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Old 01-23-2015, 03:10 PM
Catalinajane75 Catalinajane75 is offline
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Unhappy 18 Mos Old Wakes Up Screaming From Naps After 30 Min

Hi!

I opened my daycare in August 2014. So far I have not had many problems, as I was a nanny and a preschool teacher, and then a kindergarten teacher for many years. However, I am now struggling with a nap issue with a new DCK and would love any advice!

This child is still breastfed to sleep at home for naps on the weekend, otherwise when Mom can't be there to put him down, Dad or Aunt or Grandma rock him to sleep, after which they tell me he sleeps for a good 1 1/2-2 hours. Here he will only sleep for 25-30 minutes before he wakes up screaming bloody murder! I moved him to a pack n play in our master bedroom so he won't disturb the other kids, but it is getting pretty frustrating. The family co-sleeps at night, and so do we, but my 18 mos old daughter is crib-trained for naps and goes down with no fuss, as do all my other daycare kids. I have a good daily and naptime routine, and by the time we go to our pack n plays most kids eyes are so heavy they are asleep before they hit the mat LOL.

I should add that he only comes here MTW and is home with Dad on Th and F. The first week I had him in Dec, I stayed in the room on the ground next to his pack n play until he fell asleep, then returned when he woke after 30 min and shushed him and patted his back, and sat outside his pack n play for 1 1/2 hours while the other kids slept - if I attempted to leave the room he would FLIP OUT and wake everyone else. I grew pretty tired of that, as naptime is my only time to regroup and clean/organize. So, this week I had him MTW and have him as a drop-in again today. On Wed I was pretty fed up and, after reading several threads related to the subject on here, began the Ferber method. He slept for the first 30 min of naptime, after which I went in, shushed him and patted his back, and left for 2 min, went back in, shushed and patted, went back in after 5 min, shushed and patted, 10 min, then every 10 min until naptime was over. He screamed THE WHOLE TIME (about 1:15-3 pm). He is currently flipping out again, same exact thing.

As a co-sleeper it is very hard for me to hear him cry, but I also want to do what is best for him in terms of adjusting. Mom is on board to nap-train at home, as I said it was important that naptime at home be as close as possible to naptime here. My question is, has anyone else gotten through this experience? Am I doing it right? Anything I should change or adjust? Am I reinforcing the crying by going in every 10 min? How many days will he cry like this for? I am willing to tough it out if it is going to wear him down eventually, I just need to see a light at the end of the tunnel!! Thanks for any advice or encouragement anyone can give me!!
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Old 01-23-2015, 04:20 PM
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Play Care Play Care is offline
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The child is an 18 month old, not an infant. At that age he would get a FIRM "SHHHH, Friends are sleeping! Night night!" And that would be it. I would not be rubbing his head or rocking him, etc. Frankly, he is too old for all that (and before you think me mean, I do rock young INFANTS for a bit at naps, but wean them well by one year.) What he needs now is tough love, IMO.
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Old 01-23-2015, 04:41 PM
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grandmom grandmom is offline
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You are fighting an uphill battle. I ditto Play Care (above).

The only other suggestion is to insist the child comes 5 days a week for at least 3-4 weeks. Then be firm as suggested. After he has settled down and can self regulate, then go back to MTW.

As long as they cosleep and have 4 days at home, you will (almost) never get this changed. Good luck.
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Old 01-23-2015, 06:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
The child is an 18 month old, not an infant. At that age he would get a FIRM "SHHHH, Friends are sleeping! Night night!" And that would be it. I would not be rubbing his head or rocking him, etc. Frankly, he is too old for all that (and before you think me mean, I do rock young INFANTS for a bit at naps, but wean them well by one year.) What he needs now is tough love, IMO.
While I agree with you, what do you do when they get up and continue screaming? I'm currently in a similar position and that's what this kiddo does. Even with a firm "sh!" As soon as I walk out, he's up screaming..... Do you just ignore him until nap time is over?
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Old 01-23-2015, 07:05 PM
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While I agree with you, what do you do when they get up and continue screaming? I'm currently in a similar position and that's what this kiddo does. Even with a firm "sh!" As soon as I walk out, he's up screaming..... Do you just ignore him until nap time is over?
Yes. At that age I will go in *once* to shush the child. But my real motivation is to ensure the child is okay (not sick or laying in a soiled diaper, etc) once I've made sure they are fine, I do not go back in until nap is over. This is not an infant who needs to be fed, etc. typically I will settle myself outside the door (so they can't see me) just to keep a close ear on them. When nap time is over I go in with a cheerful "Good afternoon! Nap is now over!" As I open shades, turn off white noise and THEN pick the child up. As always I make sure awake time is the time for a lot of attention and fun.
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Old 01-24-2015, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
Yes. At that age I will go in *once* to shush the child. But my real motivation is to ensure the child is okay (not sick or laying in a soiled diaper, etc) once I've made sure they are fine, I do not go back in until nap is over. This is not an infant who needs to be fed, etc. typically I will settle myself outside the door (so they can't see me) just to keep a close ear on them. When nap time is over I go in with a cheerful "Good afternoon! Nap is now over!" As I open shades, turn off white noise and THEN pick the child up. As always I make sure awake time is the time for a lot of attention and fun.
good advice
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Old 01-24-2015, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by grandmom View Post
You are fighting an uphill battle. I ditto Play Care (above).

