TEMPORARILY for 5 days. ANYONE can say ANYTHING to get one. In 5 days the person filed against can go to court and contest whatever the filer says. If the filer lied, the restraining order is denied and it's like it never happened.
IF the filer has enough proof then it's granted for a period of 1 or 2 years depending and is usually very specific.
In my state its VERY common for a parent (usually the mother) to make up all sorts of stuff about the soon to be ex in regards to the child so that the mom gets custody
However, my thoughts on this situation is that the OP ONLY knows what the mom has told her. HEARSAY.
If I were the OP, I would tell the mom that I would NOT accept the child into care until the dad has been served the restraining order and unless it was a granted NOT TEMPORARY (as in a few days) order I would not accept the child into care simply because of the liability alone until the order was addressed in court more deeply than just the initial temporary order. TOO risky.
It's not the providers responsibility to notify the dad or anything else in this situation. Her only responsibility is to keep herself and the other children in care safe. If that means denying care to this family (until it's settled down and more legalized in the courts) because someone else's drama ESPECIALLY dangerous drama is not the OP's problem.
I was more speaking to the keeping the child out until the papers are served. I guess to sum up what I apparently didn't say clearly, is that to say the child can't come until the papers are served would be saying the child couldn't come for who knows how long. It could take weeks to get papers served if using the sheriff in some states. So you would be excluding the child for a long time. As far as a restraining order those vary by order. Mine with my abusive ex was good from the time the papers were served until the divorce was final. Like he would all of a sudden no longer be violent after the judge signed off on the papers.That's your state. OP lives in TX.
I live in MN.
When someone files a restraining order here it is granted TEMPORARILY for 5 days. ANYONE can say ANYTHING to get one. In 5 days the person filed against can go to court and contest whatever the filer says. If the filer lied, the restraining order is denied and it's like it never happened.
IF the filer has enough proof then it's granted for a period of 1 or 2 years depending and is usually very specific.
In my state its VERY common for a parent (usually the mother) to make up all sorts of stuff about the soon to be ex in regards to the child so that the mom gets custody
However, my thoughts on this situation is that the OP ONLY knows what the mom has told her. HEARSAY.
If I were the OP, I would tell the mom that I would NOT accept the child into care until the dad has been served the restraining order and unless it was a granted NOT TEMPORARY (as in a few days) order I would not accept the child into care simply because of the liability alone until the order was addressed in court more deeply than just the initial temporary order. TOO risky.
It's not the providers responsibility to notify the dad or anything else in this situation. Her only responsibility is to keep herself and the other children in care safe. If that means denying care to this family (until it's settled down and more legalized in the courts) because someone else's drama ESPECIALLY dangerous drama is not the OP's problem.
Blackcat31 07:46 AM 02-05-2016
OP this is for your state:
http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99...r-kit-2015.pdf
If I were you, I'd simply stay out of it.
Notifying the dad is not your job or the mom's.
As a provider, I would make sure you have the required paperwork on file in care and if dad shows up, call 911.
I would not allow child to attend until he has been notified.
If you do not think the courts will notify him in a timely manner, it's mom's issue to pursue not yours. She should have an attorney and her attorney can advise her.
The only role you should play in this is having the correct paperwork and having your phone handy in case you need to call 911. Otherwise, the rest is between them.
http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99...r-kit-2015.pdf
If I were you, I'd simply stay out of it.
Notifying the dad is not your job or the mom's.
As a provider, I would make sure you have the required paperwork on file in care and if dad shows up, call 911.
I would not allow child to attend until he has been notified.
If you do not think the courts will notify him in a timely manner, it's mom's issue to pursue not yours. She should have an attorney and her attorney can advise her.
The only role you should play in this is having the correct paperwork and having your phone handy in case you need to call 911. Otherwise, the rest is between them.
morgan24 07:48 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare:
OK that makes sense but I still don't want to be the one to tell him he can no longer see his child and he has a restraining order against him. I am thinking if he shows up I will have dh meet him outside the house and handle this. I don't want to make this a big issue or have other kids around if he gets upset.
I had a similar situation happen a couple of months ago. I told the dcm until dcd has been served with the papers and knows exactly what is going on that I would not be her go between and be the one to inform him. That I would continue letting him pick up his child and that they needed to have it all worked out before they get here. In my case she let dcd still pick up until he recieved the papers. I also made it clear their family issues have to be worked out before they get her and that I would not be taking sides.OK that makes sense but I still don't want to be the one to tell him he can no longer see his child and he has a restraining order against him. I am thinking if he shows up I will have dh meet him outside the house and handle this. I don't want to make this a big issue or have other kids around if he gets upset.
Blackcat31 07:50 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I was more speaking to the keeping the child out until the papers are served. I guess to sum up what I apparently didn't say clearly, is that to say the child can't come until the papers are served would be saying the child couldn't come for who knows how long. It could take weeks to get papers served if using the sheriff in some states. So you would be excluding the child for a long time. As far as a restraining order those vary by order. Mine with my abusive ex was good from the time the papers were served until the divorce was final. Like he would all of a sudden no longer be violent after the judge signed off on the papers.
It's not a divorce situation (for the mom/dad it is...) its a restraining order or order for protection. I was more speaking to the keeping the child out until the papers are served. I guess to sum up what I apparently didn't say clearly, is that to say the child can't come until the papers are served would be saying the child couldn't come for who knows how long. It could take weeks to get papers served if using the sheriff in some states. So you would be excluding the child for a long time. As far as a restraining order those vary by order. Mine with my abusive ex was good from the time the papers were served until the divorce was final. Like he would all of a sudden no longer be violent after the judge signed off on the papers.
