I have a 4 1/2 yo, fairly advanced for their age. But I just found that she destroyed a BRAND NEW toy that I just purchased about a week ago. She ripped it up!!! It was a laminated lacing set and she ripped off all of the lamination and tore off half of the color on the set!!! If she were two, or even three, I might expect it, but this child has been in preschool and, like I said, is fairly advanced.

I just don't even know where to begin. A time-out just doesn't seem like anywhere near the punishment to fit the behavior. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but this was a purposeful act of destruction.

What do you do in an instance like this??????????

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Talk with the parents about replacing it, and make her "earn" the money to pay her parents...

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The child would be restricted to non destroyable baby toys for the rest of the day. I would also present the ruined toy to Mom for replacement.

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I have a clause in my contract that addresses intentional destruction. It reads:

I believe children are responsible for their actions and we teach them to respect other peoples property and the value of those items. Any damage to my home or personal belongings that is due to roughness, tantrums or purposely broken or damaged by your child will be replaced or repaired at the cost of the parents. I will repair or replace broken daycare equipment and toys due to normal wear and tear.

I think this fits into what you described. If you are uncomfortable charging the girl/parents, I'd at the minimum "ground" her from certain activities until she is able to prove that she can behave appropriately. I would make her earn some of those privileges back.

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I think the parents should have to buy the daycare a new one. Time out for the dcg and maybe not allow her to play with the "big" kid toys for a period of time so that there is a consequence for destroying toys. She is too old to break a toy on purpose like that.

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I like that! May I add it to my handbook?

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I LOVE this!!! It is going in my handbook IMMEDIATELY!!

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not to sound rude, but how is it that she was able to deface an entire set? was she being supervised?

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That was my initial thought, but then I thought about if I said that to one of my parents, they might be likely to wonder how the girl could pull off that much destruction without being noticed. In other words, they would ask me why I wasn't watching her closer! I'm not saying that's right or wrong, but I think I would just end up sucking it up because I wouldn't want the parents to think I wasn't supervising properly. It has nothing to do with the Provider, but it's just how parents react a lot of times.

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here is the version I've added:

Occasionally, things do get broken when children are playing. That is certainly understandable. However, I do believe children need to learn to be responsible for their actions. Therefore, any damage to my home or personal belongings that is due to excessive roughness, tantrums, or purposeful destruction (not due to normal wear and tear) will be replaced or repaired at the cost of the parents.

Thank you Greta!

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Thanks, all! I really appreciate the advice, as I was not sure if I was overreacting.

Here's what I think I am going to do THIS time:

The dcg responsible is going to choose one toy of HERS of equal or greater value to donate to the daycare. AND it has to be one in good shape that she likes to play with. As an alternative, the parent may pay for it, but we must work up a "work schedule" to pay for the toy. Those are my two options to present to the parent. since a child of this age would have difficulty working off $20.00, I'm going to opt for the first one if they agree.

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I hear what you ladies are saying but I don't necessarily agree...the child in OP's post is 4.5 years old. I have two DCK's who are 4.5 yrs old and BOTH are going to Kindy this fall. I think 4.5 is plenty old enough to know better than be so destructive as well as be old enough to play without direct supervision by the provider.

I also understand that the parents "might" try to use this same line of thinking but really at that age, she should be able to play PROPERLY with a toy or activity and not destroy it. She is going to have to do it in Kindy within a few months too so I sincerely hope the parents wouldn't be still trying to use that excuse....if they are, then I would think school should be super fun for this child.

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The supervision question did come to my mind, as well, BUT...

I have met Country Gal, and I KNOW how much time she spends interacting with those kids. She teaches them so much about nature and the outdoors!

That and the fact that she only has 3 dc kids, so you would think that she could turn her back on a 4.5 yo without that sort of behavior.

We do all have to go to the bathroom now and then, or make a meal!

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Sorry, missed this post.

They were having free play, while I was making lunch, I guess. I say I guess, because she has told me it was during free play and that's usually when they have free play. She just sat quietly and pulled the faces off of the lacing cards. This was a nice set, too - not cardboard.

I do not supervise them every second, especially during free play. They are 3 1/2, 4, and 4 1/2. I have an "open concept" house plan so they are never out of sight. But honestly, I wasn't even thinking about this type of destruction! I worry more about jumping off furniture or arguing or hitting. I never thought this dcg would do something like this!

I spend hours every day "supervising" these kids, but IMO, they are old enough to learn to play nicely together for periods of time while I am right there in the same room with them. I do the same thing outside. We have lots of outside "activities", but often I let them "just play" and I do something outside, like weed my garden or paint the sand and water tables I've been given. They are always in "sight and sound" but I am NOT always sitting there with them. They are old enough that, at the last daycare my gs was at, they were allowed to play outside by themselves at that age! How do they learn if we never give them a chance to fail.........

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Exactly....... I agree completely.