The only other suggestion is to insist the child comes 5 days a week for at least 3-4 weeks. Then be firm as suggested. After he has settled down and can self regulate, then go back to MTW.

As long as they cosleep and have 4 days at home, you will (almost) never get this changed. Good luck.


This is what I was going to answer...
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Old 01-24-2015, 12:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
Yes. At that age I will go in *once* to shush the child. But my real motivation is to ensure the child is okay (not sick or laying in a soiled diaper, etc) once I've made sure they are fine, I do not go back in until nap is over. This is not an infant who needs to be fed, etc. typically I will settle myself outside the door (so they can't see me) just to keep a close ear on them. When nap time is over I go in with a cheerful "Good afternoon! Nap is now over!" As I open shades, turn off white noise and THEN pick the child up. As always I make sure awake time is the time for a lot of attention and fun.
Yes!

I bought this monitor, which helps. I can see what going on in there (I turn the volume off because I can hear him just fine without it), and know my stinker is okay.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I also love that I can talk to the child through it. I usually wait a few minutes after they are standing up, then firmly say into the monitor "Stinker, it is nap time. Lay DOWN!" Then laugh to myself when they dive for the pnp floor.

Another helpful thing is external cues. Set an alarm (or this monitor can play music on their end). Tell him "nap time is over when the music comes on. I will come get you then". Then, wait outside the door for the radio, or push the music button, count to 5, and walk in. "Oh, the music is on. That means nap time is over".

I like doing that because they don't think that you eventually caved to their fussing. It's the MUSIC that makes nap over, not the kinipchin fit.

If allowed in your regs, you can also give them a book and a "friend" to sleep with. Everyone here has a stuffed animal or a baby doll (no chocking hazards, obviously; and they are mine, not from home), and a cardboard book. If they wake up early, they can play quietly. I have tried to get my stinker up and offer quiet activities, but he's just not capable of that. He bangs on doors, runs around, and yells. He's leaving next month, anyway (sib coming), so I am just not making any changes now.

Last, I never, ever, pick a child up out of bed while they are crying. I talk to them, soothingly, and say "I will pick you up when you stop". If they stop for a split second, I say "thank you" and get them up. In my guy's case, he doesn't cry at all. He just yells and yodels. As SOON as I walk in the room, he stops and says "Oh, hi, Heidi" or "GOOOOD morning!!!!" Like I said, stinker!
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Old 01-25-2015, 05:49 PM
Catalinajane75 Catalinajane75 is offline
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Talking

Thanks for the advice everyone! We will try again this week, and I will only go in once to say "it's naptime." I know he is okay, and I have been giving him a lovey and a book, but he throws them out - oh well! We'll see how it goes - I may have to have him come 5 days/week for a bit if he screams for 2 hours for the next 3 days...
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Old 01-26-2015, 12:23 PM
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deliberateliterate deliberateliterate is offline
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Oh good luck. I have so been there, and just reading your post brought back such awful memories

In my case, it was a 14mo that had a horrible sleep schedule at home. Not to make you loose hope, but it took ages until she slept for more than 20 minutes in a row.

I still have her (almost 2.5), and she still only sleeps for about an hour, but she stays in her pnp for at least 2 hours. Most days, it takes her about 20 minutes to fall asleep, and then she plays and babbles when she wakes up until nap time is over. About once every couple of weeks she wakes up PISSED. Screams off and on until nap time is over. I make sure never to go in when she is crying, instead I wait for her to stop for at least 30 seconds before I open that door.

Make sure yours gets plenty of outdoor time in the morning. I find that makes a big difference. Good luck!
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Old 01-27-2015, 03:14 PM
Catalinajane75 Catalinajane75 is offline
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Red face Update

OK, day 3 of hard-core CIO. Right outside the door, so I know he's ok. He cried the whole time yesterday and Friday. Today, he cried less, fell asleep exactly 30 minutes ago, started screaming again when he woke up. All my other kids sleep from 12:30 until 2:30 AT LEAST. So, I know it's still early days, but I feel kinda bad leaving him in there after he's woken up and is crying. Will he always only sleep 30 minutes or will he eventually sleep longer? I should stay strong, right? I actually own one of the monitors someone mentioned, it's currently in my daughter's room, but I like the idea of setting it up in the room he is in so I can turn on the music a couple minutes before I head in there...that way he doesn't think I'm going in because of his crying. I really appreciate everyone's advice...Tell me to stay strong!!
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Old 01-27-2015, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Catalinajane75 View Post
OK, day 3 of hard-core CIO. Right outside the door, so I know he's ok. He cried the whole time yesterday and Friday. Today, he cried less, fell asleep exactly 30 minutes ago, started screaming again when he woke up. All my other kids sleep from 12:30 until 2:30 AT LEAST. So, I know it's still early days, but I feel kinda bad leaving him in there after he's woken up and is crying. Will he always only sleep 30 minutes or will he eventually sleep longer? I should stay strong, right? I actually own one of the monitors someone mentioned, it's currently in my daughter's room, but I like the idea of setting it up in the room he is in so I can turn on the music a couple minutes before I head in there...that way he doesn't think I'm going in because of his crying. I really appreciate everyone's advice...Tell me to stay strong!!
Stay strong! I understand your guilt, I have the same guilt, which is why I asked if you just let him stay in there and scream. I feel like I'm neglecting my LO. BUT these ladies are FAR more experienced and knowledgeable than I am, so if they say to do something, I do it, since they know much more than I do.
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