Which usually means someone is fearful for their life or safety. If there is a young child involved, I can't imagine it would take weeks to serve someone when the potential to be dangerous is the reason for the RO in the first place.
Yes, coupled with a divorce and/or custody issue the situation can get complex and lengthy but still that part has nothing to do with the OP.
Cat Herder 07:50 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
But the provider only knows this because of the mom.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
^^^ This.But the provider only knows this because of the mom.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
I would caution to be very careful with believing her story as told. It is not uncommon for women to use the police as a convenient way to remove a Dad from his kids life. As punishment for not pining for her forever or paying enough ransom. Sad, but all too true.
Many believe that filing an RO is the quickest way to get them out of the house to ensure physical custody. Kids have a right to both parents. It isn't about the Mother or Father.
I agree that exclusion until some resolution can be found would be best for your family and the other children in your care.
daycare 08:42 AM 02-05-2016
This....
there are two sides to every story. I never side with a parent EVER.
If the papers are only being served, then that means they have not even gone to court yet to have an order put into place????
so sorry you are dealing with this. BC should also give you her letter she gives the parents when they divorce.
there are two sides to every story. I never side with a parent EVER.
If the papers are only being served, then that means they have not even gone to court yet to have an order put into place????
so sorry you are dealing with this. BC should also give you her letter she gives the parents when they divorce.
Play Care 09:15 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
But the provider only knows this because of the mom.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
That could very well be the case. However the provider has been given the paperwork, if I'm reading correctly, that Dad is not allowed to pick up. This is not about the provider making judgments, but following a court order. But the provider only knows this because of the mom.
I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.
Since Dad may not have been served, I agree that the child should not be in care until everyone knows what's what.
When I had a child with a court order (against her mother) I was instructed to not open the door but to call the police if she showed. And that's just due to the order.
MunchkinWrangler 10:35 AM 02-05-2016
Yes, we as provider's need to follow court orders. Until she has that in hand, she shouldn't have to be put in the middle of a custody battle for whatever reason. That's not fair for the mother to put her in that situation.
Also, we have other kids in care that need to be protected and if any situation has a possibility of becoming a dangerous or outrageous one, I would exclude until everything has been worked out.
It is the providers job to ensure her environment is safe for everyone.
Also, we have other kids in care that need to be protected and if any situation has a possibility of becoming a dangerous or outrageous one, I would exclude until everything has been worked out.
It is the providers job to ensure her environment is safe for everyone.
TXhomedaycare 10:48 AM 02-05-2016
Mom gave me the temporary (10 days) court order and I asked her to keep dcb home today. I understand that what she said about dcd is hearsay but I am not totally going to disregard it. Even if she didn't tell me about it I would still be on alert due to the nature of this issue. I am not going to wait until dad is served to watch dcb since we don't know when that will be. The court date is next Friday and we will see what the outcome is. Police in this area would be here in the blink of an eye and my husband is much larger than dcd I refuse to get involved but decided to post because this is an interesting situation and I wanted to make sure I was out of line to not want to watch dcb at least today. Thanks everyone!
I refuse to get involved but decided to post because this is an interesting situation and I wanted to make sure I was out of line to not want to watch dcb at least today. Thanks everyone!
daycarediva 10:56 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
OP this is for your state:
http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99...r-kit-2015.pdf
If I were you, I'd simply stay out of it.
Notifying the dad is not your job or the mom's.
As a provider, I would make sure you have the required paperwork on file in care and if dad shows up, call 911.
I would not allow child to attend until he has been notified.
If you do not think the courts will notify him in a timely manner, it's mom's issue to pursue not yours. She should have an attorney and her attorney can advise her.
The only role you should play in this is having the correct paperwork and having your phone handy in case you need to call 911. Otherwise, the rest is between them.
OP this is for your state:
http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99...r-kit-2015.pdf
If I were you, I'd simply stay out of it.
Notifying the dad is not your job or the mom's.
As a provider, I would make sure you have the required paperwork on file in care and if dad shows up, call 911.
I would not allow child to attend until he has been notified.
If you do not think the courts will notify him in a timely manner, it's mom's issue to pursue not yours. She should have an attorney and her attorney can advise her.
The only role you should play in this is having the correct paperwork and having your phone handy in case you need to call 911. Otherwise, the rest is between them.
ALL of this.
Mom may be hoping dcd shows up and makes a scene to gain validity in court. People are all kinds of cray cray. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole.
MunchkinWrangler 11:15 AM 02-05-2016
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare:
Mom gave me the temporary (10 days) court order and I asked her to keep dcb home today. I understand that what she said about dcd is hearsay but I am not totally going to disregard it. Even if she didn't tell me about it I would still be on alert due to the nature of this issue. I am not going to wait until dad is served to watch dcb since we don't know when that will be. The court date is next Friday and we will see what the outcome is. Police in this area would be here in the blink of an eye and my husband is much larger than dcd I refuse to get involved but decided to post because this is an interesting situation and I wanted to make sure I was out of line to not want to watch dcb at least today. Thanks everyone!
Mom gave me the temporary (10 days) court order and I asked her to keep dcb home today. I understand that what she said about dcd is hearsay but I am not totally going to disregard it. Even if she didn't tell me about it I would still be on alert due to the nature of this issue. I am not going to wait until dad is served to watch dcb since we don't know when that will be. The court date is next Friday and we will see what the outcome is. Police in this area would be here in the blink of an eye and my husband is much larger than dcd
I refuse to get involved but decided to post because this is an interesting situation and I wanted to make sure I was out of line to not want to watch dcb at least today. Thanks everyone!
You are doing what's right for DCB and your childcare home. Plus, I agree, even if your SO is larger than DCD, neither of you should have to get involved. Sorry you have to deal with this situation!