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Supervision only plays a small role here (IMHO).

This child is plenty old enough to know what she is doing. She obviously intentionally, deliberately and willfully damaged a toy.


I would keep the toy, show DCF when they arive for pickup and ask how they would like to address the issue. If they don't feel they should do anything than limit the girl to undestructable toys only.

(I had a DCB 5.5 (missed the cutoff for kindy) and he took a picture off my wall (while I was in the restroom & it wasn't within reach, he climbed up on the top of the toybox), threw it on the floor (it didn't break) and just as I went back into the toy room, he stepped on it and it broke...frame and all. He got a whoopin at home for it and DCD paid for the new frame. (About $23)

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Please don't think that it was my OPINION. I tried to stress the fact that my statement had ONLY to do with what parents often think is happening. I absolutely could see this happening in my Daycare as well. Kids can tear something apart while you're making lunches, changing a diaper, etc. I merely wanted to state that it could LOOK to the parents like there was a lack of supervision. I just wanted to clear that up. I wasn't criticizing.

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No worries.....I actually only meant the last part of my comments to you as I understood you to mean the parents would try to use that as an excuse......BTDT too so I know exactly what you mean.

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I would show the parents what she did and make her tell them what she did. Also, I like the idea of replacing it with one of her toys, but I can see it back firing. So I think them replacing it would be better (if you have the bill thats even better) Its obvious that she did it on purpose.

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I do agree with what you are saying. I also have a similar floor plan and from the sounds of it do things similar to what you are doing. Free play while making meals. I was just wondering how it was possible for her to deface the entire set? I guess I thought that it sounded like it would take some time for a child to deface not only one or two but all of it.

I know we cant always have our eyes on them and things like this do happen. It is not ok what the girl did and at her age she does know that it was the wrong decision.

As a parent, I just might throw that at you. I know that if someone told me my son was doing that, I would maybe understanding he did it to one or two, but not the whole thing. I would be making him replace the toy because at that age he knows its wrong.

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also, i wanted to add., that just because they know it is wrong, does not mean they are not going to do it.

If I know someone is watching me I wont stick my hand in the food barrel at the store, but if no one is, then I just might....Kids are exactly the same way

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I would be upset too.

I would tell the parents and ask what they think should be done. I would not suggest anything. I would explain to them how upset you are and then see what they wanted to do about.

I would let the girl know your not happy and dish out whatever you feel appropriate for her and the situation. For me I would not let her play with anything that she could destruct for a while and then gradually let her have more. If she is advanced she might have thought that she could tear off the faces and make better ones or do something else with them. I would try asking her why she did it? Not that it makes it better, she has to learn that she can not destroy things that are not hers. I think the biggest punishment I can think of that would be teaching her the most is that I would replace the set but not let her play with them for a very very very long time. When she asked. I would say no and tell her that she ruined them the last time so she doesn't get to play with them until she can better take care of my things.

Best-

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I like this and I think I will do it - when I CAN afford to replace it again. :P

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I find it odd that you ladies are accusing countrygal of not supervising. I've been in the same room with kids and the minute I would turn my back to look at another kid, they would trash something. Things can happen in a second. I highly doubt it that this child took her time ripping it apart, I can see her doing it quickly and then hiding it. You could have gone to the bathroom and this could have happened, heck you could have been changing a baby and this could have happened. But anyways, what did the parents say.

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The parents were good about it, but I could see the "why didn't you see it" in their eyes. But maybe I just imagined that. She brought one of her toys from home to exchange. I gave them the option, but when mom looked on the net to find a replacement, not only were they expensive, but also non-existent! Everywhere she looked was sold out.

Sooooo, I'm glad it worked out the way it did. Evidently it was a hard thing for dcg to do (give dc a toy), so it will probably make a strong impression.

Thanks for the vote of confidence from most of you and the honesty from the others!

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The one person that mentioned supervision ASKED if she was being supervised. That's not an accusation.

I also mentioned it, but not in an accusing way... I said I wouldn't mention it to the parents because some parents react all crazy and assume you weren't supervising.

I'm not being argumentative.... just trying to keep the thread from going south on us, as often happens around here LOL.

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i will be putting this clause in my PHB also if you dont mind

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I am glad that it all worked out...I want you to know as someone else said, I am not accusing you of NOT watching DCG... In fact, I think I said I do things much like you do. My DCK are sometimes at free play while i prep meals and if they are having a hard time, I sit them all at the table with a book, where I could put my eyes on them.

Maybe this one needs to miss her free play time too since she can't be trusted when you do not have your eyes on her.

Maybe have her sit at the table doing an activity until she can show you that you she can make good decisions and be trusted again. LIke I said, if a child knows we don't have our eyes on them, some of them will try to get away with things that they KNOW they are not supposed to do.

I have had DCKs ruin things when I was not looking. It is going to happen....